Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  “She’s my baby girl.” The threat was implicit.

  “I am keenly aware of that, sir. I never meant to hurt her or her future.”

  “But you did hurt her and her future.”

  “I am also aware of that. If you want me to leave your ranch, say the word.”

  “Jess’d have my hide, and Holly’d never speak to me again. Do you really believe you deserve to marry her?”

  “No, I don’t, but have you ever tried to tell her no, sir?”

  Ev put forth valiant effort but Dec got a half grin. “Yeah, I have. Wasn’t pretty. Just give me a few days to wrap my head around all this. Don’t you dare leave. You hurt her again, you gon’ have me to answer to.”

  “I have no intention of ever hurting her again, sir. That’s precisely why I agreed to come here. Believe me, I could use a few days to get used to my entire life being different than it was less than twelve hours ago.”

  “’Spose you have had a helluva day. You ever ridden a horse before?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “You any good?”

  “I can hold my own.”

  “Good. Be on horseback ‘fore sun-up. We got cattle to feed and prep ‘fore there’s two feet of snow on the ground, and bulls that need to be moved to another field for spring calving.”

  “Yes, sir.” Dec had absolutely no idea how to do any of that, but if her family was willing to take him in and help him be the kind of man Holly deserved, he’d do his best.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  “Quite certain your father despises me,” Dec sighed as he closed Holly’s bedroom door. She couldn’t believe he was standing in her childhood bedroom. She honestly couldn’t believe any of this. All she knew was this felt right. This was where they belonged.

  “He’ll be fine. He just wants me to be seven eternally.” She patted the side of the bed he normally slept on at his house. Of course, she only had a queen and he had a California king, so this would be a little more snug.

  “Feel like talking?” he asked as he shed his jeans and shirt and crawled into bed with her. She clambered onto his chest and let that feeling of being in his arms wash over her like a healing tide. There’d been far too many hours in this endless day where she’d been terrified she’d never be in his arms again.

  “Definitely.”

  “You are not quitting school for me.”

  “Not about that.”

  “Okay, want to talk about what happened today?”

  “That, we can do, and I have several confessions. Stuff I should have already told you.”

  “I knew something was bothering you. If we’re really going to get married, we can’t keep things from one another.”

  “We are really getting married, but not until you understand that not everything that goes wrong is your fault. Not this. Not Evie. Not your marriage.”

  “I’ll give you my marriage, but not Evie and not this.”

  Holly sat up. “Did you or did you not tell me we should’ve waited until the semester was over to start dating?”

  “I did.” His eye roll said he somehow didn’t believe that counted.

  “And did Evie or did Evie not consume a lethal amount of heroine before you ever even arrived at your flat?”

  “You’ve been talking to Kade.”

  “Answer the question.”

  “She did.”

  “Then how is that your fault?”

  “I could’ve stopped her if I’d just gotten there earlier, and I wasn’t there because I was out buying.”

  “Using and buying was your fault, Dec. No one’s denying you that. But her actions are not your responsibility. You can mourn for her. You can even miss her, but you cannot go back to drugs when things get too difficult to handle. That’s what she taught you. It isn’t you. That’s what the drugs make you believe, but that isn’t how you and I are going to work. I will be here each and every day to help you handle your addictions in a healthy way. I want that responsibility. You don’t have to fight this alone.”

  “It has to be my responsibility, and I swear sometimes I’m just not strong enough to fight them.”

  “But you are. Baby, you were leaving a dealer’s house, not because of me, or Kade, or anything but your own power. You stared down the face of temptation and walked away. Do you have any idea how strong you are?”

  “I will always need help, Holly.”

  “And I will always be here to help you.”

  “I wish I didn’t need your help. I want to be everything for you. I don’t want to require anything from you.”

  “Well, Mr. Sex Therapist, that isn’t how relationships work.” She brushed a kiss on his bare chest and ran her fingertips along the tattooed lyrics once again.

