My Misery Muse

by Betzold, Brei

  I laughed. “I don’t know why, he always told me he preferred to hide behind his bass.”

  “It’s a damn shame,” Mags muttered.

  Mags and I caught up with Cin and Jules, and continued to meander around the party for a while, I was getting tired though. All I wanted to do was find Seth and go home, but I could never seem to pin him down.

  I finally found him outside in the backyard talking to a middle aged man, Seth wasn’t looking too happy. I walked up behind him and put my hand at the small of his back, he looked back at me and smiled, reaching back and wrapping his fingers through mine and pulling me beside him.

  “Devlin, this is Ray, he works for our label,” Seth said stiffly.

  I knew something wasn’t right, when Seth used my real name; he never called me anything but Devi.

  “Hi Ray,” I said and smiled at him.

  Ray looked at me taking a long perusal down my body, which gave me chills, and caused Seth to stiffen and fold me under his arm.

  “Well, hello there Devlin,” Ray said. “I’ve been hearing a lot about you.”

  “Well I hope it’s all good.”

  Ray shrugged.

  I looked up at Seth, he was grinding his teeth, I knew Seth was pissed, and I knew it had something to do with what Ray and he had been talking about.

  “Well Ray, I was just coming over to let Seth know I’m heading home,” I said glancing back up at Seth.

  “Do you want me to take you?” he asked.

  “I’ll catch a ride home with someone, you’re busy,” I said. “But I have to pick up Jaks in the morning from the sitter, and I want a few hours of sleep before I do.”

  “Ah yes, your son Jaks, how old is he again?” Ray asked.

  I slid another glance at Seth. “Almost 2 and a half,” I said.

  Seth growled, “Come on, I’ll take you home baby, we were done here anyways, right Ray?”

  Ray nodded.

  “Nice meeting you, Ray,” I said.

  Seth spun us around and we took off to his car then home, but I had a sinking feeling I wouldn’t like whatever it was Seth and Ray had been talking about.

  ¯¯¯

  I opened Devi’s car door still seething from my conversation with Ray, after she got in I slammed the door and walked around to my side and got in. I turned the car on, slammed it into gear and took off squealing tires. Devi sat there looking at me, but never saying anything.

  I took her hand, and glanced over, “I’m sorry I’m in such a bad mood.”

  “Anything you ready to talk about?” she asked quietly.

  I shook my head, and brought her knuckles up to my lips, kissing them then the pads of her fingers.

  We didn’t say anything else, until we pulled up in front of her house. “You want to stay?” she asked.

  I nodded, turned off my car and got out, meeting her on the passenger side; I laced my fingers with hers and walked to the front door. She let go of my hand digging through her pockets looking for her house key, I wanted nothing more than curl up in bed with Devi and hold her.

  She opened the door and headed inside, I followed her silently to her room, we both quickly stripped out of our clothes and got in bed. I grabbed her and dragged her against my chest wrapping my arms around her, just holding her. A few minutes later I heard her breathing even out in sleep, I kissed the top of her hair and murmured “I love you” before sleep pulled me under as well.

  I was having the most delicious dream; Devi had her hands wrapped around my hard cock stroking it from base to tip, taking her time, tracing the head with the pad of her finger. Slowly examining the barbells through my shaft with a soft touch, I groaned out her name. Then I was suddenly jerked awake when her tongue swept across the head of my dick. “Fuck,” I groaned, “not a dream.”

  I was answered with a throaty laugh, “Do you want it to be?” she said before sucking the head of my cock into her mouth.

  “Fuck no,” I gritted out.

  She laughed around the head and I could feel the vibrations through my body, I groaned louder.

  She released the head with a pop and started licking the sensitive skin between the barbells, taking her time, while running her finger nails across my sac.

  I looked down at her and realized that was a mistake for my control, but I couldn’t make myself look away. “God woman, you are going to be the death of me yet,” I gasped out.

  With that she gripped the base and sucked my cock into her mouth until it hit the back of her throat, I whimpered. She slowly started bobbing back and forth, swirling her tongue around the head on her way back down, and slowly dragging the flat of her tongue across the underside of my cock on her way up.

  “Fuck Devi,” I said between pants, “where did you learn that?”

  She let go of my cock with an audible pop and shrugged, “I like to read,” she said before going back to work on my cock this time faster.

  I gripped the sheets in my hand, hoping for control, but I knew it was lost when she swiped her tongue over the sensitive glands under the head of my cock then swallowed me to the back of her throat and hummed.

  “If you don’t stop, I’m going to come,” I somehow got out.

  She only sucked harder and hummed again in response, what little control I had snapped, I felt my balls tighten and I shot my cum into the back of her throat. She sucked and swallowed everything I gave her, causing my orgasm to go on and on until I was begging her to stop. She finally did, sitting up on her haunches and giving me a smug look.

