Justify My Thug

by Wahida Clark

  The more time I spent with my son the more venom I had towards her. The little guy was brilliant. I was like a superstar to him, well, that was until Aisha came home. I got a kick out of watching them interact. Once she got there and they started playing, he conveniently pushed me to the side. I guess it’s true what they say about a brother and a sister’s love.

  ONI

  I stormed inside of my house, my mood for eating the big dinner I just cooked up … gone. I ain’t ya fuckin’ friend. He wasn’t saying that bullshit when he was all up inside me. His remark caught me off guard and Lil’ Faheem rambling on and on about how much fun he had with his dad and his baby sister wasn’t helping matters at all. Well, even though she wasn’t a baby, he felt that he was the oldest, especially since he was a little taller. As he excitedly rambled on about Chuck-E-Cheese, I couldn’t shake Faheem’s blunt remark. That shit got under my skin and I couldn’t shake it. Again, I wasn’t trying to fool myself. Hell, I fantasized so many times about Faheem being with his father that it sometimes would make me sick. But now, I didn’t know if I was more mad at him for refusing me or more mad at myself for inviting his obnoxious ass in. But shit, I’d be damned if I was going to put up with his disrespect. He’s in his son’s life because I’m allowing him to be.

  The more I thought about the situation the angrier I became. So, after I put Faheem to bed I decided to call him.

  JAZ

  Me and Faheem was curled up on the couch watching television and talking when the house phone rang. Faheem picked it up.

  “Hello.”

  His body stiffened right up.

  “What do you mean I could at least respect you as the mother of our son? I would have never known I had a son if I didn’t run into him at some fucking ghetto-ass mall!”

  Faheem had moved me off of his chest and was sitting straight up.

  “What the fuck do we have to talk about, Oni? Tell me.”

  Just when I had started to run into the kitchen to pick up the other phone so that I could listen in, he hung up on her. I will be paying this bitch a visit tomorrow to check her about getting my hubby all riled up.

  ONI

  I had called and left Faheem a message to come by after seven. I knew that I had gotten him amped up on the phone last night but hey, I had to get the lines of communication up and running somehow. Even if we were having angry dialogue, it was nevertheless dialogue.

  I sent Lil’ Faheem to his uncle Damon’s house. And by 7:00 I was sitting on my front porch looking pretty, awaiting the arrival of my baby daddy. At 7:10 Jaz pulls up into my driveway. This bitch had the nerve to be alone.

  EIGHT

  TRINA

  I don’t know what happened back there when I pulled up to get Tasha, but she has been fuming ever since. It looked like they had been physically fighting but when I asked her, she didn’t respond. Physical fight or verbal, whichever one it was, had my sister bent the fuck up.

  We were riding stand-by since everything was spur of the moment and because of that we had to hang out at the airport before catching the red-eye to LaGuardia. I had to sneak off to call Kendrick and let him know what time we were coming in, since he was the one picking us up. He told me that Kyron had gone out of town to take care of some business but he had brought Tasha a car to use to get around the city. I was like damn, the power of the pussy. I didn’t tell my sister about the car, I would let Kyron do that becuse I know she probably would start trippin’. But shit, what were we going to drive around in once we got into the city? I hated cabs and I damn sure wasn’t riding the bus or train. When I was ready to move, I was ready to move, so I had no problems with Kyron trickin’ off some wheels for my sister.

  Suprisingly, when Kyron did catch up with her, she didn’t trip. And since he was out of town, Tasha decided to crash at his apartment while I camped out with Kendrick. It was all good but the minute she heard that Kyron was on his way back she packed up her little bags and went to a hotel. She tried to talk me into going with her, but unh, uh. I was laying up under the dick.

  TASHA

  I finally went to the doctor’s office this morning and yes, I am pregnant. When she told me the results she said that I looked at her as if to say, No, it can’t be. Take it back. I told her she didn’t know the half of it. She told me to try her because in fourteen years of practice she had seen and heard it all. I got up and left. I needed to see my children.

