Love Me Again

by Wendy M. Burge

  Tina smiled, pleased that she was so wise for her years.

  Looking sideways at Varek, Christina said with no little asperity, “Well, are you going to keep us standing here all morning?”

  With a grin, he offered her his impeccably clad elbow with a gallant bow. “At your service, my lady.” Looking over his shoulder, he sent Laure an audacious wink as he swept his prize away.

  Laughing, Laure waved them on their way before greeting her husband, who had come to her side. She leaned into the arm he wrapped around her waist.

  Staring after the beautiful trio, the prince commented dryly, “He just won't give up, will he?”

  Laure shook her head as she also watched them. Her heart contracted a bit when she saw Varek throw back his head with laughter, the boom of it heard clearly above the ever-increasing distance between them. Christina lightly punched him in the side, which made Tina join in her father's hilarity. Seeing them together like this was so reminiscent of happier times that it brought tears to Laure's eyes. “Lord, I hope not,” she whispered as she turned away and took her husband's arm.

  Knowing they were drawing too much attention to themselves, Christina hissed, “Varek, please! Must you be so loud?”

  Still chuckling, he guided them through the milling crowd to his richly appointed sleigh. Carefully, he placed Tina among the pillows and furs before turning to Christina and deliberately encircling her waist with his hands. His fingers tightened about the well-remembered feel of her.

  Gasping, Christina stared up in wide-eyed astonishment as he pulled her closer. All amusement gone from his impossibly blue eyes, he was now staring down at her with a hunger that had her breathless , and equally starved.

  “Ashamed to be seen with me, lark?” he asked, his voice low and his breath a gentle mist that warmed her lips. Any thought of resistance had disappeared as soon as his hands had claimed her, and so all she was capable of was a weak shake of her head.

  His lips, so near her own, turned up into a smile that made hers fall open with anticipation. “Good,” he growled as he leaned in that last inch to cover her mouth with his. Her body instantly went numb, and closing her eyes, she leaned against him. His tongue swept in for a lingering taste before he pulled away. She moaned as cold air seared her moist lips, and then she felt herself airborne as he lifted her with an ease that made many women watching the tender scene sigh with envy.

  Finding herself standing in the sleigh, Christina blinked down into the possessive flame of his gaze, lost to everything else around her. Suddenly, the sleigh jerked forward, and with a cry Christina instinctively grabbed hold of his shoulders.

  With the lurch of the sleigh, Varek grabbed hold of her thighs, and the feel of those slender legs raised a hunger in him that had him sweating in the winter air. All he could think of were those long limbs locked in passion around his waist. He could barely breathe as he flexed his fingers, the fine wool of her skirts no barrier to his erotic thoughts.

  Again the sleigh lurched, and thrown off balance with the jolt, Christina sat down with an awkward thump beside Tina, who was fussing with the furs as she tried to wiggle beneath them. Christina's cheeks burned with embarrassment as she heard the muffled sniggers around her. Jabbing her bonnet back into place, she glared at the footman holding the horse's head.

  Varek climbed nimbly aboard, sitting on the other side of his daughter.

  It was Varek's turn to look smug as he took up the reins and maneuvered them into the long caravan that was now wending itself slowly through the streets of Vienna, where the populace was wildly cheering them on their way. In the distance a martial air rang out, barely heard over the cheering mass and the jingling bells.

  “I never knew you were so devious,” Christina groused as she placed her cold feet between the warmth of flannel-covered hot bricks which lined the bottom of the sleigh.

  “If I am becoming so, it is completely your fault.”

  When she didn't answer, he demanded of her in a low voice, “You want to tell me why you have been avoiding me? What have I done?” His gaze on her face was searching, solemn.

  Looking away, she watched the crowds, cheering as the cavalcade proceeded. “Please Varek, no strife today, no questions. Its such a beautiful day, can't we just enjoy it?” She turned to look him in the eye. “Please?”

  After a long, thoughtful moment, he flashed another of those heart-stopping grins. “But, of course.”

