Take Me As I Am

by JM Dragon

  “I’ll go see.” Jo left to answer the door.

  Two minutes later Joanna walked back in and cleared her throat. “Did you say we didn’t want any visitors this evening?”

  Calum walked in behind her giving Thea, who now had rather red streaked cheeks, a long serious expression.

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Jo said. “I’ve got a heavy day tomorrow. Goodnight to you both.”

  †

  “Joanna, please….” Thea said but she was too late. Joanna was already gone.

  “If you want me to go, Thea, I will. I’m sorry to interrupt. I thought maybe you would like a little company.” He turned to leave but Thea took hold of his arm.

  “I’m sorry about the comment, Calum. We were having a good talk…the first for weeks. I wasn’t expecting you.”

  It was another lame excuse but Calum apparently was buying into it as she saw the light return to the young man’s eyes.

  Whatever it is that he sees in me, I’m not worth it.

  “Stay. Do you want a drink?” She moved toward the kitchen and was surprised when he pulled her toward him.

  “I’d rather have a kiss.”

  She allowed the hug but turned away from the kiss.

  “Calum, there’s something you need to know.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  This was Joanna’s day and Thea didn’t want anything to stop it from being a success. She knew that her miserable countenance wasn’t going to help, so she opted to stay in bed until Joanna left. She could call her later and wish her luck.

  A soft knock on the door heralded the dark head of the woman she had been thinking about peeping inside her bedroom. “Are you awake, Thea?”

  What should she do? She could feign sleep and not answer or be honest and acknowledge Joanna’s question.

  “Hey, I thought you might be excited and want to come with me this morning,” Joanna said softly.

  Thea closed her eyes in dismay at the tentative words. Now she didn’t know what to do. Everything was all crazy again.

  “Asleep, huh, never mind. I’ll call you later and tell you how it went.”

  Thea heard the words and her tears welled, picking up the disappointment in Joanna’s voice. Rushing out of bed, she tangled herself up in the bedclothes, which delayed her getting out of the door. Joanna was closing the outer door behind her before she could catch her.

  “Damn, I’ve missed her.” She rushed out the door hoping to catch her before she got on the elevator. Now while standing in the cold hallway with her feet bare and in her flimsy nightdress, she couldn’t stop trembling from the chill. She realized that for once, her friend might have needed her and she hadn’t had the courage to face her. She had thought that she had overcome her timid ways but it was obvious that she hadn’t. She shook her head in disgust. Once again her insecurities overshadowed all else and made her less than strong.

  “I’m so sorry, Joanna.” The words she whispered into the cold empty hallway, in many respects, reminded her of how her heart felt. Barren was the future she had in store once Joanna had moved on with her new life.

  It was time to move on with hers, too, but where would she go? No way was Danvers an option. As soon as she set foot in that town, George would no doubt press her into marriage and she had no money or prospects to counter that.

  Then like a bolt out of the blue, she realized she did have an option. It might be remote but something she had to try at least. It was her only hope.

  †

  “Are you nervous, darling?”

  Jo looked at Lee and, for a moment, wondered who he was talking to before it dawned on her that he was actually speaking to her. “Me? No, why would I be nervous? I’m going to slay them.” She refused to let this one chance slide by without attempting at least to make it happen.

  “Want to tell me why you look so pensive if it’s not the show?”

  Hardly. Pensive isn’t part of my makeup. “Hand me that mirror on the table, Lee.”

  Lee handed her the glass.

  Jo frowned. Something wasn’t right and it was evident on her face.

  “I’ll help you sort the problem out if you would allow me,” Lee said.

  “I guess I do look strange. I was thinking about Thea.”

  “Really? I was expecting her to be here since she’s your manager and roommate, too. Couldn’t make it?”

  Jo didn’t like the tone of his voice. It sounded like he’d already made up his mind that Thea was nothing but a hanger on and not worthy to be her manager. In the past few weeks, he’d even asked her to change to someone with more sophistication and experience. His excuse—Jack was a great man and very fair but others out there weren’t as nice and Thea wouldn’t be up for the job, if that were the case.

