Desperate Hearts

by Lani Aames

“What are you doing here?”

  “Every lost soul in town is here, why shouldn't I be?”

  “Because Mitch said you haven't attended in years.” She halted suddenly and touched his arm to stop him. “Did you come to hear Mitch?”

  A muscle twitched in his jaw and he shook his head.

  “You have to, Mace. It would make him so happy.”

  He started walking again. “C'mon,” he said again.

  Talley followed him. Without glancing around, Mace strode into the dense growth of trees. Talley hurried to catch up with him.

  “Are you insane, Mace? What if someone sees us disappear into these trees?”

  He whirled on her suddenly, his gray eyes almost black in the shaded woods. “What's wrong with a father talking to his son's girl? It happens every day, Lee. Every father talks to his son's girl at some time or other.”

  She briefly hesitated. “All right.”

  He shrugged. “I didn't come to hear Mitch and I didn't come to see you. I don't know why I'm here. I thought Mitch wasn't on till tonight.”

  “They're playing two sets. One now and the other just before the fireworks. It's an honor, Mace, for them to close the evening and play for the street dance.”

  He nodded. “I saw him but I don't think he saw me. Don't tell him I was here.”

  “Just come listen to him. Then it won't matter if he knows.”

  “I just happened to see you at that booth,” he continued as if she hadn't spoken.

  Laughter echoed through the trees. They weren't the only ones seeking shade from the hot sun, or maybe a place to be alone.

  “This was damn stupid, wasn't it?” He took her hand and led her deep into the woods. When they reached the creek, he turned and they followed it north a ways.

  The trees blocked the direct sunlight, but their thick branches trapped the heat and humidity. Talley wore a sundress and had pulled her hair into a pony-tail to keep as cool as possible, but the humidity and exertion left a fine layer of sweat on her skin and almost took her breath away.

  They came to a place where a dead tree had fallen across the creek and Mace stopped.

  “I know every inch of these woods, every hidey hole. Me and Dylan and Henry Davis spent more time here than in school. When I was sixteen, I brought a girl to McKenna Lane and got laid for the first time.” He shook his head at the memory and smiled a little. “Lilith Vandemeer—blonde, built like a brick shithouse. Laid every man in Randolph before I got to her.”

  “The librarian?” Talley thought of the stout lady with graying hair who used to help her find information for the papers she had to write in high school. The same one who had tried to talk her out of reading the trashy novels in the paperback section.

  “We used to say McKenna Lane had more rubber than Goodyear. I wonder if it's still the favorite parking spot for horny teenagers.”

  “Where do you think Mitch and I first did it?” Talley asked and held her breath.

  Mace didn't say anything for a moment, then he laughed. “And in the front seat of my truck. I never thought…Damn. Time to get a new truck.”

  Talley shrugged. “Where else could we go back then?”

  Mace moved in close as the laughter left his eyes. He forced her to lean against a tree and lay his hands flat on each side of her head.

  “What are you doing, Mace?”

  “I want you.”

  He kissed her deeply, his lips working hard over hers. Against her better judgment, she closed her eyes and let her tongue play with his. She realized then that she'd been aroused ever since he'd whispered darlin’ in her ear, and the kiss only made it worse. Or better. She wanted him too.

  Her mouth felt bruised when he pulled away. “You'll have me. Later tonight. Isn't that enough?”

  He didn't answer, but kissed her again, sucking gently on her tongue. She closed her eyes again and let her desire and need for him take over. She didn't consider the fact that it was broad daylight and anyone could find them. She couldn't think at all while Mace's busy tongue enflamed the fire burning in her belly, between her thighs. She was ready to spread her legs, hike up her skirt, and let him take her right there, the rough bark digging into her shoulder blades...

  But a rare breeze rustled the tops of the trees and a few stray notes of music reached them across the distance. Mitch and the band had started.

  The sounds brought her back, and her eyes flew open, meeting his clear gray eyes. With one last pull on her tongue, he drew away.