  Giving him a grateful smile, she looked down on Tina who was bundled under the furs, and was watching the cheering crowd with wide-eyed interest. When a group of children began to run alongside the sleigh she sat up and waved back. “One thing that has been puzzling me, why is this little lady so prettily behaved this morning?”

  Tina turned from waving at the adoring crowd to flash her a smile. “Papa said that if I behaved, I could give you my present.”

  Christina's brows rose is confusion, “A present?” She glanced at Varek. “A present for me? For this, she is behaving?”

  Mysteriously, he informed her, “Oh, it's not just any present; it's very special, and she has been hounding me for days to give it to you.” Then his mouth tightened as he looked away, “But we haven't seen you lately.”

  Glancing into Tina's excited eyes, she felt incredibly small. Here was this adorable child, starved for the love of a mother, accepting her wholeheartedly, and thoughtless to her feelings she had walked away from Tina because of her own selfish pain. She peeked sideways at Varek again, but he was looking pointedly over the horses’ heads, his profile stern.

  Wrapping an arm about Tina's frail shoulders, she drew her close and kissed her forehead. Tina immediately snuggled against her. She should have been mine! She loved this child as if she was her own. For the briefest of moments, she compared their profiles, so startlingly similar. Tina suddenly climbed to her knees and, leaning over Varek's lap, she pointed to something in another sleigh, and he grinned, waving his whip in greeting. When Tina patted her father's cheek to get his attention, Christina bit her lip. The look of tenderness he turned upon his tiny daughter forced Christina to look away in a hurry. The world around her blurred for a moment.

  She heard her name, and turning back she saw both of them staring at her with identical looks of concern, their gazes a soft, shimmering blue.

  “Are you alright, lark?” Varek asked quietly. Reaching out, he covered her gloved hands, which were clenched in her lap. Without thought, she turned hers over and clung to his fingers. She looked longingly into his eyes for much too long before wrenching her gaze away.

  Biting her lips, she said almost desperately to Tina, “Have I told you of my son, Tina?”

  Varek gave her hand a squeeze before letting her go. Tina had turned back to her with curious eyes and for the next hour, as the sleigh glided across the countryside, Varek and Tina listened raptly to her stories about Eddie. Once she started she just couldn't stop, and she blessed them for the caring attention and interested questions they shared with her.

  She didn't want the day to ever end.

  * * * *

  The evening had been as beautiful as a dream, and as Christina looked out onto the quiet countryside, blanketed in moonlit crystals, she smiled as she relived every moment. The gentle, muffled hoofbeats of the carriage horses seemed to keep rhythm with the lyrical strains of the ballet they had seen that evening which kept circling in her mind. The crisp air had the redolent scent of the orange and myrtle trees that had adorned the Schrönbrunn's ballrooms. Everything had been so perfect. And when Varek had taken her into his arms and waltzed her under the stars, she was sure time had stood still.

  Hearing a rustle, she looked across from her to see Tina stirring in her sleep, oblivious in her father's arms. Varek, however, was staring at her, his eyes shimmering in the darkness.

  “Did you enjoy yourself, lark?” his words whispered across the short distance, his voice a comforting rumble.

  “Oh, yes,” she sighed, her own smile sleepy and
content. “It was a heavenly day.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  She noticed his use of the present tense and smiled. “I thought that dancer was going to secret herself in this carriage, she was so adamant to have you,” she teased drowsily.

  Varek's white teeth flashed in the dim light. “She was a persistent little thing.”

  They chuckled together. It brought back such memories for both of them: he always dodging aggressive women, and then chasing aggressive men from around her skirts. Never had either of them felt a shred of jealousy, for no one had existed in their lives but each other.

  Glancing down at Tina, who was snoring with her little mouth wide open, Christina laughed softly. “She certainly gave the prince a lesson in humility.”

  Varek winced. “Please, don't remind me. I shall be in Marie Louise's black books for quite a while to come, I have no doubt.” However, he couldn't help but grin, for he could still see his little daughter chasing Napoleon's son about the room with a wooden saber, jabbing him in the royal arse. She had been showing the conceited boy how the Allies had routed his father. Four years old and already she knew how to make her point.

