Broken

by Oliver T Spedding

  “Very little.” I replied. “I find the answers to my homework and sometimes look at the news.”

  “Is that all?” he asked. “Don’t you look at pornography?”

  I blinked. I knew vaguely what pornography was but I’d always thought of it as something to be avoided.

  “No.” I replied. “Is it worth looking at? I always thought that pornography was what sick old men looked at.”

  “Let me tell you that I spend most of my time on the internet looking at pornography websites and I’m definitely not a sick old man!” Ian said. “I’ll give a couple of my favourite porno website addresses and after you’ve looked at them I’ll guarantee that you’ll look at nothing else.”

  Ian wrote the three web addresses on a piece of paper and that evening, after I’d done my homework and Aunty Rose had gone to bed, I visited the first website on Ian’s list. At first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and I quickly got up from my desk and made sure that my aunt’s bedroom door was closed. I returned to my desk and gawked at the images on the computer screen. The unfamiliar feeling of lust crept over my whole body and I felt my penis stiffen. It was a sensation that I hadn’t felt before although I had noticed that girls were becoming far more interesting to me and had a strange attraction for me.

  As I watched the figures moving on the screen I felt myself subconsciously massaging my penis and then, to my surprise, I felt myself ejaculate. The feeling was exquisite and my whole body tensed in ecstasy. I remembered my father ejaculating in the back of his car in the garage but I had never given it much thought. Now I understood why he had gasped with such pleasure. I looked down and saw that the front of my shorts was wet and sticky. I switched off the computer and removed my shorts. But what should I do with them? I realised that I would have to wash them or my aunt would notice that they’d been soiled. I crept to the bathroom and quietly washed the garment in the washbasin. I returned to me room and placed the shorts over the back of my chair, hoping that by the next morning they would be dry. I climbed into bed and lay on my back and gently rubbed my penis. The feeling was so pleasant and I realised then that a whole new experience was opening for me.

  The animosity between me and Aunty Rose continued to fester. She tolerated my smoking as long as I only smoked in my bedroom and cleaned out my ashtray myself. I knew though, that my pornography habit was a different matter and that if she discovered what I was doing there would be hell to pay. At worst I would be kicked out of the house, and at best my computer would be confiscated. Although my aunt knew very little about computers I was careful to erase the history of the websites that I visited after each porno session

  My masturbating became more frequent and I was forced to collect my ejaculations in a small plastic cup that I surreptitiously took to the bathroom after each masturbation and quickly washed out in the basin. I also began to masturbate in the shower but this wasn’t very satisfactory as, to avoid attracting my aunt’s attention by showering for an excessive length of time, I was forced to hurry and this spoilt the act considerably. One day I returned from school to find a plumber working on unblocking the drain from the bathroom, and although he didn’t say anything, I could see from the way he looked at me he knew that my sperm had been the cause of the blockage. Fortunately he didn’t say anything to my aunt.

  I began to detest my aunt, just as I detested anyone who tried to impose their authority on me. Her constant bickering angered me and it took all my self-control to stop myself from retaliating. I often lay in my bed at night and thought back to the reprimands that I had been subjected to, and in my mind I imagined myself shouting at my detractors and even assaulting them. It angered me that I was never able to retaliate when the incident was happening and always only reacted afterwards. These imaginings of retaliation gave me tremendous satisfaction but I was very careful not to try to re-enact them in real life. I knew that I possessed unusual physical strength and that, if I used this injudiciously, I could get into very serious trouble.

  When I began attending High School, I was assigned to the “B-stream” category of education that was designed to cater for those students would only be studying until they reached Grade 10 and would then drop out of school and seek employment as learner tradesmen or professions that didn’t require a university degree or a matric certificate. The subjects that we studied were aimed at equipping us with information that was mostly technical.

