With This Click, I Thee Wed (Click and Wed.com Series, #1)

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  “I think we have some cookies in the pantry, if you want to stay up for a little bit and have a last-minute nightcap.” Logan never offered alcohol, which I loved about him. I hadn’t found any in the house when I had inventoried the entire thing.

  Pulling off my sweater and jacket, I draped them on a chair. “That sounds great. I’ll get the milk.”

  “Do you feel a little better? From this morning, I mean.” He waited for me to go first into the kitchen, then followed.

  We each gathered our items and sat at the table beside each other. Our spots were becoming comfortable, and I enjoyed looking at him over the corner.

  I sighed as he poured the milk. “It’s okay. I’m sorry to make a big deal about it. I just feel like we’re roommates and not married.” I looked down and then forced myself to meet his gaze. “I need to be happy with things and not try to rush everything. I’m like this when I diet. I’m like, hey, I just started my diet this morning, why haven’t I lost all the weight? I’m very grateful to be here and be with you. I’m just full of unrealistic expectations.” Plus, I wanted him to be as interested in me as I was in him.

  “It’s your birthday, what will make you happy today? Rachel, I want you to be happy. That’s very important to me.” He placed some cookies on a napkin in front of me and then in front of himself before claiming my hand in his. I had set the milk down, and I could feel the warmth of his hand erasing the chill of the milk left behind.

  I glanced down at our fingers. Why was it that when I was touching him – which honestly had only been that day – I didn’t feel quite so scared or alone.

  Closing my eyes for a second, I gathered courage. I had to say it. I had to fix what I had broken the first day I’d been there. “I’m lonely, but not just for anyone. I’m lonely for you.” I bit my lip and then blurted out the rest. “I don’t want to just be friends. I want to be married.”

  Understanding warmed his eyes, and he pulled me closer to him with a gentle tug on my hand. “You’re welcome to join me wherever I am. I don’t want you to be lonely.” He carefully brought his hands up and framed my lower face, a thumb on either side of my lips. He pulled me close and placed his lips gently on my forehead. “Happy birthday, Rachel. I’ll get you a gift next time.”

  Next time. That meant he wanted me to be there until the next year.

  But he didn’t pull back. Instead he gently tilted my head backwards and his eyes darkened even more, if that was possible. He glanced from my eyes to my lips and his eyes grew heavy-lidded.

  My own closed as we erased the distance between us. Our lips met for the first time and as we moved together, the sparks were brand new, but it was like I’d kissed him a thousand times before – like I belonged with my mouth against his. I sank into the kiss and he wrapped his arms around me. He could’ve been holding me up for all the good my bones had become in their wobbly state.

  As we pulled apart, I struggled to get my heart under control. I stared at him and he did the same. We settled into our seats and tried to shake off our stupor. The cookies paled in comparison to how sweet he’d tasted.

  We parted soon after dessert. He went to his room and I went to mine. I stood in the center of my room after I’d placed my shoes back in the closet. The room was just as empty as it had been that morning. Standing with my arms akimbo, I looked around.

  Logan had said I could be wherever he was. I spoke out loud. “But you’re not in here.”

  The cookies might have given me an extra boost of bravery, or the earth-shattering kiss had made me reckless. I shed the dress and threw on my pajamas, grabbing a pillow to take with me.

  I opened my bedroom door and turned off the light before padding the few feet to his door.

  Don’t think about it, Rachel. Just do it.

  I knocked, rather loud.

  My mind went blank. Where had my courage gone? Did I have time to run back to my room? I lifted my foot to run that way.

  The knob turned and the door opened.

  Holy cow, what was I doing?

  Chapter 11

  Logan opened the door, his eyes wide. He had changed into blue and white striped pajama bottoms.

  And no top.

  The sight of his bare chest wiped my mind of what I was going to say. I stood there and stared at the planes of his muscles and the sprinkling of chest hair for a very long uncomfortable minute – maybe an hour? I couldn’t be sure.

  He finally cleared his throat and angled his head down to catch my attention. “Rachel? Are you okay?”

