Indecision

by Caragh Bell

  ‘Lydeeeeeaaaaaa!’

  She groaned. Oh, piss off, Colin.

  ‘Lydia Kelly, shift ass out of bed!’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Move it, princess. I want to be on the piste in fifteen minutes! Get up.’

  ‘Not going.’

  ‘Do you want me to knock down the door? Franz won’t be happy.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Lydia!’ There was a warning in his tone. ‘Up!’

  She sat up and yawned. ‘Jesus, okay. Give me a chance.’

  ‘Up, now! I’ll be back in ten.’

  ‘Oh, go away,’ she muttered, getting out of bed and padding into the bathroom.

  A cold wind howled at the top of the mountain. There was no sign of Luca.

  Lydia shivered and tucked her scarf into her jacket. ‘Will we just go?’

  Colin looked at the crowd exiting the lift for the last time. ‘It’s weird, where could he be? He was all set to go. It was all he could talk about last night.’

  Lydia rubbed her hands together. ‘Come on, cuz, let’s go,’ she said, trudging over to the summit of the piste. Reluctantly, he followed.

  ‘Ready?’ she called over the wind.

  ‘It’s quite misty though, isn’t it?’ Colin pointed to the haze that surrounded the mountain. ‘Are you sure you want to go this way?’

  She nodded and took off. Zig-zag, zig-zag, down the slope until she reached the first meeting point. Colin followed her in a flash.

  ‘I’ll lead this time, Lyd.’

  He pushed himself off effortlessly and disappeared down the slope. She followed him straight away, keeping her eyes trained on his hot-pink jacket.

  Jeez, he was fast. She could barely breathe at this speed.

  Surely he’ll stop for a rest at the junction there? she thought. No sign of him, he must have kept going.

  She could feel an ache in her legs. This was like a strenuous workout. On and on she skied, twisting and turning, avoiding snowboarders and beginners.

  Screw Colin, she thought. I have to stop. I’m exhausted.

  She turned into a wooded area and took a deep breath. Her cheeks were hot and her chest was heaving. A German man stopped next to her and took off his goggles.

  ‘Hi,’ she said smiling.

  ‘Is bad, ja?’ he said, pointing at the weather. ‘They are closing the pistes.’

  ‘What?’ she said in alarm. ‘Can we still get down?’

  ‘Ja, just follow me. I know the way.’ He rubbed his goggles with his sleeve and put them back on.

  ‘What do you mean “the way”? Is there only one way down?’

  ‘Ja.’

  Bloody Colin! Where the hell was he? Did he know about this?

  Lydia looked around anxiously. What if he’d taken took a wrong turn? What if he was trapped somewhere?

  Rationally, she knew this wasn’t the case. He was too experienced.

  ‘Okay, I’ll follow you. Thank you.’

  She put herself in position and took off after the man. After about three seconds, she realised that she was completely outclassed. He left her trailing along after him.

  ‘Hey!’ she screamed into the wind. ‘Come back!’

  She stopped again and looked around. There was no one on the piste with her. It was eerily quiet. She felt a panic attack come on. What if she took a wrong turn?

  Okay, Lydia, get a grip. You could always sit down and wait for the mist to clear.

  Colin was probably in Max’s bar having a hot chocolate with rum. Her stomach growled. She was starving and cold. A hot chocolate and a plate of chips sounded amazing.

  Raising her head, she decided to keep going. She could do this. There was bound to be a sign or something. Going down was always good, irrespective of the direction. She jumped as a guy on a snowboard whizzed past. The noise he made whilst carving the ice was deafening.

  ‘Wait!’ she called, but he was gone in a flash.

  Feeling around in her pocket, she couldn’t find her phone.

  Oh no, have I lost it? She felt a wave of panic. Did it fall out?

  She struggled to remember. She had it at breakfast and then back in her room. She left it on the bedside locker while she braided her hair.

  She groaned. That’s where it was. She forgot to bring it. Fuck.

  Mustering all her strength, she pushed herself forward. The snow was falling now and was cutting into her face like razors as she skied. Her goggles started to mist up so she frantically rubbed them with her glove. She had never skied so slowly in her life.

