Jones, Beverly R

by All Things Sacred (Lit) (Triskelion)

  At least with Cynthia there was no hidden truth to discover. The truth of Cynthia slapped him right in the face and he was glad of that. He knew the only reason she’d been acting so possessive lately was because she was jealous that a beautiful woman was living under his roof. Cynthia didn’t like competition, that was for sure.

  But he also knew that Cynthia wasn’t jealous because she loved him. Their feelings for each other were in complete harmony. Neither one of them was in love with the other. Hell, he didn’t think Cynthia even went for that sort of thing. It cluttered up her life and prevented her from doing what she wanted. They just enjoyed each other’s company and expected nothing more from each other. It was better that way. Expect nothing, then you’re not disappointed when something turns out to be other than what you’d hoped. Jackson didn’t want to admit that kind of thinking left an emptiness in his life. He was more determined to take the easier route now. Hell, maybe he’d start having sex with Cynthia again. Sex and friendship. Why ask for anything more?

  Having convinced himself that he’d gotten back on track again, Jackson got up and began to get dressed. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was just five-forty-five, too early for anyone else to be up and about. Kendall usually didn’t start breakfast until around six. Maybe if he hurried, he could leave the house before she got to the kitchen. He’d tell her later today that he’d made a mistake, that he shouldn’t have kissed her. Right now he didn’t feel like facing her.

  Jackson finished dressing and carried his boots to the kitchen. As soon as he walked through the door, he saw her there, getting milk out of the refrigerator. He walked quickly to a chair and sat down and started putting on his boots.

  Kendall turned at the sound and called his name quietly. “Jackson? I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you. Do you have a minute to talk, now?” she asked.

  He looked up at her from his chair. “Yes. As a matter of fact, I wanted to talk to you, too,” Jackson said, dropping the bootlace. “To apologize about yesterday.”

  “What?” Kendall asked in a muted tone.

  “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “You don’t know what came over you?” Kendall looked at him incredulously.

  “I was out of line. It was a stupid thing to do and I’m really sorry.”

  Kendall stood there staring at him, stunned.

  He looked down and finished tying his laces. “It won’t happen again.”

  “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again,” she snapped.

  Jackson’s head jerked up at the tone of her voice. She turned quickly around to the kitchen counter, poured more milk into the pancake batter and whipped at it vigorously with a spoon. Jackson opened the back door and walked out onto the porch. He stood there for a moment and thought about going back in. Instead, he opened the screen door and walked out into the yard, heading for the stable.

  Kendall beat at the pancake batter with a vengeance, pulverizing every lump. She was ruining the batter, but she didn’t care. He had obviously avoided her all day yesterday, and now she knew why. It was all a big mistake to him, was it? He just couldn’t help his impetuous, animal instincts? It was nothing more than that to him? Well, if that’s the way he wanted it that was just fine with her. The way she felt about Jackson didn’t seem to matter to him at all, and he had just made it quite clear that what he felt for her was nothing more than an impulsive roll in the mud.

  Well, she’d cook his food and clean his house and clean out his stupid stable and anything else she could do to bide her time here until she could return to the life she’d left behind. She’d be as polite and congenial to him as she possibly could, but with no silly aspirations of anything more than that. And then she’d be gone, putting him far behind her. She grasped the handle of the spoon in her fist and began stabbing at the contents of the bowl, her anger and frustration taking its toll on what was going to be breakfast.

  “Hey, I think the stuff in that bowl is dead by now,” Casey said as she walked into the kitchen, laughing.

  Kendall dropped the spoon in the bowl and turned and fled to her bedroom, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  ≈≈≈

  Casey turned on the bedside lamp, got out of bed and donned her robe. She wasn’t going to put this off any longer.

  “Where you going, honey?” Tom asked drowsily as he turned in the bed and looked up at her.

  “To talk to Jackson.”

