The Real Me

by Herrick, Ann

  When my hair was completely dry, I gently ran the wide-toothed comb Helene had given me through it. My hair had a softness and shine I'd once thought impossible. I shook my hair and admired its free and easy movement.

  I remembered how Kevin had said he liked my hair that first day I'd gone to school after getting it cut. I so couldn't wait for him to see me at Erwina's party!

  I'd never before put in such an effort getting ready for a party. Of course, I didn't go to many. Besides, I'd never before felt it would be worth it. I'd always thought that the old Mattie would be overlooked, no matter what. But now ….

  My folks were going to New Haven to see a play. I was anxious for them to leave. I was nervous enough about the party without having to endure any teasing from Dad. Already at supper he asked me, jokingly, if I was going to wear my pink robe.

  I was waiting until the last minute to get dressed, because I didn't want to take any chances on spilling something on my new clothes. And I wanted to check out everything in the full length mirror in the hall without an audience.

  "We're going now," Mom called up the stairs. "I've left the number of the theater by the phone."

  I wanted them to leave rather than continue shouting up to me, so I hurried downstairs and kissed my folks goodbye.

  "Have fun at the party," Dad said. "Call if you need a ride home. We should be back by eleven or so."

  "I can probably get a ride home," I said, picturing myself on a long, slow drive with Kevin. "Have a good time."

  As soon as my parents pulled out of the driveway I ran back up to my room. All my clothes were laid out on my bed. As I fastened and adjusted my new bra I marveled once again at what it did for me. Not that I'd ever considered myself flat-chested. Sort of average, really. But now ….

  I slipped on the hot pink blouse, carefully tucking it into my new black jeans that minimized my no longer so terribly big hips. I sprayed cologne onto my throat and behind my ears.

  From my jewelry box I selected a delicate gold chain with a single pearl set against a gold heart. I put it on. If the chain had been a quarter of an inch longer the pearl would have been lost in my newly improved cleavage.

  I checked my reflection in the mirror, turning left, then right. I looked straight down into my blouse. I decided there wasn't too much showing. Or was there?

  I ventured out into the hall to have a look in the full length mirror. Even though I knew my folks were half way to New Haven, I kept expecting one of them to pop out of their room.

  What I saw in the mirror totally astonished me. I hadn't really taken a good look at my whole self since I'd started dieting. Where once there'd been a drab, chunky girl hunched over in an attempt to make herself look smaller, there was now a relatively slender, attractive girl--with a ton of cleavage!

  I turned and looked at myself over my shoulder. Facing the mirror again, I buttoned the third button on my blouse. I considered my reflection. I was more covered up, but I certainly did not look plain. It wasn't just my clothes, not even my bra. I was different. But did I want to be? Could I handle it? How was I supposed to act? What was I supposed to do?

  I unbuttoned the third button. I was supposed to flaunt myself! Wasn't that what I had decided on the shopping trip in New Haven? Hadn't I vowed to somehow get Kevin's attention? I brushed any doubts from my mind. I had to if I was going to show off my new self.

  I would go to Erwina's party and show Nicole Sandhurst that she wasn't the only girl in Waterside who could make guys' heads swivel!

  A horn sounded in the driveway. It was Erwina. I grabbed a sweater, checked my hair one more time, and ran to Erwina's car.

  "Hi!" I locked the car door and pulled my sweater around my throat.

  "Hi," Erwina said. "Are you cold or something?"

  "Um, a little."

  "I see." Erwina looked sideways at me as she backed out of the driveway. She stopped at the sidewalk and checked for traffic. "Well, I'm sure it will be plenty warm in our family room."

  When we got to her house, Erwina's parents were waiting at the front door to greet us.

  "Hi, Mattie," said Mrs. Lane. "You look lovely tonight. Let me take your sweater."

  I clutched at my throat. "I, er, I think I'll keep it with me. I'm, um, a bit cold."

  "How are your folks?" boomed Mr. Lane.

  "They're fine." I tried to edge my way to the stairs that led down to the family room.

  Freddie loped into the hallway. "Hey, Mattie. What happened to you? You look nice!"

