Different Loving

by William Brame

  Scarification and branding are controversial activities within the D&S communities. Even when properly done, they are profoundly painful, traumatic shocks to the body. Unwanted injury, unexpected scarring, and infection may result from either.

  EXTREMELY EXTREME MODIFICATIONS

  Thousands of extreme body modifications have been documented worldwide. One extremely rare but still practiced self-mutilation was recorded by Magnus Hirschfeld: A shepherd made repeated incisions to his glans, succeeding in bifurcating his penis.5 This practice—known as subincision—was once found uniquely among peoples who lived in proximity to marsupials, which naturally possess forked penises. Australian Aborigines allegedly practiced subincision in hopes of gaining the kangaroo’s enviable sexual stamina.

  Variations on the theme of self-mutilation are virtually endless. Although self-inflicted mutilations, and even the fairly well-known fantasy of male castration, are clinically classified as masochism, most consensual D&Sers consider these practices to violate the tenets of safe and sane activity.

  INTERVIEWS

  FAKIR MUSAFAR

  The kinds and variety of body piercings have become prolific. I did commercial piercings in a well-known piercing establishment for a year here. I would ask people: Why are you getting your nipple pierced? Or, why are you getting your genitals pierced? Or, why are you getting your navel pierced? I [usually] got answers that were extremely clear and well thought-out, with very powerful emotional and psychic reasons. Very often the piercing represented a personal rite of passage. It meant that they had left one phase of life or that they had intentions of starting life over. In some other cultures there are tales of piercing the body to let things out or to let things in. You’re making an opening in the physical body but also in the psychic body that coexists with the physical body, so one must be very careful. It should be done with great care and understanding and great respect for the spirit that lives in the body.

  [There] has [also] been renewed [interest in] cutting. This is making magic symbols, patterns, or meaningful marks on the body by cutting the [skin] with a sharp object, like a scalpel. We have some people who are very good at this, very shamanic about the way they do this, so that some kind of ritual magic is performed by cutting.

  I’ve been doing a lot of branding this year. I have been doing brands with multiple strikes. I make complex designs and symbols—which are not easy to do with a brand—by using repeated burns of different-sized pieces. We’ve made endless chains to represent continuity in life and a continuity that’s lacking in life, as part of a ritual. I’ve made large snakes that had as many as 24 to 36 different burns that took 30 to 50 minutes to put in. When done, the pattern is much more subtle than [a tattoo]. It is not as dark [or] as distinct; if done properly, it has the same characteristics of cutting or scarification. A well-made branding will be raised and three-dimensional. It will be something that you can see in the dark. It will be tactile as well as visual.

  In my 40 years of experience [in] piercing myself and other people, remarkable things [have] happened. Some people have had transformations, both personal and extending out wider into tribe and family affairs.

  LOGGER V.

  One important thing [is] the concept of belonging. We all need to belong somehow. Through piercing, through S&M, we belong. We lose race, color, gender. There is nothing there except what we want and what we want to do, and in that sense, we belong. That’s important to me, and I think it’s important to a lot of people. We don’t have heterosexual [or] gay: We [all] belong to one group of people who enjoy being who they want to be. There are no limits. We are all in the same family.

  I’m a gay Puerto Rican male. I don’t like to use the term top, but [I] play top and get into a bondage, fatherly scene. I don’t consider myself handsome; other people do. But we always look at ourselves differently. A lot of people, especially in the gay community, have heard from others [that] I’m “a hot daddy to get pierced by.”

  Piercing is something that has to come from the heart, not from the brain, not because someone told you [to do it], or just because everyone else has it. I developed fantasies in my 30s when I began to see that other people had fantasies. My fantasy was to help them fulfill theirs. But as a child, I [had no] fantasies. I guess that has to do with my own situation as a child—[I was] molested sexually. I always was afraid of certain things. As a matter of fact, I find it sometimes very awkward to get tied down or be submissive. When I do allow myself to do it, I enjoy it very much. But I have to allow myself to do it.