  “Can I ask you something, sweetheart? I don’t want you think I blame you for any of this. It’s just something Grant asked me.”

  “Of course.”

  “What exactly did the women who took you in that room ask you? I nearly broke down the damn door, by the way. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I didn’t know what they might be doing to you in there.”

  “They just asked me stuff. Tried to insist that you’d pressured me into this. It was ridiculous. But listen, I figured out that the guy who’d taken those pictures of me was the pizza delivery man. The one who’d asked me if I was there alone that night a few months ago.”

  “The one who’d scared you when I had dinner with Newsome?”

  “Yeah. Remember I said he kept messing with his phone and asking if I was there alone? Well, he was taking my picture. That was the one of his own thumb. And he was taking my picture because Trevor Singleton paid him to. He followed us all semester and then threatened to go to Newsome with what he had. I figured out what he was doing and Beth and I got the woman his father had an affair with a few years ago to send us their texts and emails as blackmail to keep Trevor from talking. I should’ve told you. I was scared you’d freak out, but then Beth turned on me. I still can’t believe she did that.”

  “And that’s why Trevor ran out into the hall after you saying he hadn’t done it.”

  “Exactly.”

  “How do you know it wasn’t him?”

  “The information they had on us wasn’t what he had, plus they said the anonymous caller was a she. What all did they ask you?”

  “I left when I was handed a piece of paper and a pen of all things and was asked to elaborate on our sexual relationship. I gave everything away when they asked about my piercing. I wasn’t expecting that. Lost my poker face.”

  “What?!” Holly shot upwards in the bed again. A cold fist of realization gripped her.

  “Darling, you’re a bit like a jack-in-the-box. Come here. It’s all over now. It’s fine you told her.”

  “But. . .I didn’t.” Fury exploded throughout Holly, but it was quickly drowned by the hard blow of betrayal. Her cheeks burned, her chest ached, her stomach bottomed out somewhere near her thighs. This day was simply too much.

  “Then how did she know?”

  “She didn’t. It wasn’t Beth.”

  “Grant said something about it being his fault. Does that make sense to you?”

  “I can’t believe she did this. She was my best friend.”

  “I take it we’re no longer talking about Beth.”

  Holly collapsed back on Dec’s chest, and gave herself over to every terrifying, agonizing emotion the day had held. She sobbed and he kissed away tear after tear until she’d finally cried herself out. Then he cradled her in his arms, easing the sting of being betrayed by your best friend, until she finally fell asleep safely on his chest.

  Dec managed to open one eye when some despicable person continued to ring some kind of bell.

  Holly groaned and burrowed deeper under the covers and closer to him. Grinning at that, he wrapped her up in his arms and attempted to mentally banish the bloody bell to the depths of hell.

  It didn’t work. “What’s the bell?”

  “Time to
get up. Gotta feed. Horses. Ride. Sleepy,” she whimpered.

  Clearly her father hadn’t been joking when he’d told them to be up before sunrise.

  An hour later, he saddled a gorgeous copper quarter horse, much to her father’s shock, and mounted. His entire childhood settled firmly in the saddle, and this time he didn’t push it away. With the click of his mouth, the horse moved. A minute later, he was flying across the prairie. The rhythmic hoof-falls soothed his soul. The cold wind cleansed his lungs and washed his weary soul. The Camden’s ranch surrounded him in every direction. It embraced him. All of his problems felt too far away to reach. Even if he’d wanted something, it certainly couldn’t be accessed in this tiny town. For the past few months, Holly had been his only sense of peace, his only redemption. He began to understand perhaps this place could be a sanctuary for both of them. He just had to work out how to stay here.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  “Well, the boy can sure as hell ride. You gotta give him that, Dad,” Grant vowed. Holly couldn’t help but grin as she nuzzled Lightning, but Cheyenne’s betrayal still rooted her to the ground. If she never left the ranch, she never had to see Cheyenne again.

  Ev only grunted his allowance that Dec could most certainly ride.

  “You’re just being stubborn, Daddy,” Holly smarted.

