More Than Life

by Nick Kove

  ‘And him saying you’re no poof? What does he know anyway? Because I know you sure love fucking me and I’m no girl.’

  He sure wasn’t.

  ‘You should stay away from Marcus.’

  ‘Hard to do when he seeks me out.’ He shifted around on the bed so he faced me full-on. ‘What’s about his obsession with you not being gay? And all that hate for gay people?’

  ‘I don’t know. He thinks it’s disgusting. He told me I was.’

  His eyes narrowed.

  ‘So he knows?’

  ‘No. I don’t—he’s mean, Nik. And dangerous.’

  ‘Oh, I know. If we hadn’t been in the crowded club I’m pretty sure he would’ve knocked me around just for the hell of it.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I should’ve been there. Made sure Marcus didn’t approach him or hurt him or threaten him.

  ‘Why are you sorry? You didn’t do it.’

  ‘But I should’ve—’

  ‘Stop right there.’ He held a finger up to silence me. ‘I’m not some damsel in distress. I don’t need you to look out for me. I do perfectly well on my own. Despite the way I look, I’m quite fit. I’m strong and agile. And I know how to take care of myself.’

  He’s right.

  I know.

  ‘I don’t even know why I bother. I came home to spend a nice Easter here. Meet my friends, spend some time with my parents and my brother. Instead, I’ve alienated my best friend and I’ve spent most of my time with you. And the sex is great, but the rest is shit.’

  ‘Come on, it’s not.’ That was not true. We’d enjoyed simply spending time together in my room, between all the shagging. ‘That’s not true, Nik.’

  He crossed his arm defiantly.

  ‘Well, I always end up miserable, don’t I? I don’t see the point—’

  ‘I’m always miserable,’ I interrupted in a low voice. ‘Always. It never goes away.’

  A muscle ticked in his jaw.

  ‘But these few days with you, they’ve been good. Except when I fuck up and I know I do a lot. But—these days have been great.’

  He was melting by the second. His crossed stance wasn’t quite as fierce, his jaw more relaxed, eyes not as narrowed.

  ‘I really like you, Nik, and I don’t—I don’t know what to do now, because I’ve never actually liked anyone who likes me back. Or at least I think you do.’

  He could just be shagging me because there was no one else around to shag because he was horny. But would he stay an entire day in my company if that was the case?

  He sighed loudly.

  ‘Fuck you, Glenn.’

  I looked up as he moved, uncrossing his arms and instead of bracing them behind him on the bed.

  Does he want me to leave?

  It hadn’t sounded like an angry fuck you, though.

  ‘You know just what to say, don’t you?’ He peered up at me. ‘You know what… Do you want to show me how sorry you are?’

  I blinked, not understanding where he was going.

  He uncrossed his legs and spread his thighs.

  ‘Give me that blow job you’ve been promising me for days.’

  My throat went all dry and I swallowed. It probably went dry because all my blood rushed south—but at the same time, I was scared of doing this. If I did, there’d be no way back. What if I did it and I was shit at it?

  But I wouldn’t know until I tried, would I? And I didn’t want there to be any way back… I wanted to make this hurdle, to conquer it, to master it.

  I wanted to suck dick, it was as simple as that.

  It was Nik’s turn to blink as I stepped up to the bed and got to my knees on the floor.

  ‘I was joking,’ he said, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

  ‘I’m not.’ I grabbed his legs and pulled him towards me until his arse rested on the edge of the bed. He wore his skinny jeans and the zipper was right there and under it… I had to see his dick.

  You’ve already seen it.

  But not like this. Not right in front of my face, not right before I was going to use my mouth on it. Before it had just been there between us as I fucked Nik—or trapped under him if I fucked him from behind. But now I was actually going to come into contact with it. It was entirely different.

  ‘You don’t have to do it.’ He stroked a hand over my hair and down over my cheek, to cup my neck. ‘Really, Glenn. It was a joke. I just wanted to see your reaction.’

  That caress was nice. It made me even more determined to actually do this.

  ‘I want to, Nik. Just don’t expect too much.’ I glanced up at him, but when I met his eyes I quickly looked back down.