  Yeah, Kyron brought me a 2010 Jaguar. It was white on white. That bitch was almost prettier than me. The nigga put it in my name. He joked that he couldn’t have his baby momma running around the city flagging down taxis. He knew that I had a garage full of wheels at my home out West, but him trickin’ his dough on my new ride simply reminded me that I still had it. He had left it parked in the garage under his building and he left the keys and all of the paperwork on the kitchen counter. I called him to thank him for the ride but mainly to find out when he was coming back. That’s how I knew to leave when I did. He didn’t come out and say it, but I nosed around and got an idea. I couldn’t see myself driving the car … not yet. You know when a nigga buys you anything big, especially a car, and puts it in your name, you better believe he thinks that the pussy belongs to him. I gave the keys to Trina and told her that she could chauffeur me around. She was grinning from ear-to-ear. All this bitch needed was a chauffeur’s hat.

  After my doctor’s appointment, I went shopping for the kids and we headed over to their grandparents house. I told Trina to pull up into the driveway and park. Pop Pop, Trae’s father, was standing in the front door. He was surprised to see me and he came out onto the porch.

  “Is that my precious daughter-in-law?” He made his way down the steps.

  “Yes, Pop Pop, it is I,” I teased and gave him a hug. “You met my sister Trina before.”

  “Oh yeah, how could I forget? She looks just like you.”

  “Hello, Mr. Macklin.” Trina came around the car and gave him a hug.

  “Call me Pop Pop like the rest of the family. I’ve gotten used to it by now,” he told her.

  “I brought the boys some things and I want to take them for the night.” I gave him a couple of the bags to carry inside while I carried the rest. “What have they been up to? I miss them.”

  “Nana called last night. They are having a good time.”

  “Last night? Where are they?” I was hoping that I was hearing him wrong. Was he saying that my sons were not here?

  “They’re in Florida. You didn’t know? No one called you? They’ve been gone for three days now.”

  “Florida?” My voice squeaked. It felt as is a ton of bricks had just been dumped on me.

  “They went to hang out with Mickey Mouse. Come on in. Let’s get this stuff inside. It’s not like they need it,” he mumbled that last part but I still heard him.

  I was speechless. This muthafucka! Trae is going to make me kill him. I know he did this shit on purpose. I had to take a deep breath to try and calm myself down. I couldn’t go off on Pop Pop, because it wasn’t his fault. But still, no one had the courtesy to let me know that my kids were across the country. I had our next two days planned out. We took everything inside and then I called Nana and spoke to the boys. They were having a ball. Pop Pop fed us some of his chili, which I didn’t like and then we left.

  We were getting ready to back up when a Navigator pulled up behind us and blocked us in. “What the fuck?” Me and my sister said at the same time.

  Then she gritted. “No this muthafucka did not just hit my cocaine Jag.”

  TRINA

  I was starting to like this new jag and was thinking about asking Kendrick to get me one. No nigga ever brought me a new car and put it in my name. “Where to sis?” I put the jag in reverse and started to back up when this big ass truck rammed into us. He didn’t hit us hard but he hit us. But that wasn’t the kicker. When I saw a nigga jump out and come towards the driver’s side and that nigga was Trae, I was too through. I hit the locks real quick a
nd said, “Oh shit.”

  He didn’t realize it was me and barked, “Whose car is this, Tasha?” When he saw that I was in the driver’s seat he went around the front of the car and he headed for Tasha. I looked at her and she was in shock. My sister actually looked scared and the shit was spilling over on me.

  “Just tell him it’s mine,” I whispered. I could see that this nigga was certifiably crazy. And if we had planned to get out of this situation in one piece I had better play my role.

  “Whose car is this, Tasha?” He had mad bass in his voice and I could tell that he sensed that this car was brought by some nigga.

  “Why didn’t you tell me the boys were going to Florida, Trae?”

  “Whose car is this Tasha?” He was seething and was only concerned with whose car this was.

  “It’s Trina’s,” my sister lied.

