Justify My Thug

by Wahida Clark

  “Tasha! Come here!” Kyron yelled as if he was my father. I closed the bedroom door and locked it.

  “Kyron, get the fuck out of here. I am not opening the door.” I rested my back against it and grabbed my head. I wanted to pull my hair out.

  “You want me to kick it down?”

  Damn. I thought about the front door and I snatched this one open. “Kyron, please. Not now. Trae could come back any minute.”

  “Then stop fuckin’ around, get your shit and let’s go.”

  “I can’t Kyron. Not now.” My heart rate was on speed dial. I had to get him out of there before Trae Macklin came back. But this nigga had the nerve to sit down on the bed and look as if he was going to get comfortable. “Kyron, please. Okay. I’ll come to the city, but not today.”

  “Then when?”

  “Give me a day or two.”

  He looked at me as if he didn’t believe me.

  “I need a little more time to sort some things out, Kyron.” I grabbed his hand. “C’mon you need to go. I’ll see you in a day or two.”

  He pulled me to him and gave me a hug. “I just need to be sure that you are going to be alright and don’t do nothing stupid.”

  “What do you mean stupid?” I pulled back.

  “Like get an abortion stupid.”

  I simply looked at him. I had already figured out that’s the reason he was sweating me so hard. He wanted this baby. But at this moment I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. Hell, this shit happened so fast, I didn’t have the chance to think about anything. “I need a day or two. We can talk then.”

  He took the bait and left.

  FOUR

  MARVIN

  “… if you want your wife, I suggest you give me my muthafuckin’ dough right now.”

  I looked over at the driver’s seat and saw that Mook now had a gun pressed up against Kyra’s head. I didn’t know if this clown was serious, so I had to roll the dice and call his bluff.

  “Mook, get that fuckin’ burner away from my wife.”

  “I’m telling you, Blue, he’s going to split her wig, just give me my dough. You owe me nigga,” Junie spat.

  “I don’t owe you shit, nigga! That was years ago. And here you are pressing me about some fuckin’ chump change? Why you pressin’ me about that shit?” This muthafucka was starting to get under my skin.

  “Stop haggling, Marvin. Just give the nigga the money,” Kyra blurted out as she slid me my piece.

  “Listen to your wife,” Junie said.

  “Babygirl, these pussies ain’t going to shoot nobody, not like I will.” Pow! I shot Junie in the stomach. “See. That’s how you do that. I didn’t even have to get out. Put the car in reverse babygirl and let’s get the fuck out of here.”

  As soon as I said that Fish jumped out of his ride and started waving at me. “Hold up babygirl,” I said to Kyra and she stopped the car. I hopped out. Fish snatched the gun out of a frozen Mook’s hand and put a bullet in his head.

  “Pussy muthafucka.” He clenched his teeth as he watched him slump to the ground.

  I started laughing. “Fish, nigga, where did you get these pussy muthafuckas from?”

  He shrugged. “That’s what happens when you send a boy to do a man’s job.” Fish pointed his gun at Kyra and shot her in the head. Boom! …

  “N-o-o-o-o-o!” I shot straight up in my bed and looked around the darkened bedroom. It took me a minute to regain my equilibrium and realize that I was having the same nightmare again. A nightmare that was also my reality. My chest was soaking wet with perspiration, my forehead, too. Rising from the bed, I walked into the bathroom and ran water in the sink. Then I splashed water all over my face. Looking in the mirror, I was ashamed at the person I was seeing. I am a man who abandoned his wife and left her for dead. My past had gotten her shot in the head and what did I do? I ran.

  I ran and got high. Got high and ran. I ran all the way until I ended up in Kentucky. High off the heroin, my clouded mind convinced me that me and my daughter could just go on with our lives. Kyra was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. But then came the nightmares and the dream. Every night I had one or the other or both. In the dream, Kyra would be standing a few feet away holding Aisha’s hand and staring at me. It was the stare mixed with the look of disappointment on her face that haunted me most. Aisha would be trying to tell me something, but I could never hear her. Then the sun would start shining so bright that I could no longer see either of them. I’d then hear Aisha’s voice as I looked away from the overbearing sunlight. That’s when I would wake up. I could never hear what my daughter was saying.