  Jo let her blue eyes flash icily. “Thea is busy with a final request from me before the show. She must be stuck in traffic.”

  “Okay, while you go for the final practice session I’ll look out for her and bring her to your room when she arrives.”

  Lee bent and kissed her passionately. Jo pulled away quickly, experiencing the emotion of familiarity and warmth, but the excitement she’d initially felt was missing. She knew then that she’d made a mistake in becoming engaged to Lee. The loneliness of the road made her take the easy option, just as she had in the past. Jo watched him leave her room and looked in the mirror again at her reflection. There was no doubt that she was changing and had been for some time. The change in many ways had been for the good.

  What was the catalyst? The contract with Trigon Records? My bid for stardom? Age and experience tempering my old temper tantrums?

  In a moment of clarity, she knew the answer. It was Thea.

  “Ms. Lackerly, you’re on in five minutes,” some faceless person said, knocking on her door.

  Jo picked up her guitar, wishing Thea were going to arrive. She hadn’t really lied to Lee. Thea deserved to be there to see her win or lose the battle. After all, she was an integral part of it happening and it wasn’t the same without her friend by her side. She needed her best friend, Thea. Together they could take on the world. Her heart told her the truth of the words. More than anything else, it reminded her that she had made a mistake in agreeing to Lee’s proposal.

  “I guess I was missing you, Thea, and let him sweep me away.”

  She stared at the mirror and shook her head.

  †

  “Where are you going, Thea?”

  “I’m going to make my own way in the world as Joanna and I discussed last night.”

  Alice couldn’t believe what she was seeing, never mind hearing. Thea was collecting her battered suitcase. “She didn’t really say that, did she? The Jo I’ve met isn’t cruel. It’s not in her character. This is the biggest day of her life and you’re walking out on her, now?”

  “She didn’t say it in so many words, but the meaning was clear. She’s moving on, so should I, too. I’m not exactly without any skills, am I? I can cook, clean and work in a motel. I should get work easily.” Thea looked away. “Look, all I want to do is be on my way, out of this town and on the next bus.”

  Alice wanted to wring Thea’s neck. Even though she was older, Thea didn’t have the sense she was born with if she was abandoning Jo now. It was cruel and the singer didn’t deserve it. Okay, she might not have been that forthcoming about her engagement and she had left Thea alone for long periods too often. However, she had come home eventually and had paid for everything for the two of them from the time they had come to Nashville and more besides. Jo even gave Thea an allowance, enabling her to have money of her own. She’d heard the singer jovially tease Thea that now that she had her independence, maybe she would leave. Wasn’t that what their mutual friend was doing, now?

  “Does she know you’re leaving today?”

  “No, not exactly today.”

  “I think you should tell her that you’re leaving and not allow her to find out when she arrives home exhausted and expecting to see you and not
just a note. I take it you were going to leave a note?”

  “Yes. Yes, of course I was…am. I’ve booked a ticket on the bus that leaves at five today. I won’t have time to wait for her to come home. Lately, she’s been coming home later than that. I’m sure she is spending her time with her fiancé.”

  “Then why not go and see her do the show. Then you can tell her and leave from there to the bus station. They’re recording the session in an hour and that will give you plenty of time.”

  Alice saw the formulation of a negative response on Thea’s face and immediately checked it. “I’ll even give you a lift there and to the bus station.”

  “Okay. Just don’t let me be late for the bus.”

  “Sure thing.” Alice was grinning as she helped Thea pick up her possessions.

  As they left the apartment, she noticed Thea give it a look much like a wistful longing, as though she didn’t want to leave.

  This really shouldn’t be happening. What has gone so horribly wrong to make her want to run away from Jo? And just when she’s on the brink of stardom.

  She’d bet her next paycheck that Jo did not intend to leave Thea behind.