  I pierce anything and everything! I kid [that] if I ever started a shop, I would call it From Clits to Tits. I have done just about every piercing there is: eyebrows, clits, clit hoods; men and women; gay and straight. Having been married, having had children, and having gone from being a straight male to a gay male, it’s just never bothered me.

  I do a prescreening, which is very important to me and to the [clients]. I never lie to anyone and say that it’s not going to hurt. I ask what kind of piercings they’ve had before [and] if they’ve had any problems. I ask what they’re interested in and what jewelry they want. I show them pictures or talk to them about what they would like and give them some ideas. Jewelry is very personal. I never force people to use a certain kind of jewelry.

  I always ask people if they are over 21. I want to make sure that the person knows exactly what he’s doing. There’s a statement I [always] read: “Do you understand that no piercing will be done if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs?” This is something that I hold very dear. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. I don’t care if other people do, but when you come here for a piercing, I want you to know what you’re doing.

  I need to know that the person has no [physical] problems. I always ask if they have epilepsy or diabetes. I have to know if they have hepatitis or HIV or AIDS, and if they’re on any medication. I am very careful. All my tools are sterilized. I have two autoclaves. Sterile conditions are very important. With a piercing, cleanliness is more important than anything. If you don’t keep it clean, I always guarantee a problem. I always give [people] a sheet of paper that lists everything they should know and do.

  I also have a disclaimer that I ask everyone to sign, [stating] that this is done willingly and that I will not be held responsible for anything that goes wrong afterwards. I guarantee their safety when they’re here, but once they’re gone, all I offer is help and assistance. I recommend a warm saltwater solution for cleaning, the old-fashioned remedy. I ask everyone to call me before doing anything drastic, like removing a body piercing. I [also] ask if the area to be pierced is under extreme punishment and activity. Some people laugh at that question, especially if they want a Prince Albert. They say, “No, not enough!” And I say, “Oh you poor baby!” In one woman’s case, I asked, “Is [the clitoris] under a lot of activity?” and she answered, “Not usually.”

  The reason [I ask] is that sometimes the area has been under torture, like the nipples, and if so, the skin tends to be a little [tougher], I need to know how much force I’m going to be using [and] how to handle it: to be ready for problems if the needle doesn’t go through right away.

  If the person is ready, I prepare him. I clean him up. I mark the area to be pierced. I always talk to him. [The] feedback that I have gotten is that people feel comfortable when they’re here. They come in the door, and they’re nervous as hell. But by the time they walk up the stairs to the room where I’m going to do the piercing, they are comfortable. That is more important to me than anything. I’m in a position of a family doctor who is going to violate a part of their body. If a woman is going to lie down on a bed and open her legs, she has to feel that it’s okay, and so do I.

  [Washington, D.C. has] a leather weekend, usually in January, where a thousand or more people come to a leather contest. In that weekend I do anywhere from 20 to 25 piercings. I have someone registering everybody, and I bring them upstairs. I have an autoclave going all the time, so steril
ity never changes, precautions never change. I have someone with me to always make sure that I am being cautious. That’s usually my other half. He is usually here, watching me—he’s like my nurse—to make sure that I don’t do anything stupid. If I pick up an instrument before my hands are sterile, that instrument gets sterilized immediately.

  There are many styles [of piercing]. I find that piercing a woman’s nipple is a lot easier than piercing a man’s. A man’s nipples are smaller and a bit on the tougher side. I find it a little harder to get the needle through [on a man]. On a woman, it will just go right through, and half of them don’t even feel it. Yet they’re terrified that it’s going to hurt. I pierced my nipple and had no pain and no blood, but I was on a natural high. This is what I wanted: My heart said do it, and it felt good.

