Mistress Agnes

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  You know, Maria, I think I didn't want to be a mindless killer anymore, I needed love and a safe place to come to terms with my past. There was just one life I could have returned to if I had escaped, and it was that of a gang member. Love and safety are unknown quantities to a city thief.

  Do you suppose I allowed myself to be mistreated in exchange for a little relief of what really ailed me? Patrick gave me his love, Dick his friendship, and when I no longer entertained hope of the mistress finding her soft side I just gave up on life altogether. I didn't want my freedom, because I knew it would not save me from my past.'

  Maria squeezed Dennis' hand, and replied, 'I see how that could be, yes.'

  Maria really was smart, even Agnes had never realized Dennis could have taken her out any time he liked. Even Dennis himself had never really acknowledged the possibility of freeing himself with force. Time to share this with Agnes, she must be anxiously waiting for him.

  'You're much better, Dick, I think I'll be going back to Agnes and give her some love. You can stay here and enjoy yourselves on this bed. It's perfect for loving, nice and private. Don't mess with the collar and chain, though.

  Bye now!'

  And he seriously kissed Maria full on the mouth, she was a little bit overcome, he was so young and so handsome, and he was going to be the

  master of the house, soon. He seemed to truly find her attractive.

  And then he kissed Dick, in exactly the same way, and Dick answered that kiss, not as if he had ever done that before, kiss a man, but as if he wanted Dennis to kiss him. Dennis had kissed a man before, Maria was as sure of that as she was of anything. Patrick? Guy? Anything was possible in this household, that much was clear by now, and Maria found the thought intensely exciting, as much as witnessing the actual kiss.

  To think Dennis coolly warned them against messing with the collar and chain. As if either of them would even want to touch it!

  Soon after those tantalizing kisses Dennis left them by themselves, and they made love heatedly on that lovely soft bed, Dick back to his usual tender self, Maria even more eager than usual, imagining Dennis part of their love-play, and him kissing heatedly with beautiful Patrick, who probably knew exactly what to do to please a man. Maybe Maria should ask him some day, and surprise her husband.

  Walking down the stairs Dennis felt relief that Dick would be fine, he had mostly suffered from guilt over not having done anything to save Dennis from the mistress. Since there was nothing he could have done, and everything had turned out just fine, he would soon let go, Dennis was sure of that. Maria would convince him, now she knew everything.

  A small part of Dennis doubted the wisdom of telling her about his desertion, but somehow his fear to be apprehended seemed a thing of the past, too. It was highly unlikely that anyone was still looking for him, he should have died on the moors and there were plenty more privates, maybe not as experienced while still so very young, but undoubtedly less damaged in body and spirit.

  The memory of Maria's lush body against his kept distracting him, Dennis knew he was madly in love with Agnes and would always be hers, but Dick's offer of making love in the attic together certainly had tempted him. He had never made love to another woman before, well, in fact he had fucked a few times, but what one did with street rats and camp followers could not be called lovemaking in any way, and the image of stroking those luscious curves and those full breast was enough to make him feel very heated.

  In that exact state he entered Agnes' study, where she seemed to have risen above guilt and pain to a state of happy inspiration. She did not look up when Dennis came in, and was writing as fast as she could, which was a lot faster than Dennis had ever managed, but rather slower than a professional writer

  was supposed to write. But as Agnes had told Maria, it was important to be able to read whatever her brain had come up with, since a state of inspiration was more than a little feverish, and Dennis could imagine very well that the next morning, or whenever she 'woke up' from this productive state, Agnes would have forgotten the details of what she had written down.

  So she had taught herself to stay disciplined and write a perfect hand all the time, to never lose a brilliant idea or a tantalizing love-scene to messy handwriting. Agnes didn't care that took extra time, she knew she would be able to always read back what she had written, and that was what counted.

