Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance)

by Shannon Mayer

  I wondered if he would take me to his place, or if he would take me to the coffee shop. Turns out, he took me to neither.

  Backing the truck into a barely visible dip off one of the backcountry roads, he got out of the truck and I followed. Climbing over fences we cut across several properties until I knew where we were.

  I saw the tree, long before we reached it, and I knew that was the destination, felt it in my gut. I froze, my feet unable to take another step, I wasn’t ready to face the sycamore tree, to stand where Darwin’s ashes were spread. Micah was a few feet ahead of me and didn’t notice right away that I wasn’t with him.

  He turned, his eyes searching mine. “Brielle? Are you okay?”

  “We can’t go there.” I struggled to find a reason that he would accept, struggled to tamp down the tears and grief building once more in my heart. “That’s private property and I know the owners. They’re a bunch of twat waffles.”

  A grin erupted on his face and he laughed. “Twat waffles?”

  “Yeah, one of Penny’s better derogatory names. It’s stuck with me.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” he said, walking toward me, catching my hand with his. “I’ll take you to my place instead. Did you figure out where you’re going to stay tonight?

  Not with my parents, not with Penny, those two were out and that didn’t leave me many options.

  “Umm. Not sure just yet.”

  His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “You don’t know where you’re staying?”

  My lips twisted up. “I don’t have a lot of friends. But don’t worry about me, I’ll find somewhere.” For a heartbeat, again, I thought he would offer me a place to stay, a part of me hoped he would. A larger part of me knew that no matter how much my heart recognized a kindred spirit in him, it was too fast.

  But his next words surprised me in a most pleasant way. “You could stay with me, if you need a place to crash.”

  Shit, now what? “I don’t know if that would be a good idea or not.”

  “I didn’t mean in my bed, Brielle, I have a couch.” He gave me a wink and the heat from his words and eyes burned through me, branding me.

  The words on my lips seemed to die and he just kept on talking. “How did you think I was going to pay you for helping me?” His eyes widened and I stuttered, unable to keep up with him. “Damn, I’m good woman, but not that good.”

  My jaw dropped and I just stood there staring at him. “Oh my god, you did not just say that!” I swatted at him, caught his arm and he laughed, sidestepping my second swing easily.

  “Come on, you can crash on the couch. Or the loft if you prefer a little more space; no one’s using it right now.”

  Still stunned, laughing, but shocked at how easily he drew the laughter out of me, I climbed into the truck.

  As we drove to his place, the laughter flowed between us. Mostly he talked and I listened, but his stories drew me in. Close calls with horses, ridiculous clients and the silly things they did, turning points in his life that had brought him to Lexington. I noticed that he avoided all talk of what was bothering him. But I could be patient, he’d asked that of me and I could give it to him. We had all the time in the world.

  Glancing at me from time to time, Micah explained. “So I had a job lined up here, almost two years ago, but I got sick and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I had to turn the job down, but … .”

  I stared out the windshield as we pulled into the Upshaw’s property, the white and red barns all but blinding me, a jagged shard of pain slicing through my heart. “You live here?”

  “Yeah, I live on the twat waffle farm. They are the ones I work for. With her wedding coming up, I have the time off. You obviously know them well.” His eyes were teasing and sad at the same time.

  “Yeah, I … I knew Fiona, she was a client of your uncle’s. I was … friends with her husband.” God, would it always hurt like this? Like the tears would pour out of me at just the taste of his name on my lips? I’d thought I’d started to let him go, being with Micah had eased the pain, but maybe it would never leave me fully.

  Micah put the truck in park outside the barn. “You were friends with Darwin?”

  I closed my eyes, Micah’s voice holding Darwin’s name was more than I could bear. “Yes.”

  “Brielle … .”

  I turned in my seat; saw through my own pain to the shock filtering across his face. His eyes dilated, his chest heaving as if he’d run a race against the thoroughbreds on the farm. Slowly, as if we were in a dream, he lifted his fingers, slid them along my cheek, wiped away tears I’d not even realized had fallen. I lifted my hand to his, my fingers curling around them, the pain in my heart easing and intensifying all at once.

