Desperate Hearts

by Lani Aames

  “Sorry, darlin...” he said in a breathless rush, his hands gripping hers tightly.

  “It's all right,” she assured him as she watched his face by moonlight, watched how the sunburned creases deepened and his eyes squinted shut as he finished up inside her. His hands loosened suddenly, and he slumped over her, planting a kiss on her shoulder. When his breaths were close to normal, he rolled to his side and gathered her in his arms, their bodies damp with sweat and seed.

  Talley wished she could purr like a contented kitten just to let Mace know what he did to her. Maybe he already knew. Maybe she did the same for him.

  She listened to his breathing even and then, eventually, the soft snores. She couldn't sleep. The guilt hadn't set in yet, would come soon enough, but her mind wouldn't shut down. She eased herself from the tangle of his limbs and got up.

  He stirred. “Where you going, Lee?”

  “I'll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Miss you when I'm not here.”

  She went into the bathroom and washed away the dampness of their lovemaking. She pondered his slurred words. Had he meant them as he’d said them or had he misspoke in his sleepiness? Too many questions in her mind tonight. None she would ask him. She wouldn't risk spoiling what they shared.

  At the doorway to her bedroom, she watched him for a few minutes, then walked back into the kitchen. She lit a cigarette from the pack Mace had left on the table.

  She loved two men and her heart was torn in half. One she loved openly, but gave only a part of herself. The other she loved secretly and gave her all. It couldn't go on. A choice had to be made. Whether the choice would be hers or forced upon her, it needed to be done.

  If they were two different men, she might have been able to carry if off for a while longer, but because of their relationship, it would have to be soon.

  Whom should she choose?

  Mace or Mitch.

  The father or the son.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  In the seclusion of her small back yard surrounded by dense woods draped with kudzu, Talley usually found peace. Not this morning. Her guilt had grown too large and crowded out any peace she might have left in her soul.

  She glanced at Mace's truck, hidden amongst the trees and well out of sight of the road. Tears filled her eyes, but she refused to give in to them. That would come later, after Mace had left. She wiped them away, hoping her eyes wouldn't redden. Mace would be out soon.

  Talley thought about their first time together, as she often did while waiting for Mace to join her out here the morning after. She hadn't really met Mace again since returning to Randolph. He and Mitch weren't getting along and Mitch stayed away from Shady Hollow as much as possible. He hadn't taken her to the farm since they’d started dating. Mace never came to the Rose, but she had seen him in passing a few times. She had never given much thought to Mace Holloway except as a careless father who hurt his son deeply by refusing to accept his choices in life.

  That first Saturday night Talley had no idea things would turn out as they had. Mace had come into the Rose just before closing and Dylan refused him service. Talley had realized Mace was too drunk to drive. She had caught a ride to work with Kim so she told Dylan she would take him home and Mitch could bring her back. Unable to face the twenty-mile drive, she had instead driven him to her place. She helped him in and poured him on the couch. Then she went to bed. Hours later, she awoke to the sound of the shower running. A few minutes later, he filled her bedroom door asking, “Talley?”

  It was four in the morning. When she couldn't think of anything else to say to him, she asked if he was hungry. He said yes so she fixed them coffee, bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. That finished sobering him up. One thing led to another and Talley found herself in his arms, kissing him.

  No, it was much more complicated than that.

  She had refilled his cup. She had set it in front of him and Mace had reached up, caressing her arm with tender strokes. Just as suddenly, his fingers were gone and his face had turned dark red under his tan.

  If he had grabbed at her or made some vulgar comment, she would have tossed him out with no second thought. Unfortunately, his fingers had danced up under the short sleeve of her robe and lit a fire to every nerve ending in her body. The blush that crept into his cheeks was endearing and made her really look at him for the first time. Her heart had skipped a beat. But she had told him she was seeing Mitch.

  “I know,” he said, his voice unnaturally husky.

  She had never thought of Mace in that way, yet she couldn't help but touch him too. Lightly, her fingertips ran along the deep creases around his eyes and mouth, over his lips. He responded to her apparent invitation by laying his hands on her hips and pulling her to him. She had closed her eyes and kissed him.

  Wherever he touched her she felt his heat—the warmth radiating from the taut bulge in his crotch, the small patches where his hands rested on her hips, his warm whiskey and breakfast scented breath as his lips left hers and traveled downward to cover the point of one breast, then the other.

  It had been so long since she'd been with a man that she reacted to him as if she was starving and he was a picnic laid out for her alone. She gave into her need and enjoyed the sensations he aroused. Fleetingly, she thought of Mitch and that this was Mitch's father, but then her mind clouded over and her decision was made.

  Tomorrow she would face her guilt and tomorrow Mace would be gone and that would be the end of it. Tonight would be for passions aroused and the feel of another body pressed close to hers. She wouldn't have to jeopardize her relationship with Mitch over sex.

