The Diary of a Side Chick 6 (SCD)

by Tamicka Higgins

  "Hi, Mom,"I said.

  "I don't like being in this neighborhood." Was the first thing out her mouth.

  "Ok mom, just be nice please." I said.

  "Hello Mrs. Barnes." said Jamal.

  "Hmm, I see why my daughter likes you,” she said, looking him up and down, "she's into tall dudes."

  We went inside and sat in the dining room. My moms and Trina, were casing the joint.

  "Oh you like fancy shit, my sister picked a good one. I like you." said Trina, after looking at his art deco furniture.

  "Your sister is the one with good taste," Jamal says.

  "Ok well, let's eat. It was quite a haul getting here and we starving." my mom said.

  Jamal and I headed to the kitchen and get the sides, bread, and drinks and aunt Keisha offered to help.

  Everything was going well, even though my mom was being critical. We started talking about our childhood and Jamal was sharing stories, then all of a sudden, we heard tires screeching outside. It was loud as hell.

  “Yo Trina, Yo Trina where you at?” We recognized Big Sean’s voice.

  “What the hell is he doing here, Trina?” I asked.

  “I dunno, I didn’t invite him,” she replied, sounding genuinely surprised.

  Jamal was getting uneasy about all the noise that they were making in his quiet neighborhood.

  “Let me go talk to him,” said Trina.

  Trina walked out of the house, and we started looking out of the window to see what was going on. Big Sean was about 250 pounds at 6’2, and he got out of his car and slammed the car door, hard. Trina walked over to him, and without even flinching, he smacked the crap out of her. My mom started yelling out the window.

  “You piece of shit, how dare you hit my baby!” my mom shouted.

  He hit her so hard, her head slammed onto the ground. My moms came running out, and Aunt Keisha and I followed.

  “I told you, you need to tell me where you at!” he snapped at her.

  My moms ran toward him and started kicking him in his legs, aunt Keisha was trying to hold her back and I was trying to get Trina off the ground.

  “My man, I suggest you take your nonsense somewhere else.” I heard Jamal saying, as he was walking towards us.

  “Who's this dude, yo? Trina who is this fuckin dude?” Sean demanded.

  “I’m none of your business so get back in your car and get outta here,” said Jamal.

  In one way I was turned on by my man sticking up for my fam, but in another, I knew this was going to be bad. Big Sean ain't the type of nigga you could disrespect.

  “Hold up, do you know who the fuck you talking to homes, do you know?” Sean started.

  “Yeah, a thug who likes to hit women, why don’t you come over here and hit me like that?” Jamal dared him. That’s when I realized Jamal had a baseball bat in his hands.

  “Go ahead little man, gimme your best shot, but you better make sure I’m dead, son, you better make sure,” said Sean.

  “Fellas please, please let's stop this, please.” Aunt Keisha pleaded.

  My moms and aunt Keisha picked Trina off the floor.

  “Get in the car, Trina.” Big Sean yelled.

  “She ain't going nowhere with you.” My moms replied.

  “Trina, get in the car I ain't saying it again.”

  Just as Trina was making a moving gesture towards the car, my moms spit in Big Sean's face. He took his left arm and mushed her.

  “Yo, I'm about to kill this bitch.”

  All I saw was a fast swing, Jamal hit Big Sean dead in the back with his bat. Dropping him to his knees. He then hit him again. Trina screamed, and I got up in front of Jamal and begged him to stop.

  “Please, Jamal, please stop.”

  Jamal was so burnt, he walked back into the house. Aunt Keisha and my moms dragged Trina into the house too. As I walked away, Big Sean was mumbling some shit, but I kept walking. Then I heard him:

  “Yo Baby thug, yo, your man’s dead.” My heart started pounding so hard.

  I knew those words were for real. He crawled up in his car and screeched his way out of there.

  The next two weeks were quiet. We didn't hear anything and Trina stayed at my mom’s house. We were hoping the shit had blown over. Jamal was a little distant but we were OK. I had to be at work by 8 am, so I would leave early so I didn't miss the bus.