  “You’re the reason—”

  His door was jerked open and Fiona was there, as pretty as ever, though there were no histrionics this time around. No squealing and cheerleader kicks. Maybe she had done some growing up after Darwin’s death. “Brielle?”

  I slid out of the truck, the burn of Micah’s fingers on my skin intense, overwhelming me. “Hi, Fiona.”

  “You came for our wedding? All the way from Europe?” She whispered, her arms going around my neck, pulling me into a hug.

  Our wedding?

  My eyes shot to Micah who was slowly getting out of the truck, looking more than dazed. Shell-shocked, his eyes lifted to mine, his face was pale as though he’d seen a ghost.

  “You … and Micah?” I asked, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice. Not again, this couldn’t be happening again. What the hell … this was what he’d been reluctant to tell me about? What he’d asked me for my patience for?

  But Fiona shook her head, a grimace on her lips that was gone so fast I wasn’t sure I’d even seen it.

  “No, though I did try to snag this cowboy, he’s a bachelor through and through.” She batted her eyes up at Micah and he seemed to gather himself.

  “Fiona is my boss now that Mr. Upshaw and his wife are retiring to Florida.”

  She wiggled her fingers at me, a flash of diamond flickering in the air. “No, I’m engaged to James, who is amazing and he comes from an amazing family and he’s just …”

  I helped her out. “Amazing?”

  Smiling at me, she bobbed her head. “Yes, it’s such a story, I … you have to come to the house, so much has happened since you left. We can have dinner, you can tell us about your trip. God, Brielle, you look so different, so—I don’t know, there’s something different about you.”

  Her eyes flicked over my face, as if searching for something.

  I opened my mouth to answer her, to say something, anything, but I was at a complete and utter loss. All I could think about was how incredibly happy I was that it was this James fellow that Fiona was marrying and not Micah. Because for far too many seconds my brain had put them together and that had scared the hell out of me.

  I followed her, my heart not sure if it would stutter to a stop or race off at a full speed gallop.

  Micah fell into step behind me and I tried not to think about him, about the ties between us that seemed so strong. Still, I wondered at what it was he held back. At least he wasn’t engaged, or worse, married. I didn’t think I could go through that again, loving someone I could never have.

  The three of us stepped into Fiona’s house, Darwin’s house, but the memories I had of him weren’t attached to this place and my breathing eased. Until the scamper of small feet snapped my head around, and a miniature version of Darwin tottered around the corner. The boy had his eyes, the same violet blue, dimples in his chubby cheeks, the same shape of his face.

  Oh my god.

  “Momma.” He reached up to Fiona who scooped him into her arms, her eyes softening.

  “Hello, baby boy. This is Brielle, she was a friend of your daddy’s. Can you shake her hand like a big boy?” She turned him on her hip so he could face me.

  Shock held me rooted to the ground. Darwin’s son peeked at me from und
er his lashes, the same flirting grin his father had teasing at his lips. But it was his eyes that drove through me, violet eyes I never thought I’d see again, eyes that I still dreamed of every night.

  “Hello, Belle.”

  I held my hand out, took his hand in mine, but couldn’t stop the tremor in my lips. “Wow, he looks, just like … .” Oh god, I couldn’t breathe. I forced air into my lungs, let it out in a slow exhale that shook me to the core. Too much, these were too many revelations all at once. Anything more and I knew I’d break, scattered to the wind in a million little pieces.

  Fiona, oblivious to my reaction, jiggled the boy in her arms. “Yes, he does look just like Darwin.”

  “Darwin,” the boy said, pointing at his chest, a pout on his so squishy lips. She’d named him after his father? Of course she had. I would have done the same in her place.

  I couldn’t do anything but stare. There was nothing in me that could have prepared me for this, nothing … .

