Still Breathing

by Rita Michaels

  There was a moment of silence. A few people craned their necks towards the church entrance, waiting to catch a glimpse of the bride. Bri watched in humor as Quinn, the groom consistently wiped off sweat from his brow.

  In an instant, Bri pictured herself as the bride and Quinn as Ethan. She smiled. If wishes were horses, she thought before a loud sound boomed in the church, snapping her out of her thoughts.

  The bridal chorus, Wagner, began as a man played on the organ from the choir loft in the church. Bri glanced up as she followed the sound. She spotted the bald-head organist and then turned back to watch the bride walking in. She looked beautiful in her immaculate lacy Pnina Tornai gown. She'd managed to find a veil, and she looked radiant and happy in her father's arm.

  Bri watched as Ethan's father bent to give her a kiss on the cheek. She thought she saw him wipe tears from his eyes before handing her over to her would-be husband. Instantly Bri felt loneliness wash over her. She missed her father whom she never knew. No sooner had she joined Quinn who shed a few tears upon her appearance, then the marriage rites began.

  Bri sniffled as they read their vows to each other. She turned to Ethan who seemed engrossed in the ceremony as if learning and smiled softly.

  She wished she could marry soon and have a family that she yearned for. Soon after the bride and groom kissed, and exited the church for the reception, everyone began to file out. Bri decided to make a conscious effort to stick by Alice's side.

  “I'm hungry,” Alice said and dug into her bag. Out came a fried chicken drumstick. Bri couldn't help it. She burst out laughing, forgetting for a second there how upset she was.

  “Where did you get that from?” Bri asked.

  “KFC,” Alice replied. She glanced around her, dug her head into her purse and took a bite. She turned to Bri. “Want some?”

  “Oh, yeah. God knows when the next thing called food will come.”

  “Dig in,” Alice said, passing her purse to Bri who dug her head into the purse as well, imitating Alice. Then she heard, “oh, oh!”

  “What are you ladies up to?” Ethan asked. Bri was transfixed.

  “Umm, you might want to turn around. Bri’s having a moment here. She’s actually… puking.”

  “Bri,” Ethan said, bending down to hold her hair up which had fallen over covering the purse and her face. He placed his hand on her back. “Are you alright?”

  “No, she’s not,” Alice said, almost at the top of her voice. “Don’t touch her. I’ll help her get cleaned up.”

  Ethan stood upright, confused.

  “Why am I smelling chicken rather than puke?” he asked.

  “Because she just had some chicken before…her voice trailed. Bri had managed to swallow the big bite she’d taken without chewing. She began to cough.

  “Water,” Alice said almost pushing Ethan. “Get her some water.”

  Ethan’s brow furrowed as he walked away to get her a glass of water from God knows where, but not without throwing a curious glance backward at the girls.

  “Is he gone?” Bri asked, head still bent over the purse.

  “Yes.”

  Bri thrust Alice’s purse towards her.

  “I’m not hungry anymore. I need a Kleenex to wipe my mouth before he returns,” Bri said, rummaging through her purse. She found one, a used one, but she didn’t care.

  “He’s coming,” Alice whispered.

  “Are my lips greasy?” Bri asked.

  “No, but there’s still a few crumbs.”

  Bri wiped her face briskly her makeup came off. Ethan re-emerged. He glanced at Bri.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, handing her the glass of water.

  “Like using the restroom,” Bri said, and then “thank you,” before taking a sip of the water. She handed it back to him.

  “I’d like to use the restroom,” she said, a little bit embarrassed.

  “I’ll go with her,” Alice said, grabbing her purse. She hung it over her shoulder. Ethan watched.

  “We’ll be back,” Bri said without looking at him.

  “Of course,” he said. Bri thought she heard him chuckle. Bri walked with her head bent.

  “Don’t tell me you hung my vomit over your shoulder,” Bri hissed as they turned a corner.