  On and on she battled against the elements.

  Wouldn’t you think that I’d meet mountain rescue or a stray snowplough or something, she thought, her nose streaming in the wind. Looming out of the mist, she saw a sign for 6A red piste.

  She recognised that sign – they had skied past it yesterday. It was the run with all the moguls. Encouraged, she turned down the slope, ignoring the Achtung! sign nearby. Down and down she skied, speeding up a little as she gained in confidence.

  This isn’t so bad, she thought, cheering up. I’m getting there. I’m going to be okay, things are going to be –

  Out of the blue, she hit a mound of snow at breakneck speed and her ski flipped into the air. Tumbling down on her head, she rolled down the slope, losing her helmet and her poles. Her head hit a rock sticking out of the snow and then everything went black.

  Luca was sitting at the bar at the summit, drinking coffee and listening to Bob Marley.

  He had arrived late to find that the pistes had been closed due to a weather warning. He eyed the barmaid. She was pretty, except for the dreads. He liked smooth, silky hair on women. Not knotted, fuzzy braids.

  ‘Can I get you anuzzer?’

  He couldn’t place her accent.

  He looked outside. The fog was dense.

  Looks like I’ll be here for a while, he thought, settling back in his chair. There was no point heading back down on the chair lift. That was for pussies. The weather was bound to lift; he would just wait until it did.

  ‘Sure, I will. Put a brandy in it though to warm me up.’

  She gave him a smouldering look and set to work.

  The bar was full of people who had come up on the lift to find that the pistes were impassable. Everyone was smoking. He coughed as a large man blew a smoke ring in his face.

  Europeans need to get with the programme, he thought. Smoking in bars is wack.

  Suddenly his phone sprang to life on the bar.

  ‘Hey, Colin, what’s up?’ He winked at the barmaid as she placed his coffee on the counter.

  ‘It’s Lydia. Have you seen her? We skied down together and then I lost her. They made me keep going, I wanted to go back but they made me keep going.’ He sounded frantic.

  Luca sat up straight. ‘Calm down, man. Tell me what happened.’

  ‘We headed down 7A. I thought she was behind me and when I looked around she was gone. The mist was so bad. Oh Luca, I’ve been down here waiting for ages and she still hasn’t arrived. Her phone is ringing out. I’m so scared.’

  ‘Maybe she came down another way?’

  ‘There was only one way. We were all directed down. There’s no sign of her. Shit, what will I do?’

  Luca’s heart constricted. Throwing ten euros on the bar, he grabbed his goggles and hat.

  ‘Where you go?’ called the pretty barmaid but he didn’t answer.

  Opening the door, he was accosted by a savage burst of icy wind. Grabbing his skis, he headed towards the black piste 7A. There were barriers up with a huge sign, forbidding anyone to pass.

  Ignoring the shouts of protest from the crowd above, he took off into the mist, his face set.

  The wind cut his face and his flimsy hat was no protection against the adverse weather. Every now and then he stopped and looked around for any sign of her black-and-white jacket.

  Nothing.

  On and on he went, struggling to see. He couldn’t think straight. The thought of her out the
re alone and possibly in danger made him sick to his stomach. He had to find her.

  Reaching the 6A piste, he paused at the Achtung! sign. He debated what to do. What would she do? Continue on the black or take the easier red?

  Fuck this, he thought in frustration.

  He didn’t know what to do. This decision was everything. If he took the wrong route, there was no way back up.

  Finally he decided on the red. They had skied it yesterday. She had liked the moguls. Skiing around the little bumps made her laugh. He loved to watch her spin on the crest of each one.

  He didn’t know why, but deep down he knew he would find her there.

  Manoeuvring over the bumpy terrain in the fog was harder than he expected and it took all of his strength to keep going. As he neared a particularly big mound of snow, he noticed something on his right. Skidding to a halt, he turned around and trudged back to the spot.

  Luca felt his heart grow cold. It was her: lying unconscious in the snow. Her helmet had fallen off. Her skin was deathly pale and for a terrible moment he thought she wasn’t breathing.

  Disconnecting his skis, he threw them aside and ran over to her still body.