  "Freddie!" exclaimed Mrs. Lane. She looked as if she didn't know whether to faint or pinch Freddie's head off.

  Mr. Lane narrowed his eyes at Freddie. "Mattie always looks nice."

  "Oh. Oh, yeah!" Freddie said, finally getting the message. "She does. I mean, you do, Mattie. That is …."

  "Freddie, go back to your video game," Erwina said. "Come on, Mattie. Let's go." She rushed me down to the family room and yelled up the stairs. "And don't come down here, Freddie!"

  I surveyed the family room, amazed. It looked like a tropical island. On every wall were posters of sunny beaches. A jungle of plants hung from the ceiling and sprang up in the corners. The food table stood in a model of a grass shack. "This is great! Where on earth did you find all this stuff?"

  Erwina blew on her fingernails and rubbed them on her sleeve. "Thanks. I bought the posters at the discount store. The plants are ours. I just moved them all down here. I borrowed the grass shack from a travel agency." She cleared her throat. "Did you notice the palm tree?"

  I turned in the direction Erwina was pointing and saw the palm tree.

  "Fake," said Erwina. "And from the travel agency, too."

  "But how--"

  "A couple weeks ago I went job hunting and got myself a summer job at Holiday Travel. I've been so busy--I guess I forgot to tell you! When I saw the corner of the office decorated to look like Hawaii, it inspired me. Mrs. Gless, my soon to be boss, was very generous in lending everything to me. She was ready to change the display anyway."

  "That's great!"

  "The fact that Mrs. Gless plays golf with my mother and they've been friends for years helped a lot, or course."

  "This looks great," I said. "You don't suppose--"

  "I'm way ahead of you," Erwina said. "Mrs. Gless agreed to let us borrow the shack and the palm tree for the prom too."

  "For free?"

  "Well, she's hoping she'll get a little publicity."

  "That can be arranged!" I spun in a circle, taking in the whole room again. "This is a great buildup for the prom. It will really help get everyone in the mood."

  "I thought it fit in with the theme," Erwina said.

  "This is totally great," I said. "It doesn't look as if you need my help setting up."

  "I just wanted you to see it first," Erwina said. "That's why I couldn't help you with the chariot. I spent the entire day decorating."

  "You know, it's starting to feel like a tropical island in here." I fanned myself. "It'll get really warm once everyone else gets here."

  "You could take off that sweater."

  "Oh. Yeah." I'd forgotten I was wearing a sweater. "Okay if I leave it here?" I draped it over the back of a chair.

  "Sure. I don't think you'll need it." Then Erwina noticed my neckline. "Or maybe you will!"

  I twisted my necklace and rolled the pearl between my fingers. Groping for a witty reply to Erwina's comment, I was relieved when George, Carl, and Phil clomped into the room, followed quietly by Laura.

  Open mouthed, George gazed at the decorations. Then he grinned wickedly. "Erwina, where's your grass skirt?"

  "At the cleaners," Erwina said. "How about some Island Punch?" At the food table she ladled the orange, fruit laden punch into a cup. Phil and Carl started sampling the snacks.

  As others arrived, George turned his attention to me. He stared intently at my neckline. "What a great … necklace," he said finally, reaching out to touch it.

  I clamped my hand over the pear
l. "Th-thanks." I backed away from George. "Excuse me. I, uh, have to put on some music."

  "Let me help you." George put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm pretty familiar with Erwina's stuff."

  As we stood together searching through the song list, I thought I detected the smell of beer on George's breath. I tried to inch away from him. He put his arm around my waist, pulled me close and nearly tipped me completely off balance. With my free arm I grabbed his shoulder to regain my equilibrium.

  "Why, Mattie," George said. "I didn't know you cared."

  I tried to pull away.

  "Careful with Mattie's arm," Erwin said, rapping George on the head with her knuckles as she passed by.

  "So what do you think?" George said. "I'm in the mood for some slow music." I started to walk away, but before I could escape, he said, "Let's dance." Without waiting for a reply, he took me in his arms.

  George held me so tight his shirt buttons dug into me. I could hardly breathe. His bony shoulder pressed against my throat. To make matters worse, I caught a glimpse of Selena glaring at us.

