Fallen Angel (The List #3)

by N. K. Love

  “I will always regret that I put you in that position. But, you were unbelievable and you’ll never know how much what you did means to me.” I’m plaiting my fingers, looking down. “You listening, Angel?”

  “Mm-huh.”

  I gulp hard, still holding it together. Jax crooks his finger under my chin, steering me to look at him. After a second he clears his throat, which I feel represents the closing of that secret door to his raw emotions, which he’d left ajar only briefly.

  “Plus, I wanted to see if you were okay and clear the air. We didn’t exactly leave it on particularly pleasant terms.”

  The words ‘leave it’ snap me back from emotional to panic.

  “And what exactly does ‘leave it’ mean?”

  “Look, you know how it is with me and after what I put you through Thursday night B, I expected you to cut me off completely—”

  “Ditto.”

  He frowns as though the idea of him cutting me off had never crossed his mind. Stroking his fingers down the side of my face attentively, my head leans into his palm without thinking.

  “—I wouldn’t’ve blamed you if you’d wanted to stay away from me… You’re already more than I deserve.”

  “I don’t and I’m not. I don’t ever want to stay away from you. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  My croaky voice is loaded with desperation. Funny thing is, I don’t give a shit. I honestly don’t care. Jax won’t see this as weakness, I know him well enough to know how he judges me.

  “Yes. You’re definitely here.” His gaze slides over my face, warming up my cheeks again but for a whole new reason. I’m wearing yoga pants and a hoody so not exactly seduction material. “But Beth, I need to say something.” O oh. Brace yourself Bethany. “What happened to me Thursday night… There’s a side to me that I don’t share with you, you know that. And that part of me—it’s the reason I was stabbed.” No shit Sherlock. My heart’s beating ten to the dozen. “Now the fucker responsible for what happened has been dealt with and I’m telling you that so you don’t worry that someone’s gonna come and finish the job or anything.” I visibly wince. “I need you to understand that I never wanted you to get too close. I tried to keep you at arm’s length. I tried to lay it on the line from day one. It was always to protect you. But I fucked up and you got involved in shit you had no business being scarred with.”

  His throat sounds dry. I hear the vulnerability in his voice that takes me back to the shower at the gym when he opened up to me about wanting to try. He is trying. I know he finds it difficult to talk like this. Maybe he didn’t completely shut that little door inside his head. I don’t want to push him too much.

  I lean over him to get the glass of water from the bedside table then sit back on my heels. Jax pushes himself up with the palms of his hands until he’s in a more comfortable seated position. Easing the straw into his mouth, he takes a few long pulls, drinking almost half of the glass.

  “We trust each other Jax. So why won’t you let me into this dark side of yours?”

  I set the glass back down and he lets me carefully place another plush pillow behind him whilst he thinks about his response.

  “Because it is just that. My dark side. If I bring you into the shadows, it’ll taint everything that we have—” He doesn’t look at me. Those words hover over us for a moment and neither of us know what to say. “B, I can’t offer you anything more than friendship.”

  Tell me something I don’t know. I feel like he is teetering on the edge of a decision. This is because I told him I love him. I knew this would happen. I said to myself that if I told him, he’d push me away, not wanting to hurt me further on down the line. Am I ready to let him go? Am I ready to up the stakes in the world of heartache?

  “Jax, I would really like to know what happened to you and maybe one day you’ll feel ready to tell me that… But it’s your choice and I respect that. I understand that even though we are honest with each other that doesn’t mean we have to bare our souls at the drop of a hat. And that works both ways.” I’m thinking how I don’t want to taint our relationship with any more admissions of impossible love. “As long as we don’t lie to each other, as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason why we can’t pick up where we left off.” I swear I see tension leave his body, as though it’s a relief, which encourages me. “This last week has been pretty amazing for me—minus the obvious.”

  “Yeah, it has been eventful hasn’t it?” Jax gives me his first genuine knee-buckling smile. “Are you sure though?”

  He pulls my hand to his mouth as I nod and he kisses it, sending sexy shivers down my spine. His eyes darken as we feel that special energy sparking between us. I actually watch as his pupils dilate, opening that portal to reconnect us fully. He isn’t pushing me away as I’d suspected. Our journey isn’t over, not yet. He is willing to try. I always have that nagging voice at the back of my head, telling me I’ll be hurt at some point but I’m able to mute it more and more easily. I want to take a risk, an uncalculated risk, for once in my life.

  My love for Jax deserves to be given that chance. My excitement to still have him in my life in this capacity far outweighs any worries of future heartache. Maybe love isn’t blind. Maybe love knows all, but it chooses to blank out the negativities. This love, the novel kind of love, is beautifully optimistic. Moreover, I’m going to let it be. I’m not going to fight it.

  I finally give permission for that resilient magnetism between us to pull my core taut like a tightrope. Jesus I’ve missed him. The mood effortlessly shifts from serious to sexual without us even saying a word or moving.

  That’s enough seriousness for now. Let’s get playful.

