Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  “Let me have your keys,” he instructed as he tried to ensure that this decision wouldn’t cast both of their lives on the pyre.

  “Why?” She supplied her truck keys.

  “I’m going to pull it in my garage. Your truck is very recognizable. No one can see you over here, and I certainly cannot come to your apartment. You’re too close to campus, too many students must live there.”

  “Okay, I could borrow another truck from the ranch. We have several spares.”

  “If you’re seen driving it ever, it shouldn’t be seen at my house. I hate the idea of this, but we probably shouldn’t see each other except on the weekends. Your truck needs to be in your parking lot each night. You need to keep going out and doing things college students do. Suspicion is an extremely dangerous thing.”

  “Fine, but I’m a doctoral student. We do nothing but study. Ever.”

  Dec had to grin at that. “Then go wherever other people go and study.” The words singed his throat. He never wanted her out of arm’s length, but he would learn to deal with it. He had to.

  “But I. . . .”

  He placed his finger over her mouth. “My stubborn little cowgirl, I do love you, but we have to play by the rules.”

  “Fine,” she sighed. “But I’m already here. Can I please stay tonight? I need to stay. I’ll leave early, drive all over town, go back home so when I go to campus I’ll be coming from my apartment. No one will know.”

  “I don’t know any of my neighbors, sweetheart. The Dean could be living in this neighborhood. I have no idea.”

  “The chancellor lives much closer to campus in the historic district. Three of the other deans live out there, too. I’ve attended events at their homes. The rest of them could see me driving out of here and would have no idea who I am. I only know the Psychology department.”

  “You could take the Pilot. I drove the bike today so no one at the University has seen it. You can just have it.”

  “I don’t want to take your car, Dec. I’m not actually sure how long you’ve lived here, but very, very soon it’s going to be colder than a witch’s tit with four feet of snow on the ground minimum. Your bike is going to be useless until Spring, and everyone knows my truck. It would be far more weird for me to show up in a different car. Besides, I only drive trucks. I will only ever drive trucks.”

  “It is unfortunate when your stubbornness makes sense.”

  Holly’s laugh filled him once again. “Why is that?”

  “Because how will I ever talk you into anything?”

  With one single step forward she wrapped her arms around him again, and he knew he was home. “You’ll have to be very persuasive and use all of your God-given talents and gifts.”

  The gift she was referencing was rather pleased with this arrangement. It swelled its approval.

  “When I get back from moving your truck, we’re going to talk about those talents and gifts and you’re going to tell me all of these things you’re afraid of and the fantasies I’m going to fulfill.”

  Dammit. She had said that out loud, hadn’t she? Holly watched Dec stride purposefully through his kitchen to the garage. Now she was in for it. He wouldn’t let her get away with backing out. You made it this far. Don’t chicken out now.

  He returned, sporting that smirk that sizzled across her skin, and took up residence between her thighs. “Pretty sure you were going to win weren’t you, darling?” He held up the duffle bag she’d haphazardly packed and her laptop bag with her books.

  “I don’t like to lose, and also I was freaking out during your entire class so I have no idea what you told us to do. Might need my boyfriend to go over that again.”

  His dark chuckle returned and her heart sprinted towards her throat. “I will be happy to help you with your school work, love, but I can’t just give you A’s on everything. That would look particularly bad. As for today, I have abso-bloody-lutely no clue what I said either. All I could think about was how fucked up my life was. I spent most of class trying not to remember the lyrics to Under the Bridge, and wishing I could kiss the heartbroken look off of your face, pick you up in my arms, and run away.”

  “Channeling Kiedis were you?”

  “Trying my damnedest not to.”

  “He did get clean though.”

  “Eventually, but that song is sort of how much harder life is when you’re clean.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m almost certain I didn’t assign anything today, which now that I think about was an incredibly stupid thing to do given that this is a doctorate level class. I didn’t know if you needed this tonight for one of your other classes.” He lifted the laptop bag before setting it on his sofa.

  “I’m taking three classes this semester because yours is my first research class. I haven’t been to Statistics yet. I do have a project for Anal Fun that I’m doing with Beth, though.”

  “Please tell me you are not actually taking a class called anal fun, and if you are, tell me how I can become the professor for said class.”

  All of the tension and despair that had been pent up inside of her, escaped in her hysterical laughter. Her emotions were on a death-defying rollercoaster that evening. Another round of tears, this time from joy, cascaded down her face. Dec hadn’t stopped smiling since they’d made their decision. It was risky and reckless. She could never deny that, but she also didn’t care. Making him smile like that was worth it.

  When she regained a little control, she wiped her eyes and nodded. “It’s actually Psychology Analysis and Functions, but on our schedules they abbreviate it to Psycho Anal Fun.”

  “I should probably point that out to Newsome, but that is simply too good to spoil.”

  “We get so little. Don’t take away what we have.”