  Of all the piercings on a man, the one that I think is the nicest is a Prince Albert. It’s also the fastest to heal, in my opinion, because the urine is sterile and the salt tends to help healing. A frenum [piercing] is one of the simplest to do. It hurts the least, but it still hurts a little. There’s a foreskin piercing, where you pull [up] the foreskin and pierce right through [it]. Sometimes a person wants a small ring on it, so he cannot pull the foreskin over the head. Then the piercing can be used as a chastity [device]. Or it can be a large ring, where the foreskin will go totally around the head when it’s enlarged. An ampallang, I have been told, is a wonderful sensation, especially for women. Both the ampallang and the apadravya are a little on the dangerous side. If done wrong, the person could bleed a great deal, because when you’re hard, you have vessels that fill up with blood, and if you penetrate those vessels during any one of these piercings, you open that little tube, and it will drip until it’s healed.

  ADIDA

  If you love someone, you should be able to give him what he wants. If he wants to be spanked, then I should spank him. The emotional part [of S&M] for me is that I know he enjoys it. Not that I don’t do other things for him that he enjoys, but this is something that not everyone could or would be willing to give him. It’s something that I can. Many people make it a spiritual thing. For me it’s playful. Sometimes I have trouble keeping a straight face in a scene, because we’re having so much fun.

  Before I met Mr. Happy I had never done or thought about any of this stuff. The most I had thought about it was that what’s normally considered pain could be considered pleasure.

  I’ve always been into physical things like ballet and martial arts. I enjoy physically letting go and going all out. My family is very loving; they encouraged independence. At the same time, they were always there, giving support, help, and encouragement to do what I wanted to do. It was great. I love my parents!

  When I met Mr. Happy, he told me he was into this. I said, “Okay, I’ll give it a try. I can’t promise that I’ll enjoy it or be good at it, but I’m willing to give it a try.” I found that it was really a lot of fun! I didn’t know what I was doing. I’d say, “You miserable worm! Did I get that right?” Or, “Oh, yeah, of course, uh, let me, um, spank you for being so presumptuous! What are you being presumptuous about? There must be something! Anyway, let me spank you; you don’t need to know why!” I’ve gotten better at it now.

  People perceive that S&M is like kidnapping or pedophilia. But you can’t do this stuff without really caring for the person you’re with. If you don’t like them, don’t do it! Caring and love is a big part of it: It’s not two people who hate each other. [We’re] people who care for each other very much.

  I have two nipple piercings and six outer-labia piercings. I’m still not sure which was braver: getting the first one when I didn’t know what I was in for, or getting the subsequent ones where I did! That kind of pain I don’t deal with well. I know people who do. I have a friend who got her nipples pierced and she just blinked and said, “Oh, is that all?” For me, it was very intense. When I got my nipples pierced the first time, it was like a shot straight to the heart. It’s a big rush and a bit scary, because I’m not real comfortable with needles. But it was also exhilarating. I did something I didn’t think I could do. I pushed my limits.

  I had the two nipples done in one session, and then I had all six outer-labia [piercings] done in another session. Apart from other feelings, you get a big rise in endorphins. I felt like I was floating about six feet off the ground after that. And it was just a lot of fun. I spent a lot of time jumping around and being very happy that night!

  I have curved barbells through the nipples. And I have rings through the labia, which is a good idea, because curved barbells tend to hook onto things. I remember one night when Mr. Happy and I were making love—good old vanilla sex. We didn’t notice that one of my barbells had hooked onto his nipple rings. He arched his back when he was coming and managed to rip his ring about halfway through his nipple! It hurt me a little bit, too, but my nipples are stronger than his, so he lost the tug of war.

  The labia rings rub against Mr. Happy’s cock. I think he feels it more than I do, but I feel his piercings more than he does, so it’s an interesting enhancement. Actually, the most fun I have is that sometimes the six labia rings jingle when I walk. Music wherever I go!

