Resolution (A Golden Beach Novel)

by Kim Loraine

  Seeing the honesty in his expression, she fought the urge to give in to the sob welling up in her chest. “Thank you.” As her lip began to tremble, he pulled her into his embrace, holding her tight while she fell apart.

  ~ ~ ~

  “So, what’s the word, Alex?” Sully stood in the kitchen of the firehouse, stirring his hot chocolate with a spoon, a can of whipped cream sitting next to his mug.

  Fuck, Alex didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to rehash his heartbreak in the middle of the station. Shrugging, he muttered, “It’s not mine. Dean made that perfectly clear.”

  “Motherfucker.”

  Stiffening, Alex grabbed a mug and filled it with steaming hot coffee, trying desperately to avoid Sully’s gaze.

  “You okay? Damn. I never thought she’d be that girl.”

  His chest felt like it was splitting open. He’d never thought Lauren could do something like that, either. He’d been wrong.

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  Sully cast him a sidelong look. “Not really. I need to make sure you’re good to be here right now. Judging from the look on your face, you didn’t sleep at all last night.”

  Bringing his coffee cup to his lips, Alex stared at his friend over the rim. Frustration rose to unavoidable levels. He set the mug on the counter and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “I’m fine. I need to be here. If I’m not here I sit at home and forget she’s gone. I listen for her. When I sleep, I see her.” He didn’t know why he was telling Sully all this. But once he started, he couldn’t stop. “She’s in everything. So much more than Roxie ever was. I feel like an asshole, like I’m cheating on her when I think of Lauren, but . . . I can’t . . . I can’t stop.”

  “Alex, Roxie is gone. It’s not like you two just broke up. She died a year and a half ago. It’s okay to love someone else. That’s who you are. You’re the guy who loves one woman. I’m the resident man-whore around here. Donovan is the reformed bad boy. We’ve got our roles, and they’re there because they fit.” He leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s okay to be in love even when you’re trying to get over her. It’ll stop being so fucking awful eventually. It did for me.”

  When had Sully’s heart been broken? That was news to Alex. As long as he’d known the man, he’d been a carefree, yoga-doing, womanizer. The player with a heart of gold. As he opened his mouth to ask, the alarm came to life, filling the house with their first call of the shift.

  “Thanks for the talk, man, but if you breathe a word of this to Miller or Gray, I’m going to kick your ass.”

  Sully laughed and followed him to the garage. “You’d try, but you’d fail.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Days went by without Alex catching a glimpse of Lauren. He did his best to actively avoid her, as he’d been doing for months now. But every time he saw a swing of chocolate and caramel hair out of the corner of his eye, his heart skipped a beat and a cold sweat covered him. When would this end?

  Walking down the produce aisle of the grocery store, he picked up a bag of grapes, inspecting them for rotten bunches before placing them in his basket. The hair on the nape of his neck stood on end as he caught the familiar scent of Lauren’s shampoo. She stood next to him, her posture tense and guarded as she reached past his body and grabbed her own bag of fruit. As his eyes drifted from her face and over her body, he worked to control the rush of need coursing through him.

  “Excuse me,” she mumbled as her arm brushed his.

  Grabbing her arm gently before she was able to walk away, he took a fortifying breath, and locked eyes with her. “Lauren, wait.”

  The heartbreak in her gaze made him feel weak . . . and like a bastard. “What, Alex? What do you want to say to me now? You want to call me a whore? Shame me for getting knocked up? Can you just let me leave? All I wanted was to buy a bag of grapes.” She sounded defeated.

  “H—How are you feeling? Are you okay?” The words left him without warning, but he didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to take this moment and draw it out if only to give him a chance to have something other than anger come between them.

  “I’m fine.” Placing a hand over her round belly, she looked down. “We’re good. She’s moving a lot, keeping me up at night.”

  “You’re having a girl?” A strange mixture of excitement and pain flooded him.

  “Yes. We are.”

  We.

  Right, she and Dean were having a baby girl.

  Fuck.

  “Congratulations.”

  Frowning, she sighed and rolled her shoulders. “Why are you doing this?”

  “I hate being like this. So . . . angry.”

  “You have every right to be angry. I broke your trust. I hope one day you can forgive me. I’m not the kind of woman who does things like that. I don’t know why I made the decision I did, other than the fact that I was selfish and afraid.” Her face lit up and a smile brightened her features, confusing him, as she reached out and pulled his hand to her abdomen. “She’s moving. Right here.”

  As he stood there, in the middle of the grocery store with his hand resting on the pregnant belly of the woman he wanted more than anything, his heart stuttered. Until the ripple of movement under his hand made him gasp.

  “Oh, my God. That’s her?”

  Twinkling dark eyes met his. “Isn’t it amazing? That’s the first time she’s been so strong.” Her fingers intertwined with his as she stared at him.

  Pulling his hand away as if she’d bitten him, he dropped his gaze from her and tried to control the wall of grief currently bearing down on him. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Lauren. I wish we could be friends, but I can’t stand here and be happy you fucked another man and are riding off into the sunset with him.”

