Second

by Chantal Fernando

  He breathes a sigh of relief, like he didn’t know if he’d be seeing me again or something.

  “Promise me,” he says, lifting my chin up.

  “I’ll promise that I’ll try to get work off,” I say, nodding. “And if I can then yeah, I’ll come to you. It’s long overdue, apparently.”

  “Yes, it is,” he says, kissing me once. “I hope you can forgive me for not telling you. I don’t want you to start ignoring me as soon as I leave, Sabina. Because I’ll be on the next flight home, fucking appearances or not.”

  “I won’t ignore you,” I tell him, and I won’t. If he did that to me, I know how much I’d hate it. Relationships aren’t easy, but long distance? You need to have communication or there is no point.

  “Good girl,” he says, and this time the kiss we share is long, deep, and slow.

  And sad.

  It’s going to suck not having him here with me, but I know the time alone to clear my head will do me good. Also, if work cooperates, hopefully I’ll be visiting him at his house soon for the first time. We can talk more about everything then, or on the phone in the meantime.

  “I’m going to miss you, even though you’re a jerk,” I say.

  “You really think I’m a jerk?”

  “No,” I grumble. But he did what he did, so he’s… something.

  A man who made a mistake?

  Maybe that.

  “Good,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “Fuck, I don’t want to leave you, especially not now. If I didn’t have this appearance, I’d stay here. If you can’t come to me, I’ll come back here in a week or so, whenever I’m free, okay?”

  Fuck, he’s sweet. And so damn cute.

  “Okay,” I say, feeling more upbeat. Either way, we’ll be seeing each other soon. This isn’t like last time; we’re not going to let much time pass before we’re back together. This isn’t goodbye, just I’ll see you soon.

  We end up making out, and when it turns hot and heavy, I wonder why the hell we wasted so much time this morning being angry and sad and all of those other annoying emotions when we could have been doing this.

  “Do we have time?” I ask him as he starts to lift my dress up.

  “I don’t give a fuck,” he says, pushing me back on the bed, pulling down my panties and going down on me.

  “Oh my God,” I groan, threading my fingers through his hair and lifting my hips up into his face.

  I’m going to miss his mouth.

  His lips.

  Him.

  “Dean, I want you inside me,” I say breathily, needing to feel him before he goes. He undoes his jeans, pulls them down, and takes his perfect cock out, hard and ready like it always is, and slides inside of me in one smooth thrust. Eyes staying connected with mine, he thrusts in and out of me, fast and deep, an almost desperate air about it. He’s going to be in a different country. It fucking sucks. Lips on mine, hips dipping, this time we climax together.

  “I love you, Sabina,” he whispers to me, kissing me softly, a sweet kiss that coincides with his words.

  “Dean—”

  “Don’t say anything,” he says, shutting me up with his mouth. “I don’t want you to say anything, I just wanted you to know that that’s how I feel about you. I love you. I think I always have in some way or form, and I want it. I want us. I’m not going to do anything to fuck this up.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I just kiss him again, telling him without the words how I feel about him.

  There’s something here, something worth it.

  It’s rare, it’s pure.

  And Dean won’t be fighting to keep it alone.

  Chapter Twenty

  “What do you do if there’s paparazzi in the airport?” I ask him as we get close.

  “I usually have security walk me through,” he says, rubbing the stubble on his cheek. “But it just attracts more attention. I’ll just walk through quickly. It’s a small town; I doubt I’ll have any drama. I didn’t last time.”

  “I’m coming in with you,” I say.

  I guess we can do that whole sad airport goodbye part.

  “Do you want to talk about anything?” he asks me, glancing at me quickly before turning back to the road. “I don’t want you to feel like we’re not okay, you know? That’s going to drive me insane while I’m back at home.

  If there’s anything you want to talk about, let’s have it out now.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything else to say,” I say, shrugging. “You kept something huge from me, Dean, and I’m hurt and upset about it. You know how I feel. I’m going to take this time alone to clear my head and try to sort my feelings out.”