  I started to back out. I needed a reason to leave. Now.

  Before I got all the way to the door it opened and in strode a man in a dark suit, white shirt and dark green tie. My first thought was that he reminded me of Victor. Not so much in looks, but in how he held himself, stiff and proper-like.

  His sharp green eyes flicked over me, rested on Micah for a split second and then moved to Fiona. “You didn’t tell me we were having company tonight. You certainly didn’t inform me that the help were going to be here.”

  Micah stiffened and my eyes widened. This had to be James, her fiancé. And what a winner she’d picked. Maybe Victor wasn’t the right comparison; maybe James was more like Frank.

  “Come on.” Micah’s hand was suddenly on my back, urging me forward. “I’m starving and you have to be hungry too. A half a donut won’t get you through the day. Let’s leave the lovebirds alone.”

  I pressed into his hand. “Yes, that’s a … .” What was I doing? Going to run away again?

  With every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart, I did not want to be here. To see Darwin’s son, and all that could have been for me if he hadn’t been killed. I couldn’t do this to my heart, not again. Threads of anger, bitterness, and pain braided into a chord, stiffening my spine. I could do this.

  Fiona slipped her arm through mine, halting our progress out the door. “Micah, you get the barbeque ready so me and Brielle can have some girl time. James, why don’t you go and get changed into something more comfortable?”

  With a snort, James dropped his briefcase and strode from the room. What a pill, he hadn’t even asked to be introduced to me.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Micah reached for Darwin and she handed the boy over to him. God, with the two of them together, I could see the little boy’s love for Micah. Could see it as if it were a tangible thing. Chubby fingers cupped Micah’s face, and Darwin babbled to him, as if they were having the most serious conversation in the world. Micah nodded and interjected here and there, his eyes lighting up for the little boy.

  “He’s so good with him,” Fiona whispered. “Until James and I started seeing each other, Darwin never knew any other father; you’d never know they weren’t really father and son, in truth. Micah took to him within minutes of meeting him. But I’m not really surprised about that, considering the circumstances.”

  She led me through the house and out to the back deck where we had a view of the sun setting beyond the hills. I leaned on the banister around the deck, tried to imagine Darwin here with her and shook the thoughts away. There was no need to torture myself.

  Micah and Darwin were crouched by the barbeque, side by side. Micah whispered something to Darwin who spun toward us with a squeal, his violet eyes glowing with happiness, a dimple appearing in one cheek.

  Breathing seemed like the most difficult thing in the world, my heart and chest on fire with all that could have been. Punishment, this had to be punishment. The final nail in the damning coffin of my life to see Darwin’s son, and how alike they looked. A reincarnation of the man I loved in another woman’s child.

  “Why did you leave, Brielle? After the funeral, I needed a friend and you … you just left?” Fiona’s voice, the pain still there, did not help with my state at that moment.

  I licked my lips, choosing my words carefully. “I’d never lost anyone before.” Which was a blatant lie, but she didn’t know that. “I didn’t know how to deal with the grief. He was my best friend. I’m sorry, Fiona, I had to get away. I couldn’t be here.” And I was. I was sorry for falling in love with her husband, even if she had tricked him into marrying her. I had tried to stay away from him, but situations, and even Fiona, had kept pushing us back together.

  “But you’re back now. I’d hoped my letters were getting through to you.”

  “You … you sent me letters?” I didn’t remember anything from Fiona. Maybe they’d gotten lost in the mail.

  She gave me a smile. “I thought you’d be more likely to read them if you thought they were from your mom. And she had no problem sharing your address each time you sent it to her since she knew I wanted to keep in touch with you.”

  A bitter laugh escaped me. “You were lucky I had some parental guilt still hanging on, or I wouldn’t have. But I’m glad you sent them.” And I was. There had been times the letters from home had been a balm to the jagged edges of my heart, thinking that my mother hadn’t completely blacklisted me for running away from marrying Victor. From running away from my whole entire life.

