Different Loving

by William Brame

  Large-scale bondage equipment includes racks, tables, benches, and cages as well as complex hoists for suspension bondage. Also popular is the bondage swing, a seat usually made of leather or canvas, which is suspended and to which the bound party may be tied or chained.

  [On] New Tear’s Eve Cybele had me in a sling at a party and was swinging me by the balls—I don’t want readers to imagine something horrific here! But with a gentle to-and-fro motion you can do a whole lot of swinging. The testicles are very sensitive, but they’re also very strong, and it is—at least in the context of this relationship—a very useful way to get me to go under.

  —JAMES W.

  Whipping posts and St. Andrew’s crosses (also known as X frames) are large, usually wooden apparatuses to which restraints are attached. Stocks—familiar from the American Colonial era—also come in a variety of styles.

  As discussed above, sensory deprivation is the blocking off of sensory organs. While many lovers are satisfied to experiment with a scarf draped loosely over a partner’s eyes, a wide variety of blindfolds exist for the more adventuresome. The most popular type is made of leather with fleecy lining to protect the eyes. Earplugs are usually impromptu affairs; multiple styles of gags, dental blocks, and bits can be purchased at specialty shops. Sensory deprivation is a high-risk activity. Damage to intraocular fluid dynamics or optic nerves, interference with swallowing function, and difficulty in communicating discomfort are only a few of the potential hazards. Many dominants give their bound partners a safety gesture to use in order to signal discomfort when they cannot speak.

  Finally, almost inextricably linked to sensory deprivation is its antithesis: sensory overload. Some gags or hoods, for example, contain small holes so that the dominant may feed the submissive fluids or food. Some submissives wear headphones and listen to the music or soothing sounds that the dominant imposes. Even aromatherapy may be incorporated by means of breathing tubes.

  INTERVIEWS

  CLÉO DUBOIS

  Many [people] who like bondage know that when you’re tied up, you can let the sensation—whatever it may be: embarrassing, nonembarassing, erotic, “slutty”—come out, because, as far as your mind is concerned, you’re helpless. You can fight it, but eventually you have to go with it. The same is true of pain. I find bondage to be very helpful in accepting the input; you can travel with it.

  In my experience [bondage] is not really for the kind of submissive that would do as he or she is told without bondage. It is for people who will put up resistance—sassy masochists, smart-ass masochists—until it is proven to them through the bondage that it’s useless to resist. Their minds say, “Oh! Why in the world am I putting all my energy into fighting this? It’s going to happen anyway. Click!” Then they relax and usually get very turned on, because it’s a deep erotic state. Their attention really goes into their body.

  I do all kinds of bondage. I do a lot of rope bondage. I do a lot of leather bondage, using all kinds of leather straps. I do Betty Page-type bondage. I do bondage that takes people’s body shape and body limitations, fears and phobias into consideration. I do all kinds of different bondage tricks. Bondage grows on you. Somebody starts [out] only wanting their hands behind their back; three years later they might be really interested in being completely restrained, not being able to move anything.

  I advertise sensory deprivation. People call and ask, “Do you have a body bag? Do you have [an] inflatable hood?” And I say, “Yes, I do.” As far as I can tell, most people into sensory deprivation are also interested in sensory overload. I take away as many senses as I can and then, if it’s appropriate, overload one sense. I’ll start at the top. Earplugs. Blindfold. Gag. Hood. Inflatable hood. Sometimes inflatable hoods with breathing tubes. Posture collar to control the head, the neck, the body. Mummification, with Saran Wrap or an Ace bandage-type wrap. Body bags. All the bondage is put on the body beforehand—it could be tight rope bondage up and down the body. Then a body bag on top of it. Or Saran Wrap. Suspension—suspension is always close to the ground but lifted off the floor. Disorientation. Upside-down suspension. Floating suspension. Those are the things I’m talking about when I use the phrase “sensory deprivation.”

  If I use sensory overload, it could mean electricity play, piercing: a specific point of “overloadment.” I [might] run electricity to the genital area. It could be a heavy whipping, but if people get into a quiet fantasy, I seldom do a heavy whipping [then]. [I might try] sensations of different kinds on the genitals if the session is going to get erotic. If I see the person getting turned on—[and] with a male it’s very easy to see—then I [may] either poke a hole in the Saran Wrap or [give] some specific sensation [to] the nipples or the genital area. Or I might not.

  For suspension bondage, I have two winches. I use a lot of rope work in suspension. It supports the body at different points so the body weight is as well distributed as possible. I [may] use suspension bars to lift people off the ground by cuffs [secured around their ankles]. I can use two suspension bars and lift them by their feet and hands; one needs the proper cuffs. The middle of the body is tied to rigging made of heavy rope. It is a lot of work. One should also use an appropriate piece of equipment, such as one we call a “panic snap.” If you use regular hardware [for suspension], if somebody fainted, you’d have to lift them off! With a panic snap you do not have to lift the weight in order to let [the person] down. There’s all kinds of safety equipment.

