Reclaiming the Sand

by A. Meredith Walters

  Dania narrowed her eyes, her face suddenly dark and mean. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Ellie McCallum always lands on her feet, right?”

  What the hell?

  Before I could ask what her problem was, Shane came over.

  “Hey there girl! Long time no see!” He leaned down and gave me a hug and I was relieved he hadn’t tried to cop a feel in the middle of the courthouse.

  “Dania just told me they extended your probation period. That sucks,” I commiserated.

  Shane lifted his hands. “What can you do? It’s the cost of being such a bad ass,” he grinned like an idiot.

  Dania smacked him in the stomach. “Or the cost of being a total moron,” she said, her voice teasing but her eyes were cold.

  “You’ve got a hearing too?” Shane asked.

  “Yep. Let’s hope I don’t end up next to Stu,” I laughed nervously.

  Shane chuckled. “I’ll bake a file in a cake if you do,” he promised, patting my shoulder.

  We all laughed awkwardly together.

  “You ready to go, D?” Shane asked, clearly ready to get out of there.

  Dania looked over at me and shook her head. “I’m gonna wait for Ells. Give her some moral support,” she said, giving me what seemed to be a sincere smile

  Oh shit. That was the last thing I wanted. Not when I was supposed to meet Flynn afterwards.

  “That’s okay, Dania. You don’t need to do that. I’ll call you if anything goes down,” I urged, hoping she’d go.

  Dania frowned and gave me a piercing look. “No, I’ll stay. It’ll give us a chance to talk. We haven’t done that in a while and we need to figure some things out about the apartment,” she said.

  Damn it! She was going to be harder to shake than a case of Hepatitis.

  Before I could argue further, Mr. Cox and Julie came back and said it was time for me to head to the courtroom.

  “I’ll wait for you out here. Catch up on my bass fishing,” she said picking up a fishing magazine dated ten years ago.

  I left Dania and followed my probation officer into the courtroom. Julie grabbed me before we could head inside.

  “Good luck, Ellie! You’ve done so well! I’m proud of you,” Julie hugged me hard and I let her. It felt good.

  There were quite a few people inside and I sat down with Julie and Mr. Cox near the back.

  The judge was running behind so I wasn’t called forward for another half an hour. I remembered the judge. It was the same one I had stood in front of as a smart mouthed teenager.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  I was sweating bullets by the time the bailiff called my name.

  “Your honor, Miss McCallum has met all of her probationary requirements. She has completed her community service hours and has been described by her supervisor as an asset. She is currently attending Black River Community College and is taking classes. She has passed all of her urine and blood tests and has held down a full time job at JAC’s Quick Stop for over two years. It is my recommendation for her probation period to be suspended and charges to be expunged from her record,” Mr. Cox reported.

  The judge, a small man with a bald patch on top of his head, made a few notes before turning his attention to me.

  “Well, it sounds like you’ve made a complete turnaround from the teenager who stood before me years ago,” he said, peering at me over his glasses.

  Crap, he did remember me!

  “Yes, Your Honor. I’m trying,” I said meekly. I folded my hands in front of me and kept my face attentive.

  “I just saw two of your friends earlier. They don’t seem to be following your path.” He was of course talking about Stu and Shane.

  The judge clicked his pen a few times while he regarded me. “You are judged by the people you associate with, Miss McCallum. We live in a small town and opinions are formed rather quickly. I know your reputation as I’m sure you do as well,” he said, leveling me with a firm look.

  “Yes, Your Honor,” I choked out.

  “Now, Mr. Cox says you are taking classes at the community college. That’s good to hear. Because hanging out with the likes of the fellows who were just in my courtroom won’t get you far in life. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” he demanded.

  “Yes, Your Honor,” I swallowed.

  “I will accept Mr. Cox’s recommendation and dismiss the charges,” the judge said and I thought I would sag to the floor in relief. Mr. Cox nodded at me.

  “But Miss McCallum, I sincerely hope I never see you in here again,” he said, his words a clear warning.

