Fall Back Skyward (Fall Back #1)

by Autumn Grey

  He kisses my forehead. “Shh. It’s going to be all right. I swear to you, Nor. I won’t let anything happen to you or Cole. I promise you, Nor. You hear me?”

  His words only serve to make my tears fall faster. He continues to hold me until the tears stop falling. Until I feel all that’s leaving my chest are shallow breaths.

  I pull back, sit up and wipe my face with the back of my hands.

  “Crap! Look what I did to your shirt. I’m sorry I hit you with that information. I didn’t know where else to go or who else to tell. Megs left for Georgia. I’m scared to tell my grandmother because I can’t bear to see the disappointment in her eyes. I wanted someone who knows me and Cole. I want everything to work out. I want my father to stop hating Cole. I can’t understand how someone can hate another person without reason. I want to protect my sisters and mother from my father’s influence and fury. Does that make me selfish?”

  “Nor, no. No it doesn’t. You care too much about everyone to be selfish.”

  He takes my hand, links his fingers with mine and stares at my wrist. He turns it over twice, his face soft as he studies the cuts on my skin.

  We sit in the park until night chases daylight and all that’s surrounding us is the dark night. The wide expanse of a sky that normally soothes me, now makes me feel as though I’m being swallowed by it and there is no way out. But there has to be a way out. There just has to. I need to clear my head and think.

  “I need to go home and check on everyone. Thank you for listening to me. I’m not going to let him hurt Cole.”

  When I get home, Josh walks me to the door. My body stiffens as my father’s voice comes crashing through the heavy door from somewhere inside the house. He shouts a question and I hear Elon answer in a small voice. Elise yells to him, asking him to leave her alone. Somewhere in there is my mother, most likely curled up in her chair with her hands covering her ears.

  My heart is beating hard in my chest when I burst through the door. I round the corner, stop and blink as my eyes readjust to the light. Elon is curled up on the couch and Elise is on her knees in front of our sister in a protective stance. My father is standing next to the fireplace, glaring at my sisters. From somewhere inside the house, I hear my mother’s keening, getting louder with every passing second.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, my heart thumping hard in my chest.

  My father, having not heard me come in swings his enraged eyes at me, his face flushed in anger. He drops the hand from the wall, straightens and advances toward me. Suddenly I feel a warm body behind mine. A quick look over my shoulder alerts me that Josh followed me inside the house.

  I focus on my father as he raises his hand. He unfolds his fist, shoving his palm to my face. My heart stops beating as my gaze drops to the object in his hand.

  Bile rises up my throat.

  “Do you know anything about this?” he asks, his eyes narrowed as he scrutinizes my face.

  The white object mocks me from his large palm. The pink line laughing at me. I threw it outside with the trash. How the hell did he find it?

  I can’t speak. Every part of me is locked in place. But I have to say something.

  He glares at my sisters as if that look will make them spill. But they are innocent. No one knows but me.

  I straighten my back, ready to face him.

  “Yes, I do.”

  He sucks a deep breath, his face flushing more.

  “What did you say?”

  I feel Josh’s hand grasp my elbow, squeezing it gently, whether to lend me some of his strength or encourage me, I have no idea. All I know is that, hell just broke loose.

  “I’m pregnant.” I say, the taste of those words which at first was foreign now sounds familiar. Comfortable. My body and mind have accepted the situation.

  He stalks forward, bringing his angry face into my space. Eliminating any confidence I’d felt before.

  “You stupid girl, sleeping around and getting knocked up. Who is the father? That abomination of a man in prison?”

  Suddenly, rage unlike any other I’ve ever felt fills me. I stand up straighter and lift my chin up in defiance.

  “His name is Cole,” I shout. “He is perfect. I love him with everything I am and he loves me. You will never tear us apart.” My chest is heaving with furious breaths and tears burn my eyes. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a father like you. Your narrow-mindedness astounds me. Most times I wish you’d just die and rid the world of your filth. You break everything that stands in your path. You’re a waste of oxygen and if God could grant me a wish right now, I’d ask him to throw you in hell. I hate you with every part of me. If I could rip out those parts of you that are in me, I’d have done it the first time I realized you were nothing to me but a sperm donor.”

