IMMAGINARIO

by C. L. Monaghan

  His arm was heavy around my waist as we spooned under the covers together but I liked it, it was comforting and a solid reminder that he was there. His breath on my shoulder made my entire body tingle and I felt the stirrings of desire again. Good grief! I’m turning into a nymphomaniac! I turned my head towards him. Who could blame me if I was? Look at him, he’s beautiful. I felt like a doe-eyed teenager, in the first weeks of a new love. Except I knew this was different, I had loved him before I ever really knew him, before when he was just someone’s idea of a great book boyfriend. Now that he was here, I knew that even if this were to be my one and only night with him, that if I should wake tomorrow and find him gone, I’d never love like this again. I didn’t want to sleep, I wanted to make the most of him and of the time we had been granted by whatever force had brought him to me. I didn’t want to waste time sleeping.

  “Joe? Are you awake?” I whispered.

  “Yes bella.” He replied softly. I turned around to face him and kissed him slowly, my hand pushed down between us and I cupped him. I felt him stiffen immediately and he inhaled sharply

  “Again?” He chuckled.

  “Again.” I said.

  “Woman you are insatiable!”

  “You don’t seem to mind.” I said and gave him another squeeze. He growled and his hazel eyes pinned me with a wicked look.

  “You, mia cara, are in big trouble.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” I grinned.

  “Diavolo.” was the last thing he said before he grabbed me pulled me underneath him, taking me to the exact place I wanted to be.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The Imp

  The first thing I noticed was the absence of his arm around me. Panic knotted in the pit of my stomach. Joe wasn’t here. Had I dreamt up a sick delusion of a fantasy scenario I had invented? I didn’t dare open my eyes for fear of seeing an empty space on the pillow. I lay on my side where the warm cosiness of my bed completely contradicted the cold blanket of fear I now felt. My knees drawn up into a fetal position, I squeezed my eyes tight shut, attempting to block out the morning sun that peeked through the bedroom curtains. It was a futile attempt to stop the day from happening. When I woke up yesterday, the impossible had happened. I didn’t want to wake up today and find him gone.

  I heard singing and hope burst from my chest like a solar flare from the sun. He was singing! He was still here, it was still real and… what the hell was he singing? I got out of bed and walked barefoot down the hallway towards the kitchen, shrugging on my cardigan as I walked. As I neared the kitchen I could hear the clink clunk of crockery and the smell of fresh coffee wafted past me. God, his singing was dreadful! He sounded like a cat being strangled.

  “Well, it’s nice to know you have at least one shortcoming.” I laughed and poked my head around the door.

  “Buongiorno amore mio!” He beamed at me and opened his arms out for a hug. My eyes widened, slightly taken aback by his chosen attire. He was butt naked aside from a checked apron that tied around his waist and neck. The chef’s hat he wore cocked to one side, making him look both damned sexy but equally as comical.

  “What in God’s name are you wearing?” I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight and he kissed the top of my head twice.

  “It’s the appropriate uniform for working in a kitchen mia cara.” He winked at me, “And what do you mean by shortcoming? You don’t like my singing?”

  “Is that what you call it? And for your information, aprons are usually worn on top of clothes.” He took on an exaggerated wounded look which immediately made me giggle.

  “Naomi! You wound me with your cruel words. Everybody knows all Italians can sing like God’s own angels, why are you being so wicked? You are a cruel, cruel woman. I dress nice for you, I cook your breakfast, service your puss…”

  “Whoa there Casanova! Firstly, I’m not trying to be cruel, your singing, although wildly out of tune, is quite adorable. Secondly, I’d say you being dressed right now is somewhat of an overstatement,” Joe opened his mouth in protest but I pressed a finger to his lips to stop him, “not that I’m complaining, the absolute contrary.” I grinned at him and gave his bum a cheeky spank, “Thirdly, we shall discuss your services after and only after you tell me what smells so delicious? Joe! I can’t believe you made me breakfast.” I looked around at the various packets and cooking utensils dotted around the worktops. “What have you made?”

