Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  “You fucked her in the back of your truck. I got it,” Holly scowled.

  “Not in the back. Too damn cold for that, but we were heading all kinda good places in the front.”

  “Remind me to wash my hands in just a second. I just drove that truck.”

  “Cheyenne was at the drive-in and then at Saddlebacks, of course. I didn’t think much of it since she follows me around all the damn time. She was downing tequila shots like there was no tomorrow. ‘Bout five minutes into me and Ashley doing what we were doin’, she threw open my truck door and informed Ashley that I was going to the barn dance with her. Said you’d told her I’d go with her. Told Ashley I was cheatin’. Ashley was furious. Crawled off’a me and left. I told Cheyenne off and I wasn’t kind. I’d had enough. I’m sorry. She makes me crazy. Way she takes advantage of everyone to get whatever she wants, and Ashley was in tears ‘fore she ever got to her brother to take her home. That tipped me right over the edge. I said some things I regret. All of ‘em were the truth, but I’m sorry for what it did for you all. She got her feelings hurt and decided to take it out on you.”

  “Grant, I’m so sorry,” Holly’s head fell in her hands. Dec felt helpless. Her best friend had betrayed her and was an outright liar. Not an easy thing to find out one day after being suspended from school.

  “No, now, don’t apologize to me. I just wanted to tell ya ‘cause she ain’t ever gonna change, Holl. She’s a user through and through. It’s always gonna be all about her all the time.”

  “Did Ashley believe you? Did you try to tell her that Cheyenne is a lying bitch?”

  “I went over there to tell her, but Taylor Swenson was there and his tongue in her mouth would’a made it difficult to talk.”

  Defeat fell over the entire room.

  “Grant, I’m so sorry.” Holly tried yet again.

  “I know, sug. Don’t worry ‘bout it. There’s an ocean full ‘a fish, right?”

  With that, Dec knew whoever Ashley was she’d meant a great deal to Grant. He scooped Holly off of the quilt and into his lap. He couldn’t fix Grant and Ashley, but he could take care of his baby.

  “Yeah, I’m gonna leave you to that,” Grant nodded to Holly. “Get some blinds ‘fore you two christen your new home, or at least wait ‘til I’m back on my side of the ranch.”

  “I have to call Beth. I have to apologize.” Holly was on the phone before Dec’s next breath. He could make out a little of the conversation.

  “Beth, I’m so sorry I accused you. I know it wasn’t you.”

  “Well, I guess I’m glad you figured that out.” Beth didn’t sound ready to forgive. “I can’t believe you ever thought I would. I did everything I could to be a good friend to you. I tried to help you cover up everything.”

  Holly’s eyes closed and Dec wasn’t certain how much more she was going to be able to withstand. She was so damn strong, but everyone had their breaking point. Suddenly, the weakness he’d carried with him since he’d given into the call the day before eased its grip. She needed him to be strong, and her need all but silenced the endless demon song that ruled his life. His every choice mattered because his choices affected her now. That’s why he hadn’t been able to make the buy the day before. He understood.

  “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I understand if you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, but I don’t want to see you for a while. I’m not sure I can be friends with someone who believed even for a moment that I would’ve done that.” The call ended with that.

  Dec strengthened his hold. He’d never let her down again. “Pretty shitty what humans do to each other, huh?”

  “Cheyenne hurt Grant, and me, and you, and now I hurt Beth. I just don’t know how everything got so fucked up. I’m going to go out to Ashley’s farm tomorrow and apologize to her for Grant. Might not help, but I have to try.”

  “Permission to psychologist you for a minute?” Dec planted a kiss on the top of her head.

  “Permission granted.”

  “Seems to me that you’re willing to talk and make amends to everyone that was hurt at your own expense, but you keep avoiding talking about and ultimately talking to the inflictor of the pain.”

  “I can’t talk to her. I can’t even look at her. I get sick to my stomach when I even think about it. I trusted her. I’ve trusted her most of my life, and I never saw that she was always using me. She’s used me for the last decade trying to get to Grant. See, this is why I shouldn’t be a psychologist. I’d suck at it.”

  “Hush,” Dec put his finger over her mouth. “Yeah, I know you hate it when I tell you that, but I will not allow the woman I love more than life itself to sit here and blame herself for being human. Psychologists are not above being taken advantage of. You are so incredibly sweet. You want so badly to see the best in people or to help people be their best. That’s one of the things I love most about you. Your friend chose to use you for her own gains. You allowed it because you wanted the best for her even if it was at your own expense.”

  “Sometimes she was nice. Sometimes she listened to me.”

  “Believe me, honey, I know precisely how addictive it can be when someone you care about finally allows you a little light. The problem is their darkness is always the victor. They want to pull you into the darkness and when you resist or you don’t feed their wants, they unleash it vengefully. I wouldn’t have stuck with Evie as long as I did if I never got to be the center of her attention. She trained me to do whatever she wanted for a hit of her. Attention can be addictive all on its own.”

  “I didn’t want to see what was right in front of my face.”