  When the music ended, George relaxed his grip enough for me to slip out of it. "Oh. There's Walt," I said. "I promised him a dance." The moment I left, George clamped Selena in a lock hold similar to the one from which I'd just escaped. Selena looked ecstatic.

  I approached Walt just as he was getting a cup of punch for Laura. "Dance?" I barked into his left ear, almost causing him to drop the cup into the punch bowl. He nearly dropped it again as he turned around and got a good look at me.

  "Sure." He smiled and handed the cup to Laura.

  I felt comfortable dancing with Walt. It was like sitting in the old recliner. I relaxed--until I realized Walt was staring at me with a silly grin chiseled onto his face.

  "What's the matter?" I asked. "Do I have spinach in my teeth, or something?"

  Walt blinked, recovering from his trance like state. "No. I was just thinking."

  "Well. Don't keep me in suspense."

  Walt laughed. "I'm sorry. I was thinking maybe I grew too soon. There were some advantages to being so short." He quickly peeked down at my blouse. "It would have been an outstanding view from down there."

  That did it. I wanted to be noticed--not leered at. "Next time I'll wear four inch heels," I said dryly, knowing there would not be a next time.

  I excused myself to look for Erwina, to see if she needed any help with refreshments. As I neared the stairway, I heard voices.

  "I don't know why you insisted that we come to this stupid party," a female voice said. "It's for nerds!"

  "I told you that you didn't have to come," a male voice replied.

  "And let you go alone?" said the female voice. "No, thanks!"

  I felt myself quiver. It was Kevin and Nicole! I ducked away before they could discover that I'd overheard them arguing.

  Nicole paused at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to make her grand entrance. She didn't have to wait long. Within seconds all the guys in the room noticed her. All the girls kept a careful watch on the guys. Nicole wore a white cotton sweater that showed off her, uh, figure. Of course, she could have worn army fatigues and still received plenty of attention.

  I considered buttoning up my blouse, but I was afraid it would only cause George to make some snarky remark about it. I decided to leave things as they were.

  I went upstairs and found Erwina in the kitchen with Ross. I offered to help with the refreshments.

  "I just refilled the chips and dips," said Erwina, popping a dip laden chip into Ross's mouth. "You could take them downstairs."

  I was relieved that I wouldn't have to re enter the party empty handed. At least I would look busy. I arranged the chips and dips on the food table. Nicole was dancing with George, who was practically slobbering on her. But Nicole managed to keep him at arm's length.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder. Before turning around I sensed who it was. I smiled. "Hi, Kevin."

  Without a word, Kevin pulled me into his arms to dance. He held me close. My insides felt like hot fudge.

  "I really like your hair that way," Kevin said, touching it lightly. "It's so soft."

  "Thanks." I was astonished that I accepted his compliment so easily. I hoped Nicole's attention was fully occupied by George. I didn't want any rude interruptions to shatter my mood.

  As if he'd read my mind, Kevin said, "I don't like being on display." He led me to a corner shadowed by hanging plants. He put his arms around my waist and I slipped my arms around his neck. I was sure he could feel my heart pounding as his warm soft lips met mine.

  It was my first kiss.

  Chapter Ten

  "The music stopped three seconds ago." Erwina whizzed by with a platter of cold cuts.

  I opened my eyes to see Kevin smiling down at me.

  "Let's just wait until the music starts again," he said.

  "Okay." I rested my head on his shoulder.

  Loud music blared.

  "Sorry. I'm not much of a fast dancer," Kevin said.

  "Me either," I confessed. When I saw Nicole performing a wild dance display with Carl, I added, "Let's sit this one out."

  Kevin took me by the hand and led me to an out of the way sofa.

  I noticed Walt and Laura giving Nicole and Carl some dance competition. Walt was almost a head taller than Laura. It hadn't been that long ago that they'd been exactly the same height.

  Kevin put his arm around me. My heart raced. I had dreamed of being with Kevin in just such circumstances, had even rehearsed what I would say and do. But now I couldn't think. My mind was blank.

  I twisted my necklace.

  "That's a pretty necklace," Kevin said. "May I see it?"