  “Be seated bella donna and all will be revealed.”

  Joe ushered me from the kitchen and seated me at the table, pulling a chair out for me and proffering a low bow. I flushed a little, imagining the view from the rear. He must’ve noticed my reaction because he winked and slipped me the cheekiest schoolboy grin I’d ever seen. Never in my life had any man cooked me breakfast, not even Iain! Whatever it was smelled incredible and my mouth began to salivate in anticipation. Joe came back and served me a large mug of caffe latte. He placed a napkin over my lap before planting another kiss atop my head and disappearing back to the kitchen. Moments later he returned with warmed bread rolls, butter and jam and some biscuits.

  “Did you make these?” I asked him, holding up the rolls.

  “Si mia Signora, I always bake my own you know that. The biscotti too.” He took one of the hard biscuits, dipped it in my latte and offered it to me. I opened my mouth and took a bite, it was delicious and soft, not hard like before.

  “Oh wow! That’s tasty Joe, these are really good.” I took the other half of the biscotti from him and dipped it again.

  “I made a fresh batch to take down to The Imp later.” He said. I coughed.

  “What?”

  “Back to work today lover, as much as I know your only desire is to take me to bed and ravish me again, we do have a business to run. Besides, I feel great so there’s no reason to delay it. I admit I’m quite looking forward to getting back there, aren’t you?”

  “Work? You want us to go to work?”

  “Of course, why not?” Well how about because it shouldn’t even exist for starters! Is what I wanted to say but I didn’t. I couldn’t think of any effective argument to the contrary without letting the proverbial cat out of the bag, so I just said,

  “Um, OK. If you want to.” And started slicing into a warm roll.

  As we walked hand in hand up Steep Hill towards where our book bar, The Imp, was supposed to be situated, I began to feel anxious but also a little excited. What if it wasn’t there? What would I say? I’d have to explain things to him, which is something I really wasn’t looking forward to. I had butterflies in my stomach, but what if it was there, just the way I had written it in my story? That would mean I really had, by some unknown magic of the universe, managed to create my ideal life and that was huge! I mean there was no reason on earth why the cafe would be real but Joe was real enough and how else could I explain the framed picture of us on my wall at the flat. I felt like I needed to see it to believe it and now, as we breached the hill a small cobbled street lay before me. The rest of Steep Hill carried on up and to the left but right there, in full view and undeniably real, was our book bar. The window shutters were closed and there were no tables and chairs outside like in the picture but a huge sign hung above the door which clearly stated it as ‘THE IMP’ in big letters. A smaller phrase was painted underneath which read ‘Book Bar & Cafe’ then, listed as proprietors were ‘J. & N. Ferrantino.’ I looked again. What! J. & N. Ferrantino? Since when are we married? Instinctively I looked down at my left hand and uttered something totally indecipherable when I saw the tell-tale band of gold encircling the third finger. That had most definitely not been there this morning! My head swam in circles, I felt myself sinking, spinning out of control. I stumbled and Joe caught me.

  “You Ok bella?”

  “Um, no. Not really…I…feel.” I couldn’t finish because a wave of nausea hit me and I knew if I didn’t sit down soon I’d be bringing up breakfast all over the cobbles.

  “Hey, come h
ere. Take my arm. Let’s get you inside.” Joe’s concern was touching, he helped me stumble across the cobbles and sat me down on the stone steps outside the cafe while he unlocked the door. I felt so hot I could hardly breathe. The door unlocked, Joe helped me inside and sat me on one of the chairs.

  “Sit here and I’ll fetch you some water.” I nodded and off he went at a pace to what I presumed was the kitchen area. I looked down at the wedding ring on my hand again. A fucking wedding ring! I know damn well it hadn’t been there this morning, it had just appeared out of thin air. The thing that had me reeling, dizzy like I’d had far too much sun, was not only the fact that Joe and I appeared to be married but that I know I hadn’t written any of that in my manuscript.

  Joe returned with a glass of cold water and a damp cloth which he placed on my forehead.