  That morning when I got off at my stop, I saw there were police cars rushing to someplace. I kept walking and when I got to my job, the whole place was fucked up. The glass was shot in, the chairs and cash registers were thrown on the ground, it was horrible.

  When I saw Jamal talking to the cops, I looked at him. He looked at me and turned his head. We knew what went down; this was no accident. I tried talking to Jamal, but he was so pissed he gave me the cold shoulder. I jumped on the bus and came back home, and as I was walking up the stairs I heard:

  “Yo Baby Thug.”

  I knew who that was and I ran up a flight of stairs, but one of Big Sean’s dude was over my head.

  “Why you running away? I just wanna talk?” They both cornered me into the back hallway of my moms building.

  “Tell your stupid-ass sister to come downstairs, I want her at my crib, tonight.” He got really close to my face, and I could smell his horrible breath.

  “You hear me baby Thug? Yo, I never noticed, you got some nice ass titties” He grabbed my tits and started rubbing them.

  His boy was cracking up. Looking around to make sure no one was coming, he lifted my shirt.

  “Damn girl, you got some perky titties.”

  “Let go of me you asshole, let go!” I tried to squirm away, but he was too strong.

  Just as he was unzipping his pants, my neighbor Mrs. Rose started walking down the hallway.

  “What’s going on here?” she asked, suspiciously.

  “Nothing, yo.” his boy said.

  My neighbor saw me and the fucked up situation I was in.

  “I suggest you let that young lady get home, wouldn’t you say?” At that moment, her two sons stood with her in the hallway.

  They were the only white family in the building, but you just knew them guys did serious jail time.

  “It’s cool, it's cool.” Big Sean said.

  “I’m just giving her a message.” I lowered my shirt and ran up the stairs.

  I walked into the house and ran into my room. I was disgusted that he touched me. Trina walked in.

  “Whats wrong with you?”

  “You had to date some thug motherfucker right, you just had to!” I screamed.

  “What happened, Tanya?” I wasn’t going to tell her about the hallway incident.

  “The Checks Cashed got shot up today. I don’t have a job and you know it was that piece of shit.”

  “You don’t know that.” I couldn't believe she said that, after everything she is still defending him.

  My mans store got shot up and I just got felt up. At that moment, my moms walked in. I couldn’t even face her.

  “What’s going on in here?” she asked.

  “Nothing mom, nothing. I just want to take a nap.”

  “Why ain't you at work?”

  “Ma please, can I just take a nap?” I yelled.

  They closed the door and I just lay there on my bed. I didn’t know what to do. I waited for everyone to go to bed and I got dressed and took a cab over to Jamal’s house. The lights were off, but I knocked on the door. He came to the door and looked through the curtain. I wasn’t even sure if he would open the door, to be honest.

  “What are you doing here, it’s late,” he said.

  “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry,” I said.

  I started crying, I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I cried.

  When I was in 3rd grade, this boy in my class pushed me onto the ground after school for no reason and I ripped up my brand new jeans, I knew how hard my mother worked so it really upset me. I started crying. At that moment, my mother picked me up from
school.

  “Why are you crying?” she asked, and I told her what happened.

  “Listen baby girl, life is tough, you have to be tougher. Don’t ever let no dude see you cry, crying is power, once he knows he can make you cry, you lose your power.” I have never forgotten those words and ever since then, I don’t cry.

  “Come inside.” Jamal said.

  He gave me this strong hug.

  “Are you OK?”

  “No, this whole situation is fucked up.”

  “I know, but the last thing you should be doing is walking around the streets so late at night,” he said, solemnly.

  He was right, if only he knew what happened. I’ll never tell him, though.

  “I’m sorry about your store,” I told him.

  “Listen, that’s why I have insurance, so don’t worry.”

  We lay on his bed and he held me tight all night. There was no other place in the world I wanted to be. We had breakfast the next day and went over to the store to fix shit up. I stayed with Jamal for the next 2 days.