  “You won’t, Your Honor,” I said. And I meant it. There was no way in hell I wanted to see his sneering disapproval again.

  Julie and Mr. Cox filed me out of the courtroom and headed me over to the clerk’s window so I could get my paperwork.

  I was in a bit of recoil. It was over. What a relief.

  It was nice to have one less weight around my neck.

  “Congratulations!” Julie exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. I could only blink back, still in a state of shock.

  “You should take what the judge said to heart. You’re doing well. Keep it up. Don’t let other people bring you down.” Julie said, frowning as Dania approached.

  “How’d it go?” Dania asked.

  “I’d better go. Congratulations again, Ellie. Let’s have coffee in the next few weeks,” Julie said, her distaste for Dania hidden by a charming smile.

  “You still talk to her? Wasn’t she your caseworker or something? Hell mine went into early retirement after I left the system. I guess I had been too much for her,” Dania sneered.

  “Yeah. Well, they’re dismissing the original charges and my probation’s over,” I told her.

  Her mouth was smiling but her eyes were flat. “That’s great, Ells. We should go celebrate!” she enthused.

  The clerk handed me my paperwork and I shook hands with Mr. Cox. “Thank you sir, for everything,” I told him and I realized I meant it.

  Mr. Cox patted my arm. “Good luck to you, Ellie,” he said shortly and then left the courthouse, most likely hoping he’d never have to see me again.

  I turned back to Dania who was waiting impatiently with a hand resting on her stomach. “So, you wanna go to Ma’s? Get some pie? You can tell me all about why I haven’t seen you in weeks and I can tell you how pissed I am at you,” Dania said, laughing, though I knew she meant it. She was mad. We walked outside onto the sidewalk while I thought of a way to part ways.

  “Uh, actually…” I began and then my world imploded.

  “Ellie!” No, no, no!

  “Is that Freaky?” Dania giggled, watching as Flynn jogged across the road towards us.

  “Uh…” I stuttered. Why was I having such a hard time formulating words?

  “Ellie!” Flynn called again. His voice was loud and he was waving his arms as he walked right out into traffic. Horns sounded and Flynn covered his ears.

  “Stop it!” he yelled.

  “Oh my god! What the fuck is he doing?” Dania was laughing in near hysterics.

  Flynn finally got across the road without being run over. He looked a bit shaken and I wanted to hold him. He looked harried and more than a little frantic but then he saw me and the smile was a happy one.

  “Ellie!” he called out again but I was frozen in place beside Dania.

  “Why is he yelling for you like that? Is he fucking mental? What a retard!” she mocked.

  Her harsh words snapped me out of my un-moving trance.

  “He’s meeting me actually,” I told her sharply. Dania wheeled around to look at me, her mouth agape.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re hanging out with Freaky Fucking Flynn Hendrick? Is this a joke?” she jeered.

  I looked down at the girl who had been my best friend for the last ten years. The girl I thought I would stand by no matter what.

  We weren’t so different, Dania and I. We could both be hateful and nasty. We could both be
cruel and vicious. And we could both be vulnerable and insecure.

  However, the one big difference between us is that I was ready to leave those painful parts behind me. I had finally realized living my life in an emotional void wasn’t how I wanted to be. Unfortunately for Dania, she hadn’t yet made that realization. I hoped the birth of her baby would change that. But I wasn’t sure anything could snap her out of her selfishness.

  I took a step away from her. “No, it’s not a joke. Flynn and I are together now,” I said, hating that despite my firm resolve, my voice shook. I wanted to be strong and confident not meek and cowed.

  Flynn reached my side and smiled at me. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?” he asked, not even looking at Dania.

  “I’m starving,” I said, smiling up at him. Dania was looking back and forth between us. I was poised ready to fend off her attack, knowing it was coming.

  “Are you kidding me?” Dania asked again, her eyes narrowed.

  Flynn looked at Dania and then down to the ground. He started to rub his hands together but then stopped. I was proud of the way he purposefully put them at his side.