  A few months after settling into Kentucky, I got a call from my cousin Lo, telling me that Junie, the dude that I shot in the stomach, was out of the hospital and hiding out. I left my daughter with a babysitter and headed for Cali. It took me two days to find June. He told me that Kyra was dead, then I killed him with my bare hands. His weakened condition made him no match for my strength. Then, like a thief in the night, I came back to Kentucky. I got high as a kite the night I returned and placed a call to Trae. I lied to him and told him that Kyra was okay and chillin’. I told him that we were in Florida while I rehabbed. But the entire conversation I could hear the doubt in his voice. For some reason I became very afraid. That fear in conjunction with my nightmares and dreams made me kick my dope habit. I was sure that it was the heroin that had me feeling like a pussy. So that very next night, I kicked it cold turkey. And when I did, I saw things for what they were—I had fucked up and I had fucked up bad. My wife was gone and now my daughter wanted to go.

  I walked down the hall to Aisha’s room and peeped in on her. She was all that I had left. I loved her with all my heart but everyday that passed, she was becoming more difficult to handle. Her questions were too complex for me to answer: “Daddy, why did we move here? Where is my mommy? Is she dead? Why was her head bleeding? Why did we leave her, daddy? Are you going to leave me too?” She always looked at me with disappointment on her face when my answers couldn’t satisfy her.

  Aisha, being the spittin’ image of Kyra, didn’t help my situation at all. Yesterday, I discovered that she snuck and called Tasha. I didn’t know how many times she’d called. I was mad at her at first, but then I empathized with her. She missed her mother. She missed her Auntie Tasha and the rest of who she knows as her family. My gut was telling me that letting Tasha take her for a while would be the best thing. I needed to put her well-being first.

  I had to make a difficult decision. I knew how close Kyra and her girls were. It’s been months since they’ve talked to each other. Add the call that Aisha made, and I know that trouble is brewing on the horizon. The girls are going to press somebody and before long that somebody is going to come looking for me.

  ONI

  No … he did … not … just push me away! That little stunt sobered my ass right on up. I wanted to crawl under a rock. Then he added salt to the wound by yelling, “Get the fuck away from me! What the fuck makes you think I want to hug you?” His face was all contorted and he looked appalled.

  I fell back and he came at me. I thought he was going to hit me, so I covered up my head with my arms. He stood over me and his raging anger was unmistakable. “Oni, tell me what the fuck was you thinking? What did I do to you to make you hide my son from me? That’s some fuckin’ bullshit! We had an understanding. You know damn well you didn’t have to do that shit,” he spat. The house felt as if it was shaking and the only sounds were his hard breathing. “Oni, you better fuckin’ tell me something or I swear to God I’ma—”

  “What you want me to say?” I yelled out. “Faheem, you should already know why. You always go back to her.” I broke down crying. “Every … fuckin’ … single … time and I always hurt. So I wanted you to hurt. It was always so easy for you to just walk in and out of my life. Did you ever stop to think how that made me feel? I just couldn’t take it anymore.” I ranted back with just as much rage. Then he slapped the shit
out of me.

  “Shut the fuck up with that bullshit. Bitch, this ain’t about how you felt. We talking about my son! And Jaz was my woman. I was supposed to go back to her. You knew what it was.”

  “Faheem I was—”

  “This ain’t about you! This shit is about my son. How many years of his life did I miss? And for what? Why? You knew what was up.” And then his voice lowered. “How old is he, Oni?”

  “Seven,” I sobbed, stuck on him slapping me and calling me a bitch.

  “Seven fuckin’ years. Ain’t this some shit!” he barked. Then walked away from me and started pacing back and forth.

  “Mommy.” My … our son was now up and wiping sleep out of his eyes. “Why are you crying?” he asked as he looked over at Faheem.

  “Say hi to your daddy, Faheem.” He looked over at Faheem, came over to me and buried his face into my shoulder. “Say hi,” I forced myself to utter and was sobbing at the same time.

  “Hi.” He kept his face on my shoulder but peeked up at the man I just said was his daddy.

  “Faheem, I’m sorry.”