  At about 7 am on Sunday, my phone rang. Jamal woke up and handed me the phone. It was my moms telling me that Trina wasn't there. I told her to chill, and that I would find her.

  “I have to go.” I told Jamal.

  “Where you going so early?” he asked.

  “I have to get my sister.”

  “OK, let me drive you,” he insisted.

  He drove me back to the neighborhood. I didn’t want him to go anywhere near Big Sean, so I told him to drop me off at home.

  “I’ll call you later,” I told him.

  As soon as he turned the corner I walked two blocks over to Big Sean’s neighborhood. It was only 9 am and his whole crew was already outside dealing. I saw his boy from the hallway incident sitting on the stoop.

  “Where's my sister?” I asked

  “Oh shit, look it's perky tits.”

  “Fuck you, where's my sister?” I yelled.

  As routine in our neighborhood, the popo were always around. Having them walk over would be bad for business, so no one wanted to make a scene.

  “Yo, relax girl, they in the crib.” I walked into the building and banged on the door.

  Trina opens the door half naked.

  “What are you doing here?” She asked.

  “Me? What the fuck are you doing here?” At that moment, Big Sean came out of the bedroom in just boxers, showing off his big disgusting gut.

  “Baby Thug, how are you boo?” I straight ignored him.

  “Let's go, Trina, get your shit lets go!”

  “I can’t, I have to stay.”

  “No you don’t, come on.” I grabbed her arm.

  “Yo, ma what's going on, come on, get in here and let's finish what we started.” Big Sean said.

  Trina pulled me into the hallway.

  “I'm pregnant.” Trina said.

  “What?”

  “I’m pregnant and he takes care of me. I don’t want this baby to be broke like us.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Please go home and tell mom I’m fine.”

  “Trina he hits you.”

  “He won't, he promised. He won't, for the baby.”

  I was speechless.

  I knew that was bullshit, but Trina truly believed it. I knew she wasn't going to go anywhere with me. I went home and told my mom what she said and she was pissed. We both knew it was a load of shit.

  Chapter Three

  The day finally arrived that my little bro was coming home. My moms could hardly sleep that night. I asked Jamal to give us a ride to pick him up. I would visit Tyshawn once every week or so, because my moms couldn't do it. She couldn't see her baby boy that way. We arrived at the county jail and waited for about an hour, then I heard his voice.

  “I'm free, bitches!” Tyshawn said.

  I got out of the car and gave him a hug.

  “Looking good sis.” he said.

  “Hey Tyshawn.” I said, as I hugged him.

  “Who dat, yo?” he pointed to Jamal.

  “That's my boo.” I said.

  “Oh shit! lemme find out you dating rich motherfuckers.”

  “Nah, just a brother with a job,” Jamal said, as he reached his arm out to shake his hand.

  “Let’s get the fuck out of here!” Tyshawn yelled.

  We went back to the neighborhood and he asked me about Trina. I just said she was fine.

  “I promise, yo, I'm keeping my shit clean.” This is the second thing I heard from my sibling, that I just didn’t believe. I mean shit, I want to believe really bad, for their sake.

  When we got home, mom was all dressed up and aunt Keisha was there.

  “Hi baby!” Mom said as she hugged him tight.

  “Hi Mama.” Tyshawn whispered.

  She held him for what seemed like hours.

  “Ok, Ok, my turn.” Aunt Keisha said.

  “Hi Kesh.”

  “Hi Baby Boy,” Aunt Keisha said.

  Mom cooked this great lunch and we were having a good time, then the doorbell rang and I heard a scream.

  “Ty-Ty.” I heard my sister say.

  “What up, I was asking for you Trina.” I know I've been busy dude, showing off her now big belly.

  “Oh shit, you gonna be a moms yo.”

  “I am.” Trina said.

  Me, moms and aunt Keisha just look at each other. My moms walk over to Trina.

  “You OK?”

  “I am Mama, I'm fine. Don't I look fine?” She starts waving her hands around, showing off her jewelry.

  “I don’t give a shit about that, I give a shit about you.”

