The Symbolon

by Colvin, Delia

She took his arm and leaned into him. “Alex, I want to make love to you. I would have made love to you months ago. I love you.”

  Fighting her growing anxiety, she continued, “But you wanted us to be married first. You said that making love to me before we were married made you feel like you were…giving up on the dream.” She fought back the horror of the revelation. She pulled his face, which was still emotionless as he looked at her. “But marriage is between hearts. Not by agreement of councils.” The force of her emotions were drowning her. “Alex, with everything in me, you are my husband.”

  He forced a half smile on his face and kissed her again and then downed the remainder of his champagne, refilled it, and swigged it down again, hiding behind the action. She continued, “I know it was important to you. But we can search for Kristiana and when we find her, this will all be resolved. She will see how much we love each other and she will grant you a dissolution.”

  “Yes.”

  There was a sound of doors opening and closing inside the house and then the entire family came outside with suitcases in hand. Valeria realized that a water taxi had arrived and she hadn’t even heard it. She stared at the family, as shock formed a fog around her reality.

  “What’s going on, Alex?” She was trembling now.

  “They wanted to give us privacy tonight,” he said, woodenly.

  Lars walked up first and hugged Valeria lightly, avoiding eye contact with her. “Goodbye, sweetheart.”

  Then Tavish looked at Valeria for a few moments and then kissed her cheek. “Lass,” he said, and she noticed a tear in his eye.

  “Tav?” She looked to Alex. “Where’s Caleb?”

  “He’s in town already. Camille knew we would want to be alone tonight.” He gulped another glass down.

  Daphne gave Valeria a sad nod. Ava couldn’t look at Valeria, but gave her a brief hug before walking quickly to the waiting boat.

  Finally, Camille approached her. Valeria noticed Camille’s eyes rimmed with tears as she looked down at the ground and shook her head as if trying to gain the strength to speak.

  “Please, Camille, will you tell me what’s going on?” Valeria said as a sob broke through the illusions she was clinging to and a few tears freed themselves from her eyes.

  Camille hugged Valeria tightly, and stifling a sob, she hesitantly turned and left. Valeria could see Camille’s body quivering with silent sobs. “Camille?” she called out, and heard a cry escape from Camille as she continued toward the boat.

  “Isn’t anyone going to say anything to me?” she cried loudly enough for the family to hear. She watched as Camille loaded her suitcases on the boat with the others. Alex sat down in the chair, again refilling his glass and immediately tossing down its contents.

  The insecurities of her childhood, with the lack of love and the abuse, came back in full force as Valeria stepped toward the water taxi. “Please! Did I do something wrong?” she asked. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever I did!”

  Suddenly, Camille climbed back out of the boat and headed toward them. Camille looked at Alex sorrowfully and he dropped his face in his hands. “I have to do it this way,” he said, with the only voice that he could find.

  “I’m sorry, Alex, but I just can’t do it like that.” She shook her head empathetically as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Please tell Val, she deserves to know.” She moved up to Valeria and hugged her tightly. “Val, I love you like a sister!” she sobbed. Then, kissing her on the cheek, she turned and left without looking back.

  Valeria’s heart was pounding so loudly that it drowned out the sound of the boat motor starting up and pulling off shore. She held her breath, waiting for the news.

  “Camille’s right. I guess…” He sucked in a deep breath and refused to look at her. “I thought I could protect you from this for at least a little while…at least for tonight.” His voice cracked as he stared off into the sea. He shook his head as if getting rid of the thoughts. He downed his glass of champagne before pulling another bottle out of a nearby cooler. Popping the cork, he refilled his glass and then slumped back into his seat, still not making eye contact with her. “I don’t know how to say this.” His voice came out as a cry and his face filled with grief.

  Taking his hand, she sat on the cool ground in front of him and laid her head against his knee. “Just tell me.”

