by Joan Jonker
Ivy Thompson was a big woman in every way. Her mountainous breasts were allowed to move freely, never having been contained in a brassiere. Her stomach was huge, but not flabby. It was as hard as a rock, as many people had found out to their sorrow. If she was engaged in a fight, which was often, then although she made use of her fists, it was her tummy which was the battering ram. Even the men in the street steered clear of Ivy Thompson.
Ada watched as Ivy swaggered in and pushed the two now silent customers out of the way to reach the counter. ‘Six beef sausage and make it snappy, I’m in a hurry.’
Ronnie was trying to muster the courage to tell her to wait her turn. He didn’t relish clashing swords with her, but he had found over the years that the best way to deal with Ivy was not to let her see you were afraid of her. Look timid or frightened, then she’d give you something to be frightened of. But his bravado wasn’t needed, for Ada came to his rescue.
‘Well, I’ll be blowed! Talk of the devil and he’s bound to appear,’ Ada said in a loud voice. ‘It’s not ten minutes since me and Hetty were talking about you, Ivy.’
Ivy’s hair was dishevelled and she was wearing a dirty pinny that showed signs of food stains, grease and other unmentionables. ‘It’s a pity yer’ve got nothing better to do,’ she snarled. ‘Anyway, I’ve no time to stand yapping.’ But curiosity got the better of her before she once again faced Ronnie. ‘What were you two jangling about me for? If yer were slagging me off to someone I’ll break yer bleeding necks.’
‘Oh, I don’t think yer’d do that, Ivy.’ Ada’s voice was deceptively calm. ‘Not unless yer tied me hands behind me back before yer started. Anyway, it was only me and Hetty talking about yer, no one else would be interested in what you get up to.’
‘What was it yer wanted, Mrs Thompson?’ Ronnie asked, while in his head there were visions of his glass counter being smashed to smithereens by two women trying to kill each other. ‘Was it beef sausages?’
‘I’ll tell yer in me own good time, lad, so don’t be trying to rush me.’ Ivy turned back to Ada. ‘What would you two be talking about me for? The two of yer are as thick as thieves, yer don’t usually have anything to say to anyone else in the street.’
‘Oh, go on, Ivy, me and Hetty talk to all the neighbours. Except you, of course, ’cos it’s impossible to talk to you without getting into a fight. And when I said me and Hetty were talking about yer just minutes before yer walked in here, that didn’t mean we were jangling about yer. That’s your bad mind, that is.’
‘Will yer stop bleeding nattering, and tell me what yer were talking about then? I haven’t got all day, like you two, and these two nosy buggers standing here with their ears cocked.’
Ada let her head drop back and roared with laughter, much to the surprise of all present. They weren’t to know she was goading the woman who didn’t have a kind word for anyone. Nor would Ivy offer a crumb to someone who was starving. She thrived on the fact that most people were in fear of her. ‘Ye’re a hero, you are, Ivy Thompson. Yer don’t half love throwing yer weight about. And all this because I was telling Hetty I’m going to have me living room papered. I was saying I’d be scraping the paper off the walls, to save my husband and son doing all the donkey work. And I happened to say I’d like a bit of help, like, and I mentioned I might ask you ’cos ye’re good with yer hands.’
Hetty took stock of the layout before daring to say what was in her mind. Ada stood between her and Ivy Thompson, and her mate would take care she didn’t come to any harm. So, taking her courage, and her life, in her hands, Hetty put a smile on her face. ‘Yeah, we didn’t half have a laugh over that. When Ada told me she was thinking of asking you to help scrape the walls, I nearly burst a blood vessel. I told her there wouldn’t be a wall left standing if she let you loose in there.’
The sound that came from Ivy’s mouth was like a raging bull. She made a dive for Hetty, but Ada stood in her path. ‘What’s the matter, Ivy, haven’t yer got no sense of humour? If yer can’t laugh at yerself, then it’s God help yer. Even though I’ve never seen yer with a smile on yer face, I didn’t think anyone was so miserable they couldn’t take a joke.’ Ada put her face close to the bully’s. ‘It was all said in fun, Ivy,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘But if yer don’t believe me, and yer want to make something out of it, then yer’ll never have a better chance than now. I couldn’t be any nearer to yer, so go on, I’m not going anywhere.’
