Still Breathing

by Rita Michaels

  “You know that’s not true. Seriously, you can go have fun. I’m not mad at you, honest.”

  At that, Bri said her bye, promising to text her of her findings and sauntered off to Ethan who waited patiently for her.

  “I’m sorry. Alice didn’t want to tag along.”

  “I’m glad she didn’t,” he said. Bri shoved him lightly with her shoulder.

  “Don’t want her to resent me.”

  “She won’t. She knows it would’ve been awkward had she come with us.” Bri smiled.

  “Are you used to having your way in everything?”

  “Always,” he said, smiling. “Is that a bad thing?”

  “Yes.”

  “No, it’s not,” he said before taking her hand. “I promise am not always like that. I didn't want her taking advantage of your generosity. Trust me, with my family, when you offer a hand, they take an arm.”

  They got into the car. He turned to her. “Seatbelt buckled?” he asked. Bri nodded. “Get ready to go for a ride. The roads are quite windy, but I promise to bring you back home unscathed.

  The road was windy alright. Bri got to see the ocean from different angles of the small island. At a point, they got off the car and picked wild berries. Then they sat under a tree for a little bit.

  “I love this place. I’d never been on an island before. I always imagined been married to a billionaire living on an island, and waking up knowing no one else shared the land with you,” Bri said.

  “That sounds like a lonely island,” Ethan said.

  “Lonely and peaceful.”

  “That spells introvert to me.”

  “I am an introvert,” Bri said, “but with an advantage.”

  “And that would be?” Ethan said, throwing berries into his mouth.

  “Power of observation. Quiet people observe better.”

  “So, what have you observed about me?” He turned to her. She gazed into his eyes and looked away.

  “It’s confusing.”

  “What confuses you?”

  “I mean, I barely know you to make any conclusions,” she lied.

  “Do you like me?” he asked. Bri turned to him. She wasn’t expecting the quick change of subject.

  “I have no reason not to,” she said.

  “All right. Do you love me?” he said, gazing intently at her. She shut her eyes and leaned her head backward.

  “I don’t use that word lightly,” she said.

  “Then you don’t love me,” he said. Bri itched to tell him how much she wished she was his girlfriend, and how deeply in love she had fallen with him, but that would make her desperate, she thought.

  “I didn’t say so, either.” She said. He took her hand.

  “I, too, have been burned once by someone who was so dear to me,” he said. Here it comes, Bri thought. Because unless he told her everything about himself, she wouldn’t give him her all. She felt a pang of jealousy at the words so dear to me.

  Christine and I fell in love in grade three. We were inseparable. We felt wrapped in a love bubble and everything revolved around us. The strength of our love was impenetrable, so I thought, until the night I walked in on Christine having sex with my twin brother.” Bri inhaled sharply. “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, gazing at him. The pain in his eyes made her feel even more sorry for him.

  “She was supposed to have gone out to have dinner with her family, but I later realized it was all an excuse to push me away and take my brother into her room to have sex. I’d promised to abstain from sex until we were married, which I planned on doing sooner than she knew, but she just wouldn’t wait for me any longer. She chose the next person who would willingly hurt me for anything, my brother.

  I often wondered if he was actually my twin because he acted wickedly towards me by sleeping with the girl I loved. Since after the incident, I never spoke with my brother until the day he passed away while riding his dirt bike. And I never trusted another girl until you,” he said. Bri smiled.

  “I guess we’re in the same boat, but my story goes far beyond yours,” she said, tearing up. He held her close.

  “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready.” He rose, extended his arm and helped her get on her feet. She wiped her eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “It's alright,” he said, pulling her closer. No more tears,” he said as they headed to the car. “I don’t want to see you cry. It'll rip my heart apart.”

  She wrapped her arm around his waist as they headed back to the car. She could feel his contoured body beneath his white, collared shirt with her palm.

  When he started the car, he turned to her again, perhaps to make sure she was okay. Their eyes locked and she smiled, but deep within her, she was troubled.

