Still Breathing

by Rita Michaels

  “Knowing you, God knows you'll never be prepared. And God forbid that I let you ruin your future.”

  “Yes, Mom,” Bri said, smiling.

  “But first, let's go wish Steve well as he embarks on his life detoured journey,” Flo said, picking up her purse and rising. Bri rose, too.

  “Whatever you say.”

  22

  ⸙

  Steve sat looking dejected as if he had already been handed his sentence. Bri watched him as Flo rambled on about something Bri couldn't remember the exact topic.

  She was lost in thought.

  The man sitting before her, though looking like an empty shell of himself, was a different Steve. Is love truly blind? She questioned herself. For she hadn't seen Steve in a way she did now.

  Despite his forlorn appearance, he looked handsome. He had grown some sideburn that made him seem more mature than he was. Bri wondered if her love for Hunter truly blinded her to a point she painted Steve as a nerd incapable of loving her.

  A sharp throat clear snapped Bri out of her thought bubble.

  “You've been quiet, Bri,” Flo said, looking from Bri to Steve, who immediately peeled his eyes off of Bri.

  “I'm sorry,” she said, her face warming up with a smile. I guess I'm... Dumbfounded.

  “About what?” Flo asked. Bri turned to her sharply.

  “His sentencing, and…. And what his fate might be afterward.”

  Steve turned to her.

  “It’s my cross to carry. I stabbed someone, and I must face….”

  “I wish you hadn't done it.” Bri looked him in the eyes. He could see her pain.

  “Did I regret it, hell no,” Steve said, and then rose. “He deserves every pain he got. I left a scar on him. At least, the next time he holds a girl’s hand, he would think twice before drugging and rape them.”

  Bri was silent. She felt tense at the mention of rape. Steve turned to her.

  “He did it to you…., and my little sister.” He balled his fist. Bri looked up. His teeth gripped his lower lip as if he wanted to chew it off in anger.

  It was a side of him Bri never saw. She was glad to see it. It made the butterflies fluttering in her stomach fall to the ground.

  Both men had anger issues, a problem she wouldn’t deal with.

  “I'd always wanted to do something memorable to him….” He hissed.

  “Without a thought about the consequences that you might face?” Bri said, a little surprised.

  “Hunter is an exception. He touched the two people that meant the world to me,” he said, glaring at Bri. Her heart sank.

  “I wish you hadn't done it for me. I was capable of dealing with my issues with him.” Bri said before throwing a glance at Flo who sat mopping at the two should-have-been lovebirds.

  “How? By carrying his pregnancy, suffering from losing the baby and hiding his crime from the world?”

  “I was doing fine.”

  “So what? Oh! So now am the bad guy.”

  “She did not say so” Flo interjected.

  Steve smiled. A wicked smile.

  “It’s all good. The good guys always bite the dust, while the bad guys soar free.” Bri readjusted herself in the soft couch uncomfortably.

  “I’ll make sure we both lose our freedom,” he said. Bri’s eyes bug out.

  “Um, how do you mean?” Flo asked.

  “I got it all planned out.”

  “I don’t get it,” Bri said.

  “Since no one is ready to do the right thing, I took it upon myself to do it. Even if it meant being incarcerated. I did it for the love I have for you, Bri.” Bri nodded her head as if rejecting the gesture. “And I did it for my sister. I did it for the shame he brought upon her and my family.

  Bri suddenly felt the need to ask him about his sister's baby but let it drop.

  “Hunter must serve time for what he's done, and what better way to achieve poetic justice by testifying against him in court.

  Bri tensed.

  “But you don't have any proof other than your sister,” Flo said. Steve looked at Bri long and hard.

  “Bri is the witness.”

  She rose, her blood running full throttle

  “I can't,” she said, turned to Flo and glowered.

  “Steve,” Flo said. “Don't drag Bri into your battle. Don't do it to her.”

  “I'm only helping her.”

  “I don’t need your help!”