  “As wonderful as the entire evening was, that was, I believe, the highlight.”

  They chuckled together.

  Suddenly all humor was wiped from his face as he sat still, staring at her. The silence stretched between them, but Christina didn't mind. It was sheer heaven sitting in this warm carriage Varek had arranged for their return to the city, watching the world sway past in a magical wonderland of ice and moonlight.

  “It could be like this for us again.”

  She shook her head, disappointment lacing her words as she murmured, “Please don't spoil what is left of this magical evening. You start talking like this and the truce is over and I wake up. And right now I don't want to wake up. I want this dream to go on as long as possible.”

  Very carefully, Varek twisted on the seat and set Tina down, tucking the furs about her. Then he was sitting beside her, taking her hands into his. Slowly, he stripped off her gloves. “It doesn't have to end, lark.”

  With a sigh, Christina looked out the window. Sadly, she said, “I already feel myself stirring.”

  Then she felt her shoulders grabbed and she was twisted around to face Varek and his tightly leashed anger. “Damn you, lark!”

  She stared at him, then very low, so he could barely hear her, she whispered, “Kiss me, Varek.”

  A sigh left his lips as he gathered her closer. She tunneled her fingers through his hair, pulling his head down as she strained even closer against him. “Kiss me till I never wake up,” she pleaded. Then her lips were hungrily opening under his. She needed no coaxing to surrender to him, and when his tongue swept in, hers met it with a ferocity that had his heart stumbling and careening. The world as they knew it had vanished in that very moment, and nothing existed but them.

  On this quiet, moonlit ride home they finally allowed their souls to come home from a long exile.

  Christina felt alive and whole and at peace. The heat searing them had nothing to do with sexual hunger, but rather was a forging of their broken hearts into one thriving, beating whole. All other emotions were little more than dust in the wind as she clung to this man whom she loved to the very depths of her soul. This moment was theirs, and theirs alone.

  She had come home.

  Varek had come home.

  And their souls were in heaven.

  That is, until the carriage jolted to a stop and they were forced to face a reality that was a prison of impossibilities.

  Their lips parted reluctantly, and as she leaned away Varek's fingers brushed her swollen lips. Again, he insisted, his voice harsh, “We don't have to wake up.”

  She stroked his lean cheek slowly before pushing herself completely out of his arms. “I believe we already have.” Looking past him, she teased, “Hello, sleeping beauty.”

  Tina knuckled her eyes as she peered about with groggy curiosity. “Are we home, Papa?”

  Varek, who had fallen back against the cushion and was now looking moodily out the windows, seemed to shake himself before he leaned over and took her into his arms. “We are indeed. And it's bed for you.”

  “But you promised, if I was good...”

  He slid a glance at Christina's face, which was frozen into a pleasant mask. “Perhaps tomorrow would be best, pet. We are all very tired.”

  Tears sprang into her tired eyes. “You promised.”

  Seeing her like this, he knew she would not settle down until he had fulfilled his promise. Sighing, he turned to the silent woman beside them. “I am sorry, but a promise is a promise, and this lady did hold up her end of our bargain. Can you spare us a few more moments?” He watched her warily, and with a little resentment, which he could not hide.

  Christina's smile warmed as she looked at Tina, who was still flushed with sleep and belligerently staring at her. “I can't wait. I have been curious all evening.”

  Tina's face lit up with delight. Scrambling out of her father's lap, she bounded into the waiting arms of the footman who had opened the door. This apparently was a common occurrence, for with a grin the young man swept her up and did not set her down until they were through the front entrance. Varek and Christina followed, neither touching. Varek looked grim and edgy. Christina simply felt defeated.

  Once the door was closed behind them, Christina looked about in confusion, for Tina was nowhere to be seen.

  “This way,” Varek directed gruffly as he extended his arm, indicating his study.