  “This ain’t her car,” he had the nerve to say it as if I wasn’t good enough to be driving a Jag.

  “It is hers. Now can you move your truck? We are trying to leave.”

  “Let me see the registration and insurance card.”

  “Can you move your truck please?”

  Trae tried to open the door but I had already locked it. “Open the door, Tasha.”

  “No, I am not opening the door. What for? So you can strangle me to death?”

  “Oh, you’ll get out.” He walked away and disappeared behind the Navigator.

  “What the fuck is he doing?” I asked my sister.

  She frantically reached into the glove compartment and threw me the documents. “Put them in your purse.” Right after I said it, I saw Trae coming back and carrying a lug wrench.

  The next thing you know he had raised it up in the air, brought it down and smashed the passenger side view mirror. “Get out … the. Fucking. Car. Tasha.”

  Oh shit. I knew it was about to get ugly. My sister was speechless and the bitch was shaking.

  He raised it again and it came smashing down on the front window.

  “Stop it Trae!” my sister screamed.

  “Get out the fuckin’ car, Tasha, and bring the papers with you,” Trae yelled as he moved to the back and brought the lug wrench down on the back window.

  “My fuckin’ car. He’s ruining my fuckin’ car.” Tasha jumped out of the car and went after him. “Trae, what the fuck is the matter with you?”

  “Whose car is this?” He came at her like a pitbull.

  “I told you, it’s Trina’s,” she said as she was backing up. “I’m not sure if she rented it or not. You know you are going to have to pay for all of this shit.”

  “Why are you worrying about it, if it ain’t your car?”

  This nigga was now opening the door and rummaging through the glove compartment.

  “This is my car. You know I’m filing a police report if you don’t pay for it?” I said.

  Frustrated that he couldn’t find the registration papers he got out, not even bothering to close the door. “Fuck a police report. Show me the insurance and registration or rental papers and I’ll pay for the shit right now.”

  I couldn’t say or do anything but look stupid.

  “That’s what the fuck I thought,” his smart ass had the nerve to say with a smirk plastered on his face. He then grabbed Tasha by the arm. “Come on. We are going to the doctors.”

  Tasha yanked away from him. “For what?”

  “To take a DNA test. I need to know if you are carrying my seed.”

  “No, Trae. I am not taking a DNA test.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it is too early and they will have to stick that needle up in my uterus.”

  “I don’t give a fuck.”

  “Trae, that is dangerous. The baby isn’t even developed and it is very risky. So, no. I am not going to the doctor’s with you.”

  He now had Tasha pinned up against the car and she was trying to push him away. He was saying something but I couldn’t hear him. I’m sure it was nothing pleasant. The next thing I knew Pop Pop was jumping off of the porch. He had grabbed Trae and yanked him off of Tasha and threw him over the hood of the car.

  “Boy, what is the matter with you? Don’t be carrying on like this in front of my house. Have you lost your damned mind? You take shit inside of the house. You ain’t ever saw me and your mother carry on like this outside.” He had grabbed Trae and was pushing him. “What is the matter with you?”

  TASHA

  Thank God for Pop Pop. Trae was just threatening to kill me. I yanked open the car door and grabbed my purse. “Let’s go, Trina. Fuck this car.” She grabbed her bag and came around to where I was. We rushed off of my in-law’s property and went looking for a taxi. They now lived in Rockland County, a rural area called Nanuet. It was close to Lake Nanuet Park. I was praying that we didn’t have to walk damn near two miles to get to a main street.

  “Call a cab,” my sister yelled. “My feet are hurting.”

  “I don’t know no fuckin’ cab number. You call one.” We were walking so damn fast my feet were starting to burn. It felt as if we had already put in a good mile. Then we heard tires screech around the corner and we both looked back and Trae was turning the corner on two wheels. We took off, haul assing down the street when the heel of my stiletto got caught in the crack of the sidewalk. I twisted my ankle and went down. I fell flat on my chest. My sister came down with me and it was a good thing that she did because Trae slowed down as if he could smell us. Trina had her hand over my mouth because my ankle was on fire and I was screaming.