  “Mr Carter—” I flutter my eyelashes innocently, biting my lower lip, “—does Nurse Taylor need to write you a sick note?” I angle my body to lock an arm out either side of his waist so that my chest is leaning over his. “Only—I’m assuming you’ll need excusing from all sexclusivity activities for… say… five days?”

  Jax firmly takes hold of my upper arms.

  “No, thank you Nurse. That won’t be necessary. Where there’s a will—” He pulls me forward so we’re nose to nose. “—there’s always a way.”

  Before he has chance to beat me to it, I clamp my mouth gently over his beautiful lips and indulge myself at last. It’s slow and meaningful. Clearly saying, ‘I’ve missed you’ and ‘I wanna fuck you’. We let our bodies start reacquainting.

  I pull back and stroke my tongue along his bottom lip. Kissing the cut underneath the corner of his mouth, I stroke my tongue back across his upper lip.

  “I’ve missed this.” I whisper against his mouth.

  “I’ve missed you, Angel.”

  Mmm. Angel.

  But instead of flipping my stomach over sideways, that word sends a pang of bitterness through me. I lean back a few inches so that I can study his eyes.

  “Jax, do you call Carmel ‘Angel’?”

  “What? No.”

  “She knew that that’s what you call me. She used it to get a rise out of me. Why would you tell her that?”

  Suddenly the fact I told Wills that Jax ‘eats my pussy like it’s what he was put on this earth to do’ creeps into my head for split second. O-okay, so maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion… I’ve been sharing far more intimate details than a name.

  “I wouldn’t.”

  How did she know then? I can see that he hasn’t a clue what I’m talking about and that’s good enough for me.

  “Well—she’s strange anyway. Now, where were we?”

  Satisfied ‘Angel’ hasn’t been ruined for me, I kiss him again but with more urgency. Our tongues greet each other in their own familiar way. I roll mine against his, tasting him. Jesus, he is such a great kisser. Gripping my jaw roughly, Jax lets out a low growl into my mouth, echoing down my throat and filling that earlier emptiness. He sucks hard on my bottom lip, dragging it in his teeth. I love it when he’s more forceful yet manages to still show his r
estraint, clarifying what I do to him. It ignites that sacred roaring fire within me, which he is in complete control of.

  I shift one hand to grip the headboard behind him, holding my weight and then drift my right hand leisurely up over the bed covers, starting with his right thigh. I intentionally smooth straight over his long, firm erection, showing my own restraint too.

  He frustratingly groans at the loss of brief contact as he knots his fingers into my loose hair. I stick to the right side of his torso and skate my fingers over the edge of the covers, high on his chest.

  Smiling on top of his lips, I press my tongue back into his mouth. Slipping my hand beneath the covers, I reverse my direction back down. Gliding over his ripped pecs and skirting over his bandage carefully. Raising the elastic on the waistband of his briefs, I eagerly dive beneath with zero hesitation.

  Taking hold of his hardness at the base, I moan in appreciation—I haven’t touched him for so long. I’m always astounded by his sheer size, loving the conflicting feel of the silky smooth skin enveloping his solid erection. Skin to skin, my pussy promptly tightens, screaming out from where I want him—as if there was any doubt! But this is swiftly followed up by a shake of my head out of frustration because my period came yesterday. It’s not gonna happen Bethany!

  Whilst still kissing, the next best option quickly descends into my one-track mind. My mouth waters at the thought of swallowing his thick length. Withdrawing my tongue, I entice him until he plunges deep inside my mouth. Wrapping my lips around his warm tongue, I suck him nice and slow. Suggestively—teasingly rippling my tongue underneath, I suck in sync with the motion of my hand.

  Stroking him from root to tip, with him clenched inside my overstretched fist. My body claws back memories of the mind-blowing stretching feeling whenever he first slides inside me. Instead of that, I feel a dull, empty ache there instead.

  “Jax, I want you so bad.”

  He groans a rumble of arousal, gently pushing his hips up.

  “Where do you want me?”

  “Mmm—between my legs.”

  “Hmm, you can do better than that B. Where do you want me?”

  Grinding his cock into my grasp.

  “Mmm—in my pussy.”

  “In your tight pussy.”

  “Yes. My tight pussy. Jax, I want to ride you… hard.”

  Dirty talk was a mystery to me pre-Jax. It’s so liberating though, to let go without feeling judged. I love hearing him, it does things to me that I just can’t explain.

  “Are you wet for me, Angel?”

  This man never fails to turn me on, he must know that by now. He has me wet and wanting on demand. I nod.

  “So much.”

  But I’m also on my period for fucks sake. I swear I could climax on the spot without him even touching me. He moves his hand from my face and heads between my knees. I clamp them shut at his wrist and tell him through gritted teeth that it’s my time of the month.

  Now it’s Jax’s turn to shake his head but undeterred he pushes my legs apart regardless. Without hesitation he rubs his strong fingers over my heated crotch. My periods are always light and I’m only wearing a slim panty liner so I can feel him easily through the fabric. He presses his thumb with precision, where he knows my clit is waiting for him, earning a long moan from me as I squeeze my lips together and bear down. He looks me dead in the eye.