  “But I need yours.”

  A dead silence followed.

  “I’m sorry I can't help you,” Bri said and bolted for the door. Flo followed.

  “Wait. Are you going to let Hunter walk free after what he did to you? Are you going to let me rot in jail without helping me?”

  “I have no evidence Hunter did it to me.”

  “Yes. She has no evidence,” Flo chirped in.

  Steve sighed.

  “Why are you protecting him after everything he did to you?”

  “I'm not protecting him. I'm protecting myself.”

  “From what? From being publicly disgraced?” Steve asked.

  “I have to go,” Bri said, turning to Flo who stared at Steve, perplexed.

  “If I had known you would be mean to her, I'd have discouraged her from coming to see you. I regret coming. Have a good life, Steve.” Flo stormed out of Steve's house and ran after Bri. They walked silently towards the bus stop.

  “Did he know I was coming?”

  “Huh?”

  “Did Steve know I was coming to his house?”

  “Why?” Flo asked, answering Bri's question with a question.

  “He seemed to have it all figured out. He couldn’t possibly think of all he said at the spur of the moment.”

  “Well, I only texted him to let him know we were coming over.”

  Bri said nothing. She buried herself in the swarm of thoughts clouding her mind.

  “He was wrong to attack you that way.”

  “Can I ask you a question? Please, be sincere about your answer.” Bri looked straight into her eyes.

  “Sure,” Flo said, her brow creased.

  “What do you know about my incident?”

  Flo shrugged. “I only know what you know.” Bri wasn't satisfied with that answer.

  “You know more than I know. For friendship sake, please, tell me all you heard about Hunter and me.”

  “I….” Flo sighed as if she was about to make the most difficult speech of her life. “I only know what Casey told me.”

  “What did she tell you? I promise to no get angry at you. After all, you didn't go after Hunter and date him. You've been my only support in my darkest moments.” Flo played with her fingers.

  “She said that Hunter swore he never slept with you. That was why she agreed to date him. And that, it was a complicated issue.”

  “Complicated issue? What makes it complicated?”

  “Casey didn't say.”

  “He's playing with my life. He did something to me after he drugged and knocked me out,” Bri said, her legs shaking. He not only raped me, but he's playing games with me.”

  “Maybe ….”

  “I want to see him. I need to know what he's hiding.”

  “Okay,” Flo said, happy to be off the hook.

  “But you'll have to go with me.” Flo looked the other way. “Invite him to a quiet spot.”

  “I don't think he'd come. Did you forget Casey is with him now? He'll tag her along. And why in a quiet spot?”

  “I mean to get him drunk.”

  “And then what?” Flo said surprise spread all over her face.

  “Get him to confess what he did to me that fateful day. After all, he drugged and put me in the hell am living in right now.” Flo shook her head.

  “Your presence will only make him alert. He'd never confess if you're around us.”

  “Then help me. Help me make him confess. Though, I'd like to be around somewhere when he confesses. I want it recorded.”

  “Wh
en would you like this to happen?”

  “Tonight.”

  “Tonight! Why tonight?”

  “Because….”

  “Because you want to help Steve?”

  “No. Not at all. Because…, never mind. I'll do it myself.” Flo gazed at her. Her expression changed.

  “Why? You don't trust me?”

  “I just realized it would be selfish of me to involve you in all of this. At the end of the day, it’s my problem, not yours. And please, don't let anyone know of my plan.”

  “Okay,” Flo said. “it would hurt my feelings if you lose your trust in me. I am your best friend.”

  “I know,” Bri said. “I plan on calling him sometime in the week and invite him for a drink.” Flo parted her lips to speak. “Alone,” Bri said, adding emphasis to the word.

  “If you need anything just let me know,” Flo said.

  “His phone number.”

  “You got it,” Flo said before poking at her phone.

  “I need to take a walk. I will see you later,” Bri said.

  “Um, okay,” Flo said, reluctant to leave.