  My cheeks burn with hot tears and my throat feels like it’s on fire.

  Dad’s mouth has fallen open and his eyes are wide in shock.

  I should have set him straight a long time ago. Maybe I’d have earned some respect from him.

  Air whooshes past me at the same time my body is pushed aside without warning, jolting me out of my fury. I look around, my head spinning. Josh is standing in front of me with his arms raised toward my father, whose fist is suspended in the air.

  The shock of what almost happened slams into me. I shudder, clutching a hand to my chest.

  “It’s. . .it’s mine.” Josh stammers and clears his throat. “It’s my baby.” His words are louder this time and confident.

  I gasp, completely stunned by Josh’s confession.

  What?

  I swing around to face Josh, shaking my head, pleading with him not to put himself in my father’s war path.

  This is my battle.

  “Josh, no,” I whisper, still shaking my head. “You can’t do this. Just no.”

  “Anything,” he murmurs under his breath, his gaze now fully focusing on me. “Anything for you and my brother. We’ll sort this out later.” The fear that was present seconds before vanishes, replaced by reassurance and confidence and love. The kind of love that has always been lurking and he couldn’t hide it from me. The kind of love I haven’t been able to reciprocate.

  I can’t let him do this. I change my focus to my dad. His face is cloaked in disbelief and rage and he’s wearing murder like a second skin.

  “Father—”

  “Shut the hell up!” He shouts at me, his eyes filled with a kind of madness I’ve never seen before. Those brown eyes shift above my shoulder, narrowing on Josh, whose grip on my arm is right now cutting off any blood circulation. “Are you responsible for this?”

  I feel Josh breathe as he exhales slowly behind me and coughs once. “Yes, sir.”

  Stupid, utterly stupid but brave boy.

  I open my mouth to negate Josh’s claim, but he slides a hand around my waist pulling me to him and kissing my hair. My father watches us with narrowed eyes.

  “Please don’t, Nor,” his voice trembles in my ear. “Don’t say anything. He’s going to kill my brother if he learns the truth. Save my brother. Please.”

  I feel wetness on the side of my cheek. I turn and meet his gaze and my heart stalls. The pulse pounding in my ear halts and I hold my breath as I see the magnitude of his fears splayed across his face. The impact of his words hit me and everything inside me jump-starts. I’m breathing hard now, fighting for breath.

  Save Cole. Save Cole. Save Cole.

  I give him a subtle nod. I know what he means.

  My father stands up, eyes both me and Josh, turning those wild eyes on my sisters then back in our direction.

  He jabs a finger in our general direction. “You. In my study.”

  I take a step forward, but his glare freezes me on the spot. He sneers, eyes me up and down and shakes his head. “Not you. You.” He points at Josh.

  I feel Josh’s fingers shake, getting clammy as he slides his arm from my waist. He follows my dad to his office without a backward glance.

  I ru
sh in the direction they disappeared to, and begin pacing in the small hallway. My heart is beating hard and I can hardly get enough air in my lungs.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  My feet give way. The blackness hovering on the edges, swoops in. I can’t fight it anymore.

  I’m going down. My head hits a hard surface and everything goes blank.

  MY EYES FINALLY OPEN SLOWLY. I blink fast to adjust my sight and narrow in on Josh, sitting next to my form lying on the bed. He leans forward, his eyebrows furrowed in worry and whispers, “Nor? Can you hear me?”

  I try to sit up but a sharp pain on the left side of my head halts my progress, forcing me to fall back on the bed as I feel his fingers twine with mine, squeezing gently.

  “You hit your head pretty hard. Just lie down for a few minutes, okay?” He pushes my shoulder down when I try to sit up again. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”

  I close my eyes, trying to remember what happened and why Josh is in my room. I swing my legs out of the bed as everything comes rushing back, causing his hands to drop away from mine. Clutching my stomach, I double over, tittering on the edge of the bed.

  “Oh God, he knows. What did he say? You were in his office. What did you two talk about?”