  “You’re my little girl. I don’t care how old you are.”

  “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to marry him.”

  “Doesn’t mean I have’ta like it.”

  By the end of the day, Dec had been given lessons on winter feedings, busting up icy lakes, calving, preg-testing, pulling bulls, and had even cleared a little snow off the dirt roads through the ranch with the tractor-driven snow plow.

  Holly didn’t know how he felt about any of this, as they hadn’t really had any time to talk, but he’d certainly thrown himself into the work. Even her father was complimentary by the time everyone sat down to her mother’s beef stew supper.

  “I have a surprise for you.” Holly was excited to show Dec what she’d been working on while Grant was teaching him to drive the tractor.

  “Does it involve a bed, because I swear I’m going to collapse.” He brushed a tender kiss in her hair. She’d never love anything more, and as she studied his eyes, no longer clouded with tension and felt the ease of his breath, she knew he belonged here, too.

  “It will involve a bed someday soon, but right now it doesn’t. Just come on.”

  “You ain’t gonna go out there in that sissy car you drove in on. Snowing too hard now. Take my truck. I’ll meet you out there in one of the other.” Grant tossed Holly the keys to his Sierra. “Where’s your Siverado, anyway?”

  “Back in Lincoln. I’ll get in later.”

  “Want me to take you back out there to get it?”

  “Not that you aren’t always a good big brother, Grant Camden, but why are you being so nice to me?” Holly demanded. She knew he had to have something to do with Cheyenne’s insanity.

  “How ‘bout you take Dec out to your surprise. I’ll come out there in a few and we’ll chat.”

  Dec climbed in the passenger side of Grant’s surprisingly luxurious truck. “I take it my Pilot is not ranch worthy?”

  Holly giggled. God, he’d missed that sound. In the middle of her sobs the night before, he’d wondered if he’d ever hear it again. “Won’t pull or haul much of anything and it’s not heavy enough to cut through the snow as well as the trucks do. We have plenty of trucks here, though. You don’t have to sell it if you don’t want to.”

  “Holly, honey, if this is where you want to live, I’ll do my best to figure that out, but we do have an entire life in Lincoln. There’s no guarantee that they’re going to kick you out of school. My band is there. And there is absolutely no assurance that even us getting married will keep me here in the States. I’m going to call my immigration attorney tomorrow, but I expect to hear that I’m going to have to go back at least for a little while.”

  “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I’m deciding what I want and being stubborn about it. I’m sorry, Dec. I kind of hoped you’d love it here.”

  Devastation weighted her tone. “I could definitely fall in love with this ranch, baby. It’s just a lot to consider, and I’m still not okay with you not finishing your degree if that’s what you want.”

  “I’ll try not to be so stubborn.”

  “I don’t ever want you to change for me. I just know we have to deal with our pasts or we can’t have a future.”

  Just then, she slowed Grant’s truck in front of a two-story clapboard home a little smaller than her parents’. The lights were on and there was smoke billowing out of two chimneys. “This side of the ranch is my land. I kind of thought maybe this could be our house, after we deal with Lincoln.”

  If she’d actually stabbed him, it couldn’t possibly have hurt as much as his enumerating complications of their current situation and taking away from her surprise.

  “I’m sorry. I had no idea where you were bringing me. I never meant to say that I didn’t want to live here.”

  “I know. There’s a lot on my mind. It’s just so tempting to hide out here and never leave. I keep insisting that I’m a grown woman, but I’m not acting like one.”

  “I’m ten years older than you, baby, and I sure as hell don’t have it all figured out. Not dealing with everything back in Lincoln sounds just as appealing to me. I just know we have to. Come, show me our home. I’ll figure out some way to make this all work. I want to be the kind of man that provides everything you need. The only way I can allow myself to marry you is to vow every single day to be better for you.” For the first time in a long time, thinking about the future wasn’t so terrifying. There had to be some way to give her what she wanted.

