The Never Have I Ever Club

by Mary Jayne Baker

  She smiled. ‘Well, I do like you again. Thanks, Ash. It was sweet of you, organising the event for Felicity.’

  ‘Your aunty means a lot to you, doesn’t she?’

  ‘She’s been like another mum to me. Only different from my actual mum, because I know I can tell her anything and she’ll advise me without judging.’

  ‘I used to love her stories, when we came round to play at yours and she was there. It felt like she’d been everywhere, done everything.’

  Robyn looked down. ‘I still haven’t got my head around the fact I’m going to lose her.’

  ‘Aww, Rob.’ He hesitated, then, seeing a tear slide down her cheek, he put down his wine and pulled her to him for a hug. ‘You know I’m here if you need me, love. Right next door.’

  She smiled through her tears. ‘The other boy next door, back where he belongs. Well, I’m finally glad.’

  ‘Me too.’ He leant back to look into her face. ‘You know, I missed you like hell while I was away. Even when I was with… the whole time.’

  ‘Oh, don’t talk about then,’ she said, closing her eyes. ‘I don’t want to think about it.’

  ‘Did you miss me?’ he asked softly.

  She laughed. ‘Are you kidding? I hated your guts. Even bumping into Will upset me for a while. As if it was his fault he looked like you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Rob.’ He put one finger under her chin. ‘I’d spend my whole life making it up to you,’ he whispered. ‘If you’d let me.’

  ‘Ash, I…’

  ‘Shh. You don’t need to say anything.’

  He leant forward to plant a kiss on her lips. She didn’t kiss him back, but she didn’t pull away either. After a second he drew back, looking at her, his arms wrapped around her body.

  Ash’s eyes were black in the low light: soft, full of feeling. The flame of a candle played in his irises. So like… so…

  Robyn pressed a finger to her lips, burning with the gentle pressure of his.

  ‘I’d better go,’ she whispered. ‘My parents’ll be wondering where I’ve got to.’

  ‘Okay.’ He released her from the embrace. ‘Do you want me to walk you home?’

  She smiled. ‘I live one door away, Ash.’

  ‘That doesn’t let me off being a gentleman, does it?’

  ‘I’m fine. Thanks for the sanctuary. And the Chinese and the… conversation.’

  She floated in a daze to the door, then turned to look at him. Her brow knit with confusion.

  ‘Night, Rob,’ he said with a warm smile. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. Big day, eh?’

  ‘Yeah. Big day.’ She turned away, her head still foggy with wine and chow-mein-flavoured kisses. ‘See you, Ash. Tell Will I said goodbye.’

  33

  ‘Wakey wakey!’ Ash banged on the door of Will’s room.

  His brother answered a moment later in his pyjamas, rubbing his hair.

  ‘Wassup?’ he mumbled. ‘Did the house catch fire?’

  ‘Time to get up, Will.’

  ‘What? It’s Saturday. It’s not my turn to do the weekend surgery, is it?’

  ‘Er, yeah, it’s Saturday. It’s wedding Saturday. Didn’t you set an alarm?’

  ‘Oh, right. No, I forgot.’

  Ash shook his head. ‘What’s with you lately? I never thought I’d turn into the responsible one.’

  Will yawned. ‘Just been missing out on a bit of sleep, that’s all.’

  ‘Here. Sit down.’ Ash pushed Will back into his room and sat down by him on the bed.

  ‘Are you okay, bruv?’ he asked, resting a hand on Will’s shoulder. ‘You’ve not seemed yourself this past month or two.’

  ‘I’m all right.’ Will summoned a smile. ‘Just stress at work. Pay no attention to me.’

  ‘What was with that twenty-mile hike you must’ve gone on last night? I waited up ages for you. Wanted to tell you something.’

  ‘Sorry. I was trying to give you some time alone with Robyn.’

  ‘Oh. Really?’ Ash patted his arm. ‘Cheers, Will, I appreciate that.’

  ‘So, what did you want to tell me?’

  Ash beamed at him. ‘I kissed her. Robyn.’

  ‘You… you did what?’

  ‘I know, can you believe it? I mean, she didn’t exactly kiss me back, but she didn’t slap me and tell me to sod off either. And I was so well behaved, Will, a right little Caution Boy. I just asked myself what you’d do with a girl you liked. Gave her one tiny peck and backed off, didn’t press my advantage at all.’

