With This Click, I Thee Wed (Click and Wed.com Series, #1)

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  “I understand needing money. I owe a lot on this land because my dad had a lien on it and they were behind on their taxes for a while. Since I inherited their place, I get to also have the stuff that comes with it, including all of the issues.” Worry pinched the sides of his eyes and he rubbed his nose. “I was hoping that having someone else here would help take the strain off living on my own. Plus, the website had made it seem like a gamble. Stick it out and do what you can and you can get your money back, or make it through and get even more. I’m not sure what that meant, but I was pretty depressed at the time. The thought of someone else choosing me simply because I was me and we matched, and not because of my job was a really nice idea.”

  His vulnerability softened me further to him.

  “Okay, so we both need money, but we both spent quite a bit to get here.” I leaned my elbows on the table and put my face in my hands. “I’m not sure how else to get all this money that we need. If Derek wins this legal stuff he’s trying to put me through, it could be over thirty-thousand dollars. I don’t have that kind of money.”

  “Yeah, I’m looking at quite a bit myself. At least yours isn’t a guaranteed cost. You have the chance to not have to pay that. Mine is coming from the government. That’s as guaranteed as you can get.” Logan leaned forward and picked up his toast. He claimed a bite, then continued. “When you picked me on the website, I only had four more days left on my limit and then I would’ve gotten my money back.”

  I put my fork down and leaned back in my chair, my jaw slack. I suddenly felt sick. “Are you serious? Oh, my word. I’m so sorry.” I had trapped him into another six months without his money. Two-thousand dollars could go a long way to helping him with his stress.

  The chance that I’d pick him was actually slimmer because we’d had a slightly lower compatibility score. I’d screwed him out of his money. I wish I had a ton of money to give him and help.

  He shook his head. “No, I’m really glad to have you here. It’s worth it. I want to keep the land and everything, but I’m not sure how. This has been in my family for generations. It’s all I have left of my family.” He glanced around the house and then chuckled, a sentimental relaxing to his expression. “Except for all this stuff my mom and dad saved.”

  “There is definitely a lot.” I laughed with him because the topic of finances was a tense one and I welcomed the icebreaker.

  We ate a few bites, both of us unsure where to go with the topic.

  He spoke slowly as if he wasn’t sure of his words, drawing my gaze. “What if we try to get our money back? Should we just plan on getting through this and then parting ways at six months?” He looked away from me and pushed his eggs around his plate a little before returning his gaze to my face. Putting his fork down, he hunched his shoulders as he watched me. “We’re not really attached yet, right? I think we established last night, we’re both trying to protect ourselves, aren’t we?”

  Protecting ourselves, yes. Not really attached? No. But I understood where he was coming from. Was he asking me if I cared for him more than we’d agreed? Or was he warning me to stay unattached because we had money to get back? The uncertainties warred inside me.

  I desperately wanted to say no. I wanted him to renege on his suggestion, say never mind, it’s not a good idea because I’m attached to you, Rachel.

  He didn’t fill the pause with the words I longed to hear. My disappointment rushed in my ears.

  My smile constricted as I replied. “Yeah, no. You’re right. We can part as friends. Nothing lost, right?” I hid my crushed emotions behind my overexcited smile. “It’s a plan though, right? At least we have something to work towards.”

  Logan didn’t seem shocked or surprised at my acceptance of his idea. He nodded his head matter-of-factly and took another bite, avoiding my gaze. Not that I was trying to meet his eyes. I didn’t blink as I stared at my food, certain any sudden movement would cause the threatening tears to cascade down my cheeks. Even though I had started to realize I was more emotional than I thought, I didn’t need him to know it, too, or think I was weak on top of it.

  How sucky it was, falling for my husband and before he could catch me, we agreed we wouldn’t be together after the six-month deadline.

  A divorce in the making, instead of marriage in the works. Maybe I could succeed at that.

  Chapter 12

  After our decision, I settled into a more comfortable groove with Logan. We seemed to have a plan, so rather than being unsure of what was going on, we had something to work towards. We agreed to approach each step and task we were given through ClickandWed with a platonic mindset.

  As long as we were friends and we weren’t falling in love, we would succeed. A sense of relief covered the hurt I tried to resolve. I didn’t need to love him, if we weren’t going to be married after six months. It seemed like we both had logical reasons for not being together. Money could be persuasive.

  The only thing left to do was shake on it. I didn’t chance telling my heart about the deal. She’d never understand, and I didn’t think I could handle anymore breakdowns. Two divorces in about a year was more than I could handle.

  Even my focus was non-existent as I tried to work. More and more I caught myself staring into space throughout the day. A rational battle waged between my heart and my head, and I couldn’t figure out my next steps. Yes, Logan and I had a plan, but where did that leave me?

  “Hey, I’m going to be in town for a little while today, do you need anything?” Logan leaned against the doorjamb and watched me as I sat at the living room table with my laptop open.

  I looked busier than I was as I stared at an ad for a leather couch for a client. The ad hadn’t registered for over fifteen minutes, and I’d had to nudge my mousepad to keep the light on as I’d considered my limited options for the future.