  GENE

  I consider myself submissive. It’s a closely guarded secret shared only between me and my wife. My wife is a fairly vanilla person and not very interested in this, but because she loves me and we have a good marriage, she engages in practices with me. Basically, I like to be tied up and held in bondage during sex, in various positions. My wife helps me with this. Oftentimes, if our children are away, we’ll do this all evening.

  If all my dreams came true, then my wife, whom I love, would be more interested in such activities. I think if she had her druthers, this is one part of me that she’d probably want to move out. She’s happy with meeting demands as a lover, except for being very dominant. We’ve got a lot of years together, but she can’t cultivate an interest in it, and I can’t make my interest in it go away. It was a problem before in that when we had regular arguments, instead of arguing about money or picking up socks, two or three times she used this as ammunition against me. Finally, I said, “That’s me. If we’re going to stay together, you’re going to have to accommodate it.” Although she didn’t agree with it then, over time I think she has just come to the conclusion that that is me, that it’s part of my personality.

  My first bondage experience was sometime around second grade. We were playing cowboys and Indians with a group of kids. I was captured and tied to a pole, with my hands behind my back. The other kids ran off and more or less forgot about me for a while. I got a tremendous erection and couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t adjust it in my jeans there. I found that to be very stimulating, very exciting, even at that young age. Later the kids came back and they noticed. I was made the object of a lot of taunting and teasing. Eventually I was released, but that made a tremendous impact on my life. I spent a great deal of time fantasizing and trying to re-create that episode after that.

  It was mainly a matter of child’s play throughout most of my life until I was married at 23. Then, having been married to my wife for a couple of years, I noticed in some [sexually-oriented] magazines that other people had these same desires. I showed it to my wife and asked her what she thought about it. She wasn’t very impressed, but over a period of time I was able to convince her to tie me up for sex. That was the first sexual experience that involved bondage that I engaged in. I found it very exciting, [but] at the time my wife didn’t.

  I think she derives pleasure from it now in that when we’re engaged in these activities, in my submissive role, I do a lot to serve her and pleasure her. So, typically, we might start out with her tying me up for maybe a
n hour or so, then releasing me. Then I’ll give her a good massage and rub lotion on her feet and perform cunnilingus on her and do whatever I can to satisfy her, according to her dictates. Then later on, maybe tied again to the bed, spread-eagled, she’ll use me for her pleasure, which may involve sitting astride me, using my penis to satisfy her. Then after she’s had her orgasm, she may leave me again for a while and go about her business in the house and then eventually come back and jerk me off.

  Some of the most exciting bondage has been bondage I’ve done to myself when traveling. If I’m going to be in a motel room for the night, I’ve devised a way to use an automatic timer switch with a combination lock. This may seem a little strange, but I tie myself to the bed and attach the automatic timer switch to the light. When the light goes out, I can’t see the combination lock. That’s the key to the whole system. For a period of time—two or three hours or more—I can’t get free. When the light comes back on, I can release myself. The backup is that eventually the sun will rise, and I can see at that point.

  The most exciting point is after I’ve tied myself up and the light switch goes off: I realize that there’s no way to get free. I’ve been very careful at setting it up so that until I get light to see by, I am committed to that position. As I become sexually aroused, it’s difficult or impossible to do anything to satisfy myself.

  The first time I did this to myself really sticks out in my mind because it was different and exciting. I built myself a timer switch. I spent a lot of time fantasizing and trying to decide just how this would be built. The first time I tried it I was home alone. I tied my ankles to the bed, and then made a couple loops in the headboard. I had two locks and managed to attach my arms so they were folded in front of me. I locked myself in position and had the timer set to go off in about half an hour, so I had plenty of time to sit there and think: Did I really want to do this, or not? I could have gotten free very easily. Eventually I heard the timer click, and the lights went off, and then I knew that decision had been taken away from me. I spent most of the night in that position.

  My wife doesn’t relish the dominant role, so although I’m in a submissive posture, her attitude is one of pleasing. She wants to give me what I want and, frankly, I think what I want her to give me is what I don’t want. If I say, “Touch me,” that means “Don’t touch me.” If I say, “Untie me,” that means “Don’t untie me.” We can’t seem to get past that; she wants me to be happy. When I do this to myself, alone, where I can’t be untied, can’t be touched, and there’s no one there to try to please me, I have to live with the decision I made.

  My most compelling fantasies are ones my wife is not privy to. I had a couple of homosexual experiences when I was younger and frankly quite enjoyed them. So I have various fantasies that involve both bondage and sex with another man. Also, I went to a fair one time, and I saw a sheep being led to a block. They put the sheep’s head into a collar, half metal and half leather, so that the sheep was held in place there. It could not move around while being examined by the judges. That device has been in my fantasies a number of times. These are fantasies I wouldn’t dare act on, because I have a position in the community.