  I’m in a stronger relationship with Mr. Happy than I’ve ever had, because there is all that extra stuff in there that [demands] your attention and makes you think about what you’re doing. When you’re in an S&M relationship, you have to really care about this person, to feel [completely] connected. I’ve gone skydiving; I’ve faced things that are kind of scary and felt exhilarated. S&M is somewhat like that. You think, Gee, this could be scary! But when you do it, you feel so exhilarated and empowered. Not only have you exerted yourself—you’ve actually enjoyed it. It gives you a little bit of that empowering I feel when I do martial arts.

  MR. HAPPY

  I have always viewed [S&M] as a form of play and a form of release more than a lifestyle. It’s not that it’s not important to me: I’d certainly miss it if I never could do it again! It’s just not something that shapes the rest of my life. Conversely, it’s not that it’s partitioned off into this special area. It just doesn’t spill over into work, and it doesn’t spill over into taking out the garbage. It doesn’t have any bearing on who does the checks or who does the driving. It doesn’t enter into my interactions with people who aren’t into this.

  [As a child] I would do things with my genitals, pinch them. By puberty I would put clamps on or wrap my penis in Scotch tape when it was flaccid. When it would start to become erect, there was this odd biting of the tape. It felt a lot better than just having a regular erection. Those were the first inklings I got that not everything that theoretically hurt, actually hurt in a way that the culture says it ought to. I did these things by myself, and it never even occurred to me to do them with a partner. I didn’t feel a sense of guilt or oddity about this stuff. I was raised in a family of atheists who believed in individual responsibility, so I didn’t have some of the obstacles that get thrown in other people’s paths about accepting the way they are. It’s not that I’m out to my parents, but they did raise me to be independent, so I took them up on their offer. I don’t know if this is something that my parents really need to hear. I am out to my brother and sister. I’m also fairly out to coworkers.

  I’ve never been particularly good at pretending I’m not strange. People who were straight-laced and not happy about their sexuality would be driven away, and I got the women who were into this. My first girlfriend let me tie her to the bed and spank her. It was fun for both of us. She did things with me, too! She bit my cock when she was sucking on it. Then I ran into a woman who was desirable in many ways. She was beautiful and intelligent, and we had good vanilla sex. I would try to bring these things up; I was used to having it work out well. She said, “That’s perverted, but we can fix that.” I thought, Oh geez, golly; maybe she’s right! and I started to have doubts.

  I wanted to do scenes of much more intense domination and much more intense pain, both as a top and a bo
ttom. I was also starting to explore my attraction with men. So right when I wanted to get more into this, there was this person telling me that all of it was sick. I hadn’t yet bumped into any support groups. [But] other than that one period, S&M has never been a problem for me. I just lucked out.

  I’ve got five piercings: nipples, frenum, Prince Albert, and a guiche. The guiche and the Prince Albert are interesting. When I met the woman who actually rescued me from my year of self-doubt, we were looking at a way to keep me from playing with myself without her permission. You can lock a Prince Albert to a guiche. She did that to me once. She made me wait two weeks, teasing me the whole time. Oh, that was not fun! Well, it was, but it was hard to last that long!

  I’m planning one more piercing, an ampallang. The ampallang runs laterally through the head of the penis. [It] takes about six months to heal, but it’s supposed to be quite pleasurable for the partner, too. Some people, I think, take it too far and wind up with so many piercings, it’s baroque.

  I’ve jumped out of airplanes and ridden motorcycles, and I’ve got several piercings. Yet every time I get a piercing, it’s almost like the first time. I don’t know how much it’s going to hurt. I know it’s going to take time to heal. So I get nervous and fluttery every time I get one, even though I’ve already got several. It’s a way of challenging myself.

  [Piercings] are convenient for S&M play. I can be led around by my penis, or it can be locked up. [Piercings] enhance sexual pleasure for me. They make my nipples more sensitive. I really feel the ones on the end of my penis when I’m having sucks. My orgasms are more intense than before because there is this little hot-electrical-wire sort of feeling.