  Shaking myself from my stupor, I bookmarked the link on my browser toolbar and offered him a distracted smile. “I could come with you. I haven’t been in town in a while.” We had agreed to be friends, which meant friends could hang out together, right? I was still trying to find how far was too far or wasn’t far enough.

  Plus, I didn’t have a lot of time left to find a place to stay after our time was up. Did I want to stay in Grangeville after it was all said and done? Most likely not. How awkward to be in the same town as my second husband.

  The thought of a “second” husband could bring me to my knees with despondency.

  Logan hesitated, scrunching his lips to the side. “Actually, it’s okay. I’m just going to go myself this time. I have some errands to run and some business dealings to work out with some clients. It would be a lot of waiting around for you. Grangeville isn’t big enough to stay interesting for long. It’d just be boring for you.” He pushed away from his post and tucked his hands in his pockets.

  Feeling as if I’d been dismissed, I nodded with my lips in a permanent polite smile. “Okay. Actually, would you mind picking up some more pickles? I’d like to try your mom’s potato salad recipe.” I tried softening my expression to take any doubt away that I wasn’t fine with his decision to not take me with him.

  He was a grown man. I didn’t owe him anything. He didn’t owe me anything. We were nothing more than friends, the roommates that I had originally said we were. Except at night. At night, we shared the bed, because I told him that I wasn’t willing to give that up and I’d been pretty adamant about it.

  The door closed behind him as he left, and I watched him drive off from my station at the table. The snow was turning mucky and dark as it began to melt with spring approaching. March came in like a lion, and I wasn’t sure if it would leave like a lamb.

  Trying to distract myself with thoughts about the weather didn’t work. I honestly didn’t care what it looked like outside. Inside, my life was topsy-turvy, and I had no way to dispel the worry.

  My phone rang, and I left the window to answer. A client was supposed to call me that day. Since Logan had left and I needed so
mething else to work on, the timing was perfect. Instead of a client, though, my mother’s made-up face marred the screen of my phone. I hadn’t heard from her since the day I was driving down. I’d texted my mailing address and that had been that.

  Resentment made my toes curl and I clicked my tongue while watching it ring once, twice... I picked up before it went to voicemail. I didn’t need to be haunted with a voicemail icon while I avoided listening to her message for who knows how long.

  Get it over with, Rachel. I grimaced, half rolling my eyes as I answered. “Hello?” I wasn’t going to be familiar with her, it was like they couldn’t wait to get rid of me.

  Instead of my mother, my father replied. “Rachel, we have more documents here we need to get to you. They’re trying to drag us into this suing business, and I don’t appreciate the hassle.”

  “Okay, Mom has the address. You can send them there.” If he couldn’t give me common courtesy, then I wouldn’t give it to him either. I was fast losing my respect for the man and having a hard time hiding it.

  “Here’s your mother.” He handed the phone to her and that was it. His dismissal stung, and in the wake of Logan’s dismissal, it was like a bee sting on a swollen man-of-war sting.

  “Rachel, how are you.” She said it like she didn’t care. It was more like a terse statement rather than a question to start the conversation.

  I shook my head and sat on the chair, closing my eyes as I rested my chin on my hand. “I’m fine, Mom. What do you need?”

  “Derek is dragging us into this. He said that he’s going to sue us, as well, for participating in giving you a place to stay. The fact that you’re gone is just spurring him on more.” She sighed, her voice growing more conspiratorial and friendly. It was as though she was trying to care, but wasn’t sure how. “Do you have any evidence that he cheated on you? We can give it to the lawyer we hired and that will save us all money because then they can go after him and make him pay for everything.”

  Why did she suddenly care if I had evidence or not? Something didn’t fit with Derek suing them.

  “Yeah, I can find those. I also scanned in letters that I found from his girlfriend and text messages they sent each other. Why did you hire a lawyer? Who is it?” My suspicion mounted as I considered just what legal rights Derek would have to go after my parents supporting me in any manner. There wasn’t a law against offering a home to anyone. He might have sway around town, but he couldn’t manipulate the laws to fit him.

  She simpered with false concern. “Because, honey, you don’t need to go through this and neither do we. I’m sick of that man bullying you. I know you don’t think that we care, but we do in our own way. So, I’m going after him and getting you the money that you deserve for your aggravation and pain that he cost you.” Her words were kind, but her tone was abrupt. I understood it was hard for her to say.

  Still, something didn’t fit.

  I didn’t know how to acknowledge what she said. So, I ignored it. “Do I just send you all of the digital copies? How do I get these to you?”

  “You’ll have to mail them. The courts won’t accept digital evidence. Do you have a printer? That way, we can use the postal stamp and date to prove you aren’t anywhere in the area to get here easy enough. We’re using your absence as a time modifier. They’re letting us have a few extra weeks before going to court for this.” Her voice trailed off like she’d run out of things to use to convince me to trust her.

  Why did that only make me trust her less?