  “If it wasn’t for these fucking stitches I would be taking you any way I can get you Beth.”

  “Really?” I’m already breathless and so turned on. “I’ve never—”

  “Me neither. That’s how much I want to be buried completely inside this incredible body of yours.”

  His gruff voice is both confident and needy at the same time. Crushing against me with the heel of his palm, the pressure hits the spot and pacifies my ache for him. Thrusting my hips forward, I push down on his hand each time I reach his thick root, then arch my spine, drawing my hips back when I return to his tip.

  We simulate sex, letting the intensity build up around us whilst his last words linger in my ears.

  I kiss his chest, nipping and sucking his nipple and wherever my mouth takes me. I love the feel of his defined muscles, covered with soft skin and a light smattering of black hair. I lick and suck my way back up to his hungry mouth that’s patiently waiting to devour me.

  My breathing’s staggered now.

  “I want you to come for me B.”

  “Mmm-huh.” I pant.

  He leans over with his left hand and partially unzips my hoody, discovering just my black balconette bra underneath. Now I’m grateful to have been too preoccupied at the thought of seeing Jax, to pull on a tee earlier. I blatantly roll back my shoulders, pushing out by chest unashamedly bursting for his touch.

  Closing my eyes, I imagine I’m straddling him—riding him so deeply. My climax begins to spiral within grasp and my moans vibrate softly in my throat. But he still doesn’t satisfy my need for him to pay attention to my breasts.

  Concentrating on pleasuring him and keeping my impending orgasm at bay, my head drops to rest on my outstretched arm, which is still gripping onto his headboard. He turns his head, breathing heavily in my ear signifying his own arousal.

  “Don’t ever leave without saying goodbye again.”

  It sounds like half question, half command and it tells me that it’s bothered him more than he first let on. He’s maintaining his relentless pressure between my legs but, to my dismay, still avoids my breasts. Dammit. I ride his palm and stroke him faster, firmer.

  “Tell me you won’t B.”

  Urging me closer, I shuffle my knees forward and spread myself wider apart giving him optimum access. Jax sucks on my ear lobe and then bites down. My body responds with all over shivers, making it difficult to articulate a response.

  “Tell. Me.”

  He demands again in his low gravelly tone, still biting onto me.

  “Jax—I won’t.”

  Upon hearing my answer he tugs my hoody to one side, exposing my right cup. I expect him to yank the material out of the way but instead, with a determined growl, he takes my breast inside his talented warm mouth. Despite the material, he bites down hard on my sensitive hard nipple as I whimper expletives. He bites hard enough that it’s painful but not painful enough to outbalance this pleasure.

  “I promise you Jax, I won’t.” My promise seems to satisfy him because he softens his hold. Loudly, I gasp in relief as he sucks away at my neglected nipple through the lacy material of my bra. His tongue feels divine. “God, your mouth—I love your mouth.”

  I lose the will to speak again as my brain is awash with pleasure. I work him mercilessly in my fist whilst I absorb him… his mouth, his hands, his voice… his awesome presence. Everything. I let it all engulf me and take me beyond the point of no return.

  “Now Beth, come for me now.”

  He instructs me in his domineering tone, the one I take to my dreams every night.

  My spiralling orgasm sweeps me away into its magnificent whirlwind. I climax hard, panting and moaning random syllables into his ear whilst his mouth continues to torment my breasts. I make sure never to neglect his lavish length.

  Mid-climax Jax grips me harder with both hands and his hot breath flutters across my flesh as he groans against my chest. I didn’t even feel him move the lace out of the way but that barrier is gone now. He takes full advantage of his large mouth, filling it and sucking me hard as he reaches his own pleasurable peak.

  The first shot of ejaculate rises and erupts. So I slow down the rhythm to match my own internal pulsating. Moaning, his lips vibrate around me causing that special tug from within me. The warm liquid coats his crown and my fist as he fires again.

  Stiffening his hips, I milk the last drop, draining the final lick of his orgasm.

  He pulls my lace back into place and leans back against the headboard. Other than that, we remain in the same positions. Unable to move our hands, we wait for our minds to fall back in syn
c with our bodies after being thrown off kilter.

  A short moment later I feel impelled to tell him that I can’t wait for him to fuck my brains out—yeah, that’s how high I get off a Jax-induced orgasm. It’s another symptom of what I’ve branded the Jax Effect. Before the words have chance to leave my lips, we hear exaggerated coughing coming from the top of the stairs at the other end of the hallway.

  Shit! I freeze, widening my eyes at Jax. He curses as he swiftly zips up my top but when he meets my panicked eyes again his face flickers into a boyish grin.

  Melting me, I whip my hand out of the covers and swipe some tissues from the box on the side just as Jack coughs again. He clears his throat intentionally loud as he nears the bedroom. Obviously trying to give us ample opportunity to stop him if necessary.