  “I fucked up, I’ll be the first to admit it,” he says, hand finding my thigh. “I handled it all… terribly, and that’s an understatement. I should have told you. I’m sorry. Please, don’t think I’m keeping anything else from you, or that I’m not an honest person because that’s not the case. I’ll never do to you what he did. I’d never betray you in any way. I’m not him. You’re everything I’ve always wanted, and I’ll never hurt you intentionally. It kills me that you’re hurt, which I knew was inevitable. I guess I was just holding off on the pain, in fucking denial, thinking that none of this stuff would ever touch you. I was stupid.”

  “Yes, you were,” I admit, lifting my chin up. I then soften my tone and say, “I don’t want you to leave with us angry with each other either. So no, I’m not happy about it, but we’re okay and we can discuss this further another time.”

  Sometimes people leave and don’t come back. Accidents happen. There’s no chance in hell I’m letting us part on bad terms.

  “You’re the one who is angry,” he says, his tone light. “Not me. So you have to stop being angry.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “Don’t lie or omit or conceal shit from me again, Dean.”

  “I won’t,” he says, squeezing my thigh. “I’ll let you know about any other illegitimate kids straight away.”

  I slap at his arm. “Too soon to joke, buddy. Way too soon.”

  “Sorry,” he says, but I don’t miss his lip twitching.

  He turns to me and sees my unimpressed expression. “I love you, Sabina.”

  “You going to use that to get you out of things every time you’re a douche?” I ask, the mood between us changing to light and playful.

  “If it works,” he says. “And you don’t think I’m a douche, babe. You think I’m amazing.”

  I shake my head. “Ego, much?”

  We park the car, but before I move to get out he leans over to kiss me. “You have no idea how much I’m going to just miss being around you.”

  I swallow.

  I do know, because I’m going to miss him too.

  We get out of the car, he grabs his bag, and we walk inside. He has his hat and sunglasses on, but I know he’s going to have to take them off when we get inside. When I can’t go in any further, we come to a standstill.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he says, as I grab him and hold on to him tightly. “And I’ll call you the second I land.”

  “Okay,” I say into his t-shirt.

  A lingering kiss, and then he’s gone.

  *****

  “I can’t believe this shit,” Tara mutters, looking like she wants to punch someone. Most probably Ben. “That slimy, fake bastard. A kid? Really? He had the best woman in the world at home and he’s off fucking someone else? Did he even want kids?”

  “Not really,” I say, looking into my mug of coffee. “I mean, it was on the table but neither of us wanted one straight away, especially him.”

  “And don’t get me started on Mr. Dean Amore,” she says, flipping her hair back. “I’m so sorry, Bina. I can’t believe this has happened. Can I send Dean an abusive message? I’d like to use my best friend privileges, thank you.”

  “Abusive message not needed,” I say, laughing at her animated expressions. “I’m upset that Ben isn’t who I thought he was. I made him sound like the b
est husband, but he wasn’t. Just because he’s gone I shouldn’t lie or pretend he’s anything he wasn’t. And Dean fucked up. I just hope it was a one-time mistake, and not something he’ll do again, saying that he was trying to protect me from something. Give me truth over protection any day.”

  “Said like a true Aquarius,” Tara adds, smirking. “Yeah, everyone really fucked up with you. I’m pissed off for you. Are you going to confront Kate about it? She likes to act like she’s so much better than everyone, and her kids can’t do wrong, but look what Ben did. Cheating isn’t honourable, but then having a kid and hiding him? Total douche move.”

  “There’s no point. I feel bad using the kid as a shaming tool; he is just a kid after all,” I say, sighing. “I’d love to give Kate a mouthful but I’m going to be the better person here. And she still has a piece of her son, a grandchild. She probably sees this as a blessing. And looking from a mother’s point of view, maybe it is.”