  I wasn’t there, though, and she was my only contact for the proceedings. One more time, I’d have to give them the benefit of the doubt. If not, I’d lose so much more than just money. I sighed. “All right, I’ll figure out a way to get them to you. I’ll have them mailed out in the next couple days.” I didn’t know how, but I would have to get them printed off and mailed. Was Grangeville too small to have a business center? If nothing else, I might have to talk Logan into driving me into Lewiston.

  She’d never answered my question, though. “Mom, which lawyer did you retain?”

  “Just Berkowitz. Your dad’s friend from college.” She clipped her words like cutting them with sharp scissors, as if I was forcing her to tell me. “I’ll watch for the documents.” She hung up without asking how I was doing with all that, or even asking how my new life was going. She didn’t ask about what I was up to or anything else.

  Somehow, I had to find a way to get into town and get the extensive files printed out and mailed. Maybe the next day Logan would let me use his truck, or maybe he would take me into town.

  I walked to the deck and looked down the long drive. Had the mail come yet?

  Logan’s truck sat at the end of the drive. I stared out at it, as if trying to see if someone was in the front seat. If he were still there, I might still be able to get a ride into town. I could take a book and wait for him.

  The way the truck sat there with no lights on told me the cab was empty. The truck waited like I did. We both waited for Logan to return. If he wasn’t in his truck, where had he gone?

  Chapter 13

  Logan didn’t come into bed until well after the moon had reached its apex in the sky. I watched it ride the curve above the snow from my spot on the bed. The door closed downstairs and the muffled tick told me he’d made it home.

  With my back to him, I hadn’t seen what he’d looked like when he crawled into bed, but the distance between us stretched like a canyon. Where had he been? Why hadn’t he called to tell me he was okay? Why hadn’t he answered my worried text messages?

  When I woke up the next morning, he hadn’t been in bed or at the table for breakfast. Instead, an egg sandwich waited for me at my seat. I warmed it in the microwave while worry cooled my excitement to have him home.

  I approached him in the barn after I ate. At least I knew he was home at that point. Kicking the snow with my boots as I got closer to the doors, I rubbed my lips together and searched for him on the initial barn floor. When I found him, he was spreading straw on the ground of the chicken pen he’d fixed up for the winter.

  “Good morning, how are you?” I didn’t want to act nervous, or upset, or even worried.

  He was a grown man, we shared house. There was nothing more to it. We’d set up a wall and neither of us was going to cross it. Our goals had to be reached with both of us working toward success.

  Logan turned toward me, dark shadows under his eyes from the lack of sleep. “I’m good, thanks. Just getting to cleaning up the makeshift coop.” His smile wasn’t complete, and I felt like he was hiding more than just chicken poop in that wheelbarrow at his side.

  “You were out late last night, was everything okay?” I offered a smile with my hands deep in my pockets. He didn’t have to tell me. I didn’t expect too much from him, but part of me was hurt that he’d keep secrets from me.

  “Yeah, I just got caught up. I’ll probably have a few more late nights this week. You don’t need to wait up.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and he turned back to the chickens.

  Fine. I didn’t need to know. I did have some errands to run, though, and he had the only vehicle. I didn’t want him coming with me. My irritation at his secrecy colored my day. “Hey, Logan, can I borrow your truck?” I wasn’t sure what the purpose was for not telling me what was going on, but he had the right to not tell me.

  I understood men had needs. Logan probably had something that he was dealing with. Or maybe he had a girlfriend, or someone that he was seeing that kept us from getting closer or attached. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d run into that.

  Derek had elicited similar behavior when he first started seeing the stripper. Oh, I still couldn’t even think of her by name. She was just a stripper to me. The person who stripped me of my marriage. Stripped me of the man I thought I had known. Stripped me of who I was and my confidence.

  Did they have strippers in Grangeville, Idaho? Because I felt like one had her hooks in Logan.

  “Sure, I ne
ed it by two, though. Do you think you can have it back by then?” He dug into his pocket and handed me keys. Our hands didn’t touch because he dropped them into my palm, as if making sure we didn’t come in contact.

  “Of course, I just need to run into the business center and print some things out and mail them. I’ll be back in about an hour.” I smiled to hide that I was upset. I didn’t have anything to hide. Why did he? Over my shoulder, as I turned toward the truck, I called out, “See you in a bit. I’ll make lunch when I get back.”

  Lunch. That’s all I was worried about at that moment. Lunch. Making it through the rest of the six months.

  My trip into town passed in a blur. I smiled at the woman at the counter and murmured something in response when she asked me if I was just visiting. I still didn’t know what exactly she’d said to me or I to her. My thoughts were too consumed by Logan and what was going on with him. Was Grangeville small enough I could ask the lady about the local gossip and she’d know?

  I didn’t want to chance it. The last thing I needed was to have Logan hear from a busybody that a woman was asking suspicious questions around town. He would think I didn’t trust him, or worse, he’d wonder why I cared when he and I were just friends.

  Did it matter if I trusted him or not? I’d be gone in a few months anyway. I shrank from the realization that time was getting tighter and our relationship was beginning to get mucky and complicated.

  I wanted to be with him, but not if he didn’t want me. I needed a man who wanted me around and didn’t mind telling me. Or maybe I needed to figure out what I wanted before I tried matching myself to anyone.