  “I'm fine.” Trina proclaimed.

  Aunt Keisha walked over to Trina.

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks, aunty.” Trina said.

  We kept eating and talking and for a whole couple of hours, it was like old times with my family. It felt nice. The next couple of weeks were cool, I would stay at Jamal’s and we would go to work together. Tyshawn was struggling to find work, but we were hopeful he would get something. My brother asked me if he could work at the checks cashed with me, I asked Jamal but he said he couldn’t hire a felon. I was really disappointed, cause Tyshawn was really trying.

  That week I got a call from my aunt.

  “Listen, don’t tell your mom, but Tyshawn running with Big Sean's crew.” I was fuming, I told Jamal I had to visit my mom and went to the neighborhood after work.

  I knocked on Big Sean’s door, knowing my sister was in there. She answers the door.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you bring him into this shit.” I yelled at Trina.

  “Lower your voice, I don’t want to wake Big Sean.”

  “How could you do this?”

  “Listen, I heard he was about to get back in the business, at least this way, I can keep an eye on him. Big Sean will watch his back.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I said

  “Hey listen, at least my man gave him a job.” I couldn’t believe that she went there.

  How could she freaking compare this shit? My blood was boiling, I started walking away.

  “You never around anyway, you up in a nice neighborhood judging shit, don’t forget where you come from baby thug!”

  I was heated. I started walking down the block looking for Tyshawn, I saw a group of dudes sitting on the stoop across the street from where we live. Then, I spotted Tyshawn.

  “Tyshawn, can I talk to you?”

  “Yo, sis what’s up?” Tyshawn said.

  “What’s up, what the fuck Ty, what are you doing?”

  “Working yo, you never around we need shit.”

  “What do you mean you need shit?” I asked.

  “Moms is sick yo, really sick.”

  “What, why didn't you tell me?”

  “You never around yo and she got bills, she can’t work. Me and Trina

  taking care of her.”

&nbs
p; “This isn't what she would want, she don't want you getting locked up again.”

  “You don’t know what she wants, you never around sis, you need to ask her, yo.” I couldn't believe what I was hearing/here was no way in hell my mom knew what Tyshawn was doing.

  She would be hurt and pissed off. I went to my moms place. At first, I thought nobody was home but then I see my moms, lying in her bed.

  “Mom, what's wrong?”

  “Hi Tanya, come sit down.”

  “Mom what’s going on?” I asked.

  “I'm sick Tanya, I’m really sick.”

  “How sick?” I started getting a strong knot in my throat.

  “I'm dying, I have cancer.” I started balling, I couldn't believe what I just heard.

  Nothing else mattered at that moment, not Trina, not Tyshawn, I was about to lose my mom and it was too much for me.

  “Listen to me baby, listen. You need to keep this family together, you know that's all I ever wanted right?”

  “Yes mama, but.”

  “No buts, you can do it. You're the good one, you can keep your brother and sister in check.”

  My mom had to know that was an impossible task. One I didn't even want, but I wasn't about to let my moms down.

  Chapter Four

  Some time had passed and doctors gave my moms a fighting chance. Only problem was, money. She needed money for the chemo, but who had that type of bread?

  “Jamal, my mom is dying! My brother is still hustling, I’m just stressed right now. Damn!”

  Jamal started arguing with me because I didn’t wanna Fuck him right then.

  “Whatever Tanya"

  “Really? I just told you my moms dying and you ‘whatever’ me because you wanna have sex? Good shit. Fuck you Jamal.” I stormed out, niggas always tried to make a bitch feel bad about sex.

  When I got home I went to my room and cried. Asking Jamal for the money, was now out of the damn question.

  “What’s good sis?”

  “Stressed Tyshawn.”

  “What you stressing about?”

  “Moms. You know she needetting my baby brother go to Florida by himself. “I’m going with you then.”

  “No doubt.”

  ***

  It’s been almost six months since we got to Florida. It was way different, but it was cool. Tyshawn had a girlfriend and I was just chilling.