  “It’s kinda late, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not even eleven o’clock yet. Go back to sleep. I won’t be long.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

  “Hey,” he mumbled sleepily as she was leaving the room, “if I’m asleep when you get back, wake me up.” He grinned at her suggestively.

  She grinned back. “How long have we been married? And to think I didn’t know until this very moment that all I had to do was wake you out of a sound sleep.”

  “Yeah, you might want to keep that in mind.”

  She smiled at him, then turned and left the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

  Downstairs, Casey poked her head into Jackson’s bedroom. The lamp was glowing dimly inside, but there was no sign of him. She continued down the hall and found him in the kitchen. He sat at the table stirring cream into a cup of coffee. He looked up when she neared the table.

  “What are you doing up?” Jackson asked.

  Casey pulled out a chair next to him and sat down. “I could ask you the same thing.”

  “Couldn’t sleep.”

  Casey laughed quietly and asked, “So you think coffee’s the answer? You should try some warm milk.” “I am having warm milk. It just doesn’t taste very good unless it’s got a lot of coffee in it.

  Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. Why are you up?” “I wanted to talk to you about something. And I think it’s important that you hear me out.” Jackson raised an eyebrow and looked at her suspiciously. “Uh-oh. This sounds serious. Do I

  want to hear this?”

  “Probably not, but I’m going to say it, anyway.” Casey looked at him squarely and said, “You know, I’ve been noticing your peculiar behavior. I’ve known for some time now that something was bothering you and I’ve been keeping my mouth shut. Just taking inventory and waiting till I figured it out, and I think I have. No, I know I have.”

  “Oh? What have you figured out?” “You’re in love with her.” “With who?” “Don’t be an idiot. With Kendall.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “Jackson,” she reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “Please don’t do this to yourself.” “I don’t know what you mean.” “Yes, you do. After Melissa, and then Karen, you called it quits. You managed to convince

  yourself that loving someone was not worth the risk. And so you settled into some sort of existence that you think keeps you safe. But you didn’t want to be totally without female companionship, so you formed some sort of unemotional alliance with Cynthia because you know you could never love her, even if the world blew up tomorrow and you two were the last ones left. Well, tell me, Jackson, do you feel safe with Cynthia? Does she make you feel safe from that pain you’re so sure is inevitable? Or does she just make you feel painless? Numb?”

  “My love life is really not up for discussion,” Jackson said quietly and took a sip of his coffee. “Jackson, quit being such a man. I’m your sister. I love you. I can’t stand to see you so

  unhappy.” “I’m not unhappy.” “No? Then why do you go through each day now as if you’re in total agony? It’s so obvious how

  you feel about Kendall. You’re crazy about her. The way you look at her, the way the two of you laugh together, the way she gets excited about such simple things and I know how that makes you appreciate her even more. This time, your money has nothing to do with it. She doesn’t want your money, Jackson.

  She just wants you, can’t you see that?”

  “You don’t know what you’re tal
king about, Case.” Jackson said, almost in a whisper, and started to rise from his chair.

  Casey clutched his arm as he tried to push himself up from the table. “I saw the two of you yesterday, out in the rain,” she said.

  He hovered over the table, his palms flat against the oak surface. “And you think that means I can’t live without her?”

  “Yes. That and everything else I’ve seen in the past few weeks. I know how much you care about her, and I can also see how much you’re fighting it. You’re bucking like a horse that sees the branding iron coming. Why are you so sure that every woman you fall in love with is poisonous?”

  Jackson sneered and emitted a sardonic little laugh. “Gee, maybe because I’ve got a track record to prove it?”

  “Oh, stop it, Jackson. I don’t know at what point you decided that trusting someone wasn’t worth the risk anymore, but you must realize it wasn’t your fault that Karen turned out to be the most materialistic scavenger any of us have ever run across.” Casey softened her voice and added, “And it’s not your fault that Melissa grew apart from you and wanted you to sell every last thing that was sacred to you because she thought it would make her happier.”

  Jackson looked at her in stunned silence. He sat back down in his chair and slumped forward, his forearms resting on the table. “How did you know?”