  Then he had stopped and held her at arm's length. She felt the need to explain but in the smallest amount of words as possible. “Mitch and I aren't sleeping together.” She didn't elaborate except to add, “I love Mitch.” And although the thought had never crossed her mind before, in that one point in time, she wanted Mace with all her heart and soul and every inch of her body. “I want you.”

  He had stood and released her hand—leaving it up to her, she supposed, but she had already decided. She took his hand again and they kissed. She led him to her small bedroom, into her small bed, and afterwards she felt as if one weight had been lifted from her shoulders only to be replaced by a greater one.

  At the time, it had seemed sensible to give in to her physical longings with someone other than Mitch. She didn't stop to think there wasn't anything at all sensible about sleeping with Mitch's father.

  Reason hadn't returned to her until later that morning and guilt almost drowned her. The saddest part of all was that she couldn't say she had any regrets.

  She had awakened to sunlight streaming across their close bodies and felt as if a cloud of smoke had been swept from her brain. She scrambled from the bed, getting as far away from him as possible. Grabbing her gown and robe, she’d disappeared into the bathroom without looking back even when he called out her name.

  In the shower she ran water as hot as she could stand it. She’d cried, great choking sobs that wracked her body as she scrubbed her skin over and over. Nothing could wash away what she had done. Nothing could change what had happened. If only she could go back in time a few hours...

  But would she have done it differently?

  She had emerged from the bathroom hoping Mace had gone. She didn't even glance toward the bedroom. She'd strip the bed later and burn the sheets. She went out the back door and sat on the step, numbly running her fingers through wet hair to get out the tangles. She couldn't think beyond wanting a cigarette, but she was too afraid to go back inside in case Mace was still there. She supposed she could see if his truck was gone, but what would she do if it was still in the driveway where she'd left it last night?

  If he was any kind of gentleman, he would have left while she was in the shower, pretended the night had never happened, she’d reasoned. When next she saw him, there would be no remembrance in his clear gray eyes and he would act as if he were meeting her again for the
first time since her return to Randolph.

  The door had opened behind her and she was up and away before he could step outside. She couldn't look at him. She sat in one of the chairs around the table, her back to him, and closed her eyes. Why didn't he just go away?

  The silence between them grew until Mace walked to the other side of the table and sat down. She couldn't open her eyes, but she wouldn't run away again. This was her home and he was the one who didn't belong. She heard him fumble with a pack of cigarettes and light two.

  “Talley,” he murmured and then she did look at him.

  He held out a cigarette for her and she took it. His gray eyes were wide and startled, like he couldn't believe it had happened either. She had half expected to see a satisfied smirk on his face, the look of a man who knew no woman could resist him, not even his own son's girl. She was surprised to find he was as confused and embarrassed as she. The discovery eased her discomfort a little.

  “I—” he started but couldn't finish. He ran his hands through his longish hair and shook his head.

  “I think you should leave now,” she said quietly in a neutral tone. She didn't want him to think she blamed him. They were equally guilty of what had happened.

  “All right. But I just wanted to say—”

  “No. Don't say anything. We-We just need to forget this ever happened.”

  “I know. That's what I wanted to say. I want to make sure you understand I'm not looking for anything more. I…” He dragged deeply on his cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly. “I don't know what happened, but it won't happen ever again. I don't need anything, or anyone, permanent in my life. I ain't looking for—”

  “You've made that clear, Mace. Just leave.”

  He nodded again and stood. She sensed that he wanted to say more, but then he finally walked away. She heard his truck start, back out of the driveway, and leave. When she could hear it no more, she had breathed a sigh of relief. It was over.

  Until the next Saturday night when he knocked on her door.

  She just stood there and looked at him. “What are you doing here, Mace?”

  She tried to discourage him by speaking coldly, but her heart had hammered in her chest. Images of lying beneath this man flashed through her mind. She had tried not to think of him all week, but it was impossible. Now, here he was again.

  “I-I just wanted to see how you're doing, that's all. I ain't welcome at the Rose or I'd have come by there.”

  A smile tugged at her mouth, but she didn't give in to it. He seemed a little lost and afraid and she wouldn't have expected to find either in Mace Holloway.

  “You have a phone, don't you?”

  “Yeah, I do,” he said and grinned a little. “It never crossed my mind. I wanted to see you.”

  “Well, now you've seen me and I'm all right.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed but didn't make a move to leave. He stood on the front doorstep and waited.

  She waited too. While she waited she thought of all the reasons she should shut the door in his face and break this off right here and now.

  She tried. She even took a step back and tightened her hold on the doorknob. She thought of Mitch and how devastated he would be if he found out. She glanced at her driveway, but only her car sat there.

  “Where's your truck?”

  “Back there, under the trees.”

  “What do you want, Mace?”

  He shrugged helplessly. “I don't know.”

  Against her better judgment, she said, “Come on in and I'll make you a cup of coffee. Then you have to go.”

  “All right.”

  He didn't go, of course, until the next morning. They weren't quite as embarrassed as they had been the first time and they agreed it shouldn't happen again. Yet, he couldn't stay away and she couldn't say no. They never spoke of Mitch in the beginning.

