“Actually, I want to. I haven’t done it in forever.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
Lexie insists on cleaning up our dishes since I need a shower before we go, but I sternly tell her no. Unfortunately, being occupied in the shower means she’s free to do whatever she wants, and when we pass the kitchen on the way out, I see she did them anyway. She laughs when I give her a disapproving look.
Her hand stays in mine as we drive to our destination. I can’t let her go even for a second, and I’m pretty sure she likes that. The moment we arrive, I’m extremely thankful for thinking of this. Her eyes light up with excitement and her smile never goes away. If I didn’t know this side of her, and only that angry Lexie I first met, I would have thought the smile was painted on.
It’s been a while for us both, but longer for Lexie, so we fall a few times at first. I’m not sure if she laughs harder when I fall or when she does. It makes me want to fall to the ground over and over, though, at the slight chance that she’ll laugh so hard, she’ll have to clutch her stomach and catch her breath.
As we’re returning our borrowed equipment, Lexie wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a quick kiss. Her cheeks are red from the cold, but there’s no doubt that she’s happy.
“That was a lot of fun. Thank you. What’s next?” she finishes with a grin.
“Is there anything else you want to do? The sky is pretty much the limit.” A slow smile rises on my face. “I know you love dressing up with Sadie. Want to dress up with me and go out for a night on the town?”
“I do believe I may have something to wear.”
The only thing I can picture her in right now doesn’t do justice for the real thing. When we get back to my place, Lexie yawns. We spent a good portion of the day snowboarding, but we don’t have to start getting ready for tonight yet.
“Want to take a little catnap first?” I fake a yawn, in case she needs a little convincing.
Lex seems to think about it before nodding and dragging me down the hall to my room for a nap. I play along, not intending on taking a nap. I’m going to have to make a phone call at some point to see if I can pull a few strings for tonight. She throws an arm over my stomach and rests her head on my chest. Now that I think about it, a nap couldn’t hurt. At the very least, I can lie here a little while longer before I need to get up.
With one arm around her, my fingertips of my other hand dance up and down her arm. My eyes drift closed, the action apparently more soothing to me than her. I’m not sure how life could get better than this moment right here. It’s a struggle to stay awake, but I do. As soon as Lexie’s breathing evens out and I’m positive she’s asleep, I sneak out of bed to call Tiffany. Screw going out. We’ll stay right here.
“Don’t you have better things to do right now? Why are you calling me?” she answers.
“Well, hello to you too. I need a favor.”
“What kind of favor? What’s in it for me this time?”
“My eternal gratefulness. What’s Lexie’s favorite restaurant?”
There’s a pause and I’m about to snap at her with impatience when she says, “Hmm. There’s one place uptown that she likes, but you know, I can’t quite remember anything about it.”
“This is for your best friend,” I remind her. “Shouldn’t you do it out of the goodness of your heart?”
“Where is the fun in that, Ashton? But fine, I guess I can tell you.”
She tells me that Lex loves some Japanese restaurant, and even goes a step further to tell me what she likes. I call and place an order. To avoid waking her, I grab black slacks and a dark grey dress shirt with a matching tie, and shower in Reed’s bathroom. I never realized how small the damn thing is until I had to get ready in it. I make it quick, so I can go get the food.
Thankfully, I’m not too far away to start with. When I get back to the house, I hide the food in the microwave, just in case. Lex is still sound asleep in my bed. I watch her for a moment, taking in the fact that she’s in my bed. Her arms are wrapped tightly around the pillow, her lips are parted, and she looks more beautiful there than anywhere else.
I close the distance to the bed, place an arm on the other side of her for balance, and lean down to kiss her cheek. “Wake up, Lex,” I whisper.
A groggy groan pushes out of her throat as she snuggles further into the pillow. “No,” she answers.
“Yes. You slept so long that our time is up and it’s morning.”
That causes her eyes to flash open and she rolls onto her back to look at me before glancing at the alarm clock on my nightstand.