  As I had no idea of what I wanted to do when I had completed my schooling, I had very little motivation and only put sufficient effort into my studies to ensure that I passed my exams. The pass requirement at schools at the time was thirty per cent which mean that, as long as I got one out of every three questions correct, I would pass. Even though I considered myself to be of very average intelligence, I had no difficulty in passing my exams comfortably with very little input.

  By the time I reached Grade 10 I was nearly sixteen years old and had been living in my Aunty Rose’s house for almost two years. Our relationship had deteriorated steadily and both of us looked forward eagerly to the time I would complete my schooling, find work and leave the house. Communication between us was kept to an absolute minimum and the hatred between us was blatantly obvious. I spent most of my time after school playing snooker and pinball and usually only returned to the house after dark. Aunty Rose no longer bothered to ask where I’d been and was usually in her bedroom when I reached the house. My supper would be in the oven and my school sandwiches for the next day in the fridge. I couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect for my aunt though. Even though I treated with very little respect in her own house, she continued to honour her obligation to provide for me until I was able to do so for myself.

  My father’s estate was finally wound up and I received a small inheritance of ten thousand Rand. I repaid my aunt the money that I owed her for my computer, cell ‘phone and clothing and deposited what was left in a savings account at the bank. Aunty Rose continued to give me my weekly allowance though.

  “I don’t want you to use your inheritance for living expenses.” she told me. “I’ll continue to give you your weekly allowance and you can leave your money in the bank to earn interest. You must try to get into the habit of saving money whenever you can. If you do, you’ll never regret it.”

  “I don’t see why I should save my money.” I argued. “I might die tomorrow and then what use will the money be to me? Money’s meant to be spent.”

  “And what if you spend your money and you don’t die tomorrow?” my aunt countered. “What will you do then?”

  “I’ll worry about that when it happens.” I replied.

  I got home a little earlier than usual one evening and while I ate my supper in the kitchen I heard my aunt begin to run her evening bath. It was her habit to first half-fill the bath with hot water and then add cold water until the temperature of the water was to her satisfaction.

  I finished my meal, washed and dried my plate and cutlery and went to my bedroom. I closed the door and walked to my desk. I switched on my computer and while it was warming up, I lit a cigarette. Vaguely I could hear the water running into the bath in the bathroom across the passageway. I sat down at my desk and connected to the internet. I brought up my favourite porno website and began watching the action. I heard a faint cry from the direction of the bathroom but I was too preoccupied to take any notice of it. When the episode on the first porno site finished I switched to the next site and while I sat waiting for the connection I became aware of the fact that the water was still running into the bathtub. I frowned. It had never taken so long for my aunt to fill her bath before. I shrugged my shoulders. If she wanted to waste water, it wasn’t my problem. She would have to pay for it; not me. I went back to watching porno.

  The action that I’d watched on the two websites had aroused me and I was just about to take off my trousers and begin masturbating when I noticed a thin flow of water flow under the door and into my room. I stood up, crossed to the door, and opened it. T
he sound of the water flowing into the bath was much louder now and a steady stream of water was flowing along the passageway and into the kitchen. I crossed the passage and carefully peered into the bathroom.

  Aunty Rose lay on the wet tiled floor in a foetal position, completely naked. Her back, shoulders, arms, neck and head were an angry red colour and covered with mass of large white blisters. Above the sound of the water pouring into the overfull bath I could hear her whimpering softly. I stepped into the room and closed the tap. In the silence that followed I stepped back and looked down at the figure lying on the floor, trying to understand what had happened. The only thing I could think of was that Aunty Rose had slipped while leaning over the bath to turn off the hot water tap and had fallen face-first into the scalding liquid. Somehow she must have been able to pull herself out of the bath and had collapsed onto the floor.

  I stood and stared down at my aunt unfeelingly and wondering what to do. I had no knowledge of first-aid and couldn’t even gauge how badly she was burnt. After a few minutes I left the bathroom and hurried back to my bedroom. I had forgotten that my computer was still open on the porno website. I disconnected from the site, carefully deleted the history of the websites that I’d visited and disconnected from the internet. I switched off the computer and walked back to the bathroom.