To the surprise of the onlookers, Ivy snorted and turned back to the counter. ‘I couldn’t be arsed, I’ve got more to do.’ She jerked her head at the butcher. ‘Don’t stand there like a bleeding fool with yer mouth open as though ye’re catching flies. Get those bleeding six beef sausage and be quick about it.’
Nobody spoke until she was out of the shop, and then everyone started to speak at the same time. ‘I thought we were in for a battle,’ Ronnie said. ‘I had visions of me glass counter being smashed. It’s the first time I’ve seen that woman walk away from a fight.’
‘She gets away with murder because people show her they are afraid of her. She’s like a dog, she can smell fear. Stand up to her and she’ll back down.’ Ada grinned. ‘Mind you, lad, tread carefully, and always have in yer mind the cost of a new glass counter.’
Chapter Five
‘When yer’ve got the money for the wallpaper,’ Ada said, looking across the table at her son, ‘I’ll start stripping the walls. Hetty said she’d give me a hand.’
‘I can let yer have it on Saturday when I get paid.’ Danny had a piece of potato speared on the end of his fork, and he popped it into his mouth before asking, ‘How much d’yer think it will come to?’
Ada glanced at her husband. ‘Was it four or five rolls, sunshine? It’s so long since it was last done, I can’t remember.’
‘Five to be on the safe side,’ Jimmy told her. ‘We had nearly a roll over last time, but as they don’t sell oddments, yer’ll have to get the five.’ He looked down at his plate. ‘I’m not half enjoying this dinner, love. It’s a long time since yer made dumplings and they’re a real treat.’
Monica rubbed her tummy. ‘Dumplings are me favourite, I’d rather have them than anything else. Yer should have made more, Mam, ’cos one isn’t enough.’
‘It’s going to have to be enough ’cos we all like them, and me pan isn’t big enough to take ten dumplings. So thank God for small mercies and get the stew down yer. The vegetables and barley will stick to yer tummy and do yer good.’
Danny stood his knife and fork up like soldiers standing to attention. ‘The dinner is nice, Mam, and I’m really enjoying it. But can we get back to the price of the wallpaper?’
‘I went to the wallpaper shop in Westminster Road today, and the paper I liked was a shilling a roll. They had some for ninepence, but it wasn’t a patch on the one I liked. And after waiting years to have me room decorated, I think I deserve to be spoilt.’ Ada ran the back of a hand across her mouth before pushing her plate away so she could lean her elbows on the table. ‘Even though I say it as shouldn’t, that was bloody lovely.’
‘I can manage the five shillings on Saturday, Mam,’ Danny told her, after a quick count in his head of the money he had in his pocket now, and what he’d have left of his wages at the weekend after he’d paid over the five bob. ‘Yer could order it tomorrow in case they sell out of the one yer’ve got yer eye on.’
‘It won’t leave yer skint, will it, sunshine? It wouldn’t hurt me to wait another week if it means leaving yer short.’
A smile crossed Danny’s handsome face. ‘I won’t be rolling in dough, Mam, but I’ll manage. I can walk to Blair Hall a couple of times to save the tram fare.’
Jimmy put his knife and fork down, and licking his lips he winked at his wife. ‘That was a treat, love, a meal fit for a king.’ Paul chuckled. ‘If you were a king, Dad, that would make me a prince. And we would have servants to wait on us hand and foot.’
Ada raised her brows. ‘What d’yer mean, yer wou
ld have? I’m yer blinking servant what waits on yer hand and foot. And I don’t get a penny wages for me trouble.’
Paul digested the words thoroughly before saying, ‘Me dad gives yer his wages every week, so yer do get paid.’
Danny was quick to put his kid brother straight. ‘Me mam doesn’t keep the wages for herself, soft lad. Where d’yer think the money comes from for food, coal, clothes, and the rent man who wants his money every week?’
Paul tutted and jerked his head back. ‘Sorry, Mam, I forgot yer had to pay all the money out again. But just wait until me and Monica are working. Yer’ll be able to buy all the food and everything, and have money over to go to the pictures.’
Jimmy held his hand up. ‘Before our Danny starts getting ready for his nightly hop, can we get back to discussing the decoration of this room? It’s no good putting the wallpaper up before the ceiling and frieze have been whitewashed, and the woodwork painted. I’ll try and get them done over the weekend, but the place certainly won’t be ready for papering until the middle of next week.’
