Take Me As I Am

by JM Dragon

  Thea rubbed her hands against her temples gently.

  “She calls herself selfish but it’s me who is in the big picture. If we go down the path I want, she could lose everything that she’s worked so hard to gain. Am I ready for that? Is she?”

  She sighed and closed her eyes. “Jack might be good with us having a sexual relationship but her fans…God, I’ve heard that country fans aren’t generally liberal. What’ll I do?”

  She stood, walked to the table, reached inside her pocket book, and removed her iPhone. Selecting a name, she pressed the call icon.

  “Mom, hi, how are you?… Yeah that’s wonderful. Bradley can visit next time for sure. He’s going to die when I tell him who Joanna has been working with. Mom… No, I’m not in trouble. I just need some advice, that’s all. Do you have time to talk?… No, it’s okay. Wasn’t important really just… oh, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel so out of place… Joanna is great… She—no, not with her, the music business… I guess. It makes Joanna happy though and that’s the most important… Oh, I muddle along and if Joanna is happy, so am I by default. It works like that doesn’t it, when you love someone? … Of course I do. Okay, give everyone my love. I’ll try to come back for Easter. Love you, Mom. Bye.”

  The call ended and Thea looked down at her phone. It was the best on the market according to Joanna. Hers had a pink finish, Joanna’s had gold. When Joanna had given it to her initially, she had looked at it in dread. Her basic flip phone that she bought when she moved in with her mom had been good enough. As Joanna had extolled all the apps, email and music it could do, she’d been nervous of using it. Now it was an invaluable part of her wardrobe.

  The ring tone sounded.

  “Hi, have you finished? You have to go today, but… No, don’t worry. I’ll arrange a flight for us… I’ll call you back.”

  Thea shook her head as she stared at the caller ID. “There always seems to be an obstacle to us having that talk. Perhaps it just isn’t meant to be. No! I refuse to believe that.”

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Jack watched the two singers complete the duet that the studio insisted they practice. It was for the AMC awards the next day. At first, Jo hadn’t been keen on the idea. Tandy’s style was so different from hers, a pop diva if ever there was one. The compensation was that they’d sing one of Jo’s songs and release the duet after the show. Both of the women had been riding high in the public awareness during the year. Tandy, for the younger audience, had traversed country to pop and the public loved it. Jo, whose tremendous comeback tour ended on a high note, had a new group of fans since Tandy used several of her songs on her first album. Jack, shaking his head ruefully, reflected on what he knew of Jo.

  Every time she appeared to be on a high, something would suddenly come along to rock her boat and tip her back into the ocean of life’s uncertainties. Now that Thea was beside her, things had been more on an even keel and he hoped that would continue. She’d been working non-stop for months now and he mentioned to Thea that Jo needed a vacation before she capsized like before. Thea had agreed and promised to make sure Joanna would take some extended time off.

  When they stopped singing, Jack watched Tandy fling her arms around Jo, kissing her and shrieking with delight. He saw the strain on Jo’s face and that worried him. “Great cut, ladies, I think you’ll wow them tomorrow.” His words stopped the squealing from the younger woman and he was glad.

  “I know we will.” Tandy grinned, whispered something to Jo, and left the studio.

  “Want to go for coffee, Jo?”

  “Yeah, I’d murder for coffee right about now.” Jo placed her guitar carefully in a case and locked it. “Let’s go.”

  “You look tired, Jo. Have you started staying out late again?” Jack made sure that his smile was warm and friendly.

  “Nope, just can’t seem to sleep very well. Thea tells me it’s too much adrenaline.”

  They entered his office suite. “Will you send in some coffee and sandwiches?” Jack asked his secretary before going into his office and closing the door.

  Ten minutes later, piping hot coffee and a delicious range of food arrived. “Thanks, Amy. Unless it’s an emergency, I don’t want to be disturbed until we’re done here.”

  Once the secretary left, they both indulged until they couldn’t eat any more.

  Settling back on the sofa opposite Jo, Jack smiled. “Any news from Thea?”

  “I talked with her last night. She’s stopping on her way back to check out one of the venues on the next tour. She wasn’t happy with the negotiations.” Jo had a tender expression on her face as she spoke.

  “Thea certainly looks out for you.” Jack sipped his coffee. “Are Thea and the town of Danvers in Missouri related in any way?”

  “Yep, how did you come up with that?” Jo laughed. “Her great, great grandfather founded the town way back, well, whenever it was founded. A family thing she was very proud of. By the time she’d grown up, it was all but a note in the local history books. She had few options when I came along at the wrong time or the right one, depending on your point of view.”

  “I’m sure it was the right time.” Jack watched the singer closely. He saw her smile at a memory she obviously cherished.

  “As am I. Where would I be without her?”

  “I’ll second that. What about Tandy?”