  Gently, he pulled her up onto his lap. She rolled her head onto his shoulder. “I made the biggest mistake of my life tonight…and I thought…it would be best to face it all in the morning. The family disagreed.”

  She touched his face. “Is that why they left?” She saw a slight turn of his head as if to say no.

  “Why did they leave?” Her trembling deepened. She was certain that she didn’t want to know, but something in her demanded the truth.

  “Because…that was the decision tonight.”

  “They have to go back to Morgana?”

  He reached for the champagne bottle and she put her hand on his arm to gently stop him. Then she pulled his face to hers. His eyes held no hope, only deep grief.

  With his voice flat, he said, “You would think that the gift of immortality would only be given to the very good and the very wise. That’s the way it should be…shouldn’t it?” He shook off the thought, and continued, with no emotion in his voice. “Well,” he continued, “I guess you have gleaned most of the story about Paolo and Kristiana.” Alex swallowed. “I made an unforgiveable error.”

  Valeria kissed Alex. “I don’t blame you for marrying Kristiana.”

  “Besides marrying Kristiana,” he drew in a harsh breath, “I should not have requested an immortal marriage. It provided Paolo the opportunity to bring up old grudges.” He looked down for a moment. “Honestly, I thought all of that was behind us. And the council has been…reasonable…in recent years.

  “I should have known that Paolo and Kristiana would never give up. I should have married you when we had the opportunity.” Alex shrugged. “I’m embarrassed to tell you that I risked everything—including your safety and happiness—because I couldn’t bear the thought that Paolo might have you again.”

  “Have me again?” Valeria shook her head, incredulously.

  Alex closed his eyes. “It was my jealousy…my need to…I don’t know how you will ever be able to forgive me.”

  “How does Paolo know me?”

  Alex avoided eye contact with her.

  “Alex?”

  He shook his head, attempting to will the truth into submission, and then said quietly, “You were married to him.” The idea that she could have ever been married to Paolo, and never married to the sweet man who had loved her throughout her entire existence, was nearly crushing; and she saw the effect on him was magnified.

  “I wouldn’t have married him!”

  Alex looked at her as if she were naïve. “You were fifteen. Paolo was able to charm your father…and you. But when it all comes down to it, you were sold.”

  She was speechless.

  “You died a few years later with child.” He drew another deep breath. “As time went on, I believed that Paolo and I had moved past all of that.

  “When I saw Paolo at the airport, I knew…it wasn’t over.” Alex closed his eyes. “Still, I never imagined…”

  “What is the Law of Nevia?”

  He nodded, his pain visible. “Nevia was a Nymph who created a great deal of trouble with married gods. She tricked the families into believing that she was the actual wife. After disrupting several families, a law was put in place by the angry wives.”

  “Alex…what does it have to do with us?” Her trembling was affecting her voice.

  He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Let’s discuss it later.”

  Her fear had raised her tone several levels. “Alex, tell me.” She knew she didn’t want to know.

  Alex fought back the sobs and took her face in his hands. He kissed her mouth and then cried, “It means that I have to…leave you.”

  “N
O!”

  “If I ever see you again, the council will spare no time or expense…we will be put to death!”

  Her eyes widened in tormented disbelief. “How can this be?” she cried. “This can’t be right. We have to fight this!” She stood, needing something to do.

  He rose and grabbed Valeria as tightly as he could hold her and whispered into her neck, “There is no fighting this. It was the decision. Paolo gave us tonight. I have to leave you tomorrow morning.” There was a long silence and then he whispered, “I can never see you again.”

  Valeria pulled away in shock. “Don’t say that, Alex!” The realization of what was happening hit her and she stared at him. “Were you going to just leave me in the morning?” The horror in her eyes forced him to look away. “Alex, how can this be? How could you do that?”

  He lowered his head to his hands and choked, “I can’t! I can’t do any of this. I can’t leave. I couldn’t even tell you. I thought…I guess, I thought,” he looked at her, broken, “tonight…that’s it.”