“You’re such a liar. I was halfway to a panic attack, Ashton.”
I laugh. “Sorry.” I gingerly press my lips against hers. “Go shower and change. I’ve got a few things to do first. And be sure to call Sadie, so maybe she won’t call later.” I grin and wink to show that later will definitely be a time when she doesn’t want to be interrupted.
She blinks and looks over me, just now noticing what I’m wearing. “When did you get ready?”
“Before I woke you up,” I answer simply.
“Obviously,” she laughs.
Lexie gets out of bed, disappearing into my bathroom. I close the bedroom door on my way out, hoping I’ll be done before she is. While I grab a few tall candles and something to stick them in, I call Brooke, holding my phone between my ear and my shoulder so I can keep setting things up.
“Hey, how are things going?” she asks upon answering.
“Great. Thought I could go ahead and talk to Reed.”
“Oh? Planning to be busy for the rest of the night then?” she teases.
“Brooke, let me talk to my son. I rather talk to him than you anyway.”
“No need to be mean, especially after what your son did to me with the shark teeth, thanks to you. Reed,” she shouts. “Your dad is on the phone.”
A few seconds later, I hear, “Hey, Dad! Guess what?”
“What?” I ask, setting the table.
“We had show and tell today, and I took my shark teeth to tell them about when we went to the aquarium. I asked Mom if I could just bring you because it would be awesome to show everyone that you are my dad and play hockey, but she said we couldn’t bring people. That’s why I had to take the shark teeth, but they liked them too,” he finishes proudly.
“That’s great. Sounds like you had a good day at school.”
“I did. Can I stay with you tonight? I can check with Mom. Mom,” he yells.
“Don’t check with her. You can’t stay tonight, little man,” I interrupt him, feeling like a terrible dad. He doesn’t usually stay with me on a school night anyway, but he has every so often.
“Why not?” he whines. “I really want to stay with you, and I won’t see you this weekend because I’m hanging out with Nate and Mom.”
“Not tonight, okay? Maybe one day next week?”
“I don’t want to wait until then,” Reed huffs.
I sigh. If Lexie wasn’t here, there’s no question that I would go get him. Is it wrong of me to tell him no for that reason? Am I being a bad dad to him? Or is this a good time to show him that he’s not always going to get what he wants? But that’s nothing more than an excuse, isn’t it?
“Please, Dad,” he begs. Brooke’s voice can faintly be heard in the background, and I listen as Reed explains to her what he’s pleading me for. “I don’t want to have dinner with you and Nate. I want to go to Dad’s!”
“Reed,” I speak sternly, gaining his attention. “Don’t raise your voice. You can’t stay with me tonight. Go have fun with them, and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“You promise?” His voice is full of disappointment, and I hate hearing it.
“I promise,” I repeat. “I’ll get you when I have the day off, and we’ll do anything you want all day long.”
“What if I want to–”
“Anything,” I interrupt.
“Okay.” Finally, he’s satisf
ied.
“All right, I got to go. I love you, little man.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
He hangs up just as I dim the lights. I hesitate before I go down the hallway, wondering if I did the right thing with Reed. I’ve never had him call me, wanting to come over when I’m with someone. He’ll be fine, I remind myself.
When I peek into the room, Lexie is placing her phone down on the nightstand. I stop short when I see her. She’s wearing a sleeveless little black dress that stops just below mid-thigh. Part of the back is simply a lace overlay, which doesn’t hide the bare skin underneath it. Lex turns around, smiling.
“I’m starting to be fearful of opening this door.”
“Why?” Her brows bunch together with confusion.
“Because, lately, every time I do, you stop my heart with what you’re wearing.”
Her smile widens. “I could say the same about you. I believe I’m ready if you are.”
I’m ready to take that dress off of her. She crosses the room to meet me, and I take her hand. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so.”