  “Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't feel like it,” she said before wondering what she was doing.

  “What is it?”

  “Was she the lady I saw you with in the church?” Bri asked to silence the suspicion that was almost consuming her.

  “Yes,” he replied.

  Bri felt her heart drop.

  He took her hand in his and she held on firmly to his. He let out a sigh.

  “I'm about to break a promise I made many years ago,” he said and sighed louder this time.

  “And that is?”

  He gazed deep into her eyes before refocusing on his driving.

  “To never fall head over heels in love again.”

  Bri smiled. It was all she needed to hear. He loved her. That would suffice, she thought. But he never mentioned me as the one he fell in love with.

  29

  ⸙

  The sky darkened as Bri hurriedly did a finishing touch on Nikki's face. Nikki had been waiting at the inn before their arrival.

  “I'm sorry I came quite early,” she apologized.

  “It's okay,” Bri said before putting on a convincing smile.

  “The sky got cloudy and dark I had to come before my brother canceled.” Bri turned to Ethan who rolled his eyes. “Who would think of having a wedding in the middle of spring?”

  “You of course,” Ethan interjected.

  “Winter would've been worse,” Bri said.

  “I thought so too,” Nikki said.

  “Would you like to take a look?” Bri asked. She'd insisted Nikki didn't look into the mirror until she was done.

  Nikki, anxious to see the result of Bri's handiwork, dropped her phone which came apart.

  “Easy there, sis, Ethan said.

  “I'll help put it together,” Bri said.

  “Thanks,” Nikki said, hurrying to the bathroom. Bri heard her inhale sharply. She turned to Ethan.

  “I hope that's a good sign,” she said.

  “Oh, my God, Bri, it's so beautiful, I mean, I'm so beautiful. My black spots are all gone.”

  “You mean hidden,” Ethan said and laughed.

  “Whatever,” Nikki said, walking out of the bathroom. She opened her arms and Bri walked into them.

  “Thank you, so much. I'm glad my brother has a girlfriend like you.”

  Bri turned to Ethan.

  “Umm, we are….”

  “Happy to help,” Ethan interjected. Bri gave him a surprised look.

  “Thank you so much.”

  “You're welcome,” Bri replied, still confused. She threw Ethan a surprise glance and he just shrugged and rose.

  “You should get going before it starts pouring,” he said.

  “I can stand the rain,” Nikki said, “But I'll leave and give you two some privacy.”

  Bri's brow furrowed. She wondered what all that was about and thought to ask Ethan who seemed to act like nothing was amiss.

  No sooner had Nikki left than he said, “she's quite observant, too, you know.”

  “Uh huh,” Bri said, “but observant about what?”

  “She knows I like you deeper than what I portray.”

  “Do you like or love?” Bri ask
ed.

  “Both. But since my last breakup, I tend to lean towards like.”

  “I'm hungry,” she said, and then walked toward a hamper of buns and orange juice. They'd had something to eat earlier but this conversation made her stomach churn.

  Raindrops could be heard on the rooftop as they lodged on the top floor.

  “I love the sound of rain, the coolness it brings, and the feeling it insights.”

  “Me, too,” Bri said, chewing on a bun and holding onto a glass of orange juice. She'd taken off her jean pants and had just her long-sleeved shirt and underwear on. The shirt was long enough to cover her bum. She sat on the bed like a praying Muslim. “Care for some?” she asked when Ethan just gazed at her smiling.

  “Thought you'd never ask.”

  “I'm not stingy,” she said.

  “I know,” said.

  “Here, you can have mine. I'll go get another bun and a glass of juice.”

  Ethan took it saying thanks. He rose from the chair and headed to bed. He sat on it, took a sip of the orange juice and set it on the bedside table. Bri walked in.

  “It's kind of chilly,” Bri said and slide beneath the bedsheet and quilt. She propped her head up with a pillow while she ate. Ethan lay down beside her. It was eight at night, everyone had gone to rest before the next the day, the wedding day.