  “Shit,” Alice said. “I guess am not a good liar.

  “I could swear I heard him chuckle. He knows I wasn’t throwing up, or he would’ve acted more concerned than he did,” Bri said.

  They opened the ladies room and found a room full of women, most of them changing their crying babies’ soiled diaper. They turned around and headed out of the washroom.

  “I better use what I have,” Bri said behind the washroom door before reaching for her face powder in her bag. She used the little mirror and managed to fix her face back to where it should be, and then offered Alice her mirror. Alice declined to say her face was okay, but Bri thought her boyfriend, whom she was texting, was the reason. She put the mirror away as they headed back to join the others. Ethan was nowhere in sight. They decided to kill time and take a tour around the reception area, which was a part of the church premises.

  “Wish I brought a bottle of vodka,” Alice said.

  “At a wedding party? You want to make a spectacle of yourself before Ethan and his family?”

  “I said I wished I had it. I don’t have vodka on me.”

  “I know what it’s like when you and vodka mix,” Bri said.

  “I’m not that bad.”

  “You don’t know when to stop,” Bri said.

  “It takes me out of misery,” Alice said.

  “And knocks another misery into you the next day.”

  “Snacks,” Alice said as they advanced towards a crowd of people moving ever slowly as they picked whatever soothe their appetite. They hurried towards the table where all sorts of appetizers lined up to be picked and sampled.

  Bri glanced to the right and spotted the wedding cake. She glanced closer to see who was behind the cake and then gazed for a little bit.

  “Bri, pick something and keep the line moving,” Alice said.

  Bri reluctantly peeled her eyes from Ethan and Christine. She picked a few cooked shrimps and a mini cupcake, but then she’d lost her appetite.

  “Mmm,’ Alice said as she took a bite of her cupcake. “This is heaven. Did you try it?” Bri turned to her, sad.

  “No.”

  “They are delicious. Wish I could have more. I don’t want to look like a glutton.”

  “Here,” Bri said. “You can have mine.”

  “Why?” Alice asked, surprised. “Aren’t you hungry?”

  “No,” Bri said, holding back tears.

  “Okay, tell me. What happened?” one minute I was covering your behind from getting caught on a chicken drumstick, the next minute you are full?”

  “Let’s find a spot to sit,” Bri said and began to walk away.

  “The hall isn’t opened yet,” Alice said.

  “Then let’s go somewhere else.”

  “Where? The church isn’t a grand castle, remember!”

  “Anywhere but here,” Bri said.

  “Okay, stop,” Alice said, standing before Bri and blocking her. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

  “Did I say something?”

  Bri nodded no. “It’s not you.”

  “Then, what is it? Tell me.”

  “I need some air,” Bri said.

  “Bri!” Ethan said, ambling towards them, but Bri brushed past Alice and walked briskly out of the church. Alice turned, surprised.

  “I don’t know what happened, but she seems quite upset at something,” Alice said to Ethan before he could ask.

  “Don’t worry I’ll see to it,” he said and hurried outside. He stood at the church entrance and raised his hand to shade the sunlight from blinding him. Alice watched him turn his head from right to left and then right again. It seemed Bri was nowhere in sight. And then Ethan m
oved from the spot he was standing and walked into the sunlight. He headed towards a tree where what seemed like a human, with Bri’s physique stood. She was gazing at the ocean.

  Ethan walked towards her, careful not to rattle her, and at the same time, hoping she wouldn’t storm off again. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. She did not reciprocate.

  “I didn’t know you smoked,” he said, taking the half-burnt cigarette from her. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

  “I never said I didn’t smoke.”

  “But you never did on the two and a half days we’ve spent together,” Ethan said in a cool voice.

  “I only smoke after deciding between two dangerous choices,” Bri said, with an edge in her voice.

  “What’s going on?” he asked. Bri sighed.

  “Nothing.”