  Fiona moved to my side. “I have to tell you something. When Darwin died, they found a text message on his phone.”

  I closed my eyes, ready for it. She’d known all along, how could Darwin and I have thought she wouldn’t see what had built between us? Of course, she’d seen it she’d just blocked it out and now we were going to have it out. She would scream, I’d apologize, and I’d leave. Never see little Darwin again. All around, it would be better this way.

  “Fiona, I—”

  “No, let me tell you what happened. His last words were that he loved me, that he would come back for me and that I was to wait for him.” She took a deep breath, her hands clasping one another.

  Obviously, no one had told her that the number attached to the text was mine to spare her some pain that her husband was about to have an affair. And I sure as hell wasn’t about to burst her bubble for her. I knew the truth; that was all that mattered—that’s what I told myself while I struggled to not break down, as I remembered those words I still had saved on my cell phone.

  She smiled over at me, her eyes filling with tears. “It was all that pulled me through those first few months. And then when I had little Darwin, well, he was a gift. And I thought maybe that’s what the text had meant, that I would always have a piece of him through his son. But it was more than that.”

  I closed my eyes, did my best to control my emotions, to keep them off my face. I flinched when she put her arm around me, hugging me to her.

  “Micah came here, about two months after Darwin was born. Do you remember, he was supposed to come here to train horses? But he was sick.”

  Vaguely, I recalled a conversation about the … “King of horses?” God, how had I not put the pieces together? He was the horse trainer that everyone raved about, but I’d not been in the industry long enough for me to connect the pieces.

  She squeezed me tighter. “Yes, that’s Micah. He came here, but not to work. He came to thank me.”

  If I thought I’d been confused before, it was nothing to what my scrambled brain struggled with. What was she talking about? Thank her?

  “Fiona, but what would he have to thank you for? He didn’t even know you until the funeral.”

  “The funeral? Micah wasn’t at the funeral.” Her face crinkled with confusion.

  “Isn’t he a friend of Darwin’s?” As I spoke the words, I knew that my assumption was wrong, but I had no idea just how wrong.

  “No, Micah and Darwin don’t know each other, they’ve never met. A
t least not in the conventional way.”

  What the hell did that mean?

  She smiled, but tears slipped down her cheeks, hanging from her chin for a split second before dropping to the banister railing.

  There were no warning bells, nothing that should have tipped me off to what she was about to say. Not that anything could have prepared me for it.

  “Remember that I said Micah was sick? He wasn’t sick; he was dying. He needed a heart transplant and when Darwin died, they were a perfect match—”

  I shoved away from her, the lines between what was real and what had to be a dream, blurring. There was no fucking way this was happening.

  Running. I didn’t care that, yet again, I was running away. This was what Micah had been holding back. The truth of who he really was. My two bags bounced on my back, thumped against me as I bolted down the driveway. There was no way, no way I was going to stand there and listen to Fiona tell me that Micah had Darwin’s heart. The end of the driveway was in sight, the house lost from view behind me, when a rather large set of hands grabbed me.

  “Brielle, stop,” Micah shouted at me, and I did stop, if only to hit him. Fists flying, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Angry, so angry I couldn’t contain it. He had Darwin’s heart, beating inside his chest, and he’d come back for Fiona? No, no, this wasn’t fair. Darwin wouldn’t have come back for her.

  I couldn’t stop the flow of words once they started, even knowing that Micah didn’t deserve this part of my rage. I was angry at him, yes, but I was angrier at Darwin. The anger, and the hurt that had stored up all this time, I’d never let it all out. As much as I loved Darwin, a piece of me hated him for showing me what I could have, the happiness and love that had been only a short grasp away, only to take it from me in a single mind-numbing blow.

  “You left me you bastard, you left me after you stole my heart. And she thinks that you loved her, and you didn’t, you didn’t love her. You were coming back for me.” I gulped on the words, whispered them. “You were coming back for me, when the truck hit you. Oh god, I’m so sorry.”