  ‘Lydia!’ he yelled, pulling her to him. She lay lifeless in his arms.

  Fuck, maybe he wasn’t supposed to move her? Maybe she was paralysed or some shit like that?

  She was frozen, her face white as a sheet. Bending down, he kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her nose and her forehead.

  Wake up, Lydia, he urged silently. Wake up, please!

  Bending down, he blew warm air on her face. Still no response.

  ‘Lydia!’ he called. ‘Wake up!’

  She looked like a doll in his arms.

  ‘Lydia, baby, please. Please wake up. Please.’ He kissed her temple tenderly.

  Suddenly her eyes flickered. He blinked, afraid that he had imagined it. He blew on her face once more and she moved slightly.

  ‘Lydia?’ He pulled her close. ‘Come on, baby, you can do it, wake up!’

  Her eyelids flickered again.

  Bending down he kissed her full on the lips. Cradling her head in his hands, he deepened his kiss.

  Suddenly she came to life. Pulling his face down closer, she put her hand in his hair and kissed him back. Surprised, he pulled back, but she pulled him closer.

  On and on they kissed, like they wanted to devour each other. He couldn’t believe it.

  Did she know it was him? Should he stop? She could be disorientated or confused. Man, it felt so good. So right. It was like she was made for him.

  Arching her back, she pressed against him.

  This was too much. He had to stop it now.

  ‘Lydia,’ he whispered in her ear, pulling back gently. ‘Lydia, it’s me, Luca. ‘

  She gazed up at him.

  ‘I need to call for help.’

  She nodded.

  Pulling out his phone, he dialled Colin’s number.

  ‘I found her, man. She’s okay but I need mountain rescue. We’re on 6A, about halfway down.’

  ‘I’m on to it. Oh, thank God, thank God!’

  Luca hung up the phone and pulled her close again. ‘They’re on the way. Just stay still and I’ll keep you warm.’

  She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes again.

  Gazing down at her, he thanked God that he had found her. Imagine if he had taken the other slope? He couldn’t bear to think about it. All that mattered now was that she was safe. She was in his arms and she was safe. He didn’t want to ever let her go.

  Lydia woke that evening in her bed at the hotel. She had slept for three hours.

  The hospital had discharged her after a quick check-up. She had mild concussion but was deemed safe to go home. Colin had put her to bed, his beautiful face worried.

  ‘Dom will kill me, Lyd,’ he’d said anxiously. ‘I should never have left you alone.’

  ‘You didn’t mean to, Col,’ she’d told him. ‘It’s not your fault.’

  She got up and went to the window. Outside it was dark. The mist had lifted and the snow on the streets gleamed in the moonlight.

  Pulling a brush through her tangled hair, she decided to have a shower. She felt chilled to the bone.

  She remembered skiing down that last slope, but nothing of the accident. Luca had said he’d found her unconscious on the snow. Thank God he’d found her. She could have been buried in snow forever out there.

  Standing under the powerful jet of water she rubbed shampoo into her hair. Inevitably her thoughts drifted to his kiss. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. It was like a survival thing. Her innate instinct was to make contact with another human being. That’s what it was. The fact that it felt amazing must have been the extreme situation that they were in. Plain and simple.

  She massaged conditioner into her hair.

  But it had felt right to be in his arms. She wanted to be there again, but that was impossible. Why was she even contemplating it?

  Her thoughts strayed to Dominic and immediately she felt guilty.

  He will freak out when he hears, she thought as she rinsed her long hair. He was so careful about everything. He would never have skied down in that weather. She had warned Colin not to tell him until they got home. There was no point adding to the drama as she was embarrassed enough. Her stomach rumbled as she towelled herself dry.

  She hadn’t eaten since breakfast. She hoped there was something decent on the menu tonight. Pulling on her fleece, jeans and Uggs, she dried her hair as best she could with her small travel hairdryer.

  Every part of her ached. With supreme effort, she trudged downstairs.

  Samantha gave her a huge hug when she saw her. ‘Jesus, Lyd. What the hell happened?’

  ‘Crazy, wasn’t it?’