  “I don’t want you to change for me either, Dec. I just want you to keep fighting your addictions and I want you to let me help you. Now come on, I’ve been working on this for hours.”

  She led him inside what was apparently going to be their home. The hardwoods were in need of some repairs but had been scrubbed recently. He doubted she’d want to keep the dated wallpaper, but the living room had built in bookshelves and a reading nook by the front windows.

  “I found some old lamps and end tables. We can bring my bed here. Have to buy some furniture, but it’s a great house. I used to play here when I was little with. . .never mind. Anyway, I used to imagine living here with my husband. Well, when I wasn’t pretending to fly to Jupiter. I wanted to be an astronaut for a while. Just come see the kitchen.” She took his hand and led him to the back of the house. There was an expansive kitchen that he could easily turn into a chef’s paradise. “There are two bedrooms and a study upstairs. The master’s over here.”

  There was a half bath on the main floor. The master wouldn’t hold his California King. It did have another brick fireplace, however. The crackle of the second fire welcomed them into the room. The master bath had a clawfoot tub that delighted Holly. “Maybe we could get a King sized bed in here. Yours is a little small, and mine’s going to be too big.”

  “I feel a little like Goldilocks suddenly,” she laughed.

  The study upstairs had more built-in bookshelves. Dec mentally planned out an office until he realized that if he moved to the ranch there would be no more treating patients. He’d worked so hard to help people. He just wasn’t certain he wanted to give it all up for tractors and horses as much as he’d enjoyed the work that day.

  “Basement?” He pointed to a door in the hallway once they were back on the main floor.

  “Yes, but it’s dark, and gross, and a little scary.” Holly wrinkled her nose.

  “I’ll keep the monsters away, baby.” He offered her his hand, knowing he couldn’t outrun his own monsters, but he’d spend every day of his life keeping them from ever hurting her again.

  “The acoustics down here are brilliant,” he declared in the center of the massive room.

  “Want to finish it ou
t and make it a music room?”

  “Naturally.”

  “Deal.”

  “I’m here and if I’m about to walk in on you banging my sister, dude, I’m not gonna be able to keep on being a nice guy,” Grant bellowed.

  Holly rolled her eyes and gave Dec a wicked grin. “Oh, Dec, oh, Dec, oh right there, yes, yes, yes,” she cried.

  “Ah, Jay-sus Christ,” Grant gagged as she bounded up the stairs laughing hysterically.

  “Gotcha.”

  Dec shook his head and offered her brother a sorrowful gaze.

  “You oughta turn her over your knee,” Grant informed him. Dec tried valiantly to look unaffected by that instruction. It was a very appealing idea.

  “You. Talk.” Holly ordered her brother.

  “Fine. You got anywhere to sit down here yet?”

  “The floor.” Holly directed them to a few quilts she’d spread near the fire.

  “I take it you figured out who told the school about the two of you.”

  “Cheyenne.” A cold shiver worked through Holly. Dec wrapped his arm over her. This was the part of the story he hadn’t gotten the night before.

  “Who’s Cheyenne, love?”

  “She was my best friend, since I was a little girl.”

  “I tried to tell you,” Grant started but shook his head and started over. “She wasn’t ever your friend, Holl. Did you never notice how she only wanted to be friends with you as long as you were there for her? You weren’t ever really yourself around her because you adapted to whatever she wanted you to be. Whatever Chey wanted to do, you did. She wanted to talk, you listened. But if you needed something, she couldn’t be bothered. Hell, Holl, your favorite horse was taking her last breaths a few months ago and she couldn’t be bothered to hang around.

  “She’s been doing nothing but making my life miserable since she up and decided to co-chair Cattle Baron’s just because I’m in charge this year. Drove me up four walls and over a hay bale. I’d kinda taken up with Ashley Stender. Things were going real good like. I’d asked her to the barn dance after the cattle show. Took her to Ogallala for dinner, then to the drive-in they were having out at the Kilroys. We ended up dancing at Saddlebacks and then might’a made our way back to my truck.”