  “What about her?” Jo looked up sharply

  Jack laughed at Jo’s puzzled expression before pouring them the last dregs of the coffee. “You do know she has a crush on you, right?”

  “What? Thea said the same thing when she first met her. She’s a kid barely out of high school and other than being sometimes a little too overzealous at times, she’s not interested in anything but getting to the top.” Jo rolled her eyes.

  “Mark my words, Jo, she has her eye set on you. I’ve seen it all before.” Jack settled back in his chair with a wicked smile tracing his lips.

  “I’m old enough to be her mother and I’ve never encouraged her.”

  “When a kid like that takes a fancy to an older person, it’s hard to stop the force of nature.”

  “Jack, if Thea finds out about this she’s going to go ballistic. I won’t have anything upsetting her, especially not something like that.” Jo stood and started pacing the room.

  “Precisely why I wanted to point it out and make sure you understood the situation completely. If Thea already has mentioned it to you then she definitely is suspicious about Tandy’s intentions.” He screwed up his face. “I’d hate to see anything happen to—”

  “Jack, Thea and I are friends.” Her eyes danced around the room. “Really close friends. She knows that, other than wishing Tandy every success, I’m not attracted to her nor have any interest in a relationship with her. Hell, she’s doing me a favor by singing my songs. The royalties are flooding in and soon I won’t have to sing for my supper.”

  “You don’t have to now, do you?” Jack let out a nervous laugh.

  “Thanks to you, I don’t. But it’s in the blood now and I love to perform. Maybe when the next album goes platinum.” Jo gave the man the full thrust of her dynamic personality. “I’ll do something else.”

  “Hey, I was only teasing. You’re not thinking of retiring, are you?”

  “Nope. As I said, it’s in my blood. Until the day you want to get rid of me or they put the lid on my coffin, I’m going to be singing like a canary.” Jo was grinning. “I need to get going. Thea is due to arrive in a few hours. See you later.” She made for the door and left the office.

  Jack stared after her, his mind rehashing their conversation. It had been interesting. Especially the way she went on the defensive regarding Thea and his allegations about Tandy’s intentions. Anyone who took the time to notice would see the obvious chemistry between Jo and Thea. It was electric and far more than just friendship. If you had talent—Jo certainly had that in abundance—being gay generally didn’t matter in the music industry. Nevertheless, he’d seen f
irsthand how country artists who came out as lesbian or gay took meteoric falls that destroyed their careers. Perhaps he should do a few subtle changes toward a main stream audience potential.

  “I’ll have to speak with Thea and get her thoughts.”

  †

  Karen Adams smiled as she made the phone connection to her daughter.

  “How are you, darling?… I know. It’s so exciting. Bradley is making sure everyone at the hotel knows about it and the big screen is going up in the dining room for the event. Are you excited? … You don’t sound it… I know you aren’t one for all that glamour and stuff but Joanna will need you by her side… Darling, you’re her rock. Never forget that. Are we still on course to visit at Easter? … Excellent… I love you, too, darling, see you soon.”

  Karen sat in reflection for a few moments as she considered the short conversation she’d had with Thea. “It’s time, my darling, to make the most important decision of your life. Living on the knife edge really can’t work forever.”

  †

  As the award ceremony ended, along with a lavish reception, many celebrants began adjourning to other venues. Trigon Records took three awards and many people were eager for them to visit their particular after-party event. Success always brought that to the forefront.

  Jack stood at the table they were all sitting at with a wide grin. He turned to Ralph Burgess, a senior executive and major shareholder in Trigon Records, who was sitting next to him. “Ralph, I think we have cause to celebrate big time tonight. Especially our two stars here.” He smiled at Tandy then winked in Jo’s direction.

  “I agree,” Ralph said.

  “Jack, do you mind if I call it a day? I have a migraine,” Thea said apologetically.

  “In that case I’ll call it a day, too. We have a very early flight out tomorrow.” Jo grinned at Thea.

  Disappointed groans rumbled around the table.

  “Wouldn’t be a party without you, Jo,” Jack interjected. “You deserve most of the praise. You wrote the best song and had a hand in many of the songs on Tandy’s album.” He knew that of the three awards—best single, album of the year, and new artist—Jo deserved much of the credit. Hers was the material Tandy sang which had propelled her to the top quickly and decisively.

  Thea stood and shrugged. “Go have some fun, Joanna. You deserve it. Jack’s right without you this would have been a very different awards story.”

  “Hey, I resent that, I sang them.” Tandy scowled.

  “Are you sure?” Jo, ignoring Tandy, frowned.

  “Yes. I’ll make sure you catch that plane in the morning. Good night, everyone.” Thea walked the short distance to the exit and left.

  Jo looked around. “I think I need to go and—”

  Tandy pounced on Jo and flung her arms around the older woman. “Come on, Jo, let’s party together. I’ll see you have a good time.”