  I unzipped his jeans with a hand that shook a little—nerves and anticipation, both mixed together into a mash where I didn’t know where one ended and the other began.

  Nik’s thumb brushed the back of my neck lightly.

  Come on, Glenn.

  This isn’t dangerous.

  People do this all the time! It’s a natural thing to do with the person you have sex with.

  I dragged the skinny jeans down his arse—with some help from him as he lifted up—and down his thighs until I could pull them properly off his feet and discard them on the floor. He wore bright red, tight briefs and I stared at the bulge in them.

  Nik spread his thighs further and I scooted in as close as I could get. I hooked two fingers in the hem of the briefs, my breath catching a little at what was coming, and then I dragged those down too.

  His dick was flaccid, nestled in neatly trimmed pubes and over his balls. I touched him with one hand, the other still holding the briefs out of the way. Soft, wrinkled skin.

  Nik exhaled deeply.

  ‘I’m not going to be mad if you back out. I promise.’

  I’m not going to back out.

  For once in my life, I wanted to take a chance on something—something I desperately wanted to do—and actually do it properly. And he was hardening slowly, so he wanted this… and I wasn’t going to leave him hanging.

  If Marcus could see me now, on my knees about to suck another guy’s dick, he really would kill me.

  But I couldn’t let my fear—of my brother, of other people—rule my life. I had to do what I wanted. And right now I wanted to embrace my bisexuality and repay Nik for all the blowjobs he’d given me.

  I was ready for it. I was going to make him feel so fucking good—or at least try my best.

  And try not to choke.

  Me: Matt, I did it. Mission accomplished. It was awesome.

  I tossed my phone away and rolled over to look at Nik, who was also curled up with his own phone, reading another one of my books.

  ‘Don’t speak.’ He put his index finger against my lips, not taking his eyes off his screen for a second.

  ‘I wasn’t going to,’ I murmured and instead scooted in closer to him. I put my head against his neck, wrapped an arm around his waist, and curled my knees up to rest against his arse.

  His legs flopped over my hips and thighs, and we lay curled together like that as he read.

  It was good. All intimate and domesticated and shit and I fucking loved it. I hated to think that Easter was over soon and that he would have to go back to Oslo and leave me here all alone.

  I wish he could stay.

  I must’ve dozed off, because next thing I knew, Nik was tapping his fingers on my arm.

  ‘Mmm—what?’ I asked sleepily.

  ‘I simply have to read more than two books. Give me a link and I’ll buy them all. Also, I want to read those longer stories of yours.’

  ‘What—no! I’ll give you a link to the erotic short stories, but not the other ones.’ I dreaded having anyone I knew read all that romantic shit.

  ‘Why not?’ he whined, gripping my arm tightly. ‘Anyway, I guess I can google it. I know your pen name now, so it shouldn’t be too hard.’

  Now that was true. But my username on the free site wasn’t the same as my pen name, so maybe not. I’d only given Ma
tt the link because he posted free reads on there once in a while too. Also, it was safer to tell him about it, because I didn’t have to face him in real life. I’d got to know him online—so I didn’t even know what he looked like.

  ‘You would think so, wouldn’t you?’

  I could only picture the scowl he directed my way at that.

  ‘Your longer stories are secret, but the smut is all right for people to know about?’

  ‘Yeah, well, I’m a guy. Don’t us guys think about sex roughly every five seconds or so?’

  ‘I think the saying is every seven seconds—and it’s a gross exaggeration.’

  ‘I’m thinking about it right now.’ That was a bit of a lie because I was sleepy and content, but whatever.

  ‘Well, it’s been a few hours since that blowjob,’ he shot back.

  Yeah, that blowjob.

  It had been everything I’d imagined and more. Sucking cock was good, but it was hard too. Well, maybe not hard… but it wasn’t easy to get everything in my mouth. Nik managed to deep-throat me and I had no idea how he did it, but I hadn’t come close to managing that with him earlier.

  Practice makes perfect though.

  And I planned to practice a lot.