  As they approached the entrance, Christina could hear Tina's voice, murmuring and crooning. She also heard what sounded like puppies, yipping and whining. With an arched brow, she looked up at Varek. He was staring down at her with a brooding intensity that made her want to draw him into her arms and sooth away the pain.

  “Look!” Startled, Christina spun around to see Tina standing before her with a wiggling little tan pup in her arms, which were extended to her. “She is yours. Papa said that this is the one you would want.”

  Christina's mouth fell open as she looked down at the precious bundle that stared up at her with a pair of eyes that were so familiar it brought tears to her own eyes. “My God,” she whispered as she dropped her reticule and gently took the tiny creature into her hands. Immediately she brought the pup up to her face and laid her cheek on the velvety head. Confused, she looked at Varek. The tenderness in his eyes told her all.

  “Kayla's granddaughter,” he said simply.

  Trembling, Christina hugged the puppy closer. It squirmed and wiggled and wanted nothing more than to plant messy puppy kisses all over her face. All at once, she was laughing and crying. When she had left Varek all those years ago, she had also left behind her best friend, and the child of her heart, Kayla, the Italian Greyhound that Varek had given her on her twenty-first birthday. She had never let herself dwell on that loss, which had left yet another hole in her heart.

  Christina, glanced up sharply, as Varek's words sank in. “Her granddaughter? Then in there...” she looked toward the study. “...is her daughter? Where is Kayla?”

  Varek's smile faded. “She's gone, Christina. She...” he hesitated, then finished slowly, “she was never the same after you left. She just slowly faded away.” As I wanted to.

  Christina buried her face against the puppy's wiggling body.

  Seeing Christina's tears, Tina asked fearfully, “Don't you like her?”

  Immediately, Christina looked up. Sniffling back her tears, she knelt down beside the little girl. Holding the pup in one arm, she swept Tina up in a tight embrace and held her close. “I love her, Tina! She is the best present I have ever received. Ever!”

  Tina threw her arms around Christina's neck and hugged her back.

  Varek swallowed thickly and, not able to take any more, he spun around on his heel and hurried out of the room. Christina was aware of his departure, and her tears this time were for a different reason.<
br />
  “Want to see her mama and brother?”

  “Indeed I do.”

  Christina stumbled to her feet and Tina tugged on her hand, pulling her along behind her. Looking over her shoulder, Christina searched in vain for Varek, but he was nowhere to be seen.

  The dream was indeed over.

  Seventeen

  The shadows were fading as evening slowly settled in. The room was stifling hot and still Christina was cold, shivering under her nest of blankets. Her body ached and her nose felt raw and blistered.

  She had a blasted cold and she was miserable.

  Mostly miserable because this confounded affliction had prevented her from spending time with Varek and Tina. And time was running out. Wellington was expected by the end of the week, and Robert.

  She was feeling decidedly sulky when she looked about the room, which had been her prison for the past few days. She was bored and restless. She felt unloved and forgotten ... though why she should feel that she had no idea, for Varek was constantly sending over something: a book, soup, flowers, toys for her puppy, a variety of doctors, himself, whom she adamantly refused to see. She had her pride, after all, and she looked every bit as awful as she felt.

  A painful sneeze exploded from her, and with a disgusted moan, she plucked at the covers that felt like an infant's swaddling. Peevish, she glared toward the door. Lud, how long did it take to walk one little dog? Helen should have been back ages ago. She missed her puppy.

  She sighed when the door finally opened, but then was startled senseless when Robert entered the room. She lay there staring at him as if he were the last person in the world she expected to see. And he was.

  Robert walked slowly to the foot of the bed and stood there, looking uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot, like a recalcitrant schoolboy who had been found out in a bit of mischief. He was travel-stained, obviously weary, and a couple days growth of beard shadowed his jaw. She had never seen him looking so unkempt.

  Opening her mouth to say something, she sneezed instead, which actually suited her, coward that she was. Burying her nose in one of the pristine kerchiefs arranged in a neat pile at her side, she didn't know what to say, let alone how to feel.