She rolls her eyes before doing what I said. I grasp her hips and lead her to my kitchen. On the table in the corner is our food, a bottle of wine, and candles for lighting.
After pressing a kiss to her neck, I whisper, “Hope you don’t mind a small change in plans. Open your eyes.”
“Ashton…when did you do all this?”
I chuckle. “You were asleep for a long time, Lex.”
As I pull out her chair for her, she asks, “Is this from–”
“Your favorite Japanese restaurant? Yes, it is.”
She tries to hide a smile as she shakes her head. “You’re too much sometimes.”
We begin to eat, and she tells me about her phone call with Sadie. Even I can tell she misses her. But soon, conversation moves away from the kids. I learn more about her past, nothing heavy, but something that still teaches me more about her. I tell her about my family back in Delaware, college days with Jax, and we even talk about our future a little. Not necessarily as a couple, or even as a person in general. It mostly has to do with our careers.
Dishes are left on the table as we move to the couch. She carries the wine and wine glasses while I carefully carry the candles. I pull Lexie’s legs into my lap once she sits next to me.
“Who knew we could have so much fun on weekdays?”
Lexie giggles. “It’s not over yet.”
“Have you had a good time, Lex? Even though I kidnapped you without telling you first and took you away from everything without ever really going anywhere?” Reed has knocked me off my game, because otherwise, I wouldn’t be second-guessing myself.
“I’ve had a wonderful time. Thank you for doing this, Ashton.”
My hand starts sliding up and down her outer leg from her ankle to the hem of her dress. “I didn’t know when the next opportunity would arise, so I took advantage of this one.” I take her glass of wine, set it on the table, and the lift her hips, moving her so she straddles me as her dress rises to her hips. Squeezing her thighs, I add, “It has shown me one thing.”
“What’s that?” Lexie breathes when my hands slide further up her legs. She takes my tie and tugs me forward until I’m close enough for her to kiss me.
Before she can, I reply, “I want more days like these with you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Lexie
“Mommy. Mommy.” Sadie races into my arms. “I missed you.”
“Me too.” I almost let the tears fall. I have missed this little girl so much. Today hasn’t been easy for me. Even though I had the most memorable two days with Ashton, it was this day, seven-years-ago, that I received the knock on the door.
“My, my, someone has a special glow about them.”
I turn, seeing Brooke in baby-blue scrubs, grinning down at me. I stand, shaking my head at her.
“Mommy was on an adventure,” Sadie explains. “She was trying to find something.”
Brooke snorts in laughter. “Did you find it?”
Even though it’s forty degrees outside, my body heat raises thinking of Ashton. “Yes, I did.”
She hugs me. “I’m so happy for you and him,” she whispers in my ear.
“Mom, can Sadie come over?” Reed appears in front of us.
“Not today, Reed.” I pull away from Brooke.
“How come, Miss Lexie?” His face drops.
“Because today we go see my daddy at the graveyard,” Sadie sadly tells him.
“Does he come up from the ground?”
“Reed Ashton,” Brooke growls at him.
“What?” he shrugs. “That’s what happens in the movie.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to talk to your father about what the heck you’re watching at his house.” She rolls her eyes.
“It’s okay, Brooke. He doesn’t understand.” I turn to him. “Maybe Sadie can come over this weekend, okay?”
Reed nods, and we say our goodbyes.
I load Sadie up in the car and drive to the other side of town. When I drive down the small hill, I see Tiff’s car is already here.
Sadie is quiet as the three of us walk to a large gravestone under a large pine tree.
Anthony Michael Allen
1984-2007
Loving Husband, Father, Brother, Son
Brave Soldier
A tear rolls down my cheek. I put father on there, even though Sadie wasn’t born yet, because he was a loving father. Tiff bends down, brushing the needles away, and lays some wildflowers on his stone. When she stands, she loops her arm with mine, laying her head on my shoulder. We stand there in silence. No sounds, but the soft, cold wind dances around us.