  “Please! Alex, there must be another solution! You said something about a dissolution. What about that?”

  Alex slumped back into the chair and gulped down another glass of champagne. “Val, do you know how long we have been looking for Jonah? If Kristiana wants to hide, she can be gone forever.”

  “Let’s go back to the council!”

  Alex shook his head. “The decision was to address it at the next council meeting.”

  “Next year?” she said with a trace of hope.

  “No.”

  “When Alex? When is the next council meeting?”

  He couldn’t look at her. “When is it, Alex?”

  “Five hundred years from now.”

  She felt the despair building and she went back and curled up onto his lap. He held her tightly as she sobbed. Then he carried her to the bedroom and they curled together, while Valeria wept in his arms and hung on with all that was in her.

  Finally, she spoke softly, hope creeping into her heart, “If Kristiana can disappear, so can we.”

  “No, my love.” He shook his head sadly as he stroked her face. “It isn’t just us; The Law of Nevia affects the entire family. Every member of our family will be put to death if we disappear. That’s why they left tonight.”

  “I can never see them again?”

  “It will be…as if we never existed in your life,” he whispered, tormented. “Val, we cannot, under any circumstances, contact each other. No letter or notes. No phone calls. And no one in the family can reach out to you.” He fought the pain. “Val, you need to know this. If I ever see you at a council meeting, I cannot speak to you. I cannot acknowledge you. But that is the only place I will ever be permitted to run into you. Do you understand?” She sobbed harder.

  Suddenly, desperation took hold, and he kissed her with everything that was in him as he looked into her face, so lost. In a desperate plea, he whispered, “Make love to me tonight.”

  They hastily pulled at the silk and cotton that kept them apart as their mouths and hands hungrily ripped at buttons and zippers and hooks and frantically wrapped around each other as the layers came off, still desperately desiring flesh upon flesh. Until, at once, a loud cry escaped her throat and her body succumbed to her grief. Alex held her tightly, unable to speak.

  Finally he choked, “I love you, Val. I always will. No matter what…no matter what!”

  They held each other until the first hint of daylight creased the sky. Valeria’s sobs had worn down to trembling torments in his arms. She repeatedly traced the mark on his hand, while clinging tightly to him, until she briefly dozed.

  When she awoke, moments later, she felt a sudden panic that he had left. Her cry rang out and he came to her, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. She sobbed for a few moments in his arms and then he forced himself to release her and stand.

  His face was ashen as he said, “I have to go.” He swallowed, taking in the vision of her. “You can stay here at the estate as long as you want; forever if you wish.” He swallowed again. “Or you can go back to the cottage…I built it for you.”

  She couldn’t have this conversation. “The…the cottage?” Her voice was rough and foreign. “Are we…we’re,” she cringed, “we’re dividing things?” With her voice flat, she said, “I guess…we have to.” She began to weep. “But I couldn’t be there…without you.”

  Numbness gave her a moment of reprieve. “But,” she cleared her throat, still locked in this surreal world, “Alex…is it okay…can I go there to…to get my things?” She wasn’t certain she could even bear it. But she couldn’t stand the thought of never going there again either. She knew that, someday, she would have wished for that opportunity to be where they lived happily together for such a short, but glorious time.

  “Take your time. Do what you need.”

  She heard her voice come out in a whisper, “Please don’t give up.”

  He stood there, fighting back the sobs, and finally said, “There…there is no hope.” Then he turned and started to walk out. He stopped himself in the doorway, his fists tightened as he battled the demons he needed to battle and clasping the entryway for a moment. He turned to her and said, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

  His voice was breathless…his jaw clenched, as the sobs broke. “I don’t…” He drew a deep breath. “Val, I don’t want you to be lonely…. I know you will be…for a while. And…” He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering strength. “I’m so angry with Paolo, I could…” He nodded, realizing that what he was about to say was true. “I could kill him.” He fought back the sobs. “But…I won’t.