  “I’m going to the library precisely so don’t look for me,” she said, faking a smile. “I can’t be lost in Cambridge.”

  “Of course not. But you do know the library will be closed soon.”

  “I know. Won’t be long.”

  “Remember you’re my guest for the weekend. Don’t go home. Come to my house,” Flo said as she walked away.

  “Will do,” Bri replied, hoping Flo wouldn’t sneak on her.

  23

  ⸙

  Bri and Hunter sat opposite each other separated by the Riverside Park table that held two long benches together. They'd just arrived and hadn’t said much to each other than the usual hi, and how's it going.

  Bri stared at him, but for some reason, Hunter wouldn’t look into her eyes. At that park, Bri knew she had power over him, even before brandishing her magic wand.

  “It's quite a warm day,” Bri said, and then raised her hair off the nape of her neck.

  “Yeah,” he said, looking in the opposite direction. Only people who have something to hide avoid your gaze.” Bri thought.

  “Well, thanks for honoring my invitation,” Bri said and then reached for a beer can. She popped it open.”

  “You said you wanted to talk,” he said, with a curled lip.

  She handed him the beer can. “Yes,” Bri said, ignoring his nonchalant attitude.

  “I promised my girlfriend I'd be home soon since you insisted I keep this a secret.”

  Bri gulped at the mention of 'girlfriend'. She'd wanted to scream, you mean Casey, but she kept her cool.

  “I won’t take long.”

  He took a swig of his beer and set it down quickly. Bri took it as nervousness. She smiled and reminded herself to stay confident. Something she lacked while dating him. He had a way with his words.

  “You heard about our daughter's fate,” she said. She'd promised to never use the word 'passing' since the first day Sasha's ashes sat on her dresser in her bedroom.

  “I did. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks, but why didn’t you come to say goodbye even if you never set your eyes on her? Why couldn’t you love that little angel? You never called. Never sent a text message to me. You couldn’t even send someone, maybe a family member, or a friend to show some sympathy.”

  Bri watched his countenance change. His brow creased. He turned to her briefly and then tore his eyes off her face.

  “I didn't think it was the right time to see you. Emotions and all. Thought to give you time to grieve.” This ripped Bri's heart.

  “Did you ever think of coming to visit her one day while she was alive?” He sighed. Bri watched, but rather than reply, he picked up his beer can and chugged. “So you never thought to ever love her as your child.”

  His brow creased harder. Bri could see a familiar thing happening. He was getting pissed off. That wasn't good. Soon, he'd rise and leave her by herself leaving her questions unanswered, and her mission unaccomplished

  Since learning of his stance with their daughter, Bri’s anger had increased, but like a contained bubbling pressure cooker, she suppressed her anger, letting it bubble out of sight.

  “Did you know Steve would be sentenced tomorrow?”

  “Yeah!” he said with a curled lip, again. Bri thought that, obviously, her conversation was boring, but she pressed on. “He deserves what he gets,” Hunter said with spite.

  “Five years, I heard,” Bri said.

  “Could be more,” he threw in.

  “He asked me to testify.”

  Bri watched his eyes dart towards her.

  “Testify against who? You weren’t even there when it happened.”

  “You,” she said with the most satisfaction she ever got since her nightmare begun.

  Sensing the appropriate time, Bri pushed the record button on her phone. With her earphones connected to her phone, Hunter couldn’t hear the beep sound indicating recording had begun.

  “I've done nothing wrong to you. Why would he ask you to testify against me?”

  “To justify his actions. To get a lesser sentence, and to make you pay for your sins.” He rose and paced around. Bri watched. She knew she had him where she wanted him. “Hunter, was I gang raped? Was it an organized crime?”

  “No,” he said, and then pulled a pack of cigarette out of his pocket. He placed a loosie between his index and middle finger, lit it, drew a mouthful of the nicotine content and sat down.

  “Why do you keep denying raping me despite I did not report you to the police?”