  “By the way, how did Calum take you going away?”

  “Oh, that’s another story.”

  †

  “Hi, Lee. I thought you’d be with our girl,” Jack said.

  “Her practice session went reasonably well, don’t you think?”

  Jack inclined his head. He noticed the reluctance of the businessman to answer his question fully. “Yes, it did. I know she’s gonna take the country world by storm. Jason called and wants you to call back after you’ve finished here.”

  “Okay, that I can do. In fact, Jo doesn’t need me at the moment so I’ll go do it now.” Lee turned to leave then turned back around. “Oh, and if you come across Jo’s negligent manager, she wants to see her when she gets here.”

  The words hung in the air like a heavy mist as Lee left. Jack had to chuckle.

  So it’s Thea that’s gotten under his skin. Interesting.

  He shook his head and while walking toward Jo’s dressing room, he saw Thea.

  “Hey, are you looking for Jo?”

  “Yes. It’s like a rabbit warren here. I nearly didn’t make it in time.” Thea had the look of a deer caught in the headlight.

  “Yeah, some studios are like that. Lee was waiting for you and had to leave, he said Jo was expecting you.” Jack motioned toward a small corridor. “She’s in the door to the left. Will you tell her I’ll catch up with her after she’s wowed them all? Oh, and, Thea, I’m glad you could make it. I know she’ll be fine now.”

  †

  “Will do, thanks.” Thea watched a smiling Jack disappeared in the opposite direction. Thoughts whirled around in her brain. Why was Lee waiting for her? Joanna had expected her and Jack mentioned that Joanna would be fine now that she was here?

  She knocked sharply on the door’s blue fronted panel.

  “Come in.”

  After taking a deep breath, Thea opened the door and went inside but didn’t see Joanna. Jack said she was in here. Maybe she’s busy and didn’t have time to speak to her. “Joanna, it’s me.”

  Joanna emerged from a screen with a beaming smile on her face. “You came!”

  Thea did not intend to say anything that would stop her friend’s buoyant spirit. She would need it for the performance. Her eyes were unable to stop moving across the scantily clad figure. Joanna was wearing a lace black bra that barely covered her breasts and a black matching thong. The sight was breathtaking and she could hardly breathe.

  “I came. How could I miss your first television performance? I’m your manager aren’t I?” Joanna hugged her, making her heart beat even more erratically.

  “I’m glad. I thought you had taken to sleeping late these days.”

  The grin Thea received made her wonder why she was even contemplating leaving her friend and going away into the unknown. “No, not really. I’m sorry about this morning I was up late.”

  Joanna arched an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t interested in leather clad. Does he know that? It didn’t look like that.”

  “He does now,” Thea whispered.

  “The thought of going out there without you here… well, let’s just say I’m glad you’re here.”

  There was a knock on the door. “Two minutes.

  “This happens to us far too frequently don’t you think?” Jo smiled broadly.

  “Yeah, it does. We never complete a conversation these days. I do need to talk with you, Joanna.”

  “We will. I have two minutes and need to change into something a little more substantial.” Joanna flipped her hand toward her state of undress and moved back behind the screen.

  “Want me to leave you to it?”

  “No, stay. We’ll go out together. After all, we started this journey together didn’t we?”

  Everything was working out fine, wonderful, in fact. Jo knew she could do it now that Thea was there and they would do it together. When she emerged clad in a green cotton shirt and with black leather pants and boots, she saw Thea’s face light up.

  “What do you think?” Jo twirled.

  “I…I…I’m lost for words. You look stunning. Really amazing. How can they not like you?”

  “I think it’s too low key but Lee and Jack think it looks the part. If you approve, then I’ll go with the flow.”

  Jo selected a guitar from the two she brought with her. Holding out her hand, she opened the door. “Come on, manager, let’s see what I can do out there shall we.”

  “Yeah, go slay them, Joanna.”