  Will forced a smile. ‘That’s really great, Ash.’

  ‘I can’t believe it actually happened. I mean, the way she looked at me after… I never quite let myself believe she might still have feelings for me. Of course I hoped she did, but I didn’t want to count my unhatched chickens or whatever. But I really think there’s a chance she still loves me.’

  ‘Good. Fantastic.’

  ‘So now I need to work out what to do next,’ Ash said. ‘I have to show her I’m serious about her. Get her to understand that if she takes me back, it’ll be the real deal, you know? What do you reckon I should do?’

  ‘Just keep doing what you have been doing. Take it slow. If you push too hard, you might spook her.’

  ‘Mate, I feel on top of the world this morning. Like everything’s finally going my way.’ Ash frowned. ‘Are you okay? You’re very pale.’

  ‘I’m okay. Like I said, I’ve been missing some sleep.’

  ‘I’m worried about you, Will,’ Ash said gently, massaging his brother’s shoulder. ‘Why don’t you take a break, eh? Me and you could go for a weekend at the Brig’s new holiday caravan in Scarborough. He keeps telling us it’s ours for the asking. Barnes boys on tour, what do you say?’

  ‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind getting out of this place for a bit. I’m sick of the sight of it.’ Will stood up. ‘I’ll take the first shower.’

  *

  ‘So you kissed Ash this time,’ Freya said as she and Robyn got dressed for the wedding in Robyn’s bedroom.

  ‘All right, keep your voice down,’ Robyn hissed, glancing in the direction of her parents’ room. ‘I didn’t kiss Ash. He kissed me.’

  ‘But you kissed him back.’

  ‘Let’s say I didn’t not kiss him back,’ she admitted.

  Freya shook her head. ‘You like life to be complicated, don’t you, Rob?’

  Robyn sank onto the bed and buried her face in her hands. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I really thought, after how much he hurt me, all those old feelings had died a death, you know? But last night… I do genuinely think he’s changed. That he means it about being ready to grow up.’

  ‘So do you think you’ll get back together?’

  ‘God, I don’t know.’ She rubbed her face and looked up. ‘Frey, can I tell you a terrible secret?’

  ‘Ooh! Yes please.’ Freya bounced over to sit by her. ‘I love knowing terrible secrets.’

  ‘I told you a fib at the burlesque night. When I said I’d stopped thinking about Will like that, I totally hadn’t stopped thinking about Will like that. I just didn’t want to get in the way of you and him potentially being a thing.’

  She frowned. ‘What, you still fancy Will?’

  ‘I don’t know if “fancy” is the right word. I just keep… thinking about him. Remembering all the times he’s made me laugh, when he’s comforted me or done something sweet, even stuff from when we were kids. The man’s set up camp in my brain and I don’t know how to get him out of there.’ She stared at her reflection in the dressing table mirror. ‘And last night, when Ash kissed me, when I looked into his eyes, what I saw… I mean, all I could think about…’

  ‘…was Will.’

  She sighed. ‘You know, for so long after Ash broke my heart, all I saw when I looked at Will was his brother. His features, his smile – it was so painful, I almost let it kill our friendship. But now… now when I look at Will, I don’t see Ash at all, not even a little bit. I just see Will
.’

  ‘Oh, honey.’ Freya put an arm around her friend’s shoulders. ‘What will you do about it?’

  ‘Well, nothing. Try to get over it. Nothing could ever happen with me and Will, I realise that.’

  ‘What about you and Ash?’

  Robyn was silent a moment.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said at last. ‘I don’t know how I feel about Ash now. It’s all muddied by the Will stuff, and emotionally I’m a state anyway with what Fliss is going through, and I… I just don’t know what to do about anything. Frey, I feel utterly helpless.’ She choked on a sob. ‘It’s a total mess. I’m a mess. I was awake most of the night trying to get it all worked out.’

  ‘Hey.’ Freya pulled her into a hug. ‘Come on, dry those tears. Today’s a happy day.’

  ‘I know.’ Robyn wiped her eyes. ‘Fliss and the Brig don’t want to see their only bridesmaid walking round with a face like a dropped piano, do they? I’ll pull myself together.’

  ‘That’s our Rob. And don’t worry, it’ll all work out somehow.’