  “Never. Now, tell me, did you pack anything more comfortable to wear since you knew I was a weak bastard that would never turn you down?”

  “I packed my sluttiest lingerie. I was prepared to pull out all of the stops if I had to.”

  “Damn, I should’ve held out longer. Come here to me.” Dec lifted her into his arms as if she were weightless. Currently, she felt like she might be. He carried her upstairs to his room and peeled away the layers of clothing concealing her.

  His eyes held darkened need and white hot fire as he stared at her naked. She fought the urge to cover herself.

  “So, damned gorgeous.” His hands raced over her flesh like he couldn’t decide where to touch her first. “We’re going to talk, but I spent this entire endless day convinced I’d never be able to touch you again. Just let me get a fix of you. You’re irresistible.”

  She shuddered as he slipped behind her to cup her breasts, letting them spill through his fingers. His left hand glided downward to her bare mound.

  “All mine. All for me. You’re sure that’s what you want? I’m a greedy bastard, Holly. I will always be an addict. I will always take what I want when we’re together.”

  “Yes. I told you, that’s what I need. I want that more than anything.” She swayed against him. The rough denim of his jeans taunted her ass. She felt empty, a need only he could fill.

  “Needy, baby? Say the word and I’ll make it feel better.” He knew she was. The wet heat slicked the lips of her vulva, swelling them. He could feel her need.

  “Please.”

  “Please what?”

  “Touch me.”

  The calluses on his fingertips abraded her tender skin. Her arousal perfumed the air. She wanted to be embarrassed at her own desperation, but his deep inhalation of breath was coupled with a growl of approval.

  “I am touching you, love.” He circled her mound. “Tell me where to touch you.”

  “Dec, please. Touch me everywhere. Touch me in places no one else has ever touched. Make me feel things no one else will ever make me feel.”

  She stared in the mirror and knew she’d made her point. His eyes darkened with every slip of his control. Suddenly, she was back in his arms being laid
on his bed. The cool, rumpled sheets against her fevered body carried his musk to her lungs. “Spread your legs for me. Keep them open. Do as I say and I’ll make it feel better.”

  “Yes,” quaked through her as she complied.

  He traced up and down her inner thighs. Liquid desire seeped from her slit. She could feel herself weep for him.

  “Fuck it, I was just going to get you off, but you’re too damned tempting. I need a taste.” His tongue lapped up her juices. She ground against his face until he pulled away.

  “Be still and let me give you this. Then, we are going to talk.”

  With that he ran his left hand over his mouth, ridding himself of her flavors, and dipped two fingers deep in her channel.

  “Jesus, you’re so tight. Drives me wild.”

  Holly trembled against his force as he pounded his fingers in and out, giving her what she needed to come.

  When his other hand caressed her ass, she cried out for him, hoping he’d understand her desire for more without her having to say it.

  “Like that, don’t you, baby? So many things to discuss.” He plied her flesh and then teased the puckered opening of her backside.

  Pleasure pervaded every cell of her body as he drained the tension and the terror from her with the masterful strokes of his hands. Her pussy began its frantic rhythmic flexes.

  “You’re so close aren’t you? I can feel it coming. Tell me what you need, sweetheart.”

  “You. Please. Harder,” she whimpered.

  “You beg so sweet. Makes me crazy.” He pumped into her harder and faster, driving her closer to the edge with every pass.

  “Please, please.” She would do most anything to make him understand the power he held over her. She met his every forceful stroke, undulating against him.

  “Who do you belong to?”

  “You.”

  “And who’s going to let you come?”

  “Oh God, you.”

  “Good girl. When I bring you, I want to hear how good it feels.”

  Constant pressure coiled behind her mound until pure pleasure and relief unfurled as she cinched tightly around his fingers, quaking and writhing in his bed. She called out for him and he eased his strokes as she came hard and fast.

  When she finally stilled, she stared up at him. He leaned and cleaned her once again with his mouth like he simply couldn’t get enough of her.

  She sat up, intent on returning the favor, but he caught her hand as she stroked over the steel-hard bulge in his jeans. “Not until we talk. Every dark fantasy. Every question you have. Every thought you’re scared to own. They all belong to me now. I want to hear them. I’m going to own them. Then, when we’re finished talking, I’ll show you a few of mine. The first being taking you so hard you feel me with every single step you take tomorrow and you remember who you belong to.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Dec shed his shirt and jeans and crawled into bed beside her. He still couldn’t believe she was there, that she was his. As long as they were careful, never taking any risks, there was no reason he couldn’t have her and keep his job. If only the little devils that occasionally darkened her angelic eyes didn’t like to play with matches, he might’ve really believed that.

  He pushed his worry away. There were far more important things to focus on. Things she was feigning exhaustion trying to get out of. Propping up the half dozen pillows he owned, he seated her between his outstretched legs with her back against his chest and covered them loosely in the sheets and blankets.