  I closed my eyes, mortified.

  Opening my eyes, I clenched my pillow tighter to my chest and nodded while trying to swallow. Finally, I got up the courage to speak, but only after I diverted my gaze from his magnificent muscles. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. “Yeah, I’m fine. Um, you said I could be wherever you are.”

  I pointed down the hall toward the room I should’ve stayed in. “You’re not in that peach room.” I scanned his room and then my gaze flitted to him and darted away again. I tried watching him from my peripheral vision, but it wasn’t working.

  He considered me for a moment as if trying to figure out what my angle was. Logan poked his head out into the hallway and followed my gaze. After a drawn-out moment, we turned our faces toward each other and just stared into each other’s eyes. Was my desperation easy to read?

  Finally, Logan opened the door further and ushered me in with his arm. Was that amusement on his face? “You’re right. Come on in.”

  His amusement shifted to suspicion when I stood in the middle of his room and did nothing but stare at his bed. He moved to capture my attention. “What did you need from me? Did you just want to sit here and talk or something?” He furrowed his brow and watched me as if I was going to start dancing in a circle and spin on the floor on top of my head.

  What was I expecting? We had early mornings, and I didn’t want to cut into his sleep time, but at the same time, why couldn’t I want to get to know my husband better? We had kissed. There seemed to be a line that we crossed earlier that night and I couldn’t uncross it. No matter how platonic we acted.

  I needed something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Glancing around his room, I considered my options. He only had one straight-backed chair and it abutted a desk. The only place we could both sit would be on the bed. Combine the lack of sitting areas with the fact that I didn’t want to cut into his sleep, I had the brilliant idea to multi-task.

  “Can I sleep with you?” The connotations behind the phrase I just blurted out didn’t occur to me until after the words fell into the silent room. I stumbled to the side out of shock, grabbing onto the curve of the sleigh-style footboard. “I mean, can I literally sleep with you. I’m not trying to push you into anything.”

  My uncomfortable laugh could’ve been from a hyena. The whole thing was falling apart. Why had I even gone in there? Why couldn’t I have just left it as a great end to a weird day? Why did I have to listen to my late-night loneliness? Why couldn’t I just climb into bed and wait it out? I would’ve gone to sleep eventually. I would’ve been fine.

  Logan rushed to my side and steadied me with a hand to my elbow. His presence and touch didn’t make my nerves calm down. Instead, I wanted to melt into the floor with the tingling of his touch. Should a man with that kind of chest and back be allowed to wear shirts? I think it was a punishment for women everywhere.

  He didn’t let go of my arm, instead, he peered into my eyes as if studying my inner thoughts. “Uh, okay.” The consternation on his face said that he wasn’t quite sure if it was okay.

  “Really? I’m serious. I just want to sleep beside you. You’re okay with that?” If I had just heard what I had just said, I wouldn’t be sure if it was okay either. He was just being nice. He didn’t really want me to. I softly shook my head and looked down, carefully pushing his fingers from my arm. I couldn’t think clearly while he touched me.

  “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I just...” I just –
what? What was my excuse for putting us in the situation we were in? Could I convince him to forget that I’d showed up? What if I pretended to be sleepwalking? No, we’d promised no more lying and plus, I wasn’t a liar. I was just nervous.

  There I was ruining a really good night and I had no real excuse. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve...”

  Logan reached out and softly grabbed my arm as I turned to scurry back to my room. “No, don’t go. Really. Stay with me. The bed’s big enough. We’re married...” But he left it there because there were other things that married people were supposed to do, and while my comments had hinted at that, I had also said no at the same time.

  We’d only kissed. I didn’t demand more from him, and I couldn’t tell if he wanted more from me. We could take things slow. I was good with slow, but things weren’t even going slow when we didn’t move forward.

  How else was I going to get us out of the friend zone?

  The sudden shyness his comments brought silenced any attempts at a teasing retort. Were we married? I would like to know what it felt like just once before our six months was up.

  Surprisingly, he didn’t close the door. Probably because the thing he was seeking privacy from was right there in his room with him.