  Faheem walked away from the both of us.

  “Go ahead!” I screamed. “Do what you do best, walk away,” I yelled in anger, hoping he would come back. But all I heard was the door slam.

  FAHEEM

  Man, I can’t lie. It took everything in me to not kill that girl. So I figured the best thing for me to do was leave. But not until after I snatched that bottle of Hennessey that was sitting on the counter. When my little man came downstairs I got all choked up. Seven years old? I missed his first seven years? I couldn’t get past that. How the fuck can this bitch rob me of being a father to my son? I stood outside on the back porch, took the top off the Hennessy and sniffed it. I wasn’t even a drinker but I took it to the head. I slammed the bottle up against the wall sending the glass everywhere. I then got into my truck.

  By the time I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t even remember driving home, my dick was hard and my vision was blurred.

  JAZ

  I heard Faheem’s truck faintly in the background. The neighbor’s annoying German shepherd was barking. It seems like he stands by the fence and waits for his truck. I looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was 3:17 a.m. I didn’t know if I wanted to act as if I was asleep or go downstairs and start some drama. Coming in here at three in the damn morning. He got me fucked up. I turned over onto my stomach and decided to play sleep.

  For some reason Faheem was taking his time coming up the steps. That could only mean the nigga was guilty and had something to hide. He came into the bedroom and sat on the bed. I smelled liquor. Ohhkay. That explains why he could barely make it up the steps. He took off his shirt and it sounded like he tossed it at the bedroom door. He then fumbled around with his Timbs. This nigga was obviously toasted because he was having a hard time getting them off. That shit was funny. He finally stood up, took off his jeans and boxers, almost tripping in the process. He then climbed into bed and shook me. I know that his ass don’t think he’s getting some. That’s when I turned over and this nigga climbed on top of me, and the next thing you know his dick was at my pussy.

  “Faheem, no.” I struggled to push his heavy, liquored up, smelling ass off of me. “I’m not even wet.”

  “Why not? I told you to wait up for me,” he slurred.

  “Wait up? It’s almost three in the morning. It took you that long to talk to her?” This nigga was still trying to put his dick in me. “So what happened? Y’all had drinks to catch up on old times?”

  “Yeah, we did.” He tore open my night shirt. I heard the buttons pop off. He started sloppily sucking on my breast.

  “What did y’all talk about? Why did you have to drink with her? It wasn’t a fuckin’ social call.” His responses or lack of, were starting to piss me off.

  “Jaz, shut up. You killin’ the moment.” He went back to trying to put his dick in but I wasn’t having it.

  “Moment? You ain’t having no moment with me Faheem. Why did you have to drink with her? You don’t even drink. You were supposed to be finding out about your son, not having a social call.” I was still struggling to get his heavy ass off of me. “So what happened?”

  “We fucked.”

  I froze. Did I hear this nigga right? I was in shock and as I thought about what he had just said, he wasted no time to seize the moment and was down between my legs, fingers inside my pussy and was licking my clit. “What did you say?” I looked down at him as I felt my pussy tingle. I tried to fight the high that I was getting ready to embark upon. He fucked that bitch and then came home to do me? I spread my legs wider. Faheem was a pussy eatin’ god. I went to heaven each and every time. I now had both hands on his head. “You fucked her … Faheem?” He could have told me that he married her and at that moment I would have said ‘fine’. “Ohhhhh …” I moaned out. “Stop it Faheem and answer me. Oh shit, baby, right there.” My back was arched and I was grinding into this nigga’s face. Right when I was about to cum he stopped eating me and flipped me over onto my stomach. I assumed the position, putting my ass up into the air. He slapped my ass leaving it to sting, entered me and slapped me again. Damn, my baby got some good dick. As always, it seemed as if he was reading my mind.

  “Whose dick is this?” He slapped my ass again. How did he expect me to answer when he was dickin’ me down so good? He was giving me nice and slow strokes, pulling his dick all the way out, to rub up against my clit and then put it back in. That shit drives me crazy. He knows exactly how I like it. All I could do was grab onto the sheets, bite down on my lip, and throw my pussy back at him. We were fucking like we were trying to win a game of tug of war with my pussy. He slapped my ass again and it felt good. “Whose dick is this?”