‘I’ll help yer with the painting, Dad,’ Danny said, ‘on Saturday afternoon and Sunday. It won’t take long if the two of us get stuck in.’
‘I’ll buy the paper and the rest of the stuff we need on Saturday, and then we’ll just take things as they come, eh?’ Ada tried not to sound too eager. The men were working all week; she couldn’t expect too much from them. But she couldn’t help feeling a little impatient. She wouldn’t mind having a go at hanging the paper herself, but was afraid of putting Jimmy and Danny’s noses out of joint. Besides, she couldn’t paint the ceiling, she didn’t have a ladder big enough. Jimmy would stand on the table to do it, but Ada didn’t fancy that. No, she’d leave it to the men of the house. After all, if she had to wait an extra week to see her living room bright and cheerful, it wouldn’t hurt her.
‘I’ll give yer a shilling towards the paint, sunshine,’ she told her husband. ‘It’s not much, but as they say, every little helps.’
‘There’s no need to, love. I’ve already asked one of the blokes in work to get it for me. He knows where he can get it cheap. Two bob for a tin big enough to do all the woodwork in this room. It might even stretch to the hall and kitchen.’
Ada began to feel excited. ‘Oh, that sounds marvellous! Ay, we won’t know ourselves, will we? I’ll be telling me mate to wipe her feet before she comes in.’
Danny chortled. ‘Don’t tell me Auntie Hetty walks on the ceiling? I know you talk to the walls, ’cos I’ve heard yer, but I didn’t think yer mate was a bit loopy as well.’
‘Ay, Mam,’ Monica said. ‘When the new wallpaper is put up, perhaps the walls will think they’re too posh to listen to you.’
‘I’ll soon put them in their place, sunshine, don’t worry about that. All I need to do is stop passing the street gossip on to them and they’d be on their knees to me in no time. Yer see, they enjoy a bit of gossip ’cos it brightens up their day. There’s many a time I’ve made stories up, just to put a bit of sparkle into their lives.’
Jimmy had a smile of affection on his face as he listened to his wife. Any stranger listening would think she was as crazy as a coot, but he loved her just the way she was. Warm, loving and humorous. ‘Have yer ever considered that yer might be sorry to see the old paper go, Ada? Yer never know, the new paper might not be so friendly.’
‘The thought had crossed me mind, sunshine,’ Ada told him with a chuckle. ‘That’s why I had a talk to the paper in the shop. But it assured me it would be very happy to be out of the shop and on someone’s walls. Especially someone who would talk to it. Apparently the man behind the counter is a miserable beggar. He hasn’t spoken one word to the paper the whole time it’s been rolled up on the shelf.’
‘I should have known it was a daft question to ask, that yer’d have an answer. I’m getting to be as crazy as you are.’
‘My old ma used to say that if yer lived with a person long enough, yer grew to be like them,’ Ada told him. ‘Mind you, she used to have a lot of funny sayings.’
‘I remember one yer told me about yer mam,’ Danny said. ‘Yer said she was taking yer to the shops one day, and yer passed a woman with a dog. And she said, “Did yer notice that the dog what just passed, girl, had a face like its owner? She’s had it since it was a pup, and every time I see them, they get more alike.” ’
‘That was a saying she made up on the spur of the moment, son. She was good at making things up quickly. She hated dogs, and she said that to put me off. Not that she needed to, for I wouldn’t dream of having a dog. These houses are too small to keep an animal in, it wouldn’t be fair to the poor thing.’
‘We could have a cat, though, Mam,’ Monica said hopefully. ‘They’re only small, and a little kitten wouldn’t take up any room. It wouldn’t eat much, and it wouldn’t need to be taken for a walk.’
Ada looked surprised. ‘What brought this on? Yer seem to have it all sorted out in yer head, but yer’ve never mentioned it before.’
‘My friend at school has got a little kitten,’ her daughter informed her. ‘It’s black and white, and she said it’s lovely and very playful.’
‘The only time I drool over a cat is when I see one on the lid of a box of chocolates. They look very cuddly and sweet, but they leave hairs everywhere and scratch at the paintwork on the door when they want to go out or come in. So yer can forget it, sunshine, ’cos there’s five people living in this small house, and that’s more than enough for me to see to.’
