Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)

by Autumn Grey

  I open my eyes and find my best friend’s brown eyes staring back at me worriedly. Pain lurks in them.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Megs,” I tell her, guilt writhing inside me. She and Simon aren’t talking at the moment. Simon is currently doing his internship in Miami, so he has been in the dark about what is happening. He’s very loyal to Cole and I knew he’d tell him about me being pregnant. Simon suspects something is wrong and she refuses to tell him.

  She shrugs. “It’s not my place to tell Simon what is happening. If Cole has to hear it from someone, it has to be you and not my boyfriend.”

  I love this girl. I adore her for her relentless loyalty to me, even though it led to her breaking up with the love of her life.

  She cups my hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. “I know you’re sorry, honey. I don’t regret my decision for even a second. Everything will work out, okay? Let’s get this wedding over with. Cole’s parents are on the way to pick him up. I’m sure he will understand the situation here. You and Josh didn’t have a choice. Both of you are pawns in a game that has no rules.”

  Megs hugs me tight before she pulls away and looks at me with tears in her eyes. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you. Thank you for being my corner stone,” I say, tears running down my face.

  The door opens and Elise and Elon step inside the room. They look stunning in matching lavender dresses, but the look on their faces dulls the beauty. My father made sure his show was spectacular and went all the way.

  “It’s time, sis,” Elise says, offering me a comforting smile. “Everyone is waiting.”

  I nod and force a smile. “Let’s do this.” I walk toward the door and stop to hug my siblings. “I love you both so much.”

  “We love you too,” they say in unison.

  “Let’s show The Monster that he hasn’t won in any way,” Elise says, tugging the strap of my dress back over my shoulder.

  Minutes later, I’m standing at the back of the church, watching through the veil that covers my face as my sisters walk down the aisle. Soon, the Wedding March song fills the air. My father appears at my side. I feel his hand on my elbow and I jerk mine away.

  “Don’t touch me,” I snarl under my breath.

  His hand falls away. We start to walk toward Josh, who is standing stoically before the pew. His eyes hooded in the pain caused by what he has to do. Glancing to my side, I see a few people, some wearing police uniforms. They stare at me as I pass and I wonder if they know the kind of man they work with. The man they respect. The Monster among them.

  My gaze shifts to the other side of the aisle and I meet Grandma’s eyes. She dabs her eyes with a handkerchief using fingers ridden with arthritis. She shakes her head as if she can’t believe what is happening. I pull my gaze from her and focus on the man standing a few feet away. Josh tugs at his tie and then coughs into his hand. His lips quirk to the sides even though that smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

  Suddenly, his entire body freezes. His gaze lifts above my head. Fear washes over his features. I halt mid-stride, my pulse picking up a furious beat in my ear. Only one thing can make him react this way.

  Cole.

  The hairs on the back of my neck rise in awareness and I feel his eyes on me even before I turn around.

  “Cole,” I breath out when I turn around, pushing the veil over my head. My heart soars and tears of joy burn my eyes. I can’t believe he is here. He’s wearing a gray T-shirt that hugs his tight chest, framing the lean muscles he’s obviously earned in prison. He looks ridiculously hot and dangerous at the same time.

  Thank God, he is safe and sound.

  He eyes me up and down, as confusion enters his face. “What’s going on, Nor?”

  I blink, puzzled by his question. Didn’t his parents explain to him in the car what was going on?

  I crane my neck to look over his shoulder, but I can’t see Benjamin and Maggie anywhere.

  “Nor?” he says my name again.

  “Your parents. . .”

  Cole’s gaze abandons mine and raises over my head. “Josh?” His eyes dart between me and his brother, as the pieces of the puzzle move around inside his head.

  I watch as disbelief fills his features as the pieces click in place.

  I watch as anger, then hurt form a path of destruction on his face.

  “Nor!” He says my name and signs it at the same time.

  I’m sorry. I whisper the words in my thoughts. “I’m sorry,” I say them a little louder. “I’m so, so sorry, Cole. I thought your mom and dad told you by now.” I say his name on a broken sob.

  His eyes move to Josh, and then to me. Cole shakes his head, his eyes narrowed.

  “Talk to me, Nor.” Torment crowds his face.

  Anguish splits me in two. I wish I could give him more than my tears. I wish I could give him words that will make him understand, as much as this decision is wrong on so many levels, it’s also the right choice.

  His hands curl into fists and a muscle twitches in his jaw. Ten steps forward and he’s standing in front of me, begging me with his eyes. “Why, Nor?”

  “Is there a problem here?” My dad drawls in a bored voice, reminding me he is standing beside me.

  His gaze bores into mine, a smug look on his face. He’s enjoying this. He’s absorbing the scene with greediness, it makes me nauseous. He looks at Cole, and then me.

  I ignore him and focus on Cole. I need five seconds to talk to him and explain what is happening. Five seconds to crush his world, along with mine to save him. To save my family. To save me, because if anything ever happens to him, I will cease to exist. I would rather have Cole safe and him hating me, than dead.

  “Can I talk to you?” I finally manage to sign with shaking fingers.