  I was ready to ride my dick. “This is … my … dick … nigga,” I gasped.

  “Well act like you know.” He pulled out and assumed the position. His dick was standing straight up, veins popping and shiny from my juices. I like the taste of my juices on his dick and on his lips so I couldn’t resist. I crawled between his legs and gently held his balls as I slurped them. I was making his dick even harder. He groaned. I moved to the base of his dick, licked some more before I got greedy and took him in my mouth. His breathing got sharper and I got greedier, sucking, sucking, slurping, teasing … sucking until my pussy was throbbing, I couldn’t take no more. My nigga was trying to ram his dick down my throat and release his load, but it wasn’t time to do that. I needed to get mine. So I eased his rod out of my mouth. He leaned up, looked at me with this wild look in his eyes that screamed, “Why the fuck did you stop?” I got in position to climb on top. He knew what time it was because he put one hand behind his head and fell back.

  FAHEEM

  My baby was sucking the shit out of my dick. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or if she was just that good. I was so fucked up I couldn’t decide. I watched as my sexy-ass wife assumed the position, grabbed my tool and slid down on it. She was wetter than the ocean. I swear I could hear the waves sloshing as she seductively rocked back and forth side to side. I slid my hands down to her hips and raised mine. Now we were fucking each other good. We both picked up the pace as our breathing got sharper … faster. She moaned. I grunted. I felt like I was going to cum first but she beat me to it and started shaking. Face twisting. Pussy clenching on my dick. I thrust harder. Wanting her to cum longer. This was my baby. Her pussy belonged to me. I could hold it no longer. I released my load into her.

  “Nigga, this dick belongs to me.” She gasped as she fell onto my chest.

  FIVE

  CHARLI LI

  “Ms. Li, I have the specs you requested for the property in Japan. I believe that the Kumano Kado region would be a great place to build your hotel. It is a mountainous resort region. For centuries the Japanese and foreigners alike have come to the area to purify their minds, bodies and souls in the Kumano luxurious countryside. According to our research, thousands make the trek to Kumano to vis
it its various blessed shrines and to bask in the scenic luxuries. Kumano Kado literally translates to “old passage.” It is recognized by the UNESCO World Heritage for its pilgrimages and spiritual history. The three main Shrines—”

  “Hon, please do not bore me with the religious details. Proceed with the financial group you have assembled and do whatever necessary to procure access to the land and go from there. Just keep me posted. You may go now. Thank you.”

  I sat at my desk and watched Hon Wu leave my office. I’m in a terrible mood and this pregnancy is making it worse. This is my first one and I promise it will be my last. Usually I’m pretty good with using protection and making sure I don’t get caught up. Doctors have always told me that since my uterus is slightly out of position it would be hard, better yet, damn near impossible to get pregnant. I guess that’s why I let my guard down when it came to Trae Macklin. Being a woman of power who jet sets all over the globe, I’ve had my fair share of men in every country in the world. Men of all different nationalities, religious backgrounds, tax brackets, you name it. I could kiss and tell about the powerful men I’ve bedded and create global scandals.

  And for the most part, I’ve toyed with them all. But Mr. Trae Macklin? To this day, I don’t understand how I allowed myself to lose control with … a … low life … drug dealer. A gorgeous, sexy, thug that probably doesn’t even have a high school diploma. Somehow I allowed myself to lose my power and now I feel as if he’s in control.

  Maybe it was the way he treated me that turned me on. Before him, I had never met a man who didn’t want me. To be constantly denied and turned away by a man that I felt was beneath me became arousing. It turned into a game of hide and seek. Trae Macklin forced me to become a hunter, when I’m usually the hunted. I recall that day in his office inside the club when I forced myself on him and sucked his manhood. I was confident that my fellatio game would make him act right, but I was mistaken. Then the night I went to the condo where he was staying to give him a check, he made me feel like a two dollar whore. He fucked me, threatened me and sent me on my way. Nobody, and I mean nobody had ever treated me that way before. I was so aroused that I went outside to my limo and played with my pussy all the way home. I had entered new territory.