  “What do you think about weddings?” Ethan asked. Bri wanted to chew and swallow the last morsel of bread before replying.

  “I think it's a beautiful thing if the couple is deeply in love.”

  “I think….” O, God, don't let him say it's unnecessary. “It's divine.” Phew, Bri thought.

  “I think so, too.”

  “I think Quinn would make her happy. They've been together since kindergarten, I think.”

  “Really?” Bri asked, genuinely surprised.

  “Yes. Though They’ve had their ups and downs, but like every boy and girl in love, they often bounce back and wax stronger in love.”

  “I'm a sucker for couples who grew up together in love. Wish I could have her experience.”

  Ethan was quiet. Bri slid down and laid on the bed. Ethan moved closer and held her. Thunder clapped outside their window with the drapes left undrawn. They could see the raindrops hitting the ocean as they both spooned in bed.

  “Ethan, I have something to tell you.”

  “What is it?” he asked. Bri felt the warmth of his breath on her back.

  “I don't want to lose your friendship because of what you might find out about me. It's only fair that I let you know on this island so that it wouldn’t hurt so much if we sever ties after what I have to say.” She felt him shift a little.

  “I was raped a day to my sixteenth birthday.”

  “What!” he propped himself up on his elbow. “I'm so sorry,” he said

  “The brothers responsible are in jail as we speak. My boyfriend, so I thought at the time, gave me to his brother as a birthday gift.”

  Ethan sat up. By the time Bri was done, she'd cried her eyes out. Ethan held onto her.

  “I'm sorry for what that beast did to you, but you're one tough cookie,” he said and kissed her. “I'm different, Bri. I would never treat you that way.”

  “Since then, I haven't had the courage to give my heart and love to anyone. I had guys come onto me, some with flowers and gifts, but I didn’t feel ready to let myself go.” He seemed to ponder on her last words. He sighed.

  “Why don’t we give each other a second chance to love and be loved.”

  “I'm scared,” Bri said. “It’s too soon.”

  “I'm ready to hold your hand through it all, only if you give me a chance.”

  Bri sighed.

  “I have so much love to give. I would never treat you badly.”

  “On one condition,”Bri said.

  “Say it, and it’s yours.”

  “Don't ever give me any reason to doubt your love for me.”

  “I promise,” Ethan said, “I’ll prove to you that am different. You'll never have any cause to doubt my love for you.”

  30

  ⸙

  “Bri, Bri, wake up. We don't want to be late for the wedding.”

  Bri threw off the quilt and hopped off the bed.

  “What time is it?” she said.

  “Six-thirty. Good morning, too,” Ethan said, smiling.

  “Good morning. Forgive my manners. She went to him, stood on tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek. “I should go brush my teeth and bathe and get ready.”

  She hurried to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Her freckles stared right at her, but she didn't care. Ethan didn't care so why should she. She ran her hand through her hair before picking up her toothbrush.

  “Bri, can you find my shoe-horn,” Ethan asked.

  “In the bedside table,” she said and then smiled.

  “Found it, thanks.”

  “You're welcome.”

  Bri had a quick bath and hurried to the bedroom, unclad. She rummaged through her bag for her underwear, found it, and stood upright to put them on and then stopped. Before her stood Ethan staring at her like a statue.

  “Oh, I'm sorry,” Bri said, grabbing her towel. He snapped out of his frozen state.

  “No. It's okay. Carry on. I'll just continue watching.” Bri smiled.

  “No, you won't. You have a wedding to attend.”

  “That can wait,” he said and walked towards her. He took her face and kissed her deeply, breathing rapidly. Bri broke out of the kiss.

  “We're running late,” she said.

  “You’re right. Hurry up.”

  When Bri finally tucked her feet into a pair of silver heels, Ethan watched in absolute awe.