  ‘Hey, Nik?’ I had to ask now before it was too late. Before he headed back to Oslo and I wouldn’t see him for ages. If he even wanted to see me again. I had no idea where we stood—and I was afraid to ask. Or afraid of the answer.

  ‘Mhm?’ He stroked my hand lazily with his thumb.

  ‘Do you want to—’ I didn’t know how to ask. ‘I mean—I don’t know—do you, maybe, want to, like… top?’

  He stilled.

  ‘You’re talking about sex right?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  Silence.

  ‘You want me to top you?’

  ‘Yeah.’ I’d only bottomed for someone once, Alex’s brother over a year ago—not to mention all the times I used my sex toys, but it wasn’t the same as being fucked by another man—and I wanted more. I trusted Nik. I wanted to do this with him.

  ‘I’ve never done that before.’ He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers. ‘Men don’t usually want to bottom for someone who’s smaller and more effeminate than them.’

  I tilted my head a little to brush my lips against his neck.

  ‘I don’t mind.’

  ‘You ever done it before?’ He moved around so we lay face to face.

  ‘Yeah.’ And I’d loved it.

  He narrowed his eyes a fraction.

  ‘With another man? Or just sex toys? A dildo up your arse is great, but it’s nothing compared to a real dick.’

  ‘I’ve done it with another man, yeah,’ I murmured, then leant in for a quick, hard kiss. ‘It was great. That’s why I want to do it again. And again and again and again.’

  ‘Wow.’ His hand cupped my cheek as he bent closer to brush our lips together.

  I deepened that kiss because his simple brush wasn’t nearly enough. We had, what, two or three nights left before he had to leave?

  ‘Okay,’ he whispered. ‘Let’s do it.’ But he didn’t stop kissing me. ‘It’s weird though, to think that I get to have an actual first time again. I’ve been sexually active for years.’

  ‘Fucking someone is great,’ I murmured. ‘But being fucked is better.’

  He chuckled.

  ‘I guess I’ll see now.’

  It was fumbling and awkward and good and great and amazing.

  His fingers fumbled in the beginning, probably from nerves, but once his cockhead butted against my opening, instinct seemed to take over. I groaned as he breached me, muscles tensing through the initial flare of pain.

  Nik’s breath caught in his throat for a few seconds, then stuttered back out.

  ‘Damn.’

  Damn, yeah.

  That was a word for it. He sank inside me easily now the worst was done with. The lube was slippery between us, easing his passage into me, and then his pubes tickled my arse as he sheathed fully.

  I reached back to stroke his arse as I buried my face in the pillow, muffling my moans. His hands settled almost hesitantly over my hips, gripping me not tight, but enough to keep us pressed together.

  ‘You all right?’ he asked, his voice strangled. ‘Shit, this is—I want to move.’

  ‘You can,’ I mumbled. ‘Do it.’ I wanted him to pound me into the bed so hard I’d feel him three days from now.

  He didn’t exactly pound into me, but he did move. He pulled slowly back, until only the head of his dick was inside, then thrust back down. It was awkward at first, like he had no idea what to do exactly or how gentle or not to be, but eventually, we both got the hang of it and we moved in rhythm, rutting against each other.

  And it was good, so fucking great to finally have someone fuck me again. I didn’t want it to end—but sadly, as with everything that felt as amazing as this did, it ended way too quickly.

  I came first, and when my body clenched around him, Nik came too. I stroked my dick furiously, milking every single drop out of it as Nik had stuttered to a halt balls deep in me. Once he was spent, he collapsed to the side and I let my knees stretch out under me as well.

  ‘That was… wow.’ He moved next to me.

  I turned my head to look at him. He looked all sweaty and sated.

  ‘Yeah.’ I felt so relaxed. I ached a bit, but it was a good kind of ache, proof of the pleasure I’d just experienced.

  ‘We’ve definitely got to do that again.’ Nik leant over for a lazy, open-mouthed kiss.

  ‘Oh yeah.’ I pushed up on my elbows, grimaced at the feel of the wet spunk I was lying in, then scooted over to fit myself against Nik for lazier, sated kisses.