  “Dania, you remember Flynn?” I asked, putting emphasis on his name. Dania didn’t say anything but from the red flush spreading across her neck I knew her anger was about to boil over.

  “This is why I haven’t seen you? You’ve been playing babysitter for the fucking retard?” she demanded, her voice loud and shrill. I saw several people look our way.

  “I’m not a retard!” Flynn yelled back.

  This was going to explode quickly if I didn’t shut it down.

  “Stop it, Dania. Calling Flynn names is immature and juvenile. Don’t you think we’ve grown beyond high school bullshit?” I asked, trying not to lose my own temper. I had always been able to control it with Dania. As much as I have wanted to tell her what I really think, I had always swallowed my tongue.

  Not now. Not when she was trying to tear down the one person I had ever cared about.

  Dania drew herself upright. “You stupid, fucking bitch! You’re dropping me because you want to feel up the town nut job? Seriously? Did you forget how much you hated him high school? How it was you that made up the name Freaky Flynn? That you were the one…”

  “Enough, Dania!” I yelled before she could finish her sentence. I could tell Flynn had gone inside himself.

  I put my hand on his shoulder but he threw off my hand. “Don’t touch me!” he yelled, stumbling backwards. “Don’t touch me ever!” he screamed, turning to run down the sidewalk.

  My heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces as I watched him flee from me.

  I whipped back around to stare down the girl I had thought was my friend. “Are you happy now? Did that make you feel good? God, Dania, you are the most selfish, hateful and nasty person I’ve ever met. I can’t believe I’ve defended you and justified your shitty behavior for as long as I have! Leave me alone! Just leave me the fuck alone!” I hissed into her face, satisfied when I saw her eyes widen and she took a step backwards.

  But she quickly collected herself. “You can stand there and act like you’re better than me. Just because I’m the one that’s knocked up and you’re swapping spit with the freak. You think that makes you compassionate or something? Give me a break, Ellie! You say I’m hateful and nasty? What about you? What about the things you’ve done? It’s so easy judging everyone else but you forget that I know you. I’ve been there for every fight. For every lie. For every house burning to the ground. I’ve seen it all.” Dania shoved me squarely in the chest and I stumbled backwards, catching my foot on a broken brick and almost landing on my ass.

  “And I have never judged you, Ells,” she spat out once I regained my balance.

  “Too bad I can’t say the same about my best friend. Well I hope you’re happy up there on your high horse. I hear it hurts when you fall from that height,” she jeered, pivoting on her heel and storming off.

  So much for my new beginning.

  So I stood alone on the sidewalk.

  Alone.

  It was the most familiar thing I knew.

  Flynn

  Many years ago…

  I didn’t talk to Ellie anymore.

  I still saw her every day at school. She didn’t turn around to say hi in English. She ignored me when I said I liked her hair. It wasn’t colored now. It was yellow. I liked it yellow. It made her look really pretty.

  I told her that but she ignored me. It made me mad. I threw my pencil at her and it hit her in the head. She kept it. I yelled at her to give me my pencil back.

  Mr. Goodwin made me leave. He said I was distracting the class. I knocked over a trashcan and had to go sit in the principal’s office. They called my mom. She was sad.

  I told her Ellie wasn’t my friend anymore.

  She hugged me. I didn’t like it when she hugged me.

  I liked it when Ellie hugged me.

  But she wouldn’t hug me now.

  She was mean. She called me Freaky Flynn again. And she never gave me my birthday present. She said she got me something special. But she never gave it to me.

  I tried to ask her where my present was. She pushed me hard. It hurt. I hit a locker and it made me mad. I yelled at her and called her a bitch. I threw my book bag at her.

  She didn’t laugh this time. She picked up my book bag and handed it to me.

  Her mouth had done that funny thing again.

  I walked home alone now. I walked for eighteen minutes. To the red barn. Then to the stream with the four rocks. To the purple mailbox and then to the wooden bridge.

  “Flynn,” I didn’t like people coming out of the trees when I couldn’t see them.

  “Don’t do that!” I yelled.