  “Shhh … Shut up bitch.”

  We were hiding behind somebody’s Cadillac. We waited until it got quiet and Trina got on her knees and peeked over the hood of the ride. “He’s gone.” She let out a sigh of relief. “Can you walk?” Trina asked me.

  “I don’t know. Ahhhhh fuck.” I gritted as I tried to stand up. I swear I wanted to cry. The heel to my $900 stiletto was ruined and my ankle felt as if pins were sticking in it. Trina saw that I was in pain so she helped me up. But as soon as we stood up, Trae had circled around the block and was flying back down the street.

  “Here he comes again!” Trina yanked me down, damn near breaking my shoulder. “This muthafucka is crazy.” She mumbled as we huddled together like two frightened school girls. An old white lady walking her dog passed by us. She stopped and looked at us but kept on going.

  NINE

  Phoenix, AZ

  BROWN DOE

  “Dear Lord, thank you for answering my prayers and keeping Brown Doe on this good ole earth just a little while longer. I’ve grown very fond of her and she is one of your children out here in the wilderness. So Lord, please look after her. Guide her and stay with her. Bless her to get back whole again. Amen.”

  Nurse Wright was on her knees inside of the rehabilitation center’s chapel. I was kneeling down beside her. She said my name was Brown Doe. She nudged me and told me to ask the Lord for whatever I wanted. I bowed my head and closed my eyes and said, “Lord, help me. Why am I here? I don’t know this lady. She said that I’ve been out of my coma for almost two months now and made excellent progress. They are telling me that tomorrow I have to go home. Where is my home? Will you help me find my way? If I do have a home, who’s there waiting for me? Lord, this is so frustrating. Nurse Wright said from the stretch marks on my body that I had to have given birth before. If so, then where is my baby?” And before I knew it my eyes got wet. I welcomed the emotion and it felt so good to cry. I felt so alive.

  JAZ

  Umm hmmm. When I pulled up in this bitch’s driveway, I could tell that she almost shit on herself. This ho sittin’ up here, weave blowing in the wind, nails all polished up, jewelry around her neck, legs crossed and stilettos on her feet. I got out of my car and went marching up her front steps. “I can see that you thought I was Faheem.” She rolled her eyes at me and looked in the opposite direction. “I don’t appreciate you calling my husband starting unnecessary bullshit. We know that Faheem is his son. We all agree t
hat Faheem is going to be a big part of his life, but that is as far as it goes. You need to get that ‘me and my son come as a package’ bullshit out of your head. Forget about rekindling your ‘in the past relationship’ because it ain’t going down like that. Unh unh. Not as long as I’m in the picture. You need to believe and understand what I’m telling you.”

  “Are you finished?” This bitch had the nerve to ask me.

  “Yes I am.”

  “Good, because you need to believe and understand that we do come as a package. I’m his mother. And if he wants to be a major part of his son’s life, he has to come through me. Why? Because we have to have some level of a relationship if we expect to raise our son right, whether you like it or not. I figure it might as well be a cordial one instead of one filled with hate.”

  I chuckled. “Bitch, try me if you want to but don’t say that I didn’t warn you. Because you really don’t want to fuck with me. Act like you know and we can handle this in a civilized manner but if we can’t, shit is going to get real ugly, real fast.” I turned around marched back down the steps, got back in my car and left.

  ONI

  No she didn’t just come on my property and lay down some got damned ground rules as if I was a child. She obviously don’t know about me. The bitch was actually calling me out. Talking about, ‘not as long as she’s in the picture.’ Don’t she know that I can get her out of the picture? Shit, I know people in high places.

  MARVIN

  I heard a television going as I knocked on Isis’ door with my free hand. Nobody was answering but I knew she was home. Dope fiends didn’t have a lot of places to go when they were high. Finally, I heard footsteps.

  “Who is it?”

  “Open the door, Isis, damn.” She cracked the door and peeped out, “Blue? Is that you?”