  My aunt still lay on the wet floor, whimpering softly. I shrugged my shoulders and went to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of milk and stood drinking it as I contemplated what to do. Obviously my aunt needed help. I finished my drink and walked along the passageway to her bedroom. On the small table next the bed was a landline telephone and a small directory. I looked up the number of the nearby hospital and reached for my cell ‘phone. I was about to punch in the hospital’s number when I realised that I would be using my own precious airtime. I put my ‘phone back into my trouser pocket and lifted the receiver of the ‘phone on the table. I dialled the hospital’s number.

  “My aunt seems to have accidentally fallen into a bath of hot water.” I told the woman who answered the ‘phone. “She’s lying on the floor in the bathroom and most of her upper body is covered in blisters. What must I do?”

  “Where are you?” the woman asked.

  “I’m at my aunt’s house.” I said.

  “Yes, but where is the house? What’s the street address?” the woman asked.

  “Number eighty nine Zinnia Street.” I said.

  “I’ll arrange for an ambulance to go there immediately.” the woman said. "In the mean time, don’t touch your aunt. Make sure that the front door of the house is open so that when the ambulance arrives the medics can go straight to your aunt. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.” I said and put down the receiver.

  I left the bedroom and went back to the kitchen. As I passed the bathroom I noticed that my aunt had stopped whimpering.

  “Are you alright, Aunty Rose?” I asked.

  There was no reply.

  I went into the kitchen and poured myself another glass of milk. As I drank the cold liquid my mind went back to the pornography that I had been watching and I felt myself begin to harden. Then I heard the distant wail of the approaching ambulance. I put down the glass of milk and walked along the passageway to the front door. I unlocked it and opened it.

  The ambulance arrived in front of the house, its siren screaming. Two men in dark blue overalls with yellow trim climbed out and dashed into the house. Another two men hurried to the back of the vehicle and opened the doors. Nobody took any notice of me. I heard the men in the bathroom talking anxiously. I went back to the kitchen and drank the rest of my glass of milk. I sat down at the table and listened to the medics in the bathroom. I watched the other two men enter the house wheeling a stretcher and carrying a large gas cylinder. I heard them lift my aunt onto the stretcher and begin wheeling it out of the bathroom and along the passageway towards the front door. A woman wearing blue and yellow overalls walked into the kitchen.

  “Is there anyone else in the house?” she asked.

  “No, just me.” I said.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Garth Gilmore.” I replied.

  “I’ll get someone to come here as soon as I get back to the hospital.” the woman said as she turned and hurried away.

  I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t need anyone to look after me. I could manage quite easily on my own.

  A few minutes later I heard the ambulance’s engine burst into life, the siren began wailing and the vehicle moved smoothly away.

  About an hour after the ambulance had left to take Aunty Rose to the hospital I was in my bedroom preparing to go to bed when I heard a knock at the front door. I went to the front door dressed in a T-shirt and rugby shorts. A middle-aged woman smiled at me.

  “Hello.” she said. “Are you Garth Gilmore?”

  “Yes.” I said.

  “I’m Misses Phillips from the Child Welfare Department.” the woman said. “I’ve come to see that you’re okay. I understand that your aunt, Misses Cooper, had a nasty accident.”

  “Yes.” I said. “But I can manage on my own.”

  “Good.” Misses Phillips said. “But, as you’re still under the age of eighteen, it’s our duty to help you if necessary. However, I haven’t come here to boss you or try to run your life. I just need to make sure that have adequate food and that the water and electricity account has been paid. It’s obvious to me that you’re quite capable of looking after yourself. Do you have enough food?”

  “Yes.” I said.

  “And is the water and electricity account paid up to date?”

  “Yes.” I said.

  “And have you had something to eat this evening?”

  “Yes.” I said.

