Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  'It sounds lovely' she murmured, and wished she were as pleased as she pretended. She sensed he was 'Bng for her to say more, but it was impossible to 'Knue her enthusiasm and instead she went off at a tengent. «I can't see you as a mountaineer.'

  'It was in my youth—years ago.'

  'Why do you always make yourself sound so old?' the protested.

  An indefinable expression passed across his face. ' Maybe it's a form of self-defence.'

  ' Against what?'

  ' Against whom,' he corrected.

  She flushed, and as he saw the change of colour his lingers tightened on hers.

  ' Do I need to dot every " i" with you, Paula, or are you deliberately pretending to be obtuse?'

  le Captain's voice over the intercom drowned out test few words, and Martin took his hand away and nhbed it in exasperation across the side of his face. 'I Would choose the most inconvenient time to say this I'

  The voice over the intercom grew louder and Martin moved further back into his seat. 'I'D have the whole weekend with you, Paula. Having waited so long, I'll hold my impatience a bit longer.'

  She turned to look out of the window again, wishing with all her heart she had not agreed to come to Geneva. ie had had an iota of common sense she should have realized Martin would use this journey to establish his position with her; he had been leading up to it since the ■pt Jason Scott had been brought to the hospital. Tason . . . why must be always come into her thoughts . . .?

  Below her lay the glistening peaks of the mountains, with here and there jagged boulders rising from the snow like dark portents of evil. The plane dipped and one 'ilver wing-was outlined against the blue sky. The noise of the engine increased and she was reminded even more forcibly of Jason and how different his life was from hers. Fast cars, beautiful women and no expense spared. Small wonder that finding her inaccessible he had left her so lightheartedly a few days ago. Angrily she tried to push his memory away, but it was impossible, and

  as the plane droned on she deliberately brought back everything she could remember about him; his gaiety, bis spoiled recklessness, hisr indolent acceptance of an easy life. There was not one aspect of his character she admired, except perhaps the determined way he had worked at getting well again. Bat for what rmrpose? So that he could kill himself on a race track? " We're worlds apart," she thought, and wished with all her heart they really were.

  As though the deliberate assessment of Jason's faults had acted as an emotional purge, the two days of the conference flew by without her thinking of him. It was exhilarating to talk shop with people from whose knowledge she could benefit, and she wallowed in the endless discussions that succeeded the reading of every paper.

  Because of Martin's eminence she was included among the select coterie invited to attend the Saturday luncheon given to mark the end of the conference, and not having a suitably elegant dress to wear, decided to do the next best thing and have her hair set. It was an unaccustomed luxury to give herself up to the ministrations of a skilful hairdresser, for normally pressure of hospital life allowed her little time for such frivolity.

  Remrning to the hotel at mid-morning, she paused several times to admire her reflection in the passing shop windows. Despite her initial protest, the hairdresser had persuaded her to let him cut her hair shorter than she usually wore it. He had also thinned it ruthlessly, assuring her as he did so that she would be more than delighted with the result. In the event he was right; shaped and thinned into submission, her hair flowed round the curve of her head like molten gold, the ends swinging free to tilt upwards and outwards. It made her look younger, emphasizing as it did the lovely line of her neck and shoulder and accentuating the curve of her chin. Splashing out recklessly, she had also bought a selection of mascara, eye-shadow and various other pots of paint which the beautician had assured her was the minimum requirement for any woman wanting to make the best of herself—taking it for granted that this was every woman's aim in life. Watching the bill mount, Paula not had the heart to admit this was not her aim at and had left the shop poorer in pocket but richer n the promise of what was to come, provided she folI the beautician's instructions. Not that she would Hve the time or even the patience to put such a mass uff on her face every day. Sea-green shaded lids