  “That’s not what your body language tells me,” Ethan replied. Bri said nothing. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  The sound of the bride and groom being welcomed into the hall could be heard from the church reception area.

  “I don’t like to see you sad,” Ethan said. “Let’s go back in.”

  “You can go. I’ll just hang out here for a while.”

  “You know I can’t leave you here by yourself,” Ethan said. “Please, let’s join the others.”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “I know that,” Ethan said, examining her. Bri had made up her mind long ago to go back into the church, but for some reason let the matter drag. “I could carry you if you want,” he said. She smiled. “Or take off my shoes and sit here with you.” Bri would’ve loved that, but in order not to be selfish, she turned around and headed towards the church. “Thank you,” Ethan said before locking his hand with hers.

  “For what?” Bri said.

  “For listening to me.”

  Ethan searched the hall, spotted Alice and walked Bri to the table Alice was sitting. Abashed, Bri sat down.

  “I’ll be right back,” Ethan said.

  “Bri,” Alice said, trying not to shout above the loud music playing in the background. “Are you alright?”

  “I’ll be. I have to be alright,” she said. “After all, this whole thing is only for four days, right?”

  “Yeah,” Alice answered, her brow furrowed, confused. “But, did you manage to sneak in a bottle of vodka without my knowledge?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Because, I can’t think of any other reason you are both Jekyll and Hyde right now.”

  “It’s getting closer to the day my mom passed,” she lied.

  “Oh, am sorry,” Alice said. “You should’ve told me. Maybe I could’ve been more supporting.”

  “It’s okay. It’s one of those days I become emotional and lash out.”

  “I guess I still have more to learn about you,” Alice said.

  “The more reason you shouldn’t move out.” Alice stopped.

  “Is that why you were upset?”

  “Maybe,” Bri said and glanced around the room. She spotted Christine two tables away from her, glaring at her. “If looks could kill.”

  “Who’s are you talking about,” Alice asked, following Bri’s gaze as she glared back at Christine. “Oh,” she said.

  “Ethan’s ex,” Bri said.

  “Don’t bother about her, she’s history.”

  “I don’t think so. She wants a comeback. She’s been all over him.

  “And Ethan’s all over you,” Alice said.

  Bri spotted Ethan coming towards their table and straightened up. He wore his most charming smile and sat with them.

  “Hungry?” he asked.

  “You can say that again,” Bri said.

  “I’m beyond hungry,” Alice said.

  “I’m sorry,” Ethan replied, “I thought you’d be okay with the chicken before lunch is served,” he said, smiling. The girls’ eyes bulged. Bri gasped.

  “You knew?” she asked.

  “I have a good sense of smell, and Alice is bad at telling lies.”

  Bri threw an I told you so look at Alice.

  “I guess you figured out the thing with her purse,” Bri said.

  “Yeah. That was actually hilarious. I held myself from busting out with laughter.” He turned to Alice. “Please don’t make my girlfriend eat chicken in public, especially with her head stuck in your purse.”

  “I was only helping,” Alice said, laughing and then stopped. Ethan and Bri turned to Christine who’d walked silently towards them and now stood by Alice, smiling.

  “Is this seat taken?” she asked, pointing to an empty seat between Ethan and Alice.

  “Yeah,” Ethan said, before turning to Bri who had her eyes fixated on Christine.

  “No,” Bri said. “You can join us.”

  “Well, thank you. That was kind of you,” Christine said. She sat down. Ethan moved uncomfortably and leaned towards Bri.

  The MC announced for the couples to hit the floor for their first dance. Bri turned to watch, so did the others, but Christine threw frequent glances at Ethan, trying to draw his attention. When the couple was done dancing, and the bride with her father, the MC threw the floor open for everyone else. Ethan turned to Bri and extended his arm.

  “Please, dance with me.” Bri smiled and took his hand. Christine’s face turned crestfallen. They headed to the dance floor, with a disco ball of many colors spinning around. Bri placed her arm around Ethan’s neck. He held her by the waist and whispered in her ears as they swayed to the music.