  Not giving her a chance to respond, he left his basket in the middle of the aisle and darted toward the exit. He couldn’t look back, even though he was sure she would be watching him. He still fucking loved her, but knew he couldn’t have her.

  Chapter 26

  As Lauren walked along the boardwalk, the baby in her belly danced to its own beat, making her smile despite herself. She’d thought seeing Alex in the store would be a turning point, that maybe he’d been ready to listen to her. The look on his face when she told him they were having a girl had made her heart flutter with possibilities. All she’d needed was one more minute to make sure he knew the baby was his, but she’d waited too long.

  She leaned against the railing, watching the gray winter waves across the sea. She’d just try again. Eventually, he’d listen. Hanging her head, she sighed and closed her eyes.

  “Why can’t you just leave him be?” Sully’s deep baritone floated to her ears as he settled his weight next to her.

  Standing up straight, she looked at the handsome man. “Are you his mighty protector or something? Why are you so interested?”

  “Lauren, that man has been through more than anyone should ever have to endure. Why are you fucking with him? He just needs you to leave. Get out of here. Go somewhere else so he doesn’t have to see you and remember how much you hurt him.”

  Anger burned in her chest. “I will not. This is between me and him. Not you. Stay out of it, Sully.”

  “You don’t get it. We’re brothers. All of us at the station look out for one another. This is our business because it’s his business.”

  “I’m staying here.”

  Shaking his head, he sighed. “Why? No one wants you here. His family hates you. Haven’t you noticed no one from the Oliver family has set foot in The Oak Tree? Marianne knows a lot of people. Her opinion has a far reach. It won’t be long before you’re the town pariah and no one will touch you.”

  Hot tears filled her eyes, but she forced herself not to cry.
“Look, I get that you’re defending him. I do. But there’s so much you don’t understand and I have a lot more to focus on than myself now. I’m staying here for a reason and nothing you can say will send me packing. So shut up, and get out of my face, Carson.”

  His lips pressed into a thin line as he stared at her. “Do you get off on hurting him? Every time he sees you he takes a giant step backward. You cheated on him, lied to him . . .”

  “I never cheated! Never. If he’d take five minutes and just let me talk, he’d know that. I loved him.” Looking down at the long wood planks under her feet, she took a deep breath. “I still do.”

  “Wait . . . then why did you get back with Dean?”

  Turning away, she stared out at the ocean again. “I had nowhere else to go. Not on such short notice. Alex wanted me gone. Dean said I could stay in his spare room until I got on my feet. I’d just found out I was pregnant, lost the love of my life, and lost my home. What would you have had me do?” She hated the tremor in her voice.

  “So, you and Dean? You’re not together?”

  Sighing, she shook her head. “He wanted to be, but I know it’s not right with him. I think he finally gets it. Even if Alex doesn’t ever want me again, I’m not settling for a man I don’t love just to give this baby a father-figure. Especially when her daddy is living and breathing and only a few blocks away.”

  Sully’s hard features softened as he listened to her confession. It felt good to get it off her chest. Everything she’d wanted Alex to know was out in the open.

  “Lauren, fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize . . .”

  “It’s fine. Well, not really. You were treating me like dirt, but I know why. I’m not the lying, cheater Alex thinks I am. Yeah, I was reading the letters I found, but I didn’t know they were his.” Her voice fell as she felt the weight of her confession bearing down on her. “I’d already finished writing the book when I figured it out. I didn’t want to lose him. It took me weeks to decide what to do. If I told him, he’d be angry and leave. If I didn’t, he’d never be hurt by my omission.” A bitter laugh escaped her. “Stupid. Lying is still lying, even if you never utter a word.”

  They stayed silent as the waves crashed in the distance. All she really wanted was for him to leave and let her try to put herself together again. When he took a breath, she stiffened, waiting for him to say something else hurtful.

  “How can I help?”

  Shocked, she raised her gaze to his handsome face. “What?”

  “I think I’ve been playing devil’s advocate with Alex, letting my own history seep in to my advice. What can I do to get you guys back together?”

  A harsh bark of despair-laced laughter came from the pain in her chest. “That ship has sailed. I don’t want anything from him. I just want him to get the chance to be the amazing father I know he’ll be.”

  “Fine. I’ll tell him. If he won’t listen to you, he’ll hear it from me.”

  Disgust filled her at the thought of such a personal discovery coming from someone other than herself. “No. This is something I have to do. I’ll just keep trying, even if it takes until she’s born and he sees himself in her.”

  Sully pulled her into a warm hug, surprising her. “It’s going to work out, Lauren.”

  Nodding even though she couldn’t bring herself to hold out hope, she stepped away and offered him a weak smile. “So, are you done being mean?”

  A sheepish grin turned up the corners of his mouth. “Yeah. Shit, I’m really sorry.” He gripped the back of his neck and looked down at his shoes before pulling his phone out of his back pocket. “What’s your phone number?” At her incredulous expression, he took her hand and squeezed. “You need someone else to call in case of an emergency.”

  After rattling off her number, she turned back to watching the waves crash on the shore while he stood next to her. “Thanks, Sully.”