  'tantasizing amber-gold eyes was all right for an evening ol pleasure, but hardly recommended uniform for a hard-working doctor going the rounds of a hospital ward I But all this was in the future. Today she was considd with proving to herself that she could not only attract a man but keep him. The thought, spontaneously arrived at, conjured up a picture of Martin. She was in he was on the verge of asking her to marry him; the only doubt was whether or not she should accept. They had worked too closely for too long for her to ve that she would suddenly fall in love with him, and a marriage based on shared interests and companionship seemed too tame to accept at her age. Love, as she ined it, was something that came swiftly, hitting you with a force that made everything else recede. Life with Martin would never have the excitement or gaiety that life with

  —' Damn I' she muttered, and ran up the tteps and into the sedate hotel lounge. She collected her key from the desk clerk and crossed to the lift. It was an hour until lunch, time to leisurely bathe and change. Out of the comer of her eye she noticed a man half hidden by a marble pillar. He moved in her direction and only as a dusty beam of sunshine touched his face did she recognize who he was. ' Jason! What are yon doing here ?' 'Watting for you.' His voice was lighthearted, but his expression was serious, his mouth quirking slightly at the comer as it always did when he was under 'tress.

  ' You should have warned me you were coming. I went to have my hair done'

  ' So I see. You look beautiful.' He put his hand tinder her elbow and moved her away from the lift door. ' How long will it take you to pack?' ' Pack?'

  'Yes. I've come to take you to the villa for the weekend.'

  'I don't understand. What villa?'

  ' My family's. You didn't think I was going to go a whole week without seeing you, did you ? I flew in from London this mom in g and I've a plane standing by to take us to Nice. If you hurry with your packing we'll be able to manage a swim in the Mediterranean before lunch." Exasperation replaced amazement. ' Really, Jason, haven't you any sense? I've come to the conference with Martin, There's a conference lunch in an hour . . . Martin's taking me as his guest. I can't let him down.'

  'Is it easier to let me down?' His voice was still light, but there was a hurt look in his eyes that made her long to cradle his head in her hands.

  'I can't come with you,' she said hopelessly. ' Martin would never forgive me.'

  ' What wouldn't he forgive?'

  She swung round to see that the lift door had opened and Martin had come out. As he asked the question he saw Jason, and the tender look on his face momentarily hardened into dislike before it was replaced by his usual expression of grave detachment.

  ' Hello, Scott.' He extended his hand. 'What are you doing here?'

  'I've come to try and persuade Paula to spend a couple of days with the family. But she's resisting a bit, I'm hoping you can help me, sir.'

  Paula had to admire Jason's use of the word ' sir'. How cleverly he had relegated Martin to the position of fatherfigure; the word ' sir' setting him securely and effortlessly a generation behind them. Watching the diffident, boyish look on Jason's face—a look which had not been there a moment ago—she was torn between amusement and fury.

  'I told Jason—Mr Scott—that I'm not free,' she said quickly. ' There's the lunch and'

  ' My dear Paula,' Martin was every inch the eminent surgeon, and if she had watched Jason with fury she now watched Martin with admiration, 'a medical luncheon can't compete with a villa in the sun—or a villa anywhere for that matter. Of course you must go.' ' But I thought we were going to hire a car?' ' No, no,' Martin said mildly, ' something's cropped up at Marsden. I've promised to return there this eventog.'

  She knew he was lying, b
ut she pretended she did not. 'It isn't anything serious, is it?'

  ' One of the cases you're not handling.' His smile took the edge from the words. ' Now don't keep Scott waiting.' He looked at Jason. 'I'll go up and get Paula's air ticket. She'll want it if she's flying back from Nice.'

  Jason nodded agreement and then focused his gaze on Paula. 'I'll wait here for you. Don't be long.'

  Cheeks scarlet, Paula went up in the lift with Martin. There was so much she wanted to say, yet the word3

  would not come. She glanced at him and then looked at the back of the liftboy, as though she could find what she wanted to say on the plum-coloured uniform. At the fourth floor they got out and walked down the corridor. Martin's bedroom faced hers and as they neared it she drew a deep breath and plunged headlong into an explanation. ' Fd no idea Jason was coming. He knew I was here as your guest and he had no right to force me into this position.'