  ‘How the hell can this all work out?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Freya admitted. ‘But it will. It has to.’

  *

  When Robyn arrived at Kettlewick’s tiny parish church with her parents, the bride and groom were outside, greeting people. Felicity was in a simple pale blue dress she’d made herself, while the Brigadier was sporting full Highland kit: tweed jacket with a matching waistcoat, sporran and a red tartan kilt.

  ‘I don’t know why she doesn’t let us do that,’ Tammy said. ‘Family are supposed to do the meeting and greeting. The bride ought to hide herself away until the ceremony starts.’

  ‘Oh, let them be,’ Robyn said, waving at the bridal couple. ‘It’s their wedding.’

  Her dad patted her on the back. ‘Robyn’s right, Tammy love. There’s no reason they shouldn’t do it their way, is there?’

  ‘It’s all very well for you,’ Tammy said, casting him a resentful look. ‘She’s not your ruddy aunt, is she? I just hope she behaves herself and doesn’t get sozzled at her own reception.’

  ‘Hi, Aunty Fliss,’ Robyn said when they reached them, giving her aunt a kiss. ‘You look gorgeous. And by the way, not a day over thirty.’

  Felicity smiled. ‘What a darling little liar you are, my Robyn.’

  Robyn gave the Brigadier a kiss too. ‘And Very-Nearly-Uncle Norman. You know, you’re almost handsome enough today to marry my aunt.’

  ‘No one’s that handsome,’ the Brigadier said, casting a fond glance at his bride. ‘But let’s hush, hey, my dear? After all my hard work getting the old girl to the altar, we don’t want to talk her out of it at the final hurdle.’

  ‘Go on, Robyn, get inside,’ Felicity said. ‘Will and Ash are here. The service won’t be long, then it’ll be back to the Maypole for a knees-up.’

  Robyn flinched. Will and Ash. She’d forgotten they’d be at the ceremony too, on groomsman duties for the Brig. She headed into the church, trying not to look too conscious of the two tall, suited figures standing by the altar.

  ‘Oh look, there’s the boys.’ Her mum waved at them, then gave Robyn a little push forward. ‘Well, Robyn, go and say hello.’

  ‘Okay. Yes, I probably should, shouldn’t I?’

  Robyn tried to stifle the blush she could feel creeping up her neck as she headed for the Barnes twins. They were in full black tie and looking… well, it made her tummy feel funny. She had a bit of a thing for men in formalwear.

  ‘Um, hi,’ she said when she reached them.

  And it was no good, the blush would reach her cheeks. It must be clashing horribly with her rainbow-striped dress.

  ‘Bloom.’ Will looked about as tired as she felt, but he smiled and bent to kiss her. Ash hesitated a moment, then did the same.

  ‘I like your dress,’ Ash said.

  ‘Aunty Fliss made it.’ She held it out so they could see it better. ‘I look like I’m off to Pride, don’t I?’

  ‘You look like… a maypole.’

  She smiled. ‘A maypole?’

  ‘I mean, pretty. Like the ribbons on a maypole,’ Ash said, rubbing his hair awkwardly. ‘You look really pretty, Rob. Will, doesn’t she look pretty?’

  Will had the face of a cornered rabbit who didn’t know where the exits were. ‘Um, yeah.’

  There was a moment’s awkward silence.

  ‘Well, I’ll see you both later,’ Robyn said at last.

  ‘Rob. Wait,’ Ash said as she turned to go. ‘Just in case I don’t get a chance to talk to you at the reception. Are you, um… when do your parents go back? Are they staying for Easter?’

  ‘No, they’re heading off on Monday. Why?’

  ‘I wondered if you were free next Saturday. I’ve got a spare ticket for something and Will’s not around, so…’

  She frowned. ‘You mean a date?’

  ‘No, just friends. I’d hate to waste the ticket, that’s all.’

  ‘What’s it a ticket for?’

  ‘It, er… it’s a surprise.’

  ‘Jonas Brothers concert?’

  He laughed. ‘You should be so lucky. So?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m free. Text me or something.’

  She said goodbye and joined her parents.

  ‘Okay, after this I’m straight on Groupon,’ Ash muttered to Will.