  “You look astonishing,” he said, admiring her emerald green chiffon strapless short dress with a sculpted neck. He took her arm in his and twirled her around. “You're so beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” Bri said. “You look handsome yourself in a black suit.”

  “You're just trying to make me feel good. I feel underdressed.” Ethan said.

  “No, you're not. You look perfect.”

  He smiled, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. She wiped her lipstick off his lips.

  “Thanks,” he said before grabbing the car keys. “Let's not make Nikki mad. It's her day, and her day should be perfect.”

  “I concur,” Bri said as they hurried to the car.

  Bri and Ethan hurried into the church and picked a spot, a spot where they could see everything going on at the front, and then Bri spotted Alice sitting by herself.

  “I need to speak with Alice,” she said to Ethan before rising. She strutted slowly, making sure her heels didn’t draw attention to her and then sat on an empty chair beside Alice.

  “Alice,” Bri said and hugged her, but Alice's grip was loose around her. Bri straightened up and gazed at her.

  “Are you alright? She asked.

  “Yeah,” Alice said without a smile. She glanced at Bri's dress and then down at her heels. “You look good.”

  “Thanks,” Bri said. “You look unhappy.”

  Alice sighed. “I just want to go home.”

  “Is everything alright?” Bri asked.

  “I miss my boyfriend.”

  “What? Alice, I guess you're having wedding fever,” Bri said, laughing.

  “I don't know. I just miss him so much after seeing how happy you are with Ethan, and all the time you spend with him, I feel left out.” Bri saw that coming.

  “I'm sorry I made you feel left out, but I thought you supported my spending time with him.”

  “I do, it's just that am not spending time with you anymore. Honestly, am not having fun.” Bri sighed. She turned back and threw a quick glance at Ethan. He had turned the other way and was discussing with an older woman. She turned back to Alice.

  “What can I do to make you feel better?”

  Alice shrugged. “Nothing. I want the wedding to be over so I can go home to my boyf
riend. You know I've been talking to him.”

  “You have? But you didn't tell me.” Bri said.

  “You weren't there. Anyway, enough about me.”

  Bri mouthed a wow and then debated whether to join Ethan or stick to her chair.

  “It's okay if you joined Ethan. I'll be fine.”

  “No. I want to stay here,” Bri said.

  “You don't have to,” Alice said and smiled dryly.

  “I insist, but I must let Ethan know I've changed spots.” Bri rose and hurried to Ethan. She sat on a chair in the row behind him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around, surprised.

  “Why are you sitting there?”

  “I just came to let you that I've decided to sit with Alice for a while. I've been neglecting her, and she's kind of lonely.”

  “Let's all sit together then,” Ethan suggested.

  “Umm, great. Thanks, Ethan. You're awesome.”

  “Anything for you,” he said with a smile, and then waved to Sebastien and his other friends. “On a second thought, I think I should join Sebastien and the others. Leave both of you to talk.

  “Okay,” Bri said. Happy to have not offended anyone.

  “If you need me, call me. Don’t hesitate,” he said.

  “I will.”

  She hurried back and sat beside Alice who tapped away on her phone. Alice looked up and smiled. Bri smiled back. She wanted to ask Alice who she was texting but decided not to. She already knew who it was.

  “He wants me to move back in. Alice said.

  “He does? what did you say?” Bri asked

  “I said yes.”

  “Wow, I didn't think you'd agree so fast. Was it something I did?”

  “No. I just miss being in love.”

  “Okay,” Bri said, suddenly overwhelmed and angry.

  “I'll be joining him as soon as we get back.”

  “Alright,” Bri said, visibly hurt. She turned to Ethan who'd been watching her all along. She looked away. Nikki’s little bride walked by with a little boy. She smiled weakly and then sighed. Happy thoughts she reminded herself. She blocked the memories playing in her head by turning to the bridesmaids appearing with men in their arms. They looked beautiful, she thought. Nikki must’ve shed a few blood in addition to sweat and tears to pull everything together.