  ' No one can force you into a position you don't want, Paula.' Martin's detachment was gone, replaced by a tired resignation that made him look his age. ' When I came out of the lift and saw your face I knew you wanted to go with him.'

  ' That's not true. I'd already told him I couldn't.'

  ' What you said and what you wanted are not the same. I admire your loyalty to me, but in the circumstances I don't appreciate it.' He took a step towards her and then stopped. ' What do you think I am, Paula ? A stuffed dummy who can't see beyond his nose? You don't owe me any loyalty. If you want to go with Scott you're free to do so.'

  Taken aback by his unexpected anger, she could only stammer a few words. ' Bat I—I promised to stay with you.'

  ' But you don't want to. You want to be with Scott. You've wanted to be with him from the moment you met him.'

  ' You've no right to say that I'

  'I've the right of a man who' He paused as

  though trying to control his temper, and when he continued there was no more anger in his voice. 'I want your happiness, Paula, and believe me, you won't find it with Jason Scott. He's as far apart from your world as he is from mine.'

  ' Then why did you encourage me to go with him?'

  ' Even though I'm a surgeon,' he said humorously, 'I don't believe that a swift, clean cut is necessarily the answer to an emotional problem. If you'd had a few other love affairs you wouldn't be so vulnerable, but right now you can t think straight. I know what you feel for Scott and I know that if I told you it was just an urge to go to bed with him you wouldn't believe me. But that's what it is,' he said firmly. He walked over to his door and with his hand on the knob turned to look at her. 'I'll leave your ticket with Scott Have a good time, Paula.'

  'Martin,' But he did not answer and she stared at the closed door in front of her for a long moment before entering her own room.

  Though she told herself that temper had precipitated Martin's outburst, it was not easy to dismiss what he had said, and as she went down to meet Jason she wondered if it were true.

  ' You were quick,' he said as she stepped from the lift.

  'I didn't have much to pack.' She followed him down the steps to where her case was being stowed in a car. ' My wardrobe was planned for a medical conference, not a swank villa.'

  ' Be careful," he grinned, ' your class is showing!'

  ' We're from different classes,' she said seriously. He ignored the remark and spoke in fluent French to the driver,

  ' Did you say there was a plane waiting at the airport for us?' she asked as he leaned back beside her.

  ' Yes. It's small but perfectly safe.'

  Premonition tinged her with doubt. ' You're not flying it, are you?'

  ' Piloting,' he corrected. ' And the answer is yes.' He caught her hand. ' Not scared, are you?'

  ' Ho,' she said, and meant it. ' Not with you.'

  CHAPTER V

  Later that afternoon Paula lay beside Jason on a gently swinging hammock beside the swimming pool whose glinting blue waters rivalled the shimmer of the sea that broke against the rocks some hundred feet below them.

  ' Do you always get your own way?' she asked him.

  ' Mmm,' he murmured sleepily, and without opening his eyes reached out for her hand. Paula put her slender fingers against his and settled back against the cushions. None of this was true, she told herself. It was all a mirage. The flight across the Alps, the hot, lazy tarmac of Nice airport, the screeching tyres of the black and silver Maserati waiting for them in the parking lot and her sumptuously furnished bedroom and bathroom in a villa the size of a mansion, were all part of an Arabian Night's Dream from which a hospital bell would undoubtedly awaken her.

  'Jason,' she said again, 'listen to me.'

  He swung round so that he was half lying across her. 'I'd rather make love to you.'

  ' No—please'

  ' Make up your mind, honey-girl. Is it no or is it please?'

  ' Be serious,' she protested.

  'I was never more serious in my life.' He bent closer, but she wriggled away and swung her feet over the side of the hammock. Giving up, Jason turned on to his back again and watched her. Conscious of the scantiness of Debbie's bikini which she was wearing, she pretended to be unaware of it, though she could not help a hasty glance down to make sure Slat there was not more of her breasts showing than was absolutely necessary.

  ' Don't worry,' he drawled. ' You've got a beautiful body and you're not showing me too much of it'

  ' Good.'