  “I have to go, Mace. Come with me and listen to your son.”

  He shook his head. “I'll come with you later tonight...”

  “Mace—”

  “This evening, meet me here.”

  “I can't. I'll be with Mitch.”

  “Not while he's singing.”

  “I want to hear him. We won't be able to hear him from here.”

  “I know.”

  She decided it was useless trying to convince him.

  “I have to go. Mitch will be watching for me.”

  He didn't move. She ducked under his arm and ran all the way through the trees.

  She didn't look back.

  * * * * *

  All afternoon, as she walked with Mitch around the park and back again, Talley told herself she wouldn't meet Mace. She didn't want to miss hearing Mitch perform “Desperate Hearts”. But Mace had been in a strange mood. She hadn't smelled whiskey on his breath, so she didn't know what had caused it. She hated having Mace on her mind when she was with Mitch, but she couldn't seem to think of anything else.

  As evening turned to night, they filled up on barbecue and roasted corn and glasses of lemonade. She occasionally glanced towards the woods and wondered if Mace was already there. He'd have a long wait, she kept telling herself.

  But after Mitch and the others went off to get ready for the last set of the evening, Talley found herself heading away from the stage. She told herself she was only going to the restroom. After visiting the park facilities, she located her car in the crowded parking lot and retrieved the flashlight from the glove compartment. She stopped lying to herself and made her way to the woods.

  The three-quarter moon wasn't strong enough to light her way through the trees. With the help of the flashlight, she found the creek and headed north as Mace had taken her that afternoon.

  She took her time, not wanting to tumble over the bank into the water. In the daylight with Mace, the path hadn't seemed nearly as dangerous. A fall into the muddy water was not the most pleasant way to end the evening. Besides, how would she ever explain to Mitch?

  The night was sultry and sweat covered her like a second skin. She wiped at the droplets that formed on her upper lip and felt a trickle down the small of her back. She had to be near the place where Mace had taken her. If she didn't find him soon, she would turn around and go back.

  She walked a few more yards, flashing the light around and found him perched on the end of the fallen log. He blinked in the brightness of the beam.

  “I didn't think you'd come,” he said and put a bottle to his lips, letting the dark golden liquid slide down his throat.

  “I always come with you,” she said, but he didn't smile at her joke like he usually did. He patted the spot beside him and she sat close by but not touching. She cut off the flashlight.

  “Was she any good?” Talley asked, not knowing what else to say.

  “Who?”

  “Ms. Vandemeer.” She couldn't bring herself to call the woman by her first name. It was difficult enough imagining Mace at sixteen. It was impossible to imagine him with her. She didn't think she'd ever be able to go into the library again.

  He shrugged. “I wasn't too worried about how good it was, just that I was finally doing it. When you're that age, that's all that matters.”

  What did that say about her and Mitch if that had been all that mattered to Mitch? She knew it had meant more to him. In some ways, Mitch was a kinder, gentler man than his father could ever hope to b
e.

  “I scored a few more times that year—”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “—and the next summer, at the Fourth festival, I met Mitch's mother.”

  He took another drink from the tall bottle.

  “Ellen wouldn't let me in her pants, but I wanted there so bad. I stayed away from other women.” He hung his head. “Damn but you remind me of her in some ways, Lee. Not that you look like her or act like her. The way you trust me completely with your body and your secrets. Took almost a year before she was ready to let me in and I thought it had shriveled up and quit working by then. That first time was a disaster for both of us. We got better at it, but she was so afraid of making love without being married.”

  He put the bottle to his mouth.

  She glanced at the bottle and then at him. “Don't, Mace.”

  He held the bottle out and looked at it. “I've only had a couple of swallows. Barely cleared out the neck.” But he reared back and threw it into the creek. She heard the tinkle of breaking glass, then silence.

  “You always talk drunker than you are.”

  “It keeps people away.”

  “Even Mitch?”