  I let go of the pearl and Kevin cradled it in his hand. "It's beautiful," he said, examining it carefully.

  I stiffened. Was it really the necklace he was admiring? I felt myself turning pink. "Th-thanks." My mouth was dry. I could hardly speak.

  Fortunately, Kevin spoke again. "Are you doing anything special this summer, Mattie? Are you going anywhere?"

  "No," I said, relaxing a bit. "I'll just be staying home and getting a job, I hope."

  "Me, too," Kevin said. "I'm looking forward to this summer. I've never spent two summers in the same town before."

  "Really? Why?"

  "We always moved every year. But I just found out we'll be here for at least three years. My folks insisted on no more transfers for a while. I guess they're high enough on the corporate ladder to do that now." Kevin nuzzled my cheek. "I'm glad you'll be around. Where will you get a job?"

  "I-I don't know." It was hard to concentrate with my cheek being nuzzled! "Um, I just started thinking about it today. Last summer I babysat a lot. I didn't turn sixteen until August." Why was I babbling on? I so didn't want to talk about summer jobs.

  Nicole was no longer dancing. She was drinking punch and batting her eyes at Phil and Carl. But every now and then she focused on me. Apparently she wasn't going to do anything drastic--at least not in front of witnesses.

  I leaned closer to Kevin. Might as well make the most of the time I had with him. I didn't know what would happen once the party was over. I didn't care. Kevin was holding me in his arms.

  "I like to work outdoors," Kevin said, pulling me out of my reverie.

  "Mmm." I snuggled against him. I didn't want to think about a job. I wanted to savor the moment. I wanted to preserve it my mind, like a flower pressed in the pages of a book. I wanted to be able to take it out later and look at it, examine every detail. Something like this might not ever happen to me again.

  "There's another slow song," Kevin said. "Want to dance?"

  I nodded, eager to rest my head on his shoulder again. We stood. I closed my eyes and floated into his arms.

  After a couple seconds, Kevin stopped dancing.

  I opened my eyes. I saw George tapping Kevin on the shoulder.

  "Mind if I cut in?"

  "Well--" Kevin started to say.

  Nicole s
tepped out from behind George. "I'd like to dance with Kevin." She looked right through me.

  Next thing I knew, Nicole was resting her head on Kevin's shoulder as they danced away, and George was taking me in his arms.

  I stiffened my left arm in order to maintain some space between myself and George.

  "Did I tell you that you look great tonight?" George whispered.

  I smiled a Mona Lisa smile.

  "You're the best looking girl in the room."

  I didn't let myself get flustered by that old line.

  George maneuvered me into a dark corner.

  "Why are we stopping?" I asked, knowing full well why.

  George pulled me close and kissed me. Hard. My lips ached. My ribs were being crushed.

  I had waited sixteen years for my first kiss--and less than ten minutes for my second! But I was less than thrilled about kiss number two. I pushed George away.

  "What's the matter?" George grinned. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

  "Okay." I gasped. "Let's just say I'm addicted to breathing."

  George traced my lips with his finger. "Aw, did I take your breath away?"

  "I've got to get something to drink." I made a break for the punch bowl. I didn't dare admit, even to myself, that George could be right about taking my breath away.

  I gulped the cold, sweet punch. I wanted to wash away all traces of George's kiss. How could I have kissed him that way, only moments after Kevin and I had kissed? Kevin was the one I'd dreamed about for months. I didn't even like George. And yet I had let him kiss me.

  Selena nudged me. "Nice party, isn't it?"

  "Um, yes." I curled my hands around the cup to keep them from shaking. Selena must not have seen me with George.

  George sidled up to Selena. "Hey, gorgeous. Want to dance?"

  Selena immediately inserted herself into George's clutches.

  "Hi, Mattie," Erwina said. "They make a nice couple, don't they?"

  "George and Selena? I guess so." Apparently Erwina hadn't seen me kiss George either. I hoped nobody had--especially Kevin.

  "Well, 'scuse," Erwina said. "Gotta circulate."

  "Mmm." I searched the room for Kevin. I found him, but he was talking to Nicole. Judging by the looks on their faces, they were arguing. I couldn't help myself. I inched toward them.