Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  ' Thanks,' Paula said drily, ' but I doubt if I'd have much use for it back home.'

  Debbie eyed Jason. ' She's the most earnest girlfriend you've ever had. How did you manage to win her away from the wards?'

  'I kidnapped her.' With a lithe movement Jason sat up, leaned forward and pushed his sister backwards into the pool.

  Paula sat up sharply, but Debbie only heaved feerself on to the tiles and grinned at Jason as she removed her shorts and top to reveal a bikini even briefer than Paula's.

  ' Just wait till you're dressed, Jason.' She resumed her seat on the hammock. ' There's no point pushing you in when you're undressed for it!'

  Paula looked at brother and sister, seeing in Debbie'a acceptance of what had happened an indication of the camaraderie and affection they must feel for each other.

  ' How long are you staying, Paula?' Debbie asked.

  'I have to be back in the hospital on Tuesday.'

  'Can't you stay longer?'

  'I've already had my holiday this year.'

  ' Lucky you.' Debbie's voice was bitter. ' My whole life's a holiday and it's boring, boring, boring . . .'

  Jason moved again, but Debbie was too fast for him and jumped up quickly. ' Enough's enough, Jason. If you do it again I'll really get mad.'

  ' Then stop talking rot,'

  'It isn't rot. It's the truth. I'm bored doing nothing, so bored I could cut my throat '

  ' Why don't you take a job?' Paula asked.

  ' Debbie's had a stack of jobs,' Jason answered for her, '

  and she's never stuck at one of them longer than a month.'

  'Because the jobs've bored me even more than doing nothing,' Debbie said defensively. 'I don't need to work for the money, so the least I want to get out of it is some pleasure.'

  'What would you like to do?' Paula sat up and rested her elbows on her crossed legs.

  ' Nursing,' Debbie replied.

  Paula's comment was drowned by Jason's shout of laughter and Debbie threw herself on to him and pummelled bim with her fists. Jason held her off easily, then, lifting her up in the air, deposited her once again in the

  'I'm going for a swim in the sea,' he said to Paula.

  'Coming?'

  'I'd rather not, if you don't mind.'

  He blew her a kiss and sauntered away as Debbie swung herself over the side of the pool and stretched herself out on a red mattress. 'I meant it,' she said, continuing the conversation as though nothing had interrupted it, ' and what's more, I'm going to do it.'

  Certain that Debbie desired to be a nurse because of Donald. Paula received the statement dubiously. "There's not the glamour in it that romantic novels imply. The work's backbreaking.'

  'I'm strong.'

  ' There are a lot of things to learn, too.

  'I got my "A" levels,' Debbie said so coolly that Paula flushed and apologized. ' That's all right.' Debbie sat up and tossed back her wet hair. ' Why shouldn't you think me a fool? Heaven knows, I've lived like one. But that doesn't mean I can't alter.'

  ' But is nursing the answer? There are other jobs equally worthwhile that wouldn't be'

  'I've always wanted to be a nurse. But until I met Donald I never had any reason to fight for it.'

  'It's unwise to let your choice of a career be governed by your feelings for a man.' Although the words sounded pompous Paula felt she had to say them.

  'If it weren't for Donald I wouldn't be able to go through with it at all,' Debbie said frankly. ' But being a nurse is one way of convincing him that I mean business.'

  ' Business?' Paula said, out of her depth.

  Debbie stood up. ' Donald doesn't know it yet, but I intend to many him.'

  ' Marriage is a partnership,' Paula answered.

  ' We'll be ideal partners once he gets it into his fat head that I love him. If he sees me round the wards long enough it should penetrate even his skull.'

  Paula couldn't hide her astonishment. ' You haven't been accepted at Marsden?'

  ' Starting Monday week,' came the complacent answer. '

  But don't say a word to anyone till I've bad a chance to tell the family.'

  Paula looked at Debbie helplessly, amazed and delighted that the childlike exterior hid so much determination. If only some of it had been imparted to Jason! The thought dimmed her pleasure, and seeing the change of expression, Debbie looked at her anxiously.