  “Not from your view,” Tara mutters, puffing out a breath. “Let’s go out for a drink tonight. If anyone deserves one, it’s you.”

  “Yeah, that actually sounds good,” I say, offering her a smile. “Getting dressed up, wearing make-up and heels and dancing all night with you is definitely something that I need.”

  Tara heads home and says she’ll be back later tonight. I send Dean a quick message, knowing he won’t get it until he lands.

  I miss you already. Hope your flight wasn’t too bad.

  Although in first class, I don’t see how it can be.

  There’s a huge time difference from here to LA too, I think it’s about fifteen hours or something, so we’re going to have to work out when we can talk. It’s going to be a bit of a mission, but doable.

  I’ll make sure it’s doable.

  *****

  “I love this song!” I say, standing up and pulling Tara back to the dance floor. I’m on my sixth shot of tequila, and I’m having a great night. We’ve danced and laughed all night, and the night is still young. We head to the middle of the dance floor and start to move to the music, ignoring everyone around us.

  “I saw that,” Tara says, laughing.

  “Saw what?” I ask, swivelling my hips.

  “You just did a belly dance move.”

  “Well, what else am I going to classes for if not to show off the moves?” I ask, winking at her.

  “This is true,” she says, doing a body roll. “Although I knew that one before class.”

  We both laugh like that’s the most hilarious thing anyone has ever said. I realise we can be quite obnoxious when we’re together, but I don’t really care because we always have the best time. Everyone needs a best friend that you can be yourself around, as weird as you like, and can say anything around with no judgement in return. I haven’t been out in so long, it feels good to just be free, with no worries in the world. I know it’s only a temporary fix, and I’ll be regretting it tomorrow when I’m hung-over and dying, but fuck tomorrow.

  Let’s live for the moment.

  Tara turns around and dances on me, her ass rubbing against me. I grin at her raunchy moves and continue to dance in beat with the music.

  By the time we get home the sun is coming up.

  I’m asleep before my head even hits the pillows.

  Chapter Twenty One

  I wake up with the mother of all headaches, and a dry mouth. I look next to me on my bed, where Tara is passed out, snoring, and wish I could sleep in like her. Grabbing my phone, which died during the night, I put it on charge and head to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. When I’m done, I turn my phone on, wondering if Dean tried to call. When I see the seven missed calls, I cringe. He was probably worried, or thinking that I went back on my word and decided to ignore him.

  Fuck.

  I press on his name and bring the phone to my ear. I don’t even know what time it is there, but I know it’s night-time. If he’s asleep at least he’ll see the missed call.

  He answers on the third ring.

  “Sabina?” he says sleepily.

  “Hey,” I say, speaking quickly. “Sorry I didn’t pick up any of your calls last night.”

  He’s quiet for a second. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just went out with Tara and my phone died,” I say, lying back on the bed. “How was your flight?”

  I hear him exhale, as if in relief. “It wasn’t too bad. I miss you though. I want you in my bed for once.”

  I smile. “Hopefully soon.”

  “What trouble did you and Tara get up to?”

  “We went out dancing,” I say, yawning. “And drinking. She’s here with me, fast asleep.”

  “You got drunk?” he asks, sounding a little concerned.

  “Yeah,” I say, rubbing my head. “Just needed to let loose a bit.”

  “Sabina—”

  “I’m fine, Dean. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  He goes quiet for a few seconds. “I’ve only ever wanted you.”

  I swallow. “I know, Dean.”

  “So I’m going to worry. And you’re going to have to handle it.”

  I sigh, but with a smile playing on my lips. “I can handle anything you throw my way.” I pause. “With conditions, of course.”

  Dean chuckles. “Lots of fine print, I bet.”

  “Now that you mention it,” I say, grinning. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too. When you didn’t pick up I thought that maybe you’d changed your mind.”

  “Never,” I say.

  I hear the smile in his tone when he says, “Good. I’m going to try to get some sleep but I will call you in the morning.”