  He leans forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and drops his head into his hands and mutters, “Fuck!” under his breath.

  “What?” My arms fall from my waist and I grab his forearms. “Josh, what does that mean? What happened in there?”

  He raises his head and drags shaking fingers through his hair. His eyes meet mine and I feel my world narrow to this moment. I’ve never seen anyone appear so deeply broken like Josh does at this moment.

  “Josh?” I call his name again to get his attention.

  He squares his jaw. “He wants us to. . .your father wants us to get married as soon as possible.”

  “NO! We can’t. Shit. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” I whisper.

  He sucks in a deep breath. His nostrils flare and he clenches his fists on his lap, opens his mouth and closes it again. When he finally speaks, his voice shakes, whether it’s from anger or the aftermath of meeting with my father, I can’t tell.

  “How was it supposed to be Nor, huh? Did you think your father would be okay with this? Did you think he’d fall at my brother’s feet and thank him for getting you pregnant?”

  Every single word is like a knife to my stomach, jabbing and jabbing until I can’t breathe.

  I slide off the bed and stagger forward. Josh’s hand shoots forward to catch me, then he drops it after making sure I’m okay. I walk to the window overlooking the street and stare out. Mrs. Robins is on her knees, working on her garden. Little Katherine wobbles her way to her mother’s side and drops on her little knees. I feel my lips tip up as I imagine my child—Cole’s and my child—tottering around the lawn. Cole and I sitting on the porch steps or on the swing. But that dream is about to be ripped from under my feet.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry I involved you in this. I shouldn’t have come to you. I wasn’t prepared for my father to find out so soon.” I leave the window and return to stand in front of Josh. “Thank you for standing up for me before my father. Thank you for being my friend. There has to be another way. I will sort this out.”

  He closes the distance separating us and ducks his head to meet my eyes. “I can’t do that even if I wanted to.”

  My body stiffens. “You can’t seriously be thinking of doing what he told you to do. I wouldn’t let you do that. This is mine and Cole’s baby. This is my problem.” I shake my head and touch his clean-shaven jaw. “You shouldn’t have told him the baby is yours. Look. I will talk to my dad.”

  He sighs, digs his hands into his hair and tugs it back. “Sweetheart, you know your father. You know what he is capable of. He’s the devil. You don’t want to cross him. Not this way.” He tips up my chin so our eyes are locked. His are dull, filled with regret. “He told me if I don’t convince you to do this, he will take everything away from you. Your sisters and mother. You crossed him the moment you chose Cole over him.”

  He brushes his fingers on both of my cheeks, making me realize I’m crying.

  “Between your father hurting you and my brother, two of the people I love the most, and walking away, I choose you and Cole, Nor.”

  Tucking my head into his chest, I fist his shirt in my hands as tears fall down my face.

  There has to be a way to solve this, work it out so Josh doesn’t end up bound to me.

  It’s Cole. It has always been him. He promised me forever. I promised him forever and a day because if he were to leave this world before me, I’d be lost. How would I survive?

  When the tears have dried and all that is left is emptiness in my chest and my thoughts are the only thing roaming my mind, I pull back from him and push my chin forward.

  Once Josh leaves, I climb the stairs on weary feet and head for my room, numbness cloaking my body. I change directions and shuffle down the hallway toward the bathroom.

  “Eleanor.” My dad’s voice freezes me on the spot. Wiping the tears from my cheeks with my palm, I shift around to face the man I’ve come to hate with every single bone in my body. Bile rises up my throat at the mere sight of him.

  I raise my chin and stare at him with what I hope is a brave look on my face. I won’t allow him to see how defeated I feel.

  “One more thing.” His voice is cold, brimming with loathing. “You will not visit that boy in prison. You will not tell him about the child.” My eyes widen and my bravery facade disintegrates a little. “Yes, I know. Do you think I’m stupid to not realize that Josh never had a chance with you? I know the warden arranged a meeting with you and Cole in his office. Your conversation with his brother confirms that child is Cole’s. Defy me and you won’t like the consequences.”