  ' You don't really disapprove of me, do you? What I feel for Donald isn't just a schoolgirl crush. I'm twenty-one and I've had loads of boy-friends, but Donald's the first man I've wanted to marry. I know he's in love with me, but be won't admit it. That's why I finally decided to take up nursing. It isn't any good telling Donald how I feel, I've got to do something about it.'

  ' Donald doesn't want to marry a nurse,' Paula said gently,

  ' but a woman.'

  'If I'm a nurse he'll see me as a woman I At the moment he only sees me as a feminine counterpart of my brother.'

  The words hit Paula hard. It was bad enough to think of Jason the way she did without having his sister echo her thoughts. She stared down at the shimmering water in the pool, knowing there was nothing to say,

  'You're in love with Jason, aren't you?' Debbie stated. Paula nodded. 'I suppose you think I'm asking for trouble?'

  'I don't know. I'm very close to him, but there arc areas of his mind even I don't understand. A few years ago he was quite different, but since he left the factory ..." her voice trailed away, and Paula took up the words.

  'In what way has he changed ?'

  ' He's become more—' there was another pause,' more uncaring, as if nothing matters and life's just one big joke. I thought it was a phase he'd grow out of, but he hasn't. When he first went into the factory he was fearfully keen on it. Then he and Father quarrelled about improving the production or something. There was a fearful row and Jason walked out-'

  ' And since then he's done nothing'

  ' He's won loads of prizes at racing, but if you mean manual toil and all that sort of thing, the answer's no. And he won't go back to the factory either unless Father agrees to reorganize the whole plant,'

  'Why wont he?' Paula asked, 'or aren't Jason's ideas any good?'

  ' They're first rate,' Debbie said, ' but my father hates change. If Jason dished out the flattery he'd have Father eating out of his hand in no time. Unfortunately he's too obstinate.'

  " So he wastes his life instead.'

  Debbie retied the ribbon round her hair. ' Maybe you'll spur him on to other things. It would be marvel lous if' She stopped and glanced up. ' Mother's coming. I'm off '

  Lightly she ran down to the path that led down the cliff to the sea. Paula wished she could do the same, but resignedly decided it was too late. Conscious of her heart beating fast, she looked round with as much composure as she could as Mrs Scott advanced towards her. Indeed, there was no other word for her approach, compounded as it was of hauteur and charm wrapped up in a Pucci sundress.

  ' Please don't disturb yourself, Dr MacKinnon.' The words naturally brought Paula to her feet and she hovered by as Mrs Scott disposed herself on a chaise-longue and tilted the top to shield her face from the sun.

  'I thought I heard my daughter'

  ' She just went down to the sea to join Jason'

  ' Ah, Jason.' There was a pause. ' He's much better now, isn't he, doctor?'

  Paula bid a smile. The phrasing of the question made it obvious Mrs Scott was determined to regard her visit as a medical rather than a social one.

  ' Mind you, he's still inclined to overdo things. Perhaps you'll have a word with him while you're here'

  'I doubt if Jason will listen to me,' Paula said lightly, and decided that if she couldn't fight the woman, she might as well enjoy her. 'I'm far more at a disadvantage on his home ground than I was in the hospital.'

  ' Authority doesn't depend on where you are,' Mrs Scott chided. 'If I may say so, my dear, it's the very essence of you.'

  Awarding the first round
to Mrs Scott, Paula turned her face to the sun and closed her eyes. The warmth seeped into her bones and the glare beat on her lids, causing dancing points of light to come and go. Persiration trickled between her breasts and down her back, eeling cold against her skin as a sudden breeze rustled through the pine trees overhead.

  ' Jason's racing is such a worry to me' Mrs Scott's voice jerked Paula up. 'I've begged him to stop, but he just laughs at me. The only person who might make him see reason is Caroline. They always say that love can make the most obstinate man become reasonable.'

  Neither by word nor gesture did Paula make any response to Mrs Scott's remark. No intuition was needed to tell her that this was the reason the woman had come to the pool. But instead of being hurt she was elated. Mrs Scott was afraid of her I Otherwise she would have kept silent.