“Mommy, I’m hungry,” Sadie finally speaks.
I nod, wiping the tears from my face. “Head to the car with Aunt Tiff. I’ll be right there.”
Tiff takes her hand, and I watch them walk away from me. I turn my attention back to the gray-silver marker.
“Our daughter is growing up so fast,” I whisper to the stone and into the thin air. “She’s like you so much. She’s so carefree and happy all the time. She stands up for her friends. I know that you would be so proud.” The tears stream faster down my face. “I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss the advice you would give me, no matter if I wanted it or not. I miss your laugh and your childish pranks.”
I take a deep breath, thinking of all the memories we shared together over the years.
“I met someone. I never thought there would be anyone but you. He’s a great guy. He treats Sadie so well, and I really like him. Is it wrong of me that I don’t feel guilty when I’m with him? I love you so much, Tony. I do. But, I’m so confused sometimes.”
I think about how I didn’t feel bad when I was having sex with Ashton, but now, seeing Tony’s grave, it’s back. I look over at Sadie sitting in the car. She smiles at me, and my heart melts. She’s the only person in my life I need to keep my focus on. I can’t be galavanting with some hockey millionaire. I have a daughter and responsibilities.
I rub my fingers over his engraved name, feeling nothing but the cold hard stone. I stand, brush off my pants, and head back to the car. Tiff stares at me for a moment. I watch her expression change as she stalks over to me.
“No, no, no, no,” she repeats, shaking her head. “I know that look. Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Don’t be so damn naïve. You know exactly what I’m saying. Ashton is a good guy. He cares for you, and he loves Sadie. Tony would want—”
“Shut up!” I yell. I’ve never raised my voice at her. “You don’t know anything. You think you understand what it’s like to be alone day in and day out. You think you know what it’s like to cry yourself to sleep because you feel like you’re failing as a mother. You don’t fucking know anything.”
Tiff’s mouth drops. “How dare you, Alexis Allen? How dare you think that I, of all the people in
the this world, don’t understand what you’re going through? You’re an amazing mother, and Sadie is the greatest kid. But, Tony wouldn’t want this. I know that he would want you happy, and Ashton does that for you.”
“I was wrong.” I shake my head.
“You know what,” Tiff take a step closer to me, “fuck you.”
It’s my turn for my mouth to drop.
“You’re a damn fool, Lexie. A damn fool. But, if you want to be some miserable, single woman, then go ahead, because I’m done with you. I’m sick and tired of trying to help you, but if this is what you want,” she throws her hands up in the air, “then enjoy your life.”
I can’t say anything. I can’t move.
“I’ll pick Sadie up in the morning to spend the day with her.” She bumps my shoulder hard as she walks away from me. Tiff opens the back car door, hugging her niece. Then she goes to her car and leaves.
I go back to my car and try to keep myself composed in front of Sadie. Tiff and I have never fought like that.
“Mommy, can we have chicken nuggets?”
“No.”
“Mommy.”
“I said no, Sadie,” I whip my head to her, yelling.
Sadie’s soft brown eyes widen, and tears instantly fill them.
“I’m sorry.” I rub her leg. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
She nods, but doesn’t say anything. She keeps her head down, playing with a string on her Hello Kitty pink gloves. I rub the temples of my head and try to focus enough to drive. Needless to say, I’m getting Sadie chicken nuggets tonight.
~
Ashton: Hey, I’m thinking about you right now.
Ashton: I can’t wait to see you.
Ashton: Are you okay?
Ashton: Why aren’t you texting back?
The messages continue, and I don’t know how many missed phone calls I have. I can’t answer any of them. The knocking on the door brings me out of my thoughts. On the other side is Tiff. She’s never knocked on my door.
“Is my niece ready?”
“You can come in.”
“No thanks,” she slightly sneers at me, making my heart break a little bit.
“Aunt Tiff.” Sadie comes racing around the corner.
Let's Be Crazy Page 13