  Our chests pressed together and I cupped a hand around his face as I pushed my tongue past his lips. He wrapped his arms around me, running his palms first up my back, then down to cup my bum.

  We kissed for a long time, and when that got tiresome, we moved to cuddling. I lay on my back—away from the wet spot I’d made when we fucked, and he, as usual, rested halfway on top of me.

  ‘When are you leaving?’ I asked because I had to know. I didn’t want it to come as a surprise. I had to know what was going to happen from now on—if anything happened at all.

  ‘Monday morning,’ he replied in a low voice. ‘The earliest flight. I’ve got stuff to do in Oslo before school starts on Tuesday.’

  Tonight and tomorrow left then.

  Shit.

  ‘What then?’

  ‘What’d you mean?’ His cheek slid against my chest as he moved his head to peer up at me. ‘What, Glenn?’

  Might as well be honest. I’d just let him fuck me, after all.

  ‘I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to stop seeing you.’

  He licked his lips slowly.

  ‘I’m not coming back until school lets out in the middle of June.’

  That was two months away. Over two fucking months.

  He stroked my cheek, palm rasping against my light stubble.

  ‘But I don’t want to stop seeing you either.’

  ‘What does that mean?’ I met his gaze for a second before I looked up at the ceiling, yet again afraid of the answer. But at least I’d asked the question, so in three, two, one—

  ‘Well, as I see it, we’ve got two options.’ Nik sat up all of a sudden and crossed his legs.

  My gaze was drawn to his crotch.

  ‘Hey, eyes up here.’ He motioned to me.

  I lifted my gaze dutifully.

  ‘Two options,’ he continued, all business-like now. ‘We leave this be as of Monday, meet up again when I come back home for the summer, and see where we stand then.’

  I didn’t like that option. Not at all.

  ‘Or… we continue this, whatever it is.’

  ‘But you’ll be in Oslo.’ So, it wasn’t like we could continue with what we were doing now.

  ‘Long-distance, Glenn. Lots of people make that work. We stay in contact fo
r the next two months, get to know each other properly, and then when summer’s here…’ He brought his hands together, tangling his fingers. ‘We can be together again.’

  ‘Long-distance? As in, relationship?’ That familiar ball of anxiety squeezed my chest tight.

  He frowned.

  ‘Yeah. That’s… yeah. That’s option two though, we could just go with one—’

  ‘No, no!’ I sat up too, so quickly he drew back a little in surprise. ‘I like option two.’

  ‘You do?’ He blinked, then looked away. ‘Long-distance relationship… with me?’

  ‘Yeah.’ I didn’t like the long-distance, but I sure liked the relationship part. ‘I want that.’

  Please want the same!

  He peered at me from under his ruffled fringe.

  ‘I’ve never been in a relationship before.’

  ‘Me neither.’ I’d fancied Andreas, but never dared show it. When I’d fancied Alex he’d been with Andreas for quite some time already and they’d been tight. Those two had been the only ones I’d ever been interested in anything other than sex with. And now Nik.

  Fuck.

  I hadn’t wanted this with Nik, but now… now I wanted it so much I physically hurt if he decided to leave me behind after these few days together.

  ‘We’ll both have a first together then.’ He cocked his head somewhat shyly—something I’d never seen from Nik before.

  My heart started beating quicker—galloping against my chest.

  This is happiness.

  The realisation hit me like lightning from a clear sky.

  I grabbed Nik’s face and dragged him into a sloppy kiss. I couldn’t stop smiling and he laughed against my lips as he hooked his arms around my neck.

  ‘Shit—this is—unbelievable,’ he said this in-between kisses, but he pulled back to look at me when he continued. ‘I never thought when I came back and went home with you that first night that we’d end up here.’

  ‘You hit me in the face that first night,’ I reminded him.

  He chuckled.

  ‘I did.’ He ran a hand over my face in a soft caress, so different from the fist that had hit me only a few days ago. ‘I know I’m promiscuous and all that, but I kinda thought you’d answer my messages. Especially when I found out you were in the hospital. That worried me, you know. When you never did… I was pissed, yeah.’