  Ellie handed me a gift.

  “It was for your birthday,” she said. I took it. I liked gifts.

  I opened the paper. It was an Aqua Teen Hunger Force notebook.

  “For you to draw in. And you know, because you like that show. Even if it is weird.”

  She was smiling but I didn’t like it.

  She had been mean to me today. Now she was giving me a birthday present.

  “Are you my friend again?” I asked, folding the wrapping paper into a square and putting it in my pocket.

  “No,” Ellie said and I didn’t understand. She just gave me a present. Friends give each other presents. She gave me a notebook. It was smooth and I liked to rub it with my finger.

  “We’re not friends, Flynn. I’m sorry about the way I treat you. I’m sorry for being mean. But I’m not going to hang out with you anymore. I won’t walk you home. And you can’t talk to me in school.”

  Her words made my stomach hurt.

  “You gave me a present,” I said, holding the notebook out for her to see.

  Ellie frowned. Was she mad?

  “I got it for you; I wanted you to have it. That’s it, Flynn,” she said.

  “That’s it,” I said. Ellie put her hands over her face. Why was she doing that?

  What was wrong with her?

  “We’re not friends, Flynn!” she yelled at me. I covered my ears. She was being really loud. Why was she being so loud?

  “Stop it!” I yelled back.

  “I’m sorry,” Ellie said. Her face was wet. She was crying. Mom had told me that meant someone was sad.

  “Why are you sad?” I asked her, pointing to her wet face.

  “I’m not sad! Don’t be a retard!”

  That made me angry.

  “I’m not retarded!”

  Ellie wiped her face. It was still wet.

  “Go home, Flynn. And don’t talk to me ever again,” Ellie said.

  I threw my birthday present in the stream and ran all the way home. I didn’t even look at the minutes on my watch.

  -Ellie-

  I went to find Flynn after our run in with Dania. I had been rattled to say the least. I found him at home, playing with Murphy in the yard.

  He wouldn’t talk to me at
first.

  I apologized over and over again, not even sure he was hearing me.

  “You made up that name? Freaky Flynn?” he asked me finally after I had been near tears.

  “Yes,” I admitted. It was the one thing I could come clean about.

  “I hate that name. It makes me really mad. And you made it up. You told them to call me that.” Flynn threw the ball for Murphy, who was oblivious to the tension between the two humans in his life.

  “I know you do, Flynn. I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s a mean name. You’re a mean person,” he said flatly. Unemotionally. No feeling whatsoever. He was telling me the absolute and total truth.

  “Yes, I am,” I agreed, my chest feeling painfully tight.

  “My name isn’t Freaky Flynn. It’s just Flynn. Flynn Hendrick. I live at 16 Hollow Point Road, Wellsburg, West Virginia 22098. I’m five foot eleven and weigh one hundred and seventy-four pounds. I am not Freaky Flynn!” His voice rose the more upset he became.

  Murphy dropped the ball at Flynn’s feet and he kicked it across the yard.

  “I know you’re not Freaky Flynn! I’m so sorry I ever made it up! I was a mean, stupid girl! I was too scared to admit how I felt about you. That’s all! But I was wrong! So wrong! I love you Flynn!” I cried out.

  Crap! I hadn’t meant to say that! Not now. Not like this.

  Flynn was shaking his head back and forth. He was pulling at his hair so hard I thought he’d pull out chunks. “No, I’m not Freaky Flynn!” he yelled again.

  He hadn’t even registered the huge admission I had just made.

  I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed.

  Murphy started to whine, picking up on his owner’s state of mind.

  “You’re not Freaky Flynn!” I yelled, feeling myself getting worked up as well.

  “You always called me names! You always made me feel bad, Ellie! I wanted you to be my friend. I wanted you to like me!” His voice rose and he had started to cry.

  I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid anything I said or did would only set him off further. I had seen him like this before of course, when we were both much younger.

  But then I hadn’t cared about calming him down. I had laughed and teased and tormented. I had milked his freak out for everything it was worth.