  “Val, he will work his way back into your life. Paolo knows how to do that. And, well, the thing is...” His jaw quivered. He wondered how he could possibly say it. But he had to. “Paolo did love you. He could…be there for you, again.”

  Her stomach heaved and she ran for the bathroom as waves of nausea overtook her, but nothing came up. She sat by the toilet and sobbed, “Don’t tell me that!” she screamed. “Don’t tell me he loved me! He couldn’t love me and do this.” Her body shook violently and then she crumbled to the floor with a loud sob as dry heaves convulsed her body.

  He pulled her into his arms waiting until the heaving stopped, and carried her back to the bed. “Val,” Alex whispered through his sobs, “I know you can’t hear this now. But it’s the only chance I’ll have…and, Paolo did love you. I think…I think he was a good husband to you. And I think you loved him.” Alex shook his head. “When you died, he grieved deeply. Paolo and I mourned together. So you don’t need to hate him. Live your life. Find a way to be happy. We both need to do that.”

  Alex kissed her forehead and then her mouth, memorizing it. Then he whispered hoarsely, through his sobs, “Be happy, my love.”

  And he left.

  Valeria closed her eyes, knowing that her life would never be full or happy again. She had to block out the thought…pretend it wasn’t happening. She grabbed his shirt that was lying on the bed next to her and pulled it on over her undergarments pretending that she would wake and he would be there. Because she certainly could never just let him walk away from her…she could never do that. Concentrate, she thought…make him here with you. This is a nightmare and you’ll wake up and he’ll be here and it’ll be your wedding day and…How could she let him leave?

  Then she heard the front door close…Oh, God! It was real! Her heart dropped into her gut, realizing she might never see him again. She ran down the stairs after him, terrified that she was too late.

  He walked quickly, not trusting himself. Alex made a gesture to the driver before he reached the water taxi and the engine revved. He stepped onboard and stood facing out to sea—he couldn’t look back.

  She ran down the steps and the short hallway, racing out the door, just as the boat pulled away. With sheer desperation, she dashed down the walkway that was to have been her aisle, wearing only his shirt, not caring who saw her. She ran toward him
as the boat began to pull around the corner and out of her view. Then the boat hesitated and she saw him signal for it to continue.

  Tossing 500 euros at the driver, he said, through his agony, “No matter what I say, don’t go back.”

  He couldn’t look back, it was far more than he could bear. Tears covered his face as he wondered how he had searched for her for an eternity…and now was just leaving her.

  As the boat edged the corner, she felt the sound that sprang from her gut in an agonized scream, “Alex!” She sprinted toward the dock and then collapsed on the lawn…unable to bear to see him turn the corner.

  He heard the cry and he knew he shouldn’t go back…knew he couldn’t. Don’t look…don’t…he told himself. He would only have to leave again…how could he leave her again? The boat had rounded the corner and the house was now out of sight. He had done the unthinkable—the unbearable—he had left her…alone again in the world. Don’t look, he told himself. Don’t go back…

  Within heartbeats, he gave the only instructions that he could and the boat pulled back toward the house. It was still five feet from the dock of his island home, the driver smiling happily with the thousands of euros that now laid on the dash, when Alex leapt onto the dock.

  The steps to her were but a few sprints and then she was in his arms. He held her tightly, kissing her face, her forehead, her hair, her mouth. They held on to each other, as agonized sobs moved through both of them, both knowing it was truly for the last time.

  He removed his dark gray jacket and lovingly wrapped it around her. He shook his head in agony, and they looked into each other’s eyes. There were no words…no words… He stood and walked back to the boat.

  She knew it was better if she didn’t look. She knew that the last memory she would have of her beautiful life with him would be of him leaving. Unable to stop herself, this time she watched.

  As the boat was about to go out from view, he turned to her. Even from the distance, she could see the haunted look in his eyes. And then he was gone.

  CHAPTER 7