Monica wasn’t going to give in so easily. ‘Ah, go on, Mam, don’t be so mean. I bet yer’d love it when yer got used to it.’
Danny shook his head at his sister. ‘I’d save yer breath if I were you, sis, ’cos there’s no way we’re having a cat in here. Even if our mam said yer could, then yer’d have me to deal with. I don’t want to be going out at night covered in cat hair, it would put the girls off.’
Paul wrinkled his nose. ‘They smell, too, and they don’t use a toilet.’ He grinned at the picture which had come into his head. ‘Yer could always carry it down the yard, I suppose, and hold it over the Iavvy.’
His little joke brought a sharp response from his sister, in the form of a kick on his shin. ‘Yer think ye’re funny, our Paul, but ye’re not. So there!’
‘That’s enough now,’ Jimmy said. ‘There’s nothing wrong with yer sister wanting a pet. But I agree with yer mam that it wouldn’t be practical in this house. What would happen to it at night when we went to bed? It would have to sleep in the yard, or in here on the couch. And believe me, kittens have long claws. They’d ruin the furniture in no time.’
‘We could find a box for it to sleep in.’ Monica wasn’t going to go down without a fight. ‘That’s what my friend did for her kitten, and she said it’s as good as gold.’
Ada wasn’t without sympathy, but there was no way they could have an animal in the house. They got under each other’s feet as it was. ‘Look, sunshine, when yer get married and have a house of yer own, then yer can please yerself what yer have in it. There’d be no one to say yer couldn’t have half a dozen kittens if yer wanted.’
‘That’s if she marries a bloke with no brains,’ Danny said. ‘One who didn’t mind having hairs on his clothes and all over the furniture.’ His face broke into a smile when he saw his sister’s woebegone expression. ‘When ye’re old enough to start going out with boys, always ask them if they like cats. Anyone what pulls a face, send him packing. If yer find one what says he loves cats, then tell him yer’ll marry him.’
‘Okay,’ Ada said, ‘I think we’ve exhausted the subject of cats, so can we talk about something else?’ She eyed her eldest son. ‘Aren’t yer going dancing tonight, Danny? Or are we going to have the pleasure of your company for the entire evening? If yer tell me ye’re staying in, I’ll send for the doctor, ’cos yer must be sickening for something.’
Danny looked at the clock and stood up so quickly he nearly sent his chair flying. ‘Just look
at the time! It’s all your fault, our Monica, you and yer ruddy cats. By the time I get there me three favourite partners will have been snapped up.’
‘Yer don’t know, son, yer might be lucky,’ Jimmy said, feeling good inside because he had thought of something funny. ‘One of them might have turned a bloke down because his clothes were covered in cat hairs.’
Danny slapped his father on his back as he passed the back of his chair. ‘Nice one, Dad, ye’re on form tonight.’
Monica’s head gave a little shake. ‘Yer all think ye’re funny, but ye’re not. My friend said there’s something wrong with people who don’t like animals.’
Danny’s head appeared round the kitchen door. ‘Is this the same friend who has the little kitten that’s lovely and playful, and as good as gold?’
Monica glared at him. ‘Yes, it is. Why?’
‘I thought there was method in her madness. How long has she had this sweet little cat?’
‘A week.’
Danny nodded knowingly. ‘I thought as much. I bet yer any money that tomorrow she’ll ask yer if yer want a lovely cuddly kitten. She’s probably been told to get rid of it, and she saw you as a likely sucker.’ With that his head disappeared.
Ada saw the colour rise on her daughter’s face. ‘Is our Danny right? Has this so-called friend asked yer to have the kitten?’
Monica lowered her head. ‘Yeah. Her mam won’t let her keep it.’
Danny’s head appeared again, this time with shaving foam on his chin. ‘Ay, this friend of yours will go far in life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up being a managing director in a big factory.’
Ada winked at Monica and was glad to see a smile appear. ‘I don’t think the girl will end up in a factory, sunshine. My money would be on her working in a pet shop. With her gift of the gab, if someone came in to buy a rabbit, she’d talk them into taking a rat, saying it was a baby rabbit what hadn’t started to grow yet.’