  “You didn’t want to see it, sweetheart, because you loved your friend.”

  Chapter Fifty

  “You look so fucking good in those chaps, Dr. St. James.” Holly wrapped her arms around his waist Saturday morning long before the sun was up. She loved having him here. She never wanted these two weeks to end. If they never went back to Lincoln, she never had to worry about Dec possibly going back to London and what she would do if their marriage didn’t qualify him for immediate citizenship. She’d gone as far as getting a passport photo, and had read up on what all she needed to do to get a passport and a visa for an extended international stay.

  “You’re the one that told me you didn’t want me to be a cowboy.”

  “Maybe I wouldn’t mind it too much. You do look damn fine on horseback.”

  “Do you have any idea how much I’m enjoying the work here? I’m in shock, but between it and you I haven’t had craving in almost a week.”

  “Told you things made sense here, but I’m taking most of the credit for keeping your craving meter on low. I still wish we didn’t have to go back to Lincoln.” Or London. She refused to say that out loud.

  “You have always been the key to the meter. We still have to deal with Lincoln though, baby, and I’m still not sure I can just walk away from being a therapist.”

  “One moment at a time, remember?”

  “I remember.”

  “Dec really likes it here. His cravings haven’t been bothering him. He even likes getting up early. I think it helps him that other people and animals are depending on him. I wish we never had to go back to Lincoln,” Holly explained to her mother that afternoon while they had coffee. Dec had gone with Grant and Austin to help out with something for the Cattle Baron festival the next Saturday.

  “Can’t run away from life, baby girl. It’s been good for both of you to be here, but you don’t get to pick points on your timeline and ignore all of the things that helped move you from one place to the next. Dec must miss some things in Lincoln. You have to let him have those feelings and go back if that’s what he wants.”

  “I know he misses Kade and the band.”

  “Would they be willing to come out here? They’d be more than welcomed.”

  “They were waiting on Dec to get his bearings here, but I think he already has.”

  “If you’d be
willin’ I sure as heck wouldn’t turn ya down,” Grant vowed again.

  “I’m more than willing to play for this thing. Have to see if the rest of the band wants to come all the way out here,” Dec explained. “I’ll call Kade tonight.” As if on cue, his cell rang, but it wasn’t Kade.

  “Tell me something good,” Dec ordered his immigration lawyer, Sarah Nicholls.

  “I wish I could, Dec. Your H-1B is up in a three months. Just to get to the interview phase for permanent citizenship for you and Holly will take four to six months. And they’ll interview you both again in two years.”

  “That won’t be a problem. It’s the months between my current visa and the one for marriage I’m worried about.”

  “Well, there is also the fact that Holly has to show employment able to support you both. Since she was a student that’s going to be another issue. Is there any way you could get another therapy center to take over your H-1B? If you could get another year on at a founding firm, you can marry Holly and eventually gain permanent citizenship.”

  “I doubt anyone would be willing to hire me after being fired from Lifespan and the University.”

  “You haven’t been fired from the University yet. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Go ahead and plan a ceremony. I might can work a few months to let you be back here for your marriage. I’ll see what I can do. Try to get a job, any job that requires your level of education.”

  “I’m out in the middle of cattle country, not a lot of need for a therapist out here.”

  “Then I’m going to work on getting Holly her passport. The UK will allow her to stay there without a job for six months. Maybe by then we can get you both back here.”

  “I don’t want Holly to have to come there.”

  “I’m not a miracle worker, Dec. I’m doing everything I can. Without you having a job, my hands are tied. I’ll try to think of something.”

  The gnawing anxiety of having to return to London ate at him constantly. If Holly went with him, which was the only way he would survive, she would have to put off school for far too long.

  Grant was staring at him when he ended the call.

  “That was my immigration attorney. Not looking very promising that I’m going to get to stay here. I don’t know how to tell Holly.”

  “I thought if you two got hitched, you got to stay.”

  “There’s quite a process to that. Interviews, things like that, and it’s months and months before we could even get an interview. I don’t have that kind of time left on my current visa.”

  “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Grant elbowed Austin.

  “That Nebraskan cattle country needs a therapist. Lordy knows we gots loads a crazy right here in the Glen.”

  “Exactly.”

  Dec appreciated their candor, but this wasn’t going to work. For a moment, he tried to remember the things he’d missed about London, the things he could show Holly if she did come with him. He knew what he’d tell her as soon as they stepped off the plane—to always look up. The buildings, the skyline, the history of it all. If he could just keep his head up, maybe they could survive. That is if she was really willing to come with him, and he just couldn’t bring himself to ask her if she was sure she wanted to leave her home for him.

  When they returned to the Camden’s farmhouse, Holly and her mother were sitting at the table with a man Dec had never seen before. Holly was such a part of the ranch he decided then and there that she just couldn’t leave it, not for him.

  “Dec, this is Pastor Higgins. He came to pick up a few casseroles for meals on wheels.” Holly raced out of her seat to welcome him home. God, how was he supposed to exist without this for six months?