  ' You don't know Caroline Leonard, do you?' the soft voice continued, gliding into the open like a serpent across the grass. ' Such a lovely girl. She was at school with Debbie. That's how Jason met her. Most girls adore him, of course, but he's never given any of them a thought

  —except Caroline. Her father's in the motor industry you know. He's most anxious for Jason to join his company. There'd be a great deal of travelling and Jason's so good at languages . . .' 'It would be ideal,' Paula agreed blandly. What s

  °MranJcott moved beneath the shade of the parasol, her face a pale blur in the dimness. ' Young men hate being tied I think he was on the verge of setting the date when he had the accident. Then I suppose he wanted to get better before doing anything about it.'

  'That's quite understandable,' Paula agreed. At least you shouldn't have long to wait now.'

  'I hope you're right, Dr MacKinnon' Her work completed, Mrs Scott stood up and sauntered away.

  Only as the stiff, erect figure disappeared from sight did Paula's temper get the better of her, and picking up a large rubber ball lying beside her, she threw it violently into the pool. Damn Mrs Scott, with her sneering

  condescension, and damn the unknown Caroline Leonard with her car magnate father . It would be easy to dismiss everything Jason's mother bad said as wishful thinking, but logic told her that though most of it might be imagination, there must be some element of truth in it. However, one thing was certain. No matter what Jason had felt towards Caroline Leonard, it was now relegated to his past, and the present was given up entirely to herself. The thought helped her to relax and as the tension ebbed she was able to forgive Mrs Scott her pretence. With a sigh Paula walked over to the rail that bounded the edge of the cliff. Below her she could make out the path snaking down to the water's edge and, by craning forward, she could see where the rocks had been smoothed out to form a sun-ledge. She glimpsed a towel lying there and her eye travelled across it and along the surface of the sparkling water to where a raft bobbed merrily in the sea. Even from this distance she recognized the figure lying on it as Jason's, and she wished she were there beside him, away from people with their trivia and jealousies.

  For the first time since leaving Geneva she was able to think of what Martin had said without feeling anger. Most people—knowing herself and Jason—would have echoed his sentiments. On reputation alone one could logically say Jason would love and leave her. Yet love made fools of logic, and Jason loved her; it was apparent in his voice when he spoke to her, in his eyes when he looked at her, in his arms when be held her. Flying here with him today she had determined to live only for the moment, but no sooner had she been alone with him than his nearness had made her long for the reassurance that they had some future together. Deliberately she had refused to think what that future could be, or for how long it would last. Only now, angered by Mrs Scott, was she willing to admit she would do anything in her power to make her future with Jason a lasting one. The ftar—so real less than an hour ago—that her work as a doctor would come between them no longer seemed important. All that mattered was that they loved each other. And if love could change Debbie, it could change Jason too.

  She focused on the raft again and saw it was bare. A blond head glinted in the sea and she watched Jason swim towards the rocks. He disappeared from sight and a moment later she saw him on the ledge below her. She called his name and waved, and he looked up and waved back. Turning, she ran down the path, heedless of the sharp descent and the sun beating hot against her flesh. A lizard scurried out of her way and stones clattered beneath her feet as she ran. There was a twist in the path and she rounded it, coming up sharply against the lithe figure approaching.

  'Jason,' she cried fiercely. 'Jason, Jason I'

  A long while later they slowly retraced their steps up the cliff-face to the pool. The heat had gone from the day, but the air was still warm. The sky had darkened and was streaked with rosv fingers while purple clouds marked the horizon and darkened the edges of the pine trees. Almost perceptibly the green leaves began to lose their colour, turning darker and darker until their form was lost in blackness.

  'I can't bear to go in,' she murmured against Jason's shoulder. 'I wish we could stay out here for ever.'

  He smoothed the hair away from her face and gently kissed the corner of her mouth. ' There'll be other days, Paula, as many of them as you'll let me share with you.'

  ' Not as many as I'd like,' she whispered. 'I'm a working girl, remember?' She felt him stiffen and turned quickly in his arms. 'I'm so glad you live in Marsden. At least we'll be near each other, even if we can't meet'

  'I'm not in Marsden all that much. I was only there the night of the accident because one of my races had been cancelled.'

  'I can't imagine you being a racing driver,' she murmured,

  ' at least, not seriously.'