  “Okay.” Misses Phillips said. “I’ll come past here each evening to see that you’re alright. If there are any problems you can tell me about them and we’ll fix them.”

  “Okay.” I said.

  After Misses Phillips had left I went back to bed. I lay in the darkness smiling. With my aunt in hospital I could now do whatever I wanted to.

  Living on my own in Aunty Rose’s house wasn’t as much fun as I’d expected it to be mainly because there was nobody for me to defy. Also, I could watch pornography and masturbate whenever and wherever I wanted to which took away the risk that had made it so exciting. Misses Phillips made no demands on me and the black domestic maid that the Welfare Department sent to dust and clean the house ignored me completely. I continued to go to school each day and in the afternoons I played snooker and pinball. Then I went home and ate whatever I could find; cereal, tinned foods and biscuits. As I continually forgot to buy milk I was forced to eat the cereal dry and drink black coffee. During this time it never entered my mind to go and visit my aunt in hospital.

  Eight days after my aunt’s accident, I had just finished eating a tin of baked beans in tomato sauce and was about to climb into my bed when I heard a knock at the front door. As Misses Phillips had already made her daily visit I opened the front door with some trepidation. Two men stood on the veranda.

  “Are you Garth Gilmore?” the man in the front asked.

  “Yes.” I said.

  “I’m Captain Williams of the South African Police Services.” the man said showing me his police identity card. “And this is Warrant Officer Piet Cilliers.” the man said pointing to his companion.

  I felt my heart begin to race and I faint sweat broke out on my forehead. Were the police here because of my pornography habit? I couldn’t think of any other reason for their presence. I stared at the two men, trying desperately to appear calm, even though my heart was pounding in my chest. Since my aunt had gone to hospital I had neglected to delete my web-surfing history.

  “May we come in?” the Captain asked.

  ‘Yes.” I stammered, stepping aside to allow the two policemen into the house.

  Without asking, the two visitors walked into the lounge.

  “May we sit down?” Williams aske
d.

  “Yes.” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

  The two policemen sat down on the couch. Captain Williams pointed to a chair opposite them.

  “Sit down.” he said with a slight smile.

  I sat down in the chair.

  “Unfortunately Garth, I have some bad news for you.” the Captain said. “Your Aunty Rose passed away late this afternoon as a result of the first degree burns that she suffered over almost ninety per cent of her upper body when she accidentally fell into the bath of hot water.”

  I stared at the police captain, relief flooding through my body as I realised that the two men had not come to the house to investigate my pornography habit.

  “It’s standard procedure for the police to become involved when there is an accidental death.” Captain Williams explained. “However, I want to assure you that nobody suspects any kind of foul play. Your aunt’s injuries are consistent with your statement and the conclusions reached by the State pathologist. No further enquiries will be made. Please accept our sincere condolences on the death of your aunt.”

  The two policemen stood up and shook my hand.

  The three of us walked to the front door. I opened it and the two officers walked out onto the veranda. I closed the door and I felt my whole body begin to shake with relief. I had to remember to delete my computer’s roaming history in future, I told myself.

  My Aunty Rose’s funeral was well attended as she had been popular in the neighbourhood as well as at the hospital where she had worked. I hardly knew any of the people who attended the service except for Cindy Bedford, the only person from school who came to commiserate.

  As Cindy lived with her parents not far from my aunt’s house, we occasionally walked to school together in the mornings. We seldom had much to say to each other but I had a strange feeling of association and companionship with her. I couldn’t identify exactly what it was but it was almost as if we shared something. Something in her aura connected with my aura. We didn’t have the same interests or personalities but the bond was unmistakable. At first I thought that the attraction was sexual as Cindy had developed into a very attractive young woman with long shapely legs, a narrow waist and smallish firm breasts. She wore her fine auburn hair just over shoulder length, her large blue eyes were large and direct and her wide, expressive mouth smiled easily.