  “Yeah, even Mitch. He always needed me so much, then he grew up. Hell, all of a sudden I didn't know a damn thing and he had all the answers.”

  “It was nothing personal, Mace. All kids are like that. Don't you remember being a kid yourself?”

  “I thought it'd be different with us because it was just the two of us for so long.” He belched. “Damn fine whiskey you made me toss.”

  “I don't make you do anything, Mace.”

  “Yeah, you do. You just don't know you do.”

  They sat in silence for a long time. Talley watched Mace. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she could make out the silvery glint of his eyes and the thoughtful expression on his face. Every once in a while a few strains of music floated their way. They sat so long, Talley thought Mace had decided not to finish whatever he wanted to tell her. She moved around, trying to find a more comfortable seat on the log. Maybe she should just go back and catch the last of Mitch's performance. She started to get up.

  “Don't go yet. I'm not through.”

  She sighed and settled back down. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear about Mitch's mother.

  “As soon as she turned eighteen we got married. I wasn't much older myself. Too young, of course, but she wanted it. And because she wanted it, I wanted it. I loved her, Lee, but when I look back on what little time we had together, I can't remember why.”

  His voice was hoarse and broke on the last few words. She didn't dare look at him then. She didn't think she could stand to see him with tears in his eyes.

  “We had a few months together, then she was carrying Mitch. Something went wrong and we almost lost him...and Ellen too. I kept thinking I didn't want him if it meant losing Ellen. I know it sounds bad, but I didn't know him, had never seen him. They didn't do those…those pictures back in those days.”

  “Ultrasounds.”

  “Yeah, that's it. So in a way, he wasn't real to me.” He shook his head. “It makes me sound like the worst father, but hell, I was only nineteen. What did I know?”

  “I don't think anybody ever knows how they'd feel in a situation like that until they’re in it.”

  “It wasn't that I didn't want him at all. A boy or girl, didn't matter. Having a baby was the next step. You get married, have babies, live your life the best you can, then you die. That's the way it's supposed to go, only it didn't for Ellen. She had Mitch and survived it. Doctors said she probably shouldn't try to have any more. Then a few months later she got sick all of a sudden. Didn't have anything to do with the problems she'd had with Mitch. Cancer. And a few months after that she was...gone. Mitch wasn't a year old.”

  Talley blinked back tears. She had known that Mitch's mother had died when he was young, but she had never given any thought to her as a real person, a woman who’d loved Mace.

  “It's been so long, Lee, over twenty-two years. Most of the time I can't remember what she looked like, can't remember what her hair felt like in my hands. Mitch has her hair, black as sin, and her dark skin.”

  “He has your eyes.”

  “Yeah. Ellen's were blue as the sky on a clear day, not dark and stormy like yours.”

  “Why are you telling me this, Mace?”

  “Because I need to tell someone. I can't tell Mitch, can't make him understand how much I missed his mother for so long. Then one day I didn't miss her so much and now...now I can't really remember her at all. I can't tell him that we were only together three years and it seems like a dream I had. Ellen's folks wanted to take Mitch, but I wouldn't let 'em. How could I give him away? How could I give up the only part of Ellen I had left? My folks helped raised him till they died. They were both gone by the time he was twelve.”

  Talley vaguely recalled the elderly Holloways. They must have had Mace late in life. An accident on the farm had taken Mitch's grandfather and illness had claimed his grandmother and both had happened within just a few years time. Talley hadn't thought about the fact that they had been Mace's parents as well. She tried so hard to keep Mace and Mitch separate that she sometimes blinded herself to the threads that wove them together.

  “She could sing like an angel,” he said and stopped.

  “Ellen?”

  He hesitated, then nodded. “Back in those days, the Fourth festival was a lot smaller. Sometimes local people would sing for the crowds. Ellen and her family had just moved here from Jackson. I watched her sing some old gospel songs with her family and then she did a solo. I think that's when I fell in love with her. When we got married, we lived with my folks on the farm. After Mitch was born and before she got sick, I'd sit out on the porch late in the evening and listen to her sing Mitch to sleep. I'd close my eyes and all I could hear was her sweet voice filling the night.”