  “Because I didn’t sleep with you.” Bri gasped. She took a moment to take in his words, and then reminded herself to stay calm, despite it hurt to continue.

  “Then who did, who got me pregnant in your house? Did you ever think you probably had too much to drink you forgot what you did to me even almost two years after that fateful day?” He scratched his head roughly and then groaned.

  “I'd like to speak to my parents first before continuing this conversation.”

  “That would be too late,” Bri said, rising. “You had over a year to come clean to them, and to me. I never pressed charges because….” She broke down and cried. “I thought you'd have a change of heart and be a good father to our daughter whom you rejected and never met till she left me.”

  “Bri, I….”

  “I'll see you in court tomorrow.”

  “What! No. Please. Let me speak with my brother first,” Hunter pleaded.

  “Your brother?” Bri sniffled. “What has he got to do with this?”

  “Everything. Please, let me speak with my family. Don't take me to court without knowing the full story.”

  “I don't have much time. A man's freedom is at stake.”

  “So would mine if you don't give me a chance.”

  “Here is your chance. Use it. When I turn my back against you, I won't look back.” Bri shook from defending herself solo before Hunter.

  If it were a game, she was winning, but this was no game. It was her life, and she wanted it back no matter the dark secret behind the shroud covering it at the moment.

  “Okay,” he said. Bri sensed nervousness in his voice. “I hope you understand,” he said. Bri glanced at her watch. Hunter understood what that meant.

  “It was Mark who loved you, not me.” He managed to say.

  Bri slumped on her bench.

  “Excuse me?” she said in a lower tone contrary to the outburst welling in her.

  “I was helping him get you closer to him. He didn’t think you'd agree if he asked you out because… you know, of his low self-esteem.”

  “What?” Bri gasped.

  Mark was Hunter's older brother who suffered from Asperger disease. He rarely socialized due to the shame his illness caused him and refused going back to school after an unsuccessful term, but he often drove to school with Hunter just to catch a glimpse of Bri.

&n
bsp; The first day Bri saw him at school, the only term he stepped his feet on the school ground, he’d walked past her, turned around and came to her, smiling. Bri remembered his sentence word for word. He’d done the one over and said: “Damn, you are so beautiful.” Bri had smiled and parted her lips to say thank you when the C word flew out of his lips.

  He’d quickly clasped his mouth with his hands as his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized, and Bri accepted his apology having known about his illness from the gossip going about the school. He was a loner. No one wanted to be cussed out every day of their lives. And then he quit school altogether.

  Bri had no idea of a secret crush how much more a crush closer to Hunter, a brother. She rose and then glanced at her phone. It was still recording, but somehow she felt humiliated presenting her experience to total strangers. She turned to him.

  “You set me up for your brother to rape without thinking of how much pain you would cause me. You ruined my life.” Unaided, tears began to flow anew. “You have no idea what you’ve done to me.”

  “I'm sorry,” he said. “It was his birthday and one of his bucket list.”

  “You know, I truly loved you.” She sniffled. “You should've let me go and not use me to fulfill someone’s— who might probably live to eighty years— bucket list. I trusted you.”

  “I wasn't thinking. I only wanted to make him happy.”

  “In my expense?” He bowed his head.

  “You weren't supposed to know about it.”

  “Really? You tampered with my body after knocking me out and expected me to remain ignorant of it? Am I that stupid and naïve? I’m glad I listened to my instinct. She glared at him with teary eyes. “And now you must pay for it; you, Mark, and your entire family.”

  “Please, Bri, I'll make it up to you.”

  “How?” He scratched his head. Bri wiped her face. “I thought so, too. I’m glad we talked.” She turned around and walked away. A few minutes out of his sight, she switched off the recording and wiped her eyes. Her chest heaved. It was more than she could take. She hadn’t prepared for this revelation. Tears welled up in her eyes. She raised her arm and wiped her eyes. She wouldn’t listen to the record. Everything Hunter said had been engraved in her.