  “Okay, goodnight.”

  “’Night, babe.”

  We hang up and then I head into the kitchen to make Tara and me the greasiest breakfast ever.

  *****

  The next day is my first day back at work, and how bad is it that I already want to ask for time off again? Sure, Leah is my friend, but first and foremost she’s my manager. I wait until the end of the day before I ask her. She says she’ll let me know, but she doesn’t look too impressed with me, and fairly so. I leave work and drive straight home. I decide on a hot bath with a green glitter bath bomb, and all I do is think about Ben. What else did he hide from me? How many other affairs? Why did he do this to me? Why propose at all? I don’t understand him. I clearly didn’t make him happy enough. We weren’t a match. We weren’t meant to be together. I just wish I could have one final conversation with him to try and get some closure, but obviously I’m going to have to forgive him and move on without any of that. Things happen for a reason. I don’t know why this happened, but now I need to let it go. I need to let Ben go, and the thought of us having a perfect first love. We didn’t. It wasn’t a perfectly imperfect love either. It was a fake love. But it’s time to look forward and not backward.

  My future is Dean; at least I think he is. And if he’s not, that’s okay too. I’ll be fine either way. I’m strong. I do hope things work with him though, because I know I’ll never meet someone else like him. I love the way he sees me. I love how he makes me feel. I love everything about him. And I think I deserve to be happy now. I close my eyes, and play my “sleepy song” playlist, which is filled with ballads and love songs.

  I really hope I get this time off. I don’t think I’ll fully understand and know Dean until I see his world. I need to see if I can fit in there, because what I’m picturing is so different to what it’s like when he visits me.

  I wonder what he’s doing right now.

  *****

  When Kate shows up at my door, I wish it was anyone else, even the grim reaper.

  “Sabina,” she says, nose in the air. “We need to talk.”

  I open my door for her to enter. “Can I get you a coffee or something to drink?”

  “No, I’m fine,” she says, sitting down on the couch and looking around. “I can’t believe you sold the lovely house Ben worked so hard to give you and m
oved into this. It looks like a bachelor pad. Is that the type of lifestyle you’re living these days?”

  Well, her son was living it while we were married, so why the hell not?

  I clear my throat and sit down with her. “What do you want to discuss?”

  “Luke, of course,” she says, smiling. “He looks just like Ben did as a child. I heard that you met him?”

  I blink slowly. I don’t know what she wants from me, but I’m not going to react. She doesn’t deserve my emotions right now.

  “Yes, he’s a cute kid,” I agree. “And yes, he looks a lot like Ben.”

  She studies me, as if wondering why I’m not yelling or screaming or something. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay with it. You knew your marriage was having issues, and poor Ben had to go look elsewhere for love.”

  I grit my teeth, but stay silent. I actually can’t believe the nerve of this woman. She can go harass Sam’s life now. “Well if that’s all,” I say, trying to force a smile and failing. “I’m about to head to the gym.”

  Kill them with kindness.

  Some people are just so stupid that you can’t argue with them.

  “Oh, okay,” she says, not looking satisfied with our exchange, which satisfies me. “Maybe you can come for dinner the next time Sam and Luke are over.”

  I can’t make this shit up.

  “Maybe,” I say, standing up and hoping that she takes the hint.

  “It’s a shame that Dean left,” she sniffs, also standing. “He’s such a good boy. Sent money for Luke; since his father isn’t here to provide, he’s stepping in.”

  “He is a good man,” I agree. I don’t bother to tell her that I’m going to give Luke Ben’s insurance money. I’ll tell Dean that, and get him to handle it. Kate would probably take it for her damn self.

  “Anyway, nice talking to you,” I lie.

  “Don’t be a stranger, you are still family, Sabina. Maybe if you grow your hair longer again you can find a nice boyfriend. Men like long hair. Remember that.”

  I wave bye and all but close the door on her.

  Men like long hair?

  I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.