Close to Home

by Liz Lee

  Kacie Jo listened as he talked. She wanted him to tell her his stories. Wanted him to talk about where he’d been and what he’d done with something other than soundbites. But she was afraid. Afraid to know more about him. Afraid that to know him would lead to loving him and that would lead a world of heartache.

  She stared out the window again as they passed a green mile marker before finally speaking. Their first real conversation as husband and wife.

  “So is that what it was like there? Dry and dirty?”

  She silently praised herself for the normalcy of her voice.

  “Yes and no. There were some places so dry my skin would flake after a few days. But in those places when the scarce rain finally did fall, it was like paradise over night. Colors you can’t imagine exploded everywhere and the air smelled so alive, it was like experiencing creation.”

  She listened as he described the places he’d been. And as she did, she could tell he’d loved it there. The thought scared her. Reminded her of Sam looking for him so he could take him back there, to the place that left his eyes haunted.

  “You brought the region to life when you reported,” she said, remembering the stories, especially the horrible ones about atrocities committed in hate disguised as justice. “You made a difference there.”

  And just like that, Donovan shut down. His smile became a small frown as his memories of paradise on earth became something else altogether, and she shivered when he didn’t respond.

  “So about the weather…”

  “Kacie Jo.” He took her hand in his, ran his finger across her palm as he spoke and she wondered who he was trying to comfort, himself or her? “There are some things I can’t talk about. And it’s probably best you know what those things are right now. I know I started this conversation. But I don’t want to talk about my work. It’s my past. I’m starting over. Thank you for that chance.”

  His words should bring happiness, but she couldn’t help but feel wariness. What drove Donovan away from the profession and country he’d loved? She wouldn’t ask him, though.

  “Okay,” she agreed. He’d share when he was ready. She settled her hands over her stomach and hoped his secrets never hurt their baby.

  Donovan pulled into the drive leading to the lake house and tried to remember what it had been like the last time he’d visited. Grady had taken the keys, and they’d come out here to throw one big going away kegger before heading out for college. Two kids starting out into the big, bad world.

  He didn’t figure Kacie Jo needed to hear that story.

  As the house came in to view, he realized somehow he’d relaxed on the trip out. But seeing the house, knowing Kacie Jo expected them to talk, to get to know each other, left him terrified.

  Hell, she’d had him voluntarily talking about the Middle East, but he didn’t need to talk. He needed to forget.

  But he couldn’t forget the image of Anaj. He could see her dark hair, her kholed eyes laughing up at him as she threw fruit first and then rocks as she tried to escape. Could still see the looks of betrayal her family tried to hide as they told him goodbye and walked back into their palace of sadness.

  He must’ve made a sound because Kacie Jo’s hand encircled his arm. “Are you okay?”

  He forced his thoughts back to the present. Forced himself to smile as he answered. “Yeah. Just taking a trip down memory lane.”

  But he wasn’t okay. The rancid smell of memories had filled his nostrils again, and he desperately needed to do something, anything to make it go away.

  Donovan knew Kacie Jo was completely unaware, knew it was better that way as she laughed. “This place will definitely do that to you.”

  He was glad she’d misunderstood. He’d told her the truth when he said he was starting over.

  When she moved to unlock the door, he took the key from her. “Let me.”

  She didn’t argue, just stepped back to go get the luggage, but he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. “Wait a second. It’s not going anywhere.”

  He’d taken the dream wedding from Kacie Jo, but he could give her this.

  He didn’t give himself a chance to think about what he was doing just acted as he swept Kacie Jo up in his arms and walked through the door.

  “Put me down, Donovan Nelson. Put me down right now.” Kacie Jo laughed and punched his arms, but he wasn’t letting her go until they crossed the threshold.

  At least that was his original plan. But then he crossed into the house and stared down at her face and felt the same tug as before. Her eyes were wide and suddenly she wasn’t laughing. She stared at him, her breath as heavy as if they’d raced inside, and he understood exactly what she was feeling.

  Kacie Jo and the baby were his tickets out of the constant nightmares. He’d never be able to thank her enough because she could never know.

  Donovan didn’t think, just slowly lowered his lips to hers. She didn’t fight this kiss, didn’t even hesitate, and he suppressed a shout of triumph as her lips met his obliterating the memories that threatened to undo his mind.

  When Donovan’s lips touched hers, Kacie Jo felt like she’d come home after a long vacation. She closed her eyes and let herself be swept away by the intensity of the feelings. They might not have love, but they were experts at this.

  Donovan Nelson held her in his arms, and he kissed her with a possessiveness that almost scared her. Slowly, he lowered her feet to the floor and pressed her against the wall. She felt his erection through her dress, felt it and pressed against it even though she knew this had to stop. They’d never get to know each other if all they did was make love.

  But, oh God, this felt so good, so right, so wonderful.

  His hand caressed her cheek, moved to skim across her right breast. Her nipples contracted, and she couldn’t stop the moan that slipped from her mouth.

  He laughed in answer and moved to cup her other breast.