  34

  The service was surprisingly moving given the bride’s long-stated antipathy towards the institution of marriage. The couple had written their own vows, and the catch in the Brigadier’s voice as he told Felicity how happy she’d made him in the short time they’d been together was unmistakeable. Felicity, too, seemed to be struggling with strong emotions.

  ‘So it’s happened at last,’ Robyn said when it was all over and she’d joined her aunt outside the church. ‘Someone’s made an honest woman of you.’

  Felicity laughed. ‘Honest? I’ve never been so insulted in my life.’

  ‘Well, congratulations, Aunty Fliss. Are you happy?’

  ‘I am.’ She smiled, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. ‘It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? All my life I’ve been waving my singed bra in the air, claiming no man was going to tie this old girl down. But…’ She cast a fond look at Norman. ‘I do love the old fool, Robyn. Being able to do this one thing to show him that, seeing how happy it makes him… I can’t help getting a bit emotional.’

  ‘Not just you,’ Robyn said, flicking away a tear. ‘Aunty, can I ask you something?’

  ‘Of course, my duck.’

  ‘How many men have you loved in your life? I mean, really loved?’

  ‘I suppose I loved them all, in their own ways. But if you mean the really deep kind, I think perhaps… yes, I think perhaps just two. Why do you ask?’

  ‘I was just curious. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Love, I mean.’ Robyn patted her aunt’s arm. ‘But pay no attention to me, I’m a soppy cow these days.’

  ‘I could see you during the service, Robyn. The way your eyes kept flickering in his direction.’ She smiled at Robyn’s raised eyebrows. ‘It’s no good trying to hide things from me now. Dying people have a sixth sense, you know, I’ve seen it in the movies.’

  ‘Whose direction were my eyes flickering in?’

  ‘You know.’

  The Brigadier approached and gave his new wife a kiss. ‘Are you ready for the best part, my love? Our public awaits at the Maypole.’

  ‘You go ahead with Will and Ash. Robyn can lend me her arm for the walk.’

  ‘Is the Brig Scottish?’ Robyn whispered as the Brigadier went to find his groomsmen.

  ‘Oh, anyone with a second cousin who once visited Aberdeen thinks they’ve got the right to wear a kilt these days,’ Felicity said, flicking a hand.

  ‘So is that his clan tartan?’

  She snorted. ‘If his clan is the Bay City Rollers.’

  Felicity took her mobile from her handbag, did an image search and passed it to Robyn.

  Rob
yn laughed. ‘Oh God, you’re right, it’s bloody Bay City Roller tartan. Can I tell him?’

  ‘Don’t be rotten,’ Felicity said, jabbing her in the ribs. ‘Now come on, help me to the hotel. There’s a party going on that I’m missing, and you know how grumpy that makes me.’

  *

  At the Maypole, Robyn delivered her aunt to the groom, who was at the bar.

  ‘I like your kilt, Uncle Norman,’ she said. ‘What clan is it?’

  ‘Eh?’ The Brigadier looked down at this outfit. ‘Oh. Royal Stewart. On my mother’s side, you know.’

  ‘Shang a lang,’ Felicity muttered. Robyn smothered a snort.

  She noticed Freya and Eliot beckoning to her from a table, pointing at a glass of wine, and waved to let them know she’d be over in a minute.

  ‘I’ll leave you two to socialise,’ she said to the newlyweds. ‘Congratulations again, and every happiness. You deserve it.’ She gave them a kiss each and left to let some of the other well-wishers get their congratulations in.

  ‘So how was the ceremony?’ Eliot asked when she joined them. He was sitting next to Winnie, one arm around his shoulders.

  ‘Kind of a tearjerker. I suppose you’d expect that, when everyone knows the bride’s… you know. Still, it was beautiful.’

  ‘I’m glad,’ he said, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

  She turned to Freya, who was sitting on the lap of a fair-haired lad Robyn had never seen before.

  ‘Who’s this, Frey?’

  ‘Oh, right. Rob, this is Ben. Ben, this is my best friend Robyn, the one Eddie got on so well with that night you caddishly seduced me.’

  Ben laughed. ‘Yeah, sorry about that.’ He nuzzled Freya’s neck. ‘What can I say? Your friend’s just irresistible.’

  ‘Ben, go to the bar and get another round in,’ Freya commanded. ‘I want to talk to my friends about you.’