  “Nice to meet you, son. I hear you’ve swept Holly right off her feet. Must be a very special soul.” Pastor Higgins’ kind face reminded Dec a little of Father Christmas.

  “Not too sure about that, sir, but she definitely makes my life worth living.”

  “That’s all that matters. I hope I might get a call to perform your nuptials soon.”

  “Yes, sir, we’d like that,” Holly urged. Dec didn’t have the heart to tell her right then that even with a marriage he wasn’t going to be able to stay.

  “May I impose just a minute more? I was hoping I might get to meet you, Dec.”

  “You can stay just as long as you like Pastor. I got plenty of supper. I’ll set you a place.”

  “May I speak with you, son?”

  “Of course,” Dec wondered what on earth a religious man wanted with him. The only time he’d ever had a foot inside a church was to attend NA meetings.

  “You’ll find that word travels a bit like wildfire through Pleasant Glen. I heard a bit about your past and what happened at the University from a friend of a friend. Anyway, we do have a need in the community, and I know you’ve only just arrived here and might be returning to Lincoln soon, but I wondered if we could ask you to run our NA meetings at the church while you’re here. We haven’t had a proper leader here ever. I’d like to have them once a week, but we’re on a rotation with a host of other churches in surrounding towns. The leader only gets out here once a month and you must know that simply isn’t enough. I ‘spose I thought I’d ask for the moon and see if you might take them over while you’re here.”

  “I’ve been to dozens of them, sir, but I don’t have any kind of training to lead them.”

  “The only thing it requires is willingness to help, understanding of the steps and traditions, and we prefer that you have been clean for at least a year.”

  “I haven’t used in eleven years, but I came very close to ending that.”

  “Then I suspect you’re more than qualified. Not only have you remained clean, but you turned away a great temptation when you were tested.”

  “I’ll help you organize them,” Holly vowed hopefully.

  “I’d be honored sir. When do they usually meet?”

  “In about two hours.”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  It was Monday when Luke found Dec out at his and Holly’s potential home that Dec realized Holly’s family was trying to help him with the job hunt. So far, he’d talked to the feuding owners of the local honkytonk who were in a tiff about whether or not to have the waitresses wear shorter skirts in the summer. The wife had taken to smacking the husband with her bible. The sheriff asked if Dec would mind becoming an impromptu marriage counselor.

  The day before, Austin had brought in two brothers worried about their mom. She’d been working sixty hour weeks at four different jobs, was exhausted and still not able to fully provide. Her teenage sons had picked up on her depression.

  Dec agreed to meet with her in a couple of days free of charge. He’d worked two NA meetings and had been asked if he would mind expanding to AA meetings.

  Now Luke was standing before him with a man who looked like the world hadn’t treated him fairly. The hollowness of his eyes bore more than any man should ever see. There was a hunger about him, not necessarily for food, but for nourishment.

  “Hey, Dec you got a second?” Luke inquired.

  “Sure, just trying to figure out how to get all of this wallpaper off of the walls.”

  “That mean you’ve decided to stay here?”

  “Means I want Holly to have every option available to her. Still have to go back to Lincoln Friday. Still have to figure out if I’ll even be allowed to stay in the country. I can’t ask her to go to London. She needs to be here.”

  “I could hire you, or dad could. Hell, Holly can claim all the cattle we’re running this year and she could hire you as a hand or something.”

  “Has to be a job that requires my specific degree.”

  Luke, just like all of the Camdens, didn’t take no for an answer. “I’ll think of something. Listen, this is Aaron, good friend of mine. Did three tours in Afghanistan and two in Iraq. Army Ranger.”

  “I’m honored to meet you,” Dec offered Aaron his hand.

  “I ain’t nothing s
pecial. I don’t know why he introduces me that way.”

  “Luke must think you are, and given your record I’d have to say I agree.”

  Aaron visibly fought the blood piling in his cheeks.

  “You mind if we tell him a little more?” Luke inquired.

  “I got nothing to hide. ‘Sides I got a few questions for the doc.”

  “Aaron has to drive all the way into Ogallala twice a week for counseling for his PTSD. That’s almost four hours by the time he gets there, sees the doc, and drives back. That’s eight hours he ain’t getting paid. That means he can only work thirty hours a week and they’re nice and try to work around his sessions, but he’s barely making minimum wage. Be nice if he could go to counseling here, work more hours, take my sister out, things like that, don’tcha think?”

  “Am I to take it you might like a session now?”

  “If you got time.”

  “I got time, but there’s unfortunately not much I can do about there not being a counseling center nearby.”

  “I’ll leave you to it.” Luke waved.

  “Alcoholic?” Dec asked.

  “Oh, no sir, I’m a bartender.”

  “I was going to offer you a beer, but maybe after our session now that I think of it. How about a soda?”

  “Sure. Anything’s good.” Aaron sat down at the card table Holly had placed in the relatively empty kitchen.

  Dec joined him. “If I was going to treat you officially I’d need to see your release papers from the Army and your records from your other therapist. We can talk about anything you’d like, but you might have to give me a little back story.”