  And even as she responded, even as she moved against his hand, against his hips, she knew this had to stop.

  But God help her, she didn’t have the will power to step away. His lips moved to her neck and she let her head fall back, let him have even more access.

  He took full advantage of her position, lowering his mouth to her breasts, kissing them through the fabric of her clothing. Again she moaned as heat flooded her center. Oh God, how could she possibly stop this when his hands and lips turned her entire body into one huge bowl of scrumptious chocolate pudding?

  His hips pressed against her again. This had to end now if it was going to. She wanted him so desperately. Wanted him inside her, wanted that feeling of completeness, but it wasn’t time. To give into that now would be the destruction of any chance at true happiness.

  When his hand moved lower, to her slightly rounded belly, she finally found the strength to step away.

  “We can’t do this, Donovan.”

  “Like hell we can’t.”

  She’d expected this reaction, had rehearsed her answer. “We’re here to get to know each other. We don’t need to work on this part of our relationship. We've aced this already.”

  Donovan wasn’t ready to agree. “You’ve still got lots to learn.”

  She took another step backward. “I’m going to get the luggage.”

  He groaned. “It’s not like someone would steal it out here, Kacie Jo.”

  Oh, she was perfectly aware of that. But she had to get away before she caved.

  He wasn’t ready to give in. “Come on, Kacie Jo. We can have this and still get to know each other.”

  She was so tempted to give in. To go to him and press her lips to his and take his clothes off and lose herself in the wonders of his body.

  But they’d done that already. And now they had a baby on the way. Because of that, they were married, and she wasn’t willing to simply fall into bed with him because it would be easy and would feel good.

  “I’m going to get the luggage.”

  She turned to walk away, and as she did, she
heard him follow. When she reached the door, his hand shot out and stopped the door from opening.

  “Wait.”

  His one word command echoed through the room, and she wondered if he’d figured it out. Discovered that a few more seconds and she’d capitulate to the pleasure he could give her.

  He touched her shoulders as he moved to stand directly behind her so close she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Could feel the tiny tingles of her hair follicles standing on end.

  If he didn’t let her leave right this minute, she was going to give in. And if she did that, they were doomed. They’d spend the rest of the week in bed and go back to the real world without a foundation for real life.

  When he turned her around, she held her breath and hoped he meant to kiss her again, but he didn’t.

  Disappointment hit first until he moved. Lowering his hands gently down her arms, he spoke. “If we can’t have the passion right now, at least let me have this.”

  She held her breath as he reverently touched her stomach through her dress. And when he lowered himself to his knees, she thought she might die because her heart stopped and breathing was completely overrated.

  “What…” She started to question, but he stilled her with his hand.

  “Shhh.” His finger touched his lips as his eyes met hers and then he slowly touched her barely rounded stomach with his lips.

  At his touch, her knees started to buckle, and she was grateful for the door behind her. Never had she experienced anything like this. This touch, this kiss, was more intimate than when they’d made love.

  A fear she couldn’t name warred with the passion she felt for this man.

  But when he spoke she realized her fear was pointless.

  Kacie Jo wanted to move. Wanted to run away from him. Donovan could tell in the way she pulled away slightly. But Donovan had to do this. Had to show her he cared, and if the baby could hear, he wanted it to know, too.

  So he spoke the words he’d been thinking for the last week, ever since he’d heard Kacie Jo was pregnant.

  “I promise to do everything in my power to protect you. And I promise I’ll be here for you.” He’d practiced so many other words, words that he’d need to say, but these were the most important. And as he spoke, the calm serenity of making the right choice settled over him.

  Touching his lips to Kacie Jo’s stomach one more time he let the moment carry on for just a little longer before standing. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  She didn’t answer, just wiped a tear away from her cheek and walked out the door.

  As she walked away, Donovan rubbed a hand across his face. Jesus, he wanted her. Wanted to lose himself in her heat. Wanted to use her to heal the broken part of his soul.

  He brushed his hands through his hair. To use Kacie Jo Jenkins was wrong period.

  No, not Jenkins. Kacie Jo was a Nelson now, and he was going to live up to the bargain he’d made, was going to be a husband and father. A man Ike Jenkins could be proud of.

  He opened the door and followed Kacie Jo to the car. When she would’ve grabbed her suitcase, he took it first. “At least let me do this, okay?”

  She stood back and let him get her suitcase and his bag. Once he’d loaded up, she closed the trunk and locked the doors.

  “Well, I guess that’s that.” She said the words to herself, so Donovan didn’t bother to answer. Just carried the cases into the lake house and started on his quest to get to know his wife better. To fulfill his promise to himself and his unborn child.

  If he’d known his new wife was allergic to tomatoes, his quest would’ve probably gone better. How in the world had he known her all these years and not known she couldn’t eat tomatoes?

  As Kacie Jo stood in the kitchen watching him whip up his awe inspiring spaghetti sauce, she laughed at his incredulous expression then shrugged her shoulders.