  That part of me that likes to be tied up is [not] so evil that it negates the good parts of me. It’s just part of me. At this stage of my life I don’t think it’s a bad part. It’s a troublesome part, and the reason it’s a troublesome part is because so many other people don’t understand or refuse to understand that it’s not a bad thing. Because of our culture in this country, these activities have been labeled as being bad, maybe even evil. As a result, I can’t share that part of myself with anyone. It’s even taking a hell of a risk to share it with my wife. I think it’d be a wonderful thing if I could share myself completely with my friends and the people around me. Maybe they then would be able to share themselves with me. I know that I work, play, and talk to people every day who have little secret corners in their lives that they can’t share with me. It may not be B&D, but, believe me, we all have secret corners. What a wonderful thing if they could share those secret corners with me and I could share mine with them. Then, who knows? We may find some common ground.

  MICHAEL V.

  I’m straight. I enjoy all expressions of standard sex, but D&S [is] critical. I’m dominant, and I have to have that in my relationship, or else it is of no consequence. Vanilla sex is a very small aspect; D&S has been the major portion of my sexuality for the last 15 years.

  I think there would be a lot fewer divorces if power roles were discussed early on. People ask things about the home they’d like to live in, about the foods they like, and various shared interests, but one very critical question is how the power is going to be shared in the relationship. I think this would solve a lot of people’s problems. If [one] said, “Well, basically I like to be in charge; I’m a dominant individual, and I want to do this,” [or] “I like being submissive, and I would like to do this,” you wouldn’t have people trying to make a car run on square tires.

  In the past, during typical sexual encounters, where you’re screwing, you hold somebody’s arms over her head: Her response would increase, and my response would increase. I became more and more cognizant of that. There was an evolution: The ropes start coming out, and then cuffs and chains. When we were still playing cowboys and Indians, I always made sure to wind up on the side that was doing the tying and the chasing. I remember the thrill of that. One time, this one girl and I played the game a little further. At first she protested, and then she kept on coming back. I used some clothesline around her back. She liked it. I was the one who said, “We shouldn’t really be doing this. Are you going to tell your mother?” And she said, “No, no, no!”

  [Sometimes I’d] go out with somebody for a few months, [and] once past the [standard] sexual aspects, [I’d] start introducing aspects of the Scene. They would go along with it but then would start sharing with their friends, and the peer pressure [and] feedback would be negative. They’d say, “We can’t do this. It’s sick.” I would say, “Wait a minute! We’ve been doing it for a month, and you’re well and fine, and this has heightened our experience.” [And some would respond] “Yeah, but I can’t do this anymore, because it’s just not right.” And you find out that their friends were kicking them down.

  Generally, I work with large-breasted women. That’s one of my requirements because I do a lot of breast bondage. Besides, it’s like the frosting on top of everything. During a scene you literally see body modification occurring, even in smaller-breasted women. When I do them, their breasts increase in size to a great extert, and their bodies become trimmer. [The bonds] accentuate the female pinching-in of the waist. Even after the bondage is off, there’s a residual effect. It increases the feminine aspect, and I think this occurs on a psychological and spiritual level [as well]. At that point, because all the barriers are removed, it’s really manifesting [itself] into the individual.

  I believe in the spiritual part of all this. With my current slave, we had an incredible session where her body actually took on a different shape. She’s a little overweight: It was [as if] her waistline completely disappeared during the course of the scene. I took a Polaroid of it and showed it to her later. It was absolutely incredible. It was like a physical change. Stuff like that isn’t supposed to happen, technically, but it did. I had done a lot of initial body bondage and then a lot of sexual play. Then she was in a suspended position and [taking] a lot of clamping. At that point it was like she was on autopilot. I knew we were at a special threshold where you’re also responding to something else. The things that you’re doing are so unique to that particular situation that there’s almost a higher energy at work between the two of you. That was what was really going on. Something else was inputting there. You get to a transcendental level—but it’s not a subconscious level; it’s actually happening in the physical. I’ve had some experiences where I’ve done fire walking, going over hot coals. Technically you’re not supposed to be able
to do that. What were normal limits suddenly just dissolve. You’re able to do things and endure things that would [ordinarily] cause you some discomfort. Some people call that state the shimmer level.

  SLAVE V.

  I have a very strong personality—what I like to think of as a survivor’s personality. As far as submissiveness in my normal life, I think it’s more directed towards trying to do good deeds and helping with elderly members of the family.

  In D&S I continue to discover my sexuality. Sexually I’m submissive; psychologically I’m dominant. [Some] say that I’m not submissive at all—that I’m a dominant masochist. [But] when I look for gratification, I seem to find it in submission to a man.

  I’ve always enjoyed lovers who held my arms down around my head while we made love. I probably have been attracted to men who behaved in a subconsciously dominant way all along, but I did not actually find the Scene until [roughly two years] ago. [When I did], I felt I had finally come home. I felt as though I was understood for the first time. At first, I was overcome with joy. I have a very high-pressure job. My judgment is not always good; I’m too emotional; I have mood swings. If I can find someone who I feel has better judgment than myself, I am delighted not to have to make the right decisions all the time.