  “I’m not stupid. I live in this house and I know what breathes inside of it. And aside from Tom, you’re the person I know best in this world. And I know you’ve fallen in love with Kendall, but you don’t want to admit it because you’re so sure it will just screw up your life again. So you just go on day to day, like you have for so long now, determined to keep your life wrapped up in a neat little package, free from anything too meaningful. Well, I care about you too much not to tell you what a mistake you’re making. I can’t go on watching you fight something that could be the best thing that ever happened to you. It’s time to stop and smell the coffee brewing right under your nose, Jackson.”

  Jackson smiled to himself at the reminder of what Kendall had said just the day before, about stopping and smelling the fishpond.

  Casey studied his face for a moment. “Think about what the rest of your life is going to be like if you let her leave here without telling her how you feel.”

  Jackson turned his head sharply to look at Casey. “She’s leaving?”

  “Well, of course, she’s leaving, eventually. At some point her memory will return completely. She’s already had one breakthrough, and it didn’t seem to be a very happy one, I might add. She’ll have to deal with that at some point, to tie up the loose ends of her life. I’m sure when she remembers everything, she’ll want to go back for a while. She probably has family somewhere. But you can’t go on pretending that she means nothing to you if you ever want her to come back.” Casey watched him quietly, saw the doubt in his eyes, but also the sadness that he couldn’t hide. “And just look at the way you reacted when you thought she was leaving. For God’s sake, tell her how you feel, Jackson. I don’t mean to sound like I’m lecturing you. I just want what’s best for you.”

  “And you think Kendall is what’s best for me? Let’s see, how exactly does that play out, Casey? Kendall – no, wait, her name could be Shirley, or Sue, or Sarah – and I admit our undying love for each other, get married and have half a dozen kids. But wait. Then she suddenly realizes she already has a husband. Only she temporarily forgot that, along with how madly in love with him she is, and how blissfully happy she was to rediscover him. And then let’s don’t forget those six other children she probably had with him who are crying and begging her to come home. And then we all live happily ever after.”

  “Leave it to you to come up with the most outrageous scenario. I don’t believe for one minute that she left a loving husband and children and ended up here by herself where no one who knows or loves her had any idea where she was going or seems to be able to locate her. I know there are problems where Kendall is concerned. There are a lot of things she still has to work out. But you’re kidding yourself if you think she won’t deal with it and keep right on caring about you. I know her, Jackson. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out she’s in love with you. And you know as well as I do it doesn’t matter whom she used to be. It doesn’t matter what she may discover about her past. I know the kind of person she is now, and I know she’d rather cut off her arm than hurt you.”

  Jackson looked at Casey for a long time without speaking, considered what she had said, wished like hell it were true. But Casey was a diehard romantic. He, on the other hand, had learned that kind of thinking left you feeling nothing but disappointment in the end, and he wasn’t going down that road again. At least, not now. And not with Kendall. There were too many unknowns where Kendall was concerned. He wasn’t going to get involved in something that would probably blow up in his face. Because he’d had enough of that. But mostly because he knew that loving Kendall and then losing her would be a far greater disappointment than any he’d had so far.

  “I’m going to bed now,” Jackson said in a tone that sounded both exhausted and futile. He kissed Casey on the cheek and left the kitchen.

  Chapter 13

  >Kendall was surprised when she opened the front door and saw Cynthia standing there. She had actually knocked this time. How peculiar, Kendall thought. Perhaps Cynthia was a bit timid about entering the house after the confrontation with Jackson. It was shortly after two o’clock on Sunday and the house was quiet. Tom and Casey were visiting friends in Logan City. They had asked Kendall to come along, but she had declined, explaining that she was looking forward to an afternoon of reading and possibly catching a nap. It had been a long week and she was feeling a little tired. She wondered if the tension between Jackson and her hadn’t taken its toll.