  Now, one more Sunday morning she waited for him in the quiet of her back yard. Something had to be done. She was being torn in half, right down the middle, but she couldn't make the final decision she knew had to be made. Not yet.

  Mace stepped through the back door, fully dressed, with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He stood on the step, squinting into the sunlight. He ran his hand through his hair then unconsciously adjusted himself as men do without any thought to where they are or whom they're with.

  He looked at her and winked. “Twice in one night. I'm damned impressed with myself.”

  She laughed as he came toward her and she raised her head for her morning kiss. When he pulled away, an indefinable look crossed his face. He placed a callused finger at the base of her neck.

  “I didn't do that,” he said gruffly and walked away from her.

  Talley's hand flew to cover Mitch's mark. She'd completely forgotten about it in her excitement over Mace's visit. Tears burned her eyes and a guilty blush crept over her face.

  Why did she suddenly feel guilty over Mitch?

  “I'm sorry, Mace—” she began.

  “You don't owe me any explanations.” Mace smiled a little, but his eyes were filled with sadness.

  “It was Mitch—”

  “Don't explain, Lee. You have a life to live the other six days of the week.”

  Now her throat burned as well and she blurted out, “I haven't started sleeping with Mitch.”

  “Why not? Ain't my boy good enough for you?”

  “That's not funny,” she snapped.

  He sipped his coffee. “Wasn't meant to be. Are you holding out for marriage? I'd like to know if I'm going to be bedding my son's wife.”

  She sucked in a breath. “Mace, you've gone too far.”

  He nodded and set his coffee cup on the table. “I'd best leave then.”

  “No!” Talley jumped to her feet and went into his arms. He held her as tightly as she held him. “This is our time together. The only time I have you. I won't give it up.”

  “Even after you marry Mitch?”

  She shook her head against him. “We haven't talked about marriage.”

  “But, darlin, Mitch wants to marry you.” Mace eased himself from her arms and sat down in his chair. He pulled cigarettes out of his shirt pocket and lit two, handing one out to her. She took it.

  “Mitch and I don't talk much anymore without it ending in an argument, but he's talked about you a lot since you've been seeing each other again. I think he's getting me ready to be your father-in-law.” He frowned, puzzled. “He's had girlfriends before and never mentioned their names to me. I don't know if he thinks I won't approve or what—”

  “Maybe he thinks you'll sleep with them.” The words were out before Talley could stop them, but she didn't regret what she said. It was only fair that she hurt him as badly as he hurt her. She returned to her chair and when she looked at Mace again, his eyes were hard.

  “I think we're even now,” he said.

  “And you know how you made me feel.”

  “All right, Lee.”

  “Why do you call me that? No one has ever called me Lee before.”

  “You know why.”

  She shook her head. She liked that he had a special nickname for her, but she didn't know why he had come to use it. “No, I don't.”

  “Mitch calls you Tal and, since we each have a part of you, I take what's left. Lee.”

  What a bitterly sweet thing for him to say and Talley wanted to cry. She teetered on the edge of tears a lot lately, but she had mastered how to save them for when she was alone.

  “I am sorry that I hurt you. I don't know about you, but I don't like myself much these days. I think I need to go now.” He drained his cup and stood.

  Talley's heart sank into the pit of her stomach. “Is this good-bye?”

  He hesitated, then shook his head. “As long as you can live with yourself, I reckon I can too.”

  She went into his arms again and they kissed, long and slow and sweet.

  Then he was gone.

  Watching him walk away grew more difficult each tim
e. When she could no longer hear his truck in the distance, she cried.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Saturday always came around although Talley believed the day took longer than the other days of the week and had more hours. This Saturday was the annual celebration of the Fourth at McKenna Park. Mitch offered to pick her up, but she invented some excuse about errands to run, so she would have her own car. She didn't want to have to go through the awkwardness of turning him down again at her front door. In addition to the set just before the fireworks, The Cold Creek Band would also play early in the afternoon, so Mitch had to go on without her.

  Talley arrived as they were setting up on the second stage.

  “We won't play 'Desperate Hearts' this time, Tal. We're saving it for tonight,” Mitch told her when he took a few minutes away from the preparations to talk to her. “I'm glad you're here.”

  “Me too.”

  “But I have to help out. Don't wander too far. I want to be able to see you while we're on.”

  The festivities filled the park all the way to the wooded area at the west end. Talley kept her eye on the stage at the east end while she went from booth to booth. The traditional barbecue and fireworks had grown over the years to include vendors selling food, soft drinks, and crafts. She played games of chance and admired the handiwork of local artisans. She ate a hot dog and sipped sweet-and-sour lemonade. She was looking over a table of jewelry made of all natural materials when the hair at the back of her neck prickled.

  “Hello, darlin,” a voice whispered close to her ear.

  She whirled, spilling the lemonade. “Mace!”

  “C'mon, let's walk.”

  Talley glanced toward the stage, but they were as far as they could get from it, almost to the woods. She couldn't tell which was Mitch from this distance. She tossed her glass of lemonade into a trashcan.