  Dennis was not going to disturb his beloved in this state of mind, it would not make her grumpy but she would lose her grip on whatever was in her mind at the time, and it would take a lot of effort to make up for that, something he didn't want to be the cause of. His heat would last, maybe it was better if he didn't translate the excitement he felt over Maria's touch and Dick's proposition to Agnes.

  He sat down in a lazy chair by the fireplace, empty in summer, of course, and picked up a newspaper from the table.

  'Colonies restless, regiments mobilized!'

  His poor fellows, those guys who stood up for him by masking his weaknesses, not just one or two but all of them, fifteen men including a sergeant covering for him, keeping quiet about his nightmares, failing to mention his sudden spells of immobility. During his time in the attic Dennis had felt as if he had betrayed them, but now he knew he had made their lives a tiny bit safer. For to trust Dennis to guard their backs in the heat of battle would have been madness, he had frozen in fear more than once during drill, doing that in a real battle would have killed not just himself, but some of his comrades as well. No, they were well-rid of him.

  After a whole hour Agnes stopped writing and looked up. Dennis registered her movement subconsciously and stopped his reading. Their eyes met and Agnes dropped her pen, got up and sat on his lap, and they snuggled intensely. Then she got serious.

  'Does Maria loathe me now? For abusing and torturing a helpless man?'

  Kissing her gently, Dennis observed, 'You know, Maria may even be smarter than you. She was shocked to hear you kept me captive, and even more so that you whipped me. But she asked me why I hadn't just knocked you out and forced Guy and Patrick to release me.'

  Agnes had not considered that possibility, but she was a quick thinker, too.

  'They had a whip, Dennis, and there was Dick as well.'

  'You still have no idea how dangerous I can be, Agnes, really. I could have killed all of you, even Dick. A whip is as powerful as its wielder, and not one of you can even come near an army sergeant. No, Agnes, I was not exactly helpless.'

  But now his beloved looked stubborn.

  'You were. You could not have hurt anyone consciously, your trauma incapacitated you totally. Even though you had the skills to beat me, your mind had no chance at all. And where would you have gone, back to the moors? Back to the streets? But let's not argue about this. I'll accept you must have gotten something from the situation initially. I'll learn to live with the memory, as you do with yours. Shall we send for some lunch? Writing is hungry work.'

  Chapter 19

  That week, Maria and Dick enjoyed their honeymoon by lazing in the haystack, making love as often as they liked, and exploring the area. Dick admitted he had never dared ramble on the moors, his mother's tales of people drowning and disappearing had scared him so badly he never tried, except when Dennis accompanied him so Dick could go fishing. But now Maria was with him and she was eager to learn how to stay safe amidst the peat bogs.

  Dennis taught both of them how to recognize the bogs, deep pits filled with a thick soup made of living mosses that looked just like a fresh green field, but would swallow a person whole. Though both Dick and Maria had grown up in this area, neither of them had ever learned how to be safe off the paths, and yet it wasn't even very difficult. With a few simple measures they could protect themselves from any danger the moors presented them, and going out there provided them with a lot of privacy: no-one ever came there besides Dennis and Mrs Beauchamp, and in this dry summer there were endless possibilities for making love under a blue sky.

  Dennis took Agnes to
the attic every morning, where they sat on the bed together and Dennis soothed his beloved's guilt. His own confidence grew until he hardly recognized himself, even when he was still leading a gang of youths into danger he'd had insecurities, and there had been constant danger.

  Now, life was sweet, and safe, and he could face and even look forward to the responsibilities he would have as Agnes' husband.

  Of course Agnes noticed soon enough, in the way he held her, and the things he said to try to relieve her remorse. Fortunately Dennis did not spy any fear in her, she had been very afraid of being ruled by a man, so much so that it had made her chain him to the wall to prevent him from taking over her life.

  But it seemed she trusted him, for though his newly found confidence surfaced in everything he did, lovemaking no exception, she relished his decisiveness, and when he took her like that first time back in the attic, she gave herself up to him with something much like relief.

  He asked her outright.