  Jackson, of course, was in his room, where he seemed to escape quite often now. In the last week, she and Jackson had only crossed paths during meals and once during an evening of movie videos with Tom and Casey. Even then, Jackson remained fairly quiet and Kendall had made no attempts to solicit any type of conversation from him. He had gone out a couple of evenings after supper and returned late both times. He made no mention, at least not in front of Kendall, of where he was going or what he was doing. She had heard him come in, stumbling in the dark hallway, on both of those occasions long after she had gone to bed. She assumed he had been out with Cynthia, but if that were true, Kendall wondered why Cynthia had not resumed her previous habit of barreling into the house unannounced, instead of waiting at the door like a timid visitor, as she did now.

  “I’m here to see Jackson,” Cynthia proclaimed with a disdainful look as she stood in the doorway.

  “He’s in his room,” Kendall answered.

  Cynthia walked into the foyer. “Well, get him for me, then, would you? I’m in quite a hurry.”

  “I’m sure you know where his room is. Get him yourself.” Kendall turned away from Cynthia and walked down the hall toward her bedroom.

  Behind her, Cynthia said, “That’s fine with me! I’ll be happy to!”

  Kendall turned around to face her and smiled as she reached her bedroom. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that in some small way I’ve managed to please you.” She shut her bedroom door and crawled back onto the bed with her book.

  Moments later she heard the clack of Cynthia’s heels in the back hallway, then a knock on Jackson’s bedroom door. Whaddya know? She actually knocked again. Kendall heard the door open and close, then muffled voices and laughter. Great. Now she had to listen to this. Kendall climbed off the bed and slipped on her sneakers. She carried her book out to the screened porch and settled into a chaise lounge. Engrossed in her book, she didn’t hear the back door open fifteen minutes later.

  “You know, Kendall, or whatever your name is, don’t you think it’s time you thought about getting back to your own life?” Cynthia stood beside the chaise lounge, one hand on her hip.

  “I’ve thought about little
else, Cynthia,” Kendall answered. “Now, if that’s all you wanted to know, could you please leave me in peace and let me get back to my book?”

  “I’m waiting for Jackson,” Cynthia said, then added with a brazen smile, “He’s getting dressed now. We’re going out. And while I’m waiting, I just thought I’d set you straight about Jackson and me.”

  “Why don’t you have a seat over there and wait for him quietly instead?” Kendall looked back down at her book.

  “What’s the matter? You afraid of what I might say? Afraid to hear the truth?”

  “No, I’d just rather read than try and converse with someone of your insipid mentality.”

  “Oh, you’re quite the smart-ass, aren’t you? If I were you, I’d watch that mouth before someone shoots you again. I can certainly understand now why that man aimed at your head and pulled the trigger. He was probably desperate to shut you up.”

  The blood drained from Kendall’s face as she stared up at Cynthia. “That’s not true. The gun went off accidentally and the bullet just grazed my head.”

  “Oh, the bullet grazed your head, all right, but it was no accident. He just happened to be a lousy shot, obviously. Of course, he tried to make up for his ineptitude with a pistol by running you over with your own car, but that didn’t work, either.” Cynthia giggled and cooed, delighted by the obvious pain she was causing Kendall. “From what I hear, your mouth, as well as your actions, elicited quite a rage in him. I’m sure you got just what you deserved.”

  “I don’t believe you.” Kendall began to tremble.

  “No? Well, just ask Jackson, then. Ask Casey Anne. Ask anybody around here. Apparently, everyone but you knows what happened out there. I think it’s time you faced the fact that you’re nothing but a troublemaker. And then you have the gall to hang around here as if you own the place, playing on Jackson’s sympathies.”

  Kendall sprang from the chaise lounge and flew past Cynthia, pushed open the screen door and fled outside to the stable. She collapsed on the hard dirt floor and sat with her back against a stall, crying. My God, she wondered, what kind of a person am I? What had she done that day to cause that man to want to destroy her? Was everything that happened that day her fault? Is that what Casey and Jackson were keeping from her? Why, why, why couldn’t she remember?