  “See, we definitely need to know more about each other. I’ve always been allergic. And you told me to go take a nap, so I did. If I’d known what you had planned, I could’ve told you earlier. ”

  He wiped the scowl off his face and looked at her standing there in the kitchen. Her hair was still sleep tousled, and she had a red streak on her face where she’d pressed against the pillow. Once again he thanked whatever higher power existed for giving her the strength to say I do. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  She laughed at his disgruntled look. “Well, it is.” She moved across the kitchen to look on the stove. “Hey, I can eat this.” She picked up the French bread and waved it in his face. “And if you have the other stuff for salad, I can eat that.”

  He pointed to the refrigerator. “In the crisper. Be careful, there are tomatoes in there, too.”

  She bent over to retrieve the produce he’d bought, and he nearly dropped the spoon at the sight. She’d changed into gray shorts and a white t-shirt. And she was barefoot with three silver toe rings blinking up at him. He wondered if she’d dressed like that on purpose simply to drive him crazy.

  She grabbed the bags of produce and stood. “It’s not like they’ll kill me or anything. Just break me out in a nasty rash. You’d have to rub pink stuff all over me to stop the itch.”

  He almost groaned out loud at the thought. “Careful. I might just slip some tomatoes in your dessert when you’re not looking.”

  Dropping the salad makings on the counter, she grabbed a kitchen knife and teasingly pointed it at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

  He nodded toward the knife. “You better put that away, Kacie Jo. She who threatens doesn’t get the last course.”

  A smile from Kacie Jo served as his answer. She turned the knife to salad preparation. “So dessert’s a surprise, hmm? I love surprises. Especially those involving chocolate.” She looked at him pointedly. “In case you’re taking notes about me or anything.”

  Donovan laughed. Sleep had done wonders for her. She was back to herself. Whatever else had happened, she seemed accepting of the fact that they were now married, and she was going to make the best of it.

  Of course, it probably helped that he’d agreed that they needed to get to know each other. She didn’t have to know that he planned on turning the tables on her, on seducing her slowly but surely over the course of this week.

  Over dinner he learned her favorite color was purple, her favorite foods chocolate and mangos, her favorite perfume—soap. She still loved animals and long walks except in the summer heat. And she hated cold.

  At the same time, he learned she tossed her head before she laughed. She twirled her hair around her finger while she thought. She tapped her feet to an internal rhythm. And she blushed easily.

  And he learned he’d be forever grateful that she was the one carrying his child because he could see himself growing old with her.

  He’d just made that amazing discovery when she tossed a forkful of buttered spaghetti noodles across the table at him. “You’re ignoring me again.”

  He wiped the noodles away from his face and stood. “You’re going to pay for that.”

  Without thinking he scooped a spoon of sauce and started toward her. She held out her hands. “No, no, no. Not the sauce. I’m allergic. It’ll ruin the carpet. I’ll be miserable, and I’ll make sure you are, too.”

  His pasta was covered in sauce. The only thing he had easy access to other than tomato-covered food was the garlic butter she’d used to spread on the bread.

  Well, sometimes a man had no choice. He scooped a glob of butter out of its bowl and started toward her.

  She had a head start, but she didn’t have a chance and she knew it. Turning she held out her hands.

  “Come on, Donovan. It was just noodles. And you were off in la la land. I couldn’t help myself.”

  Donovan nodded. “Uh huh.”

  She turned her green eyes on him in a plea for mercy. “You don’t want to rub that nasty smelling stuff all over me. I know you don’t. Come on.”

  He groaned at the images her words
conveyed. “I don’t, huh?”

  When she would have answered, he slid one butter-covered finger down her arm, effectively stopping her words.

  She gulped and stood still, never taking her eyes from his as he rubbed another butter covered finger down her other arm.

  He learned then that butter was the most erotic of all food groups. Forget chocolate and oysters. They had nothing on garlic spread.

  He brushed more of the smooth concoction over the exposed part of her chest, and her pupils dilated, her breath quickened, her mouth opened in a little ‘oh’ that nearly undid him.

  He thanked the fates for whoever invented white t-shirts. Hers fit snug and he could see the perfect outline where her nipples now stood erect.

  Not trusting himself to look more, he stepped closer, closing all distance between them.

  “So you wanted attention, hmm?”

  She didn’t answer, just watched him with an awareness that stole his breath.

  And he could resist no more. One simple taste. That’s all he wanted. He closed his eyes, afraid to open them and hear her say stop.

  But she didn’t say stop. Instead she encouraged the kiss, encouraged the closeness.

  Just when he believed he’d won the ultimate battle of wills, the slimy ooze of garlic butter hit his face.

  And in that moment, his wife slid under his arms and out the door.

  Chapter Ten

  Kacie Jo hit the door running. Not just from Donovan, but from all the feelings he’d conjured up, too. She’d gone to bed overwhelmed with conflicting emotions.

  When Donovan had touched his lips to her belly, when he’d spoken to their baby, she’d fallen in love completely, totally, one hundred percent. He was her hero. The man she’d always wanted.

  Here they were, at her lake house and she could have him. But she couldn’t, and she knew it. She wanted more out of life than good sex.