  He said no more. He didn't have to. She now knew why he couldn't bear to see his son perform. She moved closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her. At that moment the patches of night sky visible amongst the leaves lit up with the first starburst of fireworks.

  “Sorry I unloaded on you.” He winked and squeezed her arm where his hand lay. “Seems like that's all I do, unload on you.”

  “It's okay, Mace. I understand now.”

  “I hoped you would.”

  “Mitch will be looking for me.”

  He nodded. “Go on, then.”

  She'd have to make some excuse to Mitch. She hated lying to him. When had she started lying? When had this gotten so complicated?

  “Will you be by later tonight?”

  He nodded again and took his arm away from her. She kissed him on the cheek, turned on the flashlight, and started back.

  CHAPTER SIX

  With Mitch in Nashville for most of the week, Talley felt a little lost without him. They were staying with another band member's relatives who lived near Nashville. Mitch had been relieved. The generous offer saved them the cost of motel rooms.

  Now it was Friday night and Talley tried to imagine Mitch and The Cold Creek Band in a bar at least three times the size of the Rose. She heard his music in her heart. Mitch and the band were good and had a realistic shot at their dreams if only the right people would hear them. They hoped to make the right connections in Nashville.

  Then her thoughts drifted to Mace and everything he'd told her nearly a week ago. Her heart ached for him. If only he would talk to Mitch and make him understand why. Talley wished she could make Mace understand that Mitch needed to know some of the things he had confided in her. It would help their troubled relationship more than he could imagine. Mitch had no idea how or why Mace hurt inside.

  She picked up a towel to keep her hands busy. She'd had to lie to Mitch about not catching his performance and not watching the fireworks with him. She’d told him the barbecue hadn't agreed with her and she'd been in the restroom throwing up then sat away f
rom the crowd until she felt a little better. The excuse did double duty as a reason to turn Mitch away again easily.

  Later that night, Mace had come to her although she really didn't expect him to. There was none of their usual teasing, only a desperate need to find comfort with one another. Afterwards, Talley held him throughout the night, his restless stirrings keeping her awake. He cut their morning ritual in her haven short and left earlier than usual. Talley missed him beyond reason.

  The loud creak of the door caught her attention and her wide eyes looked toward it. She hoped it wouldn't be Jack Sandler. Without Mitch to help her, she was afraid Jack's increasing nastiness would explode.

  Who came through the door almost made her heart stop beating. As many times as she had watched the door open and wanted it to be him, suddenly she was afraid. Mace filled the doorway then let the old wooden door slam shut behind him. He squinted in the dim lighting until his eyes pinpointed her behind the bar. His long legs ate up the floor between them and Talley took a step backward at his determined presence.

  At the bar, Mace swung one long leg over the stool in front of her, his eyes having never left her.

  “Mace?” She asked a thousand questions in that one whispered word.

  “I'll have a beer,” he said too loudly. His eyes glittered like polished silver and bore into hers.

  With shaking hands, Talley filled a mug with draft, leaving hardly any head at all. She set it in front of Mace.

  “Howdy, Mace. Been awhile,” Dylan said from behind her, causing her to jump. Dylan gave her a questioning look.

  “We-e-ell,” Mace drawled and downed half the beer. He slammed the glass on the counter hard enough to crack it, liquid sloshing over the side. “Life's a bitch, ain't it, Dylan.”

  “Take it easy, Mace.” Dylan frowned. “Been a long time since you had a drink in this place. And you remember the reason why as well as me. I won't stand for any of your bullshit and you know it.” Dylan looked at Talley. “I don't know what's going on between you and Mitch, but I don't want no trouble.”

  “Trouble,” Mace repeated and he belched loud enough to wake the dead. “Nobody knows the trouble we're gonna see before long. But not tonight, Dylan. No trouble tonight.”