  Craig placed a beer in front of her. ‘Are you feeling okay now?’

  Lydia shrugged. ‘Fine. I’m starving, to be honest. When’s dinner?’

  ‘Soon,’ answered Craig, looking at his watch.

  Colin and Val arrived just as they started on their second bowl of peanuts.

  ‘How are you, pet?’ Colin put his arm around her shoulder. ‘I’m so glad you’re all right.’

  She kissed his cheek. ‘I heard you were down in Max’s holding up the bar while I was at death’s door up the mountain.’

  Colin gasped in shock. ‘What? Who told you that? I was in bits, Lyd. I couldn’t think straight. I was –’

  ‘Relax, you drama queen! I’m messing.’ She patted his arm. ‘It was all my fault anyway.’

  Jessica walked into the bar and every head turned as usual.

  ‘Lydia!’ She was by her side in a flash. ‘You poor thing! Luca told me what happened. Are you okay?’

  Lydia blushed. ‘I’m fine, really.’

  ‘You must be sore though, are you? I remember falling off my roller skates when I was seven, right onto my ass. Jesus, I couldn’t sit for a week.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘I’m really okay,’ said Lydia eventually.

  Colin buried his face in Val’s shoulder.

  Luca sidled up to the group quietly.

  ‘Ahhh, the man of the moment – the hero! Great work, cuz!’ Craig thumped him on the back. ‘Fair play to you for doing that.’

  Lydia stared at the table, her cheeks red. Slowly, she looked up.

  ‘Hi,’ she said softly.

  ‘You okay?’ he asked, his eyes worried.

  ‘Thanks to you.’

  ‘You’re welcome. Lucky I was in the right place at the right time.’

  Colin placed a beer in front of him. ‘You deserve a medal, man. That was brave.’

  ‘My boyfriend, the hero!’ Jessica raised her glass. ‘Bravo!’

  Samantha watched Luca as he sipped his beer.

  ‘How did you get down, Luca?’ she asked. ‘Klaus said that all the pistes were closed.’

  ‘I just went through the barriers.’

  ‘What?’ Val looked shoc
ked. ‘That was crazy! Why did you do that?’

  Luca stared at Lydia. ‘I didn’t think. I heard she was in trouble and I just went.’

  There was an uncomfortable pause.

  Jessica knocked back her wine. ‘More booze? I’m buying,’ she said brightly, her eyes shining.

  ‘I will, Jess,’ said Val kindly. ‘Let me help you.’

  They vacated the table.

  Craig frowned. Something was going on. Samantha had mentioned that things were a bit inappropriate between Luca and Lydia, but he had always rubbished the claims. Now, he wasn’t so sure. His cousin was staring openly at her. You could feel the buzz at the table. Craig shook his head. It made no sense. Jessica was the closest thing to a supermodel that he’d ever seen. Lydia was practically married. Did Luca honestly think something could happen?

  Lydia made her excuses after dinner and dragged herself upstairs to bed. She felt dreadful. She was exhausted, her bones ached and she couldn’t escape the niggling feeling of guilt.

  Kissing Luca had been wonderful and exciting and so wrong. It should never have happened. Now, she felt awful. Dominic was at home at a funeral, for Christ’s sake. The last thing he’d expect was this kind of behaviour. There was no way she was going skiing tomorrow. She would take a break and leave them all go off for the day. The village looked interesting – the main street was lined with shops that she could visit.

  Dominic texted her at that moment.

  Love U. Miss U. XXX

  She felt sick. Of course he did. If only he knew what had happened.

  She texted him back, telling him that she was in bed. He would be glad to read that. He liked to know that she was safe. Turning off the light, she settled into the pillows and prayed that sleep would take over.

  ‘So, what’s the deal with Lydia?’ Craig got straight to the point. He was sitting at the hotel bar with Luca as the others had called it a night.

  Luca fiddled with a beermat. ‘What do you mean – deal?’

  ‘Do you fancy her?’

  ‘Of course. She’s cute. Come on, Craig, I fancy anything in a skirt. Or ski pants.’

  ‘But she’s taken. She has a boyfriend. Last time I checked you were in a relationship, too.’