  His phone rang and he let out a heavy sigh as he glanced at the caller. “Shit, I’ve got to get going. Are you going to be okay?”

  Nodding, she continued letting the sea mesmerize her.

  “I’m serious, Lauren. Call if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  His big body left an empty, cold space next to her after he left, but she welcomed the solitude. There were so many things she needed to work out, but after her conversation with Alex’s friend, she realized it was time to move on. She’d put him away, hide the part of her heart that he’d permanently possess, and start moving forward.

  ~ ~ ~

  His sister-in-law was staring daggers at him across the bonfire as they enjoyed an after dessert coffee. Alex frowned as he felt Lena’s gaze on him. She’d been uncharacteristically terse over family dinner, ignoring his requests for the salt and pepper, not meeting his eyes, and looking away when he tried to engage her in conversation. He’d thought maybe it had something to do with Michael being gone at a conference for the weekend, but over the course of the evening, it became obvious Alex was her target. Standing, he walked over to where she held his sleeping niece against her shoulder.

  “Lena, what is going on with you?” He could have been more tactful, but his fuse was short these days and he didn’t have the wherewithal to walk on eggshells.

  “You’re an asshole.” Her answering hiss took him by surprise.

  “What did I do?”

  Standing, she walked over to the big porch swing where his mother and Mitchell sat wrapped in a big wool blanket. Lena handed the baby to his mom and stalked toward him, grabbing his arm without a word as she tugged him toward the beach.

  “Shit, you’re surprisingly strong for such a slight woman.”

  “Don’t try to be cute, Alex. I know you’re having a hard fucking time right now, but I can’t believe you’d stoop so low to save your hurt pride.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  She let out a groan of frustration. “Lauren.”

  Her name sent a lance of hurt through him. “How are we still talking about this? She lied to me. Used me. Cheated on me. She’s having another man’s baby and is fucking living with him.”

  A guilty look crossed her face.

  “Lena?”

  “Ugh, I’ve been walking around with this in my head for days and I think I’m going to explode. I’m not supposed to say anything, but dammit, I can’t keep this from you. Knowing your stubborn ass, you’ll never let her tell you.”

  Raking a hand through his hair until he cupped the back of his neck, he stared at her, willing her to start making some fucking sense.

  “You need to tell me whatever you know.”

  She looked up at the stars before letting it all out in a rush. “Sully told Michael in confidence, but he ran into Lauren last week at the boardwalk. I guess he laid into her and tried to get her to leave.”

  That sent panic through him he didn’t want to feel.

  Her small hand rested on his shoulder as she continued. “I’m paraphrasing here, but it sounds like she’s not with Dean. She loves you, and the baby is yours.” She turned her icy glare on him. “She didn’t cheat on you. And you . . .” She hit him on the shoulder. “. . . are a fucking stubborn asshole who can’t see beyond his own pride.”

  His knees gave out as her words sank in. His—the baby was his. He crumpled to the sand as the gravity of this revelation took hold. “She said we were having a girl,” he muttered to himself, only now realizing what Lauren had been trying to tell him that day in the grocery store.

  “Congratulations,” Lena said, her tone sarcastic. “Although, from the way I hear it, you’re not interested in listening to a damn word the woman has to say and have basically spent the last few months refusing her. You know, I’m sure this has been hard on you, but she’s been carrying this around, probably worried you’d never ackno
wledge the kid. I’m impressed she hasn’t left town.”

  Irritation tickled the back of his mind. “Okay, Lena. I get it. I’m an ass, she’s a saint.”

  Shaking her head, she huffed. “That’s not what I mean. You and Michael are so much alike. Sometimes you get so focused on one ruined detail you forget all of the other things that make up the beautiful life you have.”

  “I’ve got to see her.”

  “No. You can’t. Sully promised her he’d let her tell you.”

  As he clenched his jaw and ground his teeth, he forced himself to try and control the anger burning in his belly. “This is my kid. I’m not going to wait any longer. I’ve missed too much already.”

  “Damn,” she muttered. “I’m in so much trouble.”

  “Thank you for not keeping this from me.” With a quick hug around Lena’s shoulders, Alex jogged back to the house, heart pounding.

  “Mama, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.” His mom started to rise, but he held up a hand as he took in the sight of Meg nestled in her arms and Mitchell asleep on her lap. “No, stay where you are.”

  “Everything okay, honey?”

  With a shake of his head, he forced the words out, hoping to keep his voice from breaking. “Not remotely. I’m going to try and fix it, though.”

  Racing to his truck, he started the engine and forced himself to calm his hammering pulse before backing out of the driveway. It wouldn’t do him any good to get in a car accident on the way to see her. Nothing was going to get between them.

  The lights burned brightly in the front windows of Dean’s modest house when Alex pulled up to the curb. His chest fluttered as he built up the courage to confront Lauren; to apologize, to get her back. As he saw her silhouette moving against the drawn curtain, his stomach twisted and a cold sweat prickled along the back of his neck. He sat in his truck, unable to make himself get out. Fear of so many unknown possibilities held him hostage.