  “It’s you I love,” he said. “I would never hurt you for anything or anyone in this world. I want you to trust that I can keep my promise. Ignore every thought that says otherwise.”

  “But it’s hard to do that. She’s your first love.”

  “Was,” Ethan said. “You are my first love now. What I had then was naivety. I knew nothing about love.”

  “And now?” Bri asked, a little bit relieved.

  “I know what I want. And that’s you.”

  “Are you saying this to make me happy,” Bri asked. She had her hands on his shoulders now and gazed into his eyes. The music stopped abruptly. The MC’s voice reverberated through the speakers as he announced the next item on the menu. Bri and Ethan walked back to join the others. Bri wore a smile on her face.

  31

  ⸙

  “What a long day,” Bri said as she kicked off her shoes and slumped in their bed.

  “Not as long as I anticipated. Have you been to other weddings?” he asked.

  “This is my first.”

  “Then you should go often. Have some experience.”

  “And crash people’s party?”

  “No. When invited.” He said

  “By whom? I’m a recluse. I don’t have friends like you do.”

  “We can fix that.”

  “How?”

  “By making my friends your friends. You’re part of my world now. My MMA world.”

  “What’s it like being an MMA fighter?”

  He shrugged. “Normal.”

  “You call someone pummeling your body normal?”

  “It’s my profession. My dream job.”

  “It’s a scary job,” Bri said

  “Every job is risky.”

  “Not mine.”

  “You could break your ankle wearing those ridiculous shoes on the runway.” Bri laughed. “Or dislocate a hip.”

  “I wouldn’t possibly pass out wearing a pair of shoes and lingerie.”

  “Speaking of modeling, when is your next runway show?”

  “Next week. My schedule is all lined up. This vacation is the last I can get in a long time. You?”

  “I have a match with a very strong opponent coming up,” he said, and then stared into space. This fight will either make or break me. If I win, my career as an MMA fighter will soar to a different height. I would be a household name, or beyond.”

  “I thought abou
t inviting you to watch me, but it seems you already have so much on your plate,” Bri said.

  “I’ll be there. Nothing can stop me from coming to support you,” he said, his eyes penetrating into hers as they gazed at each other. “I’m also extending an invitation to you. I would like you to watch me fight.” Bri sighed.

  “I can’t bear to see anyone hit you.” He chuckled.

  “It’s inevitable. Fighting involves contact, and that means lots of punches, sweat, blood, perseverance, and at the end a prize.” At the mention of blood, Bri cringed.

  “You do love me enough to feel my pain,” he said, surprised. Bri touched his handsome, chiseled face.

  “I love you more than I can ever let you know.” He smiled. His face grew tender, more tender.

  “I might have acted otherwise, but I do love you more than I can show you. Am not used to professing my love with words,” He threw his arm around her and sighed. “One more day,” he said.

  “One more day and I’ll be back to my normal life,” she said, her voice muffled, and her face buried in his shirt on his chest.

  He kissed her on her temple. “I’m your new normal,” he said. “If I offered, would you move in with me?”

  Bri raised her head. “And ruin the newly budding relationship? No.”

  “Why? I feel we’ve known each other forever.”

  “I don’t want to ruin what we have going,” she said.

  “You’re not going to ruin anything,” he said, almost sounding as if begging.

  “Four days isn’t enough for us to neglect our separate lives, and freedom, to live together. Who knows what we might feel for each other after we return to our normal routines?”

  “My feelings for you remains the same regardless of where I am, or what I do after this.”

  “I think the island is juggling with our emotions. I would like to return home and see if what I feel is real,” Bri said as a matter of fact.

  “I know what I feel for you is real,” Ethan said, a little hurt by her words.

  “Seven days. Let’s give each other seven days to see if we missed each other,” Bri said.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “To prevent us from heartbreaks,” she said.