  Cole shoots me a hard look I’ve never seen before on his handsome face and nods. He starts to move toward me, past me. I exhale in relief, but the sickening sound of bone connecting with bone robs air from my lungs. I spin around and the sight before me stops my heart from beating, freezing me on the spot.

  I’ve never seen Cole like this. Rage is splashed across his face, dispatched into Josh with every punch that connects with his ribs.

  Punch after punch. He doesn’t defend himself. He lets his brother hurt him. Josh is on his knees.

  Then I’m running forward, I grab Cole’s shirt from the back and yank hard. He whirls around, his eyes black with fury.

  “Please stop!”

  He doesn’t. He jerks away, ready to unleash his wrath on Josh. This time, Josh’s hand shoots up and grasps Cole’s. Blood runs down the side of his face but he doesn’t let him go.

  “Go!” Josh yells. “Get out of here, Cole!”

  His orders don’t make sense until I hear sirens piercing the air. I look around, searching for my father and see him pacing at the church doors with a phone stuck on his ear.

  The bastard called the police.

  Recognition hits me hard. This was a trap and some sort of revenge rolled up into one. Megs was right. Josh and I are just pawns in my father’s twisted game. The ultimate prize is getting rid of Cole completely.

  I grab Cole’s shirt again, pummel my fists on his back until he whirls around and glares at me.

  “You need to leave. The police are coming.”

  His chest heaves with heavy breaths. Fury rolls across his coiled muscles. He glances around, then back at me. Understanding dawns on his face.

  “I hate you.” His words punch me in my chest, tearing a hole in my heart. “I wish I never met you.” He turns to face Josh. “And you. . .my brother.” He sneers. “I hate both of you.”

  The sirens are closer.

  “Please leave. Now!”

  The fire in his eyes dies, replaced by a dreary gray.

  I did this to him.

  I broke him.

  I watch as he turns and sprints down the aisle and through the door that leads to the pastor’s chambers.

  I straighten, collecting the slips o
f dignity and confidence I have left and inhale deeply.

  I need him as far away from my father’s hands as possible. For now.

  His parents arrive fifteen minutes later, panic written all over their faces. When they arrived at the prison, an officer told him that Cole hitched a lift in a delivery truck.

  That evening, I lay in bed, my body curled as I hold in the pain, knowing I deserve it. I press a hand on my stomach, rubbing it in circles.

  Cole. Oh my God. Cole please forgive me. I chant the words over and over, seeking absolution in them.

  The bed dips as Josh climbs on it, his face a mask of sorrow that mirrors mine. We spent the past two hours apologizing, talking, me crying as I tried to pick up the pieces of whatever was left of my heart after I threw it away. Now there’s nothing left to say, yet my chest aches with words I still need to say.

  He lies beside me and takes my hands in his. He leans forward and kisses my forehead, and then pulls me to him, tucking my face into his chest. He just holds me and I weep for Cole. For our unborn babies. The lives I’ve destroyed and saved.

  Most of all, I cry because I can feel myself losing balance again and I need to fight hard to keep my sanity.

  I FEEL AS THOUGH SOMEONE hit my ribs with a hammer.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  I knew Stephen hated me. He’d tried to hurt me several times when he sent his thugs to beat me up in prison.

  The man was fucked up in the worst way. How could he hate his brother so much he’d transfer those feelings on anyone that remotely reminds him of his own flesh and blood? This shit is incomprehensible. He’d succeeded in separating us just like he’d been doing since they moved in next door.

  I sit back on the chair, drop the beanie on my lap and drag my fingers over my head.

  “Nick told me your father left.”

  “He did when I turned twenty-two. No one knows where he is.”

  I bite my bottom lip, studying the woman sitting in the corner of the couch, watching me with cautious eyes. God, she went through so much in her life. She wasn’t lying when she said she wanted to protect me.

  Dropping her gaze to the ground, she takes in a deep breath and seems to hold it for ages. She exhales and lifts her gaze to mine. Her tiny hands clench into fists, causing veins to pop out beneath her skin. I’m overpowered by the instinct to go to her, comfort her. She was too young to disobey a father who held all the cards in his hands. One wrong move would have either been the end of me, or have her family ripped out from under her feet. Her mother and sisters, people she’s been fighting hard to hold onto.

  Shit.

  Watching pain tearing through her is like someone is slowing ripping a bandage off old, deep wounds inside me. Wounds that have barely healed.

  But I can’t. Not yet. I have a feeling if I go to her, I will end up doing more than comforting her and that’s not the point right now.

  I shift on the seat and turn my body so that I’m directly facing her this time because I want to see her truth when I ask her the next question, something I’ve wondered about since I returned back home a few weeks ago.

  “Your father left. You stayed married to my brother, even though you said you didn’t love him. At least not the way a wife should love her husband. Shouldn’t you have put an end to the whole charade already?” She opens her mouth to speak, but I quickly put my hand up to stop her. “I have nothing other than respect and love for my brother. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, he was a martyr. I will never understand why he went to that extent, knowing he’d be bound to a woman who doesn’t feel the same way he does. Why did you stay?”