  “I was just climbing into bed, which side do you want?” He motioned toward the very large king-size bed. My bed was a four-poster while his was a dark Walnut sleigh-style with rustic, distressed accents. His room had a brown and sand tone to it, with black and cream accents. The whole of it was very masculine while still being warm and welcoming.

  Just like Logan.

  The cover on his bed was the color of sand and he had large body pillows at the head of his bed. An acoustic guitar hung on the wall above the head of the bed, a family picture on either side of it. I didn’t know he liked the guitar. Did he play? The thought of his strong, graceful hands manipulating music made perfect sense.

  Antique sconces with silk shades glowed dimly from the walls. He didn’t have a ceiling light. The simplicity of his décor spoke more about him than the clutter throughout the rest of the house. I was surprised he had so many things in other rooms.

  “Rachel? Do you care which side?” He repeated the question patiently.

  He’d caught me staring. I was nervous and didn’t want to choose. I didn’t know what to say. I shrugged with only one shoulder. “I don’t mind what side. Do you have a preference?” I was actually going to be sleeping in bed with the most amazing man.

  The man I called my husband for the next few months. It had been a long time since I had slept in a bed with anyone. Derek had made me sleep in a twin in the room beside ours, because he said I snored. I didn’t snore. He did. Even if I did snore, why would he kick me out of our room? I found out later he was having his girlfriend over while I was asleep. I slept hard. I didn’t snore.

  “I’ll take the one closest to the door in case you need protecting.” He glanced at the open doorway and then scanned me from head to toe. “As cute as you look, I don’t see the squirrels coming in and attacking you.”

  I wanted to laugh, but I was too nervous. What if I did snore? What if we woke up facing each other and I had really bad morning breath? I hadn’t been thinking when I’d rushed to his door.

  “Just to warn you, I hear I snore, so...” I moved to the side he chose for me and pulled back the covers, laughing nervously.

  He nodded gravely at me. “Yeah, I’ve heard you. You’re pretty loud, but that’s okay. I’m sure I snore, too.”

  My jaw dropped open, and I tilted my head forward in shock. “Oh, my word, I’m so sorry. It’s okay, I’ll just sleep in my room.” Heat flooded my face. I did snore. I’d always thought Derek was just being mean, when in fact, he’d been telling the truth – for once.

  Logan’s deep laugh rumbled around me. “I’m just teasing. I actually snore. I’ve never heard a peep from your room. I was beginning to doubt you even sleep.” His wink challenged me to join him as he teased me.

  Relief relaxed the tension in my shoulders. I could breathe normally again and I chuckled softly. “Oh, good. I was worried there.” He had no idea how worried.

  His room was clean and tidy, which was surprising. Actually, for Logan, it wasn’t surprising at all. The man had a neatness about him, and even though he wasn’t extremely organized, he knew how to keep things tidy. Definitely traits that are respectable in anyone. Traits I found especially attractive in a man with rippling ab muscles.

  Don’t think about those.

  I pushed my pillow to the base of a long body pillow and carefully climbed under the covers. The slight chill of the sheets slowly ebbed as my body warmed it. I faced him because, quite honestly, not facing him would seem weird after needing to sleep in his room with him.

  There was an etiquette I wasn’t familiar with when getting into a new person’s bed. I wasn’t into one night stands and the only bed I’d ever slept in that wasn’t my own was Derek’s. He’d never gotten into bed at the same time as me.

  The first time with Logan on everything was turning out to be vastly different than anything else I’d experienced. Logan flipped the light switch off and the sconces turned black. He climbed in beside me, the large bed suddenly seemed much smaller.

  Moonlight from the clear night put the room into shadow. As my eyes adjusted, I found him watching me from his position on his pillow. I tucked my hands up by my cheek and loved that he couldn’t see me studying him in the shadows. The amazing access to him was brilliant. As I settled in and my discomfort faded, I wanted to applaud myself. I may have felt stupid, but look where my risk-taking had gotten me? In bed with my husband.