  “Drink.” He instructed and I did. I could barely swallow my throat felt so tight but I managed a few sips and he took the glass from me. He pulled up a chair for himself with his free hand, his other still held the cloth to my head.

  “Thank you.” I croaked. The cool cloth brought welcome relief and I felt the nausea pass.

  “You’re as white as a sheet, Naomi. What happened? Are you sick?” Joe’s brows furrowed, the joviality of this morning was gone, replaced by serious concern.

  “I…I don’t know. I just came over a little dizzy.” I said weakly. “Maybe it was the climb up the hill.” I could hardly tell him the truth, that the realisation that we did indeed own a business and that we were married but I had no recollection of a wedding, had made me almost pass out with shock!

  “We were walking a little briskly.” He concluded. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come to work today after all. I’m sorry my love, I should’ve realised that you must have been through so much lately with worrying about me and on top of your father’s passing too. I jumped straight out of the chair

  “Oh my god, Joe! My Dad! My Mother! How could I have forgotten that? Oh my god, I’m a fucking terrible daughter.” I was frantic. How in the hell could I have forgotten that my Dad had died and since Joe’s appearance, it hadn’t even crossed my mind! I was the worst person on the planet.

  “Calm down bella, sit down or you’ll make yourself ill again.”

  “I can’t sit down, Joe! I need to call my Mum. I haven’t spoken to her since…I don’t know when. I don’t even know what day it is for Christ’s sake!” I scrambled in my pocket for my mobile phone and searched for Mum’s number. Joe placed his hand over mine to stop me.

  “Love, I’m all for you calling your mother but might I suggest you use the land line or Skype? It’ll be expensive on your mobile.”

  “What do you mean? It’s just down the road? Why would I Skype her?” I looked at him in confusion.

  “OK, that’s it, we’re going home.” He stated and he stood up and pushed his chair under the table.

  “Like hell we are! Not until you explain to me why I need to Skype my Mum when she lives ten minutes from this place?”

  “Naomi, we’re going home because you’re clearly unwell and when we get home, you’re going to bed and I’m calling the doctor.” He tried to take my hand to pull me up but I snatched it away.

  “Joseph Ferrantino! I’m not taking one step until you tell me what the fuck is going on!” My voice shook with emotion and a sickening feeling spread in my gut. He stood for a few moments, his brows creased and then softened. He sat back down and took my shaking hands in his.

  “mia cara, your Mum is in New Zealand with your sister Imogen and her family. They moved there before our wedding, we went to New Zealand for our honeymoon love. We spent two weeks with them and met baby Joshua, remember?”

  “My sister has a baby?” He nodded and squeezed my hand. How was it that he knew all of this and I didn’t? I started to cry, my elation at having Joe in my life was marred with confusion. I felt totally overwhelmed by the events of the past few days. I felt like a stranger in my own life. Except for the part about Joe and I being an item and running a book bar, this wasn’t anything like I had written in my manuscript! I hadn’t written about our wedding or my mum being in New Zealand or Imogen becoming a mother! It didn’t make sense, none of it did. The walls in the cafe began to close in on me, I felt hot. I couldn’t breathe, I needed to get out. I needed to run! I shot out of the chair and towards the door. I heard Joe shout but I wasn’t listening. I knew where I was going and I ran as fast as my legs and the cobbled street would let me.

  “Naomi, wait!” Joe was behind me but I left him, his voice fading as I ran, “Wait! I’ll come with you!” He called but I ran and ran till my lungs burned and my heart pounded in my ears. I didn’t stop running until I reached the little house with the red front door- my childhood home, the house I watched my father die in. I walked to the door and knocked, banged on it, until I heard a key turn in the lock. Bracing myself for the worst but willing for it to be my mother’s face that greeted me, I waited.

  “Yes? Can I help you?” Said the woman that was not my mother.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Doctor Doctor

  I winced as the needle pierced my arm. Whatever liquid was in that syringe burned like the molten fires of Mount Doom.

  “Will she be alright?” I heard Joe ask Dr. White.