  A soft smile plays on her lips. “Because he asked me to. My life was Cora and Joce. I couldn’t bring myself to raise the two girls on my own, and it’s not because I was afraid to do it. I needed help, a father figure who was around. We needed him as much as he needed us. I missed having a father to look up to while growing up. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to the girls. Besides, having someone to talk to, other than our daughters, was amazing. Josh’s health started deteriorating and I wanted to be there to take care of him.”

  “Your brother did all that because he loved you,” she says and signs at the same time, something she always did when she got angry with me. Or to get her point across. “God, he was so terrified when we got home from the walk after I told him and we found my father shouting at my sisters. He didn’t even take a second to think about what he was offering. All he wanted to do was keep you safe. Keep me and the babies safe.”

  Her body is shaking badly and tears are streaming down her face now. My resistance crumbles to dust.

  Ah, fuck it.

  I scoot over on the couch and pull her in my arms. She wiggles, trying to shake me off but my hold on her tightens as I feel my heart break for everything she has gone through without my knowledge. Holding her, though, is like being home. Every piece of my heart glues itself together as her shaking body calms down with every soothing stroke of my hand on her back.

  “I will fucking kill him for hurting you.”

  She raises her head and flashes me a wobbly smile, full of tears. Our lips are seconds away from touching and all I can think about is claiming that mouth over and over again. I need space and time away from her overpowering presence to think about this.

  Snatching my beanie from the floor where it fell when I moved to comfort her, I shove it over my head and stand up. Panic flashes through her eyes before she averts them, hiding whatever is going on inside her away from me, which is okay. For now.

  “I have to go.”

  Her head jerks up and her legs straighten as she stands up from the couch. She nods, her fingers fiddling with the edge of her blouse.

  I’m at a loss for words so I turn and stride to the front door, without checking to see if she is following me or not. I don’t need to, though. Her scent is like a blanket, surrounding me. I feel the familiar pull she’s always possessed when our bodies were close.

  I turn around and stare at her, taking in that innocent look. Even after everything that has happened, she still looks like my Nor. The seventeen-year-old girl with freckles on her nose and wide green eyes. The girl that changed my world the minute she moved in next door.

  The nervousness that surrounded her when I walked in through the door is gone now, replaced by acceptance.

  Peace.

  Even her shoulders have loosened a little. I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel, carrying all that weight, full of secrets, on my shoulders. I search for the anger and rejection I’d been carrying around the past nine years, but it somehow dissipated between her telling me what destroyed us and now.

  “Will you be all right?” I ask her, my hands shoved so deep inside my pockets I’m certain they will tear the fabric, just to keep my hands to myself and not end up grabbing her and doing everything I’ve wanted to do since returning back home.

  “Will you be all right?” she asks.

  My hand moves of its own accord, sweeping the hair off her shoulder to her back and wrapping my fingers around her neck, stroking the vein pulsing there. That little movement there eases the loss and anger that has been storming inside me all these years. Finally, I let out a long breath.

  “I don’t know.” But, God, I hope I will be okay. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of holding back. I’m just tired and I want everything to be okay.

  I need everything to be okay. “I just need some time to think.”

  I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, wrap my fingers on the nape of her neck and kiss her forehead.

  I drop my hand and step back. “Goodnight, Snowflake.”

  Those green eyes search my face, with uncertainty, and then subtly nod. “Goodnight, Cole.”

  After leaving her house, I drive my car for hours and end up parking in front of my parents’ house. I need some time alone to think. I couldn’t do it with Nor’s tortured eyes on me.

  I get out of my car and walk past the two-story h
ouse, heading for the gate in the backyard. I retrace the path that Nor and I walked on years ago until I reach the tree house. After flipping on the switch, I head for the wooden ladder, which has aged due to non-use. It’s chipped in places due to lack of maintenance. The solar panels and part of the roof hang low.

  I grip the first step and hoist myself up, climbing up the rest of the way. As soon as my foot lands on the floor, dust motes rise, floating in the air. The interior looks smaller than it was when I was eighteen. Cobwebs hug the ceiling, tiny spiders crawling along the delicate threads.

  I lie down and shut my eyes, remembering the last time Nor and I were here. I lose myself in that memory, embracing the comforting silence surrounding me, taming the anger raging through me.

  My eyes snap open and I groan as pain stabs my back.

  Fuck. How long have I been lying here? One minute I was reminiscing about the old days and the next I’d fallen asleep.

  I glance at my watch and realize I’ve been here for almost two hours. Sitting up, I stretch to get rid of the kinks around my neck and back, and then climb down the tree and turn off the lights.

  Seven minutes later, I walk up the porch to my parents’ house. The door is unlocked, just like it always was growing up. Some things never change.

  The smell of cinnamon and vanilla teases me as soon as I step inside and I follow its trail. Mom looks up from pouring the batter inside the baking pan as soon as I step inside the kitchen, a grin quickly replacing the look of concentration on her face. It falls quickly, her gaze scanning my face.

  “Is everything okay, honey?” she asks, setting the mixing bowl on the counter and hurrying toward me.