  “Good morning, baby,” she said.

  I laughed, “If that’s how I am going to be woken up I’m never leaving, darling.”

  She laughed, “I got to get showered and dressed, and I have to pick up Jaks in an hour or so.”

  “Want me to come?” I asked.

  “No, that’s ok, you rest, I have a feeling if you joined me in the shower right now, I’d be late,” she said with a smile.

  I nodded, “Probably.”

  She crawled up my body giving me a slow sensual kiss, and I felt my cock stir again. “If you don’t leave this bed now, I can’t promise I will let you up anytime soon,” I said after breaking the kiss.

  She laughed, and then got up from the bed, and I watched her naked ass sway as she walked to get her clothes.

  I heard the shower start and I got up and started digging through my clothes finally finding my cell.

  “Hey Sam,” I said when he answered.

  “What’s up, Seth?” Sam asked.

  “We gotta talk, all of us.”

  “Alright, we’re all over at Xavier’s.”

  “Ok, be there in a few,” I said turning off my cell.

  A few minutes later Devi walked out of the bathroom in a pair of low slung cargo pants, and a tank top, her hair was still wet and she looked sexy as hell. She caught me looking and gave me a smile. “So what are your plans today?” she asked while putting a pair of worn vans on.

  “I got to go over to Xavier’s,” I said. “We have some stuff we have to talk about.”

  She nodded then bit her lower lip. “You coming back here later?” she asked quietly.

  “I don’t know yet, I’ll give you a call when I know what my day looks like,” I said while gathering my wallet and keys.

  “Alright,” she said.

  I leaned down and gave her a kiss, “I’ll talk to you later,” I murmured against her lips then left.

  Chapter Twenty

  Cin had come in for her last sitting for her angel wing tattoo on her back. We were on the second hour when she finally turned her head and looked back at me, “What is wrong with you?”

  I shrugged, “Nothing.”

  “No, there’s something going on, and it’s been going on for 2 weeks since the guys’ show.”

  I forgot how perceptive she could be, but it still didn’t mean I wanted to get into it in the middle of the shop.

  “Nothing’s wrong, exactly,” I hedged.

  “Ok then, wha
t exactly is going on with you?” she asked. “You’ve been wandering around like someone kicked your dog.”

  “Gee that’s a happy image.”

  She shrugged, “Just call ‘em like I see ‘em. “

  “Seth’s been acting strange, but he won’t talk to me about what’s going on,” I finally said.

  “Haven’t they been busy since Eli joined?” she asked. “Every time I talk to Eli they’re working in the studio, hell I think he’s been sleeping there.”

  “Yea, they’ve been busy, it’s just that when he’s over he’s not really there, ya know? Or maybe it’s me reading too much into it,” I said trying to shrug it off.

  “Honey, the boy’s taken on a lot lately, what with the whole Alex thing, then Eli joining them. And finding out about Jaks, and now the two of you hooking back up, he’s probably just adjusting,” she said. “Give him some time.”

  “Yea,” I said then went back to work on her back causing her to flinch.

  An hour later, I was taking pictures of her finished tat to add to my portfolio. “We still on tomorrow for margarita night?” she asked.

  I nodded looking at the images on the camera. “Yea, we’re having it at my place again, Mags place is a disaster with her latest project.”

  Cin snorted. “When is her place not a disaster?”

  I laughed. “Yea but the fact she said her place was a disaster scared me, so I volunteered to take her turn.”

  “I can see your point, you bring Jaks over and we may never find him again,” she said. “We finished?”

  “Yea, let’s get you bandaged up,” I replied, “and on your way to wreak havoc.”

  I walked into my kitchen a few hours later and found Seth and Jaks eating dinner. I dropped my portfolio and the pictures of Cin's tat and some others I needed to add on the table and went to fix myself a plate. I walked back over to the table. “So how did recording go?”

  “We finished today,” he said looking at the pictures.

  “Wow, already?” I asked, he nodded and continued not to look at me.

  “That was fast,” I said trying to keep my voice sounding normal, but I could feel my chest squeezing hard.

  “We had a lot of it already done, just had to get the drums,” he said. “What are these?”

  “I finished Cin’s back piece today,” I said. “Took some pictures of it to put in my portfolio, I had some others I’ve put off adding as well, so I decided I would get it done tonight or tomorrow.”

  “That’s fucking awesome, Devi,” he said looking at the other pictures.

  I shrugged not really caring about my work right now.

  “So what are you guys going to do now that you’re done with the CD?”

  “Hmm, oh were sending it tomorrow to LA to have the finishing touches done,” he said. “And next week were leaving, we’ve been asked to fill in the last leg of a tour, the lead singer of the band that was playing strained his voice and they can’t continue.”