  Could things get any better?

  His cologne pervaded the air with a subtle spice and pine. To think I’d be able to smell him through the night instead of just whiffs as he walked by... I smiled smugly.

  When he spoke, I had to concentrate with the low volume of his voice – even in the quiet room. Was he whispering?

  “Is it okay, if we hold hands?” he asked before I could. I hadn’t asked because I didn’t want to push my luck.

  Could he be as sentimental as me? A man that needed comfort, too?

  I didn’t answer, but instead reached for his already stretched out fingers and curled mine into his. The tingle was immediate but comforting, and I soaked in the rush of adrenaline just being near him caused.

  We lay there in silence, relishing the company and the quiet warmth of the night. How could I be so affected by his nearness and his touch and he wasn’t? I literally couldn’t focus or close my eyes in case he disappeared, which was a very real possibility.

  What if I wasn’t his type and not because of the color of my hair or the way I cooked, but in that fact that I was something I couldn’t change. I raised my eyes to his from the lines of his chest in the dark. “Can I ask you a question?” I spoke just as softly as he did, my fingers entwined with his.

  Logan had the sheet and covers only up to his waist and his skin was easier to see in the moonlight than the blankets. That would be my excuse for staring at him. Yep. Not the fact that he was delicious and gorgeous, but because there was nothing else to look at.

  His soft chuckle warmed me even more than his touch. “You can ask me another one.”

  I had to think about what he said, and then I laughed and nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. Are you gay?” The question was a fair one. He didn’t seem overly interested in me and the kiss that night had been amazing but chaste.

  How long did a girl have to live with a guy before expecting to be pursued? There were two options. One was that he was gay, and the other was that he didn’t find her attractive. I desperately hoped it was because he was gay because the other one would just sting too hard.

  He brought his other hand up to his mouth and made a slight choking sound as he laughed. “Am I gay?” He laughed more and then the bed stopped shaking as he calmed down. “Why do you think I’m gay? I was engaged before. To a woman, I might add,
remember?” Humor laced his words and I was glad he wasn’t offended by my question.

  I wrinkled my nose and narrowed my eyes. Time to defend my thought process because he obviously was finding me to be dumb. And to be fair, I had acted stupid for pretty much most of the night. “I just noticed that you don’t seem very interested in me. I’m not your type, right? Or is it something else?”

  It was easier to be so blunt and honest in the darkness when he couldn’t see my blush, or the fact that I didn’t want to ask that question, but I had to know. Plus, I figured I already looked like an idiot. Why not push until I got everything?

  “No, I’m not gay and you’re definitely my type. I accepted the offer when I saw you without really thinking. I was in a really lonely rut that day, and I didn’t consider what would happen if and when I got attached. What would happen when you leave.” He squeezed my fingers to let me know he was sincere. “Honestly, Rachel, I’m just trying to get through this. I’m not sure my heart can handle breaking again.”

  While I loved that I was his type and that he was fighting to keep himself distanced from me, at the same time I hated that we were in the position we were in. How did I tell him that I didn’t want to leave either?

  ~~~

  I slept remarkably well and woke up refreshed the next morning about the same time Logan did. He opened his eyes and we looked at each other, our smiles growing big and excited. Something had shifted. He had told me he was attracted to me, but he didn’t want to fall for me. Which is exactly how I felt, too. What if we did give over to our attraction and let things grow between us?

  Being attracted to my spouse was definitely a good thing. The fact that he was attracted to me as well was even better.

  We went about our morning rituals with a lighter step and then we sat down to breakfast.

  Logan poured us orange juice and led grace. Then he asked, “What do you have planned for today?”

  There was so much to do, but I focused on the immediate things I needed to accomplish. “I have some work to do for some clients. I need more money to come in. I’m being sued by... yeah, and as nice as it was to set that worry aside yesterday, it’s time for me to face reality. I can’t escape him. I need money.” I didn’t tell Logan I still had to pay off the credit card I had used to pay for marrying him and the flight over. Another three-thousand dollars I just shouldn’t have spent.