  “So, we’re just going to talk naked?”

  “There could not possibly be a better way to have most any conversation with you, but most certainly one of this nature. I’m a sex therapist, love. Trust me, you’re not going to tell me anything I haven’t heard.”

  “Yeah, but I’m assuming you’ve never slept with your patients as that is absolutely unethical, so this is very different.”

  “Unethical like sleeping with my student?”

  “That isn’t unethical. We’re in love, and when we started sleeping together you were not my professor.”

  “Pretty sure that reasoning would not stand up in court.”

  “We’re not going to trial.”

  “You are aware that sexual fantasy is something you’re going to hear a great deal about in the profession you are currently obtaining a degree for, right?”

  “Yeah, but I keep hoping I’ll handle other people’s fantasies better than I handle my own.”

  “Holly, baby, you’re making me feel like a predator forcing this from you. Come on. I do understand that this is far more intimate than sex, but intimacy like this is what was meant to be shared between partners. You’ve done the very thing you said you want to fight against. You’ve let society dictate to you what is and is not okay to want.”

  “I know. I told you, half the time I want to drop out and go back to being a cowgirl full time. I’m obviously not cut out for this.”

  “Hey, that is not at all what I meant.” He kept his hands gently tending her. She calmed as long as he soothed her. “Let me help you.”

  “I could listen to you tell me what you want us to do and be wildly turned on. I can listen to my friends talk about kinky things they want to try and it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just when it comes to myself, I panic.”

  “You panic because you feel like you’ll be judged, and because this country has done such a fantastic job of making women believe that sex should look like it came directly out of a movie script or should be nothing more than a grind session with someone you’ll never see again relegating it to a meaningless task no one actually enjoys.

  “Making love is meant to exist on a different plane. Somewhere between the harshness of reality and the softness of our best dreams. But women feel guilty for having pleasure. Sex is supposed to be a place to explore and to trust the person you’re sharing it with, deepening the relationship. What all of that means is I need to create a safer space for us to explore the private recesses of your mind. What can I do, honey? What can I do to prove to you that I would never betray you or your desires? To show you that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of? I do love you. You know that?”

  She turned her head to stare up at him. “I do. I feel so safe with you. Just let me get my thoughts straight, and I’ll tell you.”

  “Whenever you’re ready.”

  “I feel like it might all come out in a bizarre jumble of words.”

  Dec tucked a few hairs behind her ear. The heat of her climax still clung to her cheeks and her body was soft against him. He’d been intent on hearing the words come out of her mouth, but the need to protect her at all cost was far too consuming.

  “How about we start at the top?”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “This is where it’s handy to date a sex therapist.” He winked at her simply to watch the grin that always made her eyes dance when he did that.

  “Handy or hand-sy?”

  “Touche, Ms. Camden.” He stroked her thighs. “Shall we begin your love map?”

  “I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know about Money’s love map concept.” A little of her confidence had been restored and the sparks of curiosity had returned to her eyes.

  “Money did good work. Now, from the top, eighty-five percent of women fantasize about having sex in a romantic place.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “That seems fairly obvious. Mine is more like sex in a cozy, romantic place, where you sort of baby me. I just kind of lay there and you know what to do, and. . .you tell me that you’ll take care of me, but it’s also like I’m there to be the object of all of your attention. Also occasionally blends into my virgin fantasy.”

  “Now, we’re getting somewhere.” Dec memorized every detail. Once he got her started, she’d jumped right in. Maybe he hadn’t done such a shitty job of creating a safe sanctuary for her.

  He fought the erection currently pressing against her tail bone, but it was u
seless and they’d only just begun. “The virgin fantasy where you have the perfect first sexual encounter with a far more experienced partner, in the romantic locale with me playing the knight in shining armor?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Please elaborate.”

  “I’m far more interested in the bad boy showing me all that I’ve missed out on than I’ve ever been in a knight in shining armor.”

  “Oh, honey, believe me, I don’t have to play the bad boy. I’m the real deal.”

  “Why the hell do you think I fell so hard for you so fast?”

  “You’re killing me.”

  “I could take care of that for you.” She reached her hand back between them to stroke his engorged cock.

  “I’m gonna let you take care of me. Have no doubt. But right now I have several more fantasies to get through. Tell me, do they get dirtier, baby?”

  “Much, much dirtier.”

  “Good. You seem to like going down on me. I’m adding that to the map.”

  “With instruction,” she added quickly.

  A low, hungry growl crawled up his throat and sounded in her ear. Perfection. She was absolutely perfection. “Speaking of that, nearly seventy percent of women fantasize about being dominated. Do you fit into the majority, sweetheart?” He already knew the answer, but he needed to hear her say it.

  “Pretty sure you already knew that, but yes. I fantasize about that a lot.”

  “So, you wouldn’t mind hearing my bed, my rules then?”