  'Do you mind being taken like that, Agnes? I allow my lust to take over from me, but I can control it if it makes you feel unhappy in any way.'

  Still a bit out of breath from their love-play she replied, 'I love it, Dennis.

  This whole change in you, you're so calm and strong, I feel very safe with someone steady behind me. I loved the needy you so much, and I would have been very happy if you had stayed dependent on me, but this is much safer and much more comfortable. I can let go of the responsibilities sometimes, and I know everyone will be all right if something should happen to me. As for the taking, I don't even feel threatened by your dominant attitude anymore. I love it, again, I can let you take over for a few moments and let go myself, just take things as they come. When you give your passion free rein it's so powerful, I'm totally overcome and I love it.

  But what about the rest of your feelings, like jealousy? Do you feel possessive of me now? You never minded sharing me once in a while, do you now? Would you mind if I made love to Guy? He's starting to look at me in a certain way, I think he's aching for some pussy, but I won't give it to him if you don't want me to.'

  Did he mind? He didn't feel jealous, he had often joined Guy's and Patrick's efforts to please Agnes when he was still unable to fuck her, and it was mostly very hot, especially since either of the two men would always see to him and their methods of pleasing a man were rather thorough.

  'I cannot say the thought makes me jealous, Agnes. More jealous of you than them, if anything, they are such experts in the art of loving. I so love to watch you having sex, it's so hot! And you know I love you moe than anyone, but when Dick nonchalantly suggested I join the two of them making love sometimes I have to admit I was tempted. Imagine what the neighbours would say if they knew.'

  Laughing, Agnes replied, 'They say plenty without having any proof. You know I don't mind if you join Dick and Maria once in a while. Too bad I cannot have Dick return the favour, I suppose Maria won't like that. Can't we set her up with Guy and Patrick?'

  The very thought of Maria's voluptuous shape in the hands of the two beautiful men gave Dennis a flash of heat, and he observed, 'That would be something, but I suppose Dick and Maria would do better to get to know each other first. She's not exactly wordly-wise, you know, though she picks things up really quickly.'

  The weeks after their honeymoon, Maria and Dick got up together every morning, and he would take her as far as the outcrop before breakfast, sometimes taking the time to make love under the large rock, and sometimes in a hurry because they had indulged themselves in their own bedroom already. Maria had decided she would take her breakfast at her parents' home, the temptations at the manor house were just too large for her to resist every day.

  She was feeling her pregnancy now, contrary to her sisters and Mrs Beauchamp she did not suffer from nausea, but rather felt hungry all the time.

  Delicacies she could usually ignore with ease were now forcing themselves on her senses, their smell would tease her until she'd no longer be able to refuse them. Better be removed from the source of the temptation altogether.

  Dick didn't know, yet, Maria was so afraid he wouldn't understand that children could result from intercourse even if one pulled back before the climax, she hadn't dared tell him so far. But to herself it was starting to show, her breasts were firming, her face was fuller, of course Dick didn't know her that long, and maybe wasn't as perceptive, but she did need to tell him soon.

  But how?

  They'd had such a lovely time together, with the cute puppy of course always following them around, even into their bedroom, where she had a little basket in a corner. But Dick might spoil Pixie a little, he also did a very good job teaching her manners, she never chased the cats and the chickens, she didn't eat from the pile of manure outside the stables, nor did she roll in the smelly stuff. Dennis had helped, but Dick seemed to have a kind of instinct for raising a puppy, he never lost his temper, but stuck to the rules they had decided on together, never once letting Pixie get away with something because it looked cute.

  'It's as if you've done this before, Dick,' Dennis said one day, full of admiration for his friend.

  'Thank you, Dennis,' her beloved replied, 'I have never had a dog of my own, but I wished to have one very much. So I always looked at other people who had one or more and saw them handle theirs, and decided on how I would do it and remembered that. I'm glad it worked out.'

  Dick liked Dennis, and Dennis seemed very able to explain things to Dick.