  'I'm not a racing driver seriously.' He kissed her and let her go. 'I do it for kicks.'

  ' Don't you ever do anything seriously?'

  He picked up his sunglasses from where they had fallen on the hammock and walked beside her up the steps to the lawn that surrounded the large, two-storied villa with its wide balconies and covered patio.

  'Jason,' she repeated, 'I asked you a question.'

  He stopped and looked at her. 'I know you did, Paula, and you asked me a similar question earlier this afternoon. The answer is still the same. I only take one thing seriously—

  the way I feel for you.' He touched her cheek with one finger. ' You're more beautiful than any woman I've met. Don't spoil it by being too clever.'

  ' What does that mean?'

  'It means I don't want you to try and change me. Accept me as I am, the way I accept you.'

  'And if I can't?'

  ' Yon must.'

  For answer she clasped his hand and followed him across the lawn. Jason thought her clever. Very well, she would show him she was: by keeping quiet and biding her time.

  Dinner that night was on the terrace, the marble table and delicate wrought-iron chairs illumined by the soft glow of candlelight. Two couples joined tne family and in the absence of his father, Jason played host. Sitting at the head of the table with the two older women guests cither side of him, he was too far for Paula to talk to him without being overheard, and since she found it difficult to join in the conversation—for it ranged solely on people whom she had only read about in the social columns—she silently ate and listened.

  All the women wore trouser-suits and Paula, in an amber silk dress the same colour as her hair, felt both oldfashioned and over-dressed. The men, like Jason, wore slacks and loose silk shirts, and surveying the scene dispassionately she knew it could have passed for the second act of almost any NoSl Coward comedy. Even Debbie bad hidden her gamine charm with a coronet of false hair and a shower of glittering bracelets that gleamed in the candlelight and punctuated her sentences as she waved her arms. It was difficult to believe she was the same girl who had spoken so seriously at the pool a few hours ago, and Paula was not sure which aspect portrayed the real person. Or was Debbie a mixture of both? If so, heaven help Donald . Paula leaned forward to pick up her wine glass and as she did so came di
rectly into Debbie's line of vision.

  ' Even the condemned man gets the chance of a meal before the hanging,' the girl whispered.

  ' Do you see yourself as condemned?' Paula whispered back.

  'I'll feel that way until the day Donald proposes.'

  Paula's spirits, strangely dejected, suddenly lifted again. It was stupid to be influenced by the company around her and to feel shut out of Jason's life. To these people she was merely the doctor who had helped him recover from his accident, the young woman who was seeing another side of life for the first time. What would they think if they knew that only a short time ago she

  had been held in Jason's arms, or that she was already looking ahead to file future she would share with him?

  Content with her dreams, she picked up her knife and fork and resumed eating, letting the chatter flow over her. Dinner over and the table cleared, everyone remained on the terrace, sipping coffee and liqueurs, their conversation interspersed by the occasional drone of a mosquito. Paula, unused to drinking so much wine, found her head beginning to throb. She went to her room for some aspirin and was crossing the lounge with its low-built furniture and white leather settees, when Jason caught her from behind and swung her round to face him.

  'I thought you'd run off and left me,' he accused. She laughed. 'I went to take something for a headache.'

  ' All that wine you were sloshing back.'

  ' Only two glasses.'

  ' Three,' he said. 'I was watching yon.'

  ' You were so busy playing host, I didn't think you were taking any notice of me.'

  'I'll always be watching you, Paula. I never do things by halves. You should know that by now.'

  'I'm learning.'

  Arm about her shoulders, he escorted her back to the terrace. Mrs Scott saw them framed in the doorway and Paula could only guess what she must be feeling to see Jason standing so familiarly close to her.

  'Darling,' his mother said to him, ' we've decided to go to the Casino at Monte Carlo. We'll just about manage in two cars.'

  Paula thought of the long drive over the winding Comiche to the Principality and decided that much as she disliked the thought of spending the rest of the evening without Jason, it was better than being ignominiously car-sick at some stage of the Journey. Perhaps if she took a pill . . . But no, even without a headache she did not relish the prospect of a gaming room. Far better to go to bed and relax than to tag along with a group with whom she did not feel at ease.