  Shock washes over me. “Please, stop. Just stop,” I whisper, terrified by his words. I’ve seen the horrors my dad unleashes when he’s defied or angry. I can’t even begin to imagine what he will do to Cole.

  He sneers. “You should have listened to me when I asked you to stay away from that boy.”

  I should have, but I couldn’t. The more determined he was to keep Cole and me apart, the harder we fought to be together.

  I’ve never understood the mechanical workings of my father’s troubled brain or his actions. But one thing is for sure; I’ll heed his warning.

  I thought I’d found my mental balance after the last few months of therapy, but I’m not sure about that anymore. I feel it slipping away. I’m drowning in guilt, praying for a miracle. My mornings are full of morning sickness and my nights are spent crying myself to sleep. I can’t handle school, so I dropped out, I don’t think I’ll be going back after Christmas break. I’m breaking. I don’t want to. The doctor said I have to take care of myself or I might lose the babies.

  Yes. Babies. She confirmed that I was carrying twins. I’m caught between wanting these babies so much that my entire being aches with need, and fear because I’m too young to be a mom. I’m also terrified of bringing them into a world where my dad exists.

  And then there’s Cole. He still doesn’t know I’m carrying his children. Any chance of telling him was destroyed after Josh’s last visit to the prison. When he returned home, he told me that Cole had a broken nose and a sprained ankle. My monster of a father confirmed it later that evening with a smirk. His message was loud and clear.

  Josh and I decided to talk to his parents about our current situation right after my dad’s ultimatum. His father had words with my father, but it didn’t go well. We didn’t even have any proof that my father is responsible for the kind of brutality Cole has endured while in prison. And after Josh’s visit, the decision for us to get married was cemented. My father had won in that aspect. Cole was coming home soon. Getting married to fool my father was the only way to go until my boyfriend was safe at home. Josh and I planned to annul the marriage on t
he grounds of marriage under duress.

  We had it all planned. What we didn’t expect is that, our plan would be blown to pieces. My father’s plan for revenge was in full momentum as he set the date for the wedding, coinciding it with Cole’s release from prison. It was time for the woman who had rejected him, and the boy my dad blames for the said rejection to pay.

  We just had to make sure we got to Cole in time before he got the news.

  WHEN I WAS A LITTLE girl, I used to dream of finding a man who would sweep me off my feet and take me away from my sucky life. Far, far away from my father. He’d drop on one knee and ask me to marry him, and then we’d get married in a big church. I’d wear the most beautiful white gown with a train that goes on for miles.

  That illusion shattered when I was a teen and I realized that no one could love a girl full of scars, both inside and out, and a messed up mind. A mind that terrifies her sometimes. I lived that dream by watching romantic comedies while eating ice cream and popcorn.

  Then I met Cole, and that part of me that believed in fairy tales, unicorns and fairy dust stirred to life. He saw me. He looked past my scars and saw the frightened girl I was. He embraced me. Desired me and he never attempted to hide his feelings from me. He loved me so hard, so desperately, so fiercely I literally burned bright from inside out with his love. And I loved him and still love him so violently my heart twirls and spins and does all these dangerous things that would be harmful under different circumstances. Our love is the kind of love that would make Romeo and Juliet stand up and applaud. The kind you feel in your bones. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Cole and me, walking down the aisle, smiling and looking into each other’s eyes.

  I never expected my life to turn out this way.

  I’m standing in front of a mirror in an empty room at St. Christopher’s Church, the place that used to bring me peace, is now wreaking havoc in me. I’m wearing a simple white dress, holding a bouquet of roses, getting ready to walk down the aisle toward the wrong brother. I close my eyes and see my mother like I saw her last night, smiling sadly at me. She’s lying in bed, wasting away in a mess of abandoned dreams, rejected love and heartbreak. She murmurs that I’m doing the right thing to save the boy I love. I want her to hold me so badly. To comfort me. But she can barely lift her head Her body is riddled with antipsychotics and I keep wondering if she’ll ever be the same woman who brought me in to this world; vibrant, caring and full of laughter. I swear to myself that after this is over, I’ll get her the help she needs.