  †

  Neither woman noticed the tall man standing in the shadows who watched them leave the room hand in hand. An acute stab of jealousy hit him as he watched them proceed to the recording area. Shouldn’t it be me by her side? That surely was part of the deal when engaged and in love. Wasn’t it?

  †

  From the wings of the studio, Thea watched the host of the show greet Joanna and ask her a few questions. She settled against a post to watch the interchange. For the moment, she was happy and content watching her friend go through the motions. A masculine voice speaking to her from behind her made her jump.

  “She’s quite something, isn’t she?” Lee asked.

  “Yes, yes, she is and she deserves this chance. She’s worked so hard for it.”

  “Yes, I agree, which is why I wanted to speak to you about something.”

  “Really, what?”

  “I think you should vacate as her manager and let someone more professional take her on.”

  Thea reeled at the comment feeling her anger rise.

  Why would he say that? Everything I’ve done so far for Joanna met with her approval and I haven’t faltered with Jack at all.

  What could a professional do that she hadn’t? “If Joanna asks me to step down I will.”

  “You’re her friend. She won’t do that. Nonetheless, you must see she has the potential to have the world at her feet. Would you want to screw that up for her if you make some inexperienced bad deals on her behalf?”

  Thea turned, craning her neck upward to look into Lee’s face. What she saw, she didn’t like. There was no point denying it and blaming other factors, she didn’t like Lee because he was engaged to Joanna and she wanted her. However, there was also his condescending attitude that made it seem as though he always knew best. How did he? How? Wasn’t it up to Joanna? Maybe she’s been discussing it with him and was afraid to tell her. Jealousy was eating at her and she knew the sooner she left, the better.

  Thea’s eyes trailed to Joanna who was now climbing on the stool to commence her song for the television cameras and the studio audience. Gentle strains of the tune carried to her…. “Love is in my heart it needs you now don’t you know…”

  Thea held back her tears. Was Lee right? Did Joanna want her to quit as her manager? Did it really matter? Isn’t that the reason she was here anyway.
To leave her friend so they could both move on with their lives, whatever and wherever that might be?

  A second song was underway, her friend was enjoying herself, and she had never sounded as wonderful. Now was a good time to leave. Lee’s comments made it obvious that was what he expected her to do. He’d made it abundantly clear that he was an integral part of Joanna’s life and that they were going to share the rest of their lives together. How could she stay?

  As the tune died away, the applause, including the technicians who were probably quite blasé about this type of performance, crashed around the studio.

  Thea took it as her cue to leave.

  †

  Lee heard the ecstatic clapping. Not only was Joanna going to be a big star, but she was also going to be one on a record label that his company partly owned. Everyone was going to be happy. He remembered Thea and when he turned to speak to her again about being Jo’s manager, he noticed she was gone. It didn’t matter.

  Thea Danvers wasn’t necessary in Jo’s adventure anymore. She had him now and he was sure she would be overjoyed that everything was falling into place. One lost friend along the way wasn’t going to cause that much trouble. If he had his way, Jo was going to be a star. No, a superstar.

  †

  Alice sat with Thea at the bus station waiting for her Greyhound bus to announce boarding. She’d been shocked when Thea had rushed out of the television studio, obviously distressed but unable to communicate just why. Even now, an hour later, she still hadn’t said a word, although sorrow and pain etched every line of her face. One thing she’d make certain of was when Jo arrived back at the apartment, she would give her a severe talking to even if the woman threw her out of the apartment.

  “Do you have enough money for the journey, Thea?”

  “Yes, thanks, Alice. I’ve enough to see me for a week or two.” Thea glanced down at her purse held securely in her hands and drew in a breath.

  “I don’t mean to pry, but what about a place to stay?”

  Where Thea was going, it would be expensive to stay for very long—even in some of the fleapits they called hotels. Maybe Thea had friends or relatives in the town that would help her. She hoped so. The woman beside her was far too caring and trusting to be out on her own in any city no matter the size.