  “Oh,” I said softly, “how long will that take?”

  “Six weeks left of the tour, then we head back to LA for the CD release.”

  “So any idea on when you’ll be back?”

  “Not yet.”

  I pushed the food around on my plate not really hungry anymore, not sure what to think about what Seth had said, or his lack of emotion when he said it.

  “Devi, we both knew I would leave soon.”

  “Yea, I guess we did,” I said back, I got up and unbuckled Jaks from his booster seat.

  “I’m going to give him a bath and get him ready for bed,” I said walking out of the room, hiding my tears.

  “Devi,” Seth said standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

  “I’m fine Seth, I’m a big girl. I’ve been doing it on my own for over 2 years now; we’ll get by just fine when you leave.”

  “Do you want me to stay tonight?” he asked quietly.

  “No, you sound like you have a busy day tomorrow, go home.”

  “I’m sorry, Devi,” he said then walked out of the bathroom then out the front door.

  When I heard the front door shut I whispered, “So am I,” and cried while I gave my son a bath.

  ¯¯¯

  I headed to the recording studio where my guitars and basses were at, I needed to play. I needed the solace it would bring. I knew I was breaking her heart again, and mine was breaking as well, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was stuck. I could have Devi and Jaks but then I would have to give up all I had worked for for the past three years, no, longer than that since the first time I picked up a guitar. “Fuck!” I yelled then punched my steering wheel; I didn’t know what to do.

  I got out of the car and went straight to the studio. I walked in Sam and Drake were in there talking about something I didn’t give a shit about, I walked past them straight into the room where our equipment was located. I grabbed my acoustic guitar and started playing Chevelle’s One Lonely Visitor, the lyrics came to mind and I started singing. How fitting they were, I couldn’t help the tears that began to fall, not that I cared at this point, my life was falling apart.

  Of course the label wouldn’t come out and say I had to choose, no they couldn’t do that, but they could say no more scandals, especially not after the fallout with Alex. Ray’s words went back through my head for the hundredth time—and what better scandal than up and coming bassist, one said to be the best to come out in years, to find out he has a two year old son he didn’t know about, and no less one with a woman whose brother works with a competing label, and parents who disinherited her— I knew what he was getting at I had a choice to make. The song came to end with the last lines, “am I alone in here” slipping past my lips and tears still streaking down my face.

  I looked up and found Sam and Drake watching me, “I don’t think I can do this, Sam.”

  He looked me straight in the eyes, “Then don’t, Seth.”

  “Then what?” I asked. “I told you what Ray said, no more scandals.”

  “Why do you think it would be a scandal?” Drake asked.

  “Because the media would make it one,” Sam replied quietly. “We’ve been dealing with the media for a while, it’s part of the job. We’ve watched pictures of us and girls plastered all over the internet, the tabloid rags, talking about our girlfriends this week, when in fact we didn’t know who the girls were, our best guess would be a fan we met someplace along the way.”

  I nodded.

  “With something like this, they will be like sharks with a drop of blood in the water,” Sam said.

  “So you agree with them Sam?” Drake asked incredulously. “That Seth should leave my sister and his son, that he should turn his back on them?”

  “I didn’t say that,” Sam said. “I was just explaining how it will be a scandal, a girl from Seth’s past comes out of the woodwork and waves this child in front of him claiming it’s his. It doesn’t matter we all know Jaks is Seth’s,” Sam said quickly interrupting Drakes rant “It’s how they media will play it.”

  “It’s been done before,” I said quietly. “It’s happened a lot, and it’s always portrayed that way.”

  Drake blew out a breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Ok yea, I understand I’ve seen those stories before too.”

  “Also how do you think it would affect Devi, her career, even though Jaks is my son, people will always look at Devi with a certain stigma. She’ll be the girl who hid my son, the girl who tricked me into having my kid, and many worse things will be said about her,” I said. “And when Jaks is older he’ll hear this shit, and how will that affect him?”

  “Okay so what was your plan to stop this from happening before douche bag Ray made the veiled threat?” asked Drake. “Because that’s what it was.”

  “I know,” I said, “Sam and I had decided to just slowly bring her in, any questions asked would be she was my girlfriend. When they asked about Jaks we were going to say Devi and I had taken a break while we both got our careers
on track. I saw him as much as possible, but never spoke of him because I wanted to keep him and Devi out of the media”

  “So why not still do that?” Drake asked.

  I shook my head. “It won’t work if the label leaks the story, there will be no gradual way about it. And you can bet your ass that the media will show up here like bloodhounds talking to everyone they can.”

  “And someone will talk,” Sam said, “even with the way we were talking about going about this at first was still going to bring rumors, but they would have just been rumors.”