  Maybe Maria should enlist his aid to tell Dick she was pregnant already, it would be such a relief to be able to share the knowledge.

  Decision made, she spent the afternoon hemming and stitching what her

  father had pinned together, feeling ever more dissatisfied doing only the simple jobs. Her father had never had much ambition, he was very pleased to make Sunday wear and sturdy coats for the local people, but Maria knew she could do more. She had helped her mother fit all their dresses since she was twelve years old, and her sisters still came home for fittings, no seamstress they could afford did a better job. None of the women she saw in church had better-fitted dresses than her mother and sisters, though some could afford a seamstress from town.

  And childrens' clothes, too. Children weren't little adults, they couldn't sit still all day, they needed to run and play and parents would love them to still look nice. She had some great ideas about making special garments for little girls and boys, sturdy and still good-looking. She had never dared to make some samples for her sisters' offspring, her father would merely tell her no-one was going to pay to have their childrens' everyday clothes made by a professional, especially not where they lived.

  Somehow, the people at the manor house seemed to think differently, in possibilities instead of finding obstacles. Mrs Beauchamp didn't need the proceeds of her books, she'd been left very well-off by her late husband and her own fortune, but still she earned enough to make a living with something only a few hundred customers cared to buy, but those rich enough to pay well.

  There were many more children than there were readers of naughty books, and some of them had rich parents, some of them less so. But all parents wanted their children to look nice, and not just on Sundays, not just in their sized-down ladies' dresses and gentlemen's suits.

  She would not discuss this with her father, she would gather her courage and tackle Guy in his little study, where he kept Mrs Beauchamp's household books and investments. He might be able to help her calculate how much money she'd need to buy fabrics to make a few samples, and how to take them to the most profitable market, locally or in the nearest town. And maybe advertise in a local paper.

  As long as they lived in the manor house she did not have a household to run, there were no chores in the evening. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, laundry, all those tasks were done by someone paid to do them, Dick mostly, and he did not allow Maria to help out after dinner, said she had her job and this was his, and to talk with the others until he finished, he'd be
right back.

  After another long day of hemming and basting, stitching and ironing, she

  had more or less framed in her mind what she wanted to discuss with two people she hardly knew. She decided to start with Dennis, he was the least fearsome of the two, and an hour or so before dinner, when Dick was busy helping Cook, Mrs Beauchamp was writing and Dennis was working in the garden, she sought out the latter.

  'Can I speak to you in private for a few moments, Dennis?' she asked, hearing her own voice bashful as a maiden's, this was not easy, not at all.

  He looked up at her tone of voice, laid down his hoe carefully and said with some concern, 'Of course, Maria, I can see something is bothering you. The haystack? Dick will be busy for at least half an hour, for I suppose this concerns him?'

  She nodded, and followed him to their favourite summer hideout, where they each made a seat in the old hay and Dennis sat back to hear her out. Maria just blurted out her problem, no use in working up towards it, Dick would seek her out as soon as he was done in the kitchen.

  'You know Dick and I didn't exactly wait until we were married before we made love?'

  Dennis smiled mildly and nodded.

  'He told me all about it, I've heard every single detail I'm afraid.'

  'Well, then he'll have told you he pulled back before he came every time we fucked, to spare me the shame of getting with child before marriage.'

  Dennis nodded, and said nothing.

  'I'm pregnant anyway.'

  'Already, Maria? Congratulations! That is marvellous, Dick will be so glad to have a baby so quickly! He loves children! Why don't you look happier, Maria? Is something wrong with you, or with the baby?'

  'I feel fine, and my sisters never had any trouble with their babies. No, I'm worried Dick may not understand my getting with child when he pulled back.

  I'm afraid he'll think I had someone else. I know it happens sometimes, conceiving when pulling back, my mother even warned me against it, but I don't know whether he'll understand. What do I do, Dennis? Just tell him and try to explain? Or pretend it happened later? It's just a month, but it doesn't feel right to lie to him.'