  He half raised himself on one elbow and grinned at her. In brief trunks of a blue that echoed the colour of his eyes and exaggerated the bronze tan of his skin, he looked every girl's idea of a Greek god. She looked at the firm muscles of his thighs and the flat lines of his stomach, marvelling that only a short while ago he had been an unconscious wreck who had only been brought back to life by the effort of people like Martin and Donald and herself. Did he ever think of it, she wondered, or had he pushed it into some recess of his mind? It was a question that impinged on the one she wanted to ask, and it prompted her to speak.

  ' Do you ever think of your future, Jason?'

  ' Not when the present is so exciting.'

  ' That's important to you, isn't it ? Things like excitement and fun and enjoying yourself.'

  'Is this a lecture?' he said mildly, and rolled over until his head was resting against her leg. ' What's the matter, Paula?'

  ' You're the matter.' She resisted an urge to touch his hair and resolutely turned her head away and looked out at the blurred line of the horizon. ' When you want something you go all out for it, Jason. You don't count the cost to yourself or to anyone else.'

  'I don't count the cost to myself,' he admitted, pressing his lips to her skin, ' but I do my best not to involve anyone who's unwilling.'

  'Including me?'

  He tilted his head and looked at her. ' You are willing, darling. Just scared ' Come here and let me hold you.'

  'No.' She pulled her leg away. 'You're only "interested in living from one day to another. If you want something you try and get it, and if you can't get it you go away and sulk.'

  'I didn't sulk when you turned me down,' he reminded her.

  ' You did something equally childish; you left the hospital with a girl-friend in tow!'

  ' Caroline isn't a girl-friend. I've known her so long she's practically one of the family. Anyway, what's behind all this—a character analysis?'

  ' My own,' she said drily. 'I'm trying to discover why I let you persuade me to come here '

  'Because you wanted it. If only you'd stop arguing and admit it!' He reached out for her, but she evaded his grasp and stood up, body outlined against the sky.

  'What would happen if I did admit it? Once you were sure of me I wouldn't be a challenge any longer.'

  ' Take a chance and find out. What have you got to lose?'

  ' My peace of mind. My ability to work.'

  'That's crazy.' He half sat up and looked at her. His eyes were narrowed against the sunlight, making his expression unfathomable. ' W
hy should loving me affect your work ?'

  'It would get in the way of my seeing you. You can be free whenever you like. I can't.'

  ' Puss, puss,' he chided. ' Don't be a boss woman.'

  'I am a boss woman. It's no use pretending I'm not.'

  ' Then let's make a pact. I won't interfere with your work, providing you won't interfere with my leisure!'

  ' Can't you be serious?'

  'I am." He looked reproachful. ' Think how hard I worked to get you here I'

  She sighed and perched on the hammock again.

  'I'm just another conquest to you, aren't I, Jason?' She swung back to look at him. 'I'm different from the other women you've known—that's why you find me exciting.'

  ' You're not different,' he said, ogling her. ' You're the same

  —only more so!'

  ' Jason, please! When you said goodbye to me the other night, did you plan all this? I mean meeting me in Geneva and bringing me here?'

  ' Of course. You didn't think I was going to let you go off with old Edgar, did you?'

  ' But you never said anything.'

  'One thing I've learned since knowing you,' he retorted, 'Is that the less I say, the less chance there is for argument. In the future I don't intend to tell you anything.'

  She savoured his last words. 'Is there a future for us, Jason?'

  For answer he reached out and pulled her down to him. For a moment she held back, but as his arms remained tight, she relaxed and melted against him, the curves of her body fitting into the curves of his.

  ' You're so beautiful, he said thickly.

  The clatter of steps pulled them apart and she was lying away from him, cheeks scarlet but otherwise composed, as Debbie came into view. In brief white shorts and top, her hair held back from her face by a green ribbon, she looked a sophisticated version of Alice.

  'I thought I'd find you here,' she said complacently, and perched at their feet. ' That bikini looks better on you than on me,' she said, eyeing Paula with admiration. '

  You'd better have it.'