  “She needs rest. The sedative will take effect soon. I’d suggest you get in touch with Dr. Blanchard, her therapist, as soon as possible. Trauma can affect people in many different ways and she obviously has issues she needs to deal with.” I saw Dr. White pat Joe’s arm and begin to pack away his equipment. Joe looked in my direction, his forced smile belying his concern.

  “Naomi, I’m going to see the doctor out OK? Will you be alright for a minute?”

  I nodded, already feeling the effects of the sedative. I couldn’t speak because I knew that I wasn’t OK. Far from it, I was drowning in a sea of confusion. My emotions were almost indistinguishable from each other. Shock blended with fear and bewilderment which gave way to grief and the whole cycle started again. This felt like a fairground ride that I couldn’t get off, it just kept moving faster and faster until I wasn’t sure if the world were spinning or I was.

  I fought to stay awake, I needed to go over things in my head. So much had happened, so many changes in the last few days. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what day it was. I felt overwhelmed. Nothing made sense, everything was fuzzy and confusing. My vision blurred and I felt my eyelids involuntarily closing.

  “Joe!” I slurred, suddenly afraid of the creeping darkness that filled my vision. Afraid of what would happen when I woke up. What if something else changed? What if I woke up and found none of it had been real? I couldn’t decide which was worse. I felt so out of control. But having Joe here with me was the one redeeming feature of this madness and deep down I knew that I would, if it came to it, endure everything else that this new life threw at me if it meant keeping Joe. I finally had something good and real to hold on to. I just wished my world would stop spinning.

  I felt a warm hand slip into mine and give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

  “I’m here bella. Go to sleep.”

  “Don’t leave me.” I managed to whisper.

  “Never.”

  The sedative finally won the battle and I fell into a fitful half sleep. Not the peaceful rest that the good doctor had intended but one filled with nightmares and pain. Images of my father laid cold and unmoving on the floor, another of my mother happy in New Zealand, without me. Mum bouncing her grandchild on her knee with a laughing Immy sat beside her while I lay here…forgotten. Flashes of a wedding, my wedding to Joe that I hadn’t even attended. The last image was the one that broke me…Joe gone… and me left with nothing and no one, just a black hole of lonely despair. I cried out and seconds later felt a warm reassuring touch at my cheek. Not alone then?

  Unable to decide if I was asleep or just heavily sedated and hallucinating, I tried to call out to whomever had touched my cheek. I just needed to not feel alon
e. This time I felt a hand slip into mine and squeeze gently. Waves of fear washed over me. I was so afraid to let go and sleep fully just in case whatever magic had brought Joe to me, somehow disappeared when I lost my minute grip on consciousness.

  I had no idea how long I had endured that pitiful torture but when I woke up, groggy and heavy, I knew I felt just as bad as I had before. Joe was there, sitting on the edge of my bed, our bed. I raised my left hand and the band of gold on my third finger taunted me. But Joe was here. I knew nothing had changed, my mother had still left me and my sister had a family I was a stranger to. But Joe was here. The more I repeated those words in my head, the more the pain in my heart lessened. Joe was here. He wouldn’t let me fall, as long as I had him, I would be alright. If we were together and he loved me, I could learn to cope with all the irrational, unexplainable madness that was now my life. I needed to understand it all but there was time, I hoped. I had panicked today. The last few days had been crazy and spectacularly overwhelming but now, I understood that I would need to tackle one situation at a time. I had to because otherwise I would go under. Joe was everything I had dreamed of and more and if the only way the universe would let him be mine, was to dump a load of unexpected shit in my life, then so be it. It was naive to think I could have it all. When had anything ever worked entirely in my favour? Joe was the one good thing I had ever been given and in truth I hadn’t been given him, I had stolen him and rebranded him as mine. Perhaps this was why it wasn’t the perfect scenario I had envisioned. I scoffed at myself, idiot! Only you could think being married to a hot Italian with your own business wasn’t perfect! It was true, why was I complaining? It was perfect it was just…too much too soon.