  Jack could see Jo’s agitation with Tandy, wondering if she was thinking about their conversation regarding Tandy’s crush. No, she was probably thinking about Thea.

  “I’ll go for an hour then I’m leaving. Okay?”

  It was a night for celebration and Jack was glad Jo agreed to join them, even if it was only for a little while. He grinned and pointed toward the side exit where he had a car waiting to whisk them away to another party.

  †

  Jo watched the party from the fringes. It was now in full swing and all she wanted to do was go to the hotel, take a shower, and have a nap. After that, she and Thea would fly to New York for a long overdue break. Her eyes scanned the revelers and she realized that her heart definitely wasn’t in the room, knowing that with this kind of function, it never would be again. She’d told herself enough times that people didn’t change, but she knew she had in a big way and she owed it all to Thea.

  Sometimes she just wished she could tell Thea exactly what she meant to her. It seemed that every time she attempted to strike up that type of conversation, fate stepped in and she tabled it for another time. How many more other times would there be? She had the feeling that Thea thought she was less than committed in their relationship, but that wasn’t the case, far from it. She was just out of her depth. That didn’t happen often.

  “You look bored, Jo, want me to cheer you up?” Tandy grinned wildly and grabbed Jo’s arm.

  It was obvious that the girl had been drinking. This was all she needed—a tipsy kid who needed someone to look after her. “I’m tired, it’s been a long day. I’m older and like my rest.” Jo extracted her arm from Tandy’s enthusiastic grip.

  “Oh, come on, Jo, no way could anyone say you are old. You’ve been keeping company with the wrong types. Take that manager of yours…she’s no fun. Anyone ever tell her she could smile once in a while?”

  Jo, bristling at the unkind comments about Thea, turned an icicle glance toward Tandy. “You don’t know Thea or you wouldn’t say that, so stop your running at the mouth.”

  The girl grinned wickedly and winked. “You can keep her. I’d rather get to know you better. How about it?”

  Jo rolled her eyes at the suggestion. It was comical. Tandy was a child who had a long way to go before she grew up.

  “Jack,” she shouted as the record producer shot past her.

  Jack turned and grinned happily at her. Why wouldn’t he, he was reaping the reward of the talent of the two singers he’d had the foresight to sign to his record label. “Great party, Jo. Aren’t you glad you came?”

  “Hmm, let me take a rain check on that question. Who’s plying Tandy with booze?”

  Jack gave her a sheepish glance and then turned his eyes to Tandy who had wrapped herself around Jo. “Sorry, Jo, private party and I can’t keep up with what the kid does every second. Let me get Steve. He’s supposed to be her escort today.” Jack took off, leaving Jo to hold onto the drunken kid. She suddenly felt hot wet lips travel down her neck. “Stop!”

  Tandy then kissed her passionately on the lips.

  “What the fuck. Get off me!” Jo, prying herself from Tandy, forcibly took her to Steve who was looking perplexed. She dumped a scowling, whiny, drunken singing star in his lap.

  “What am I supposed to do with her?” Steve asked.

  “Not my problem.” Jo waved her arm in the air and headed for the door.

  “Jo, where’re you going?” Jack was walking by her side. “Don’t go. I won’t let her bother you anymore.”

  “I’m outta here, Jack.”

  Once outside, Jo leaned against the wall sighing deeply. She needed to talk with Thea about the kiss before Tandy blabbed about it or someone from the studio mentioned it inadvertently. Why did it seem she was always apologizing for everything even when it wasn’t her fault?

  Jo was hoping that by the time she got to the hotel Thea’s migraine had eased enough for them to talk. Damn. How did everything got so screwed up.

  “I love you, Thea,” she whispered before climbing into a cab.

  †

  Jo opened the door to the suite she was sharing with Thea and immediately heard soft moans. With quick strides, she went to Thea’s room and pushed the partially opened door wider. Another moan had Jo kneeling beside the bed.

  “Did you take your meds?”

  “You came.”

  “Yes. Did you take your meds,” she asked again.

  “They aren’t working.” Thea reached up and held her head. “It’s never been this bad.”

  “What can I do?”

  “Hold me.”

  “Scoot.” When Thea complied, Jo lay next to her and kissed her forehead before gently putting her arm around Thea.

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.”

  “Stay with me.”

  “Always.” Jo began making small circles on Thea’s back, marveling how soft her skin was. “I know it is hard but try to relax. I’m here and I won’t let you go.”

  “Promise.”

  “Yes.” Jo knew the moment had come for her to declare her feelings for
Thea but she was in pain. Jo didn’t want to say something so important when Thea was in so much pain. She would tell her tomorrow. It wasn’t long before she heard Thea’s breathing even out. Jo yawned and just as sleep overtook her, she smiled.

  Thea woke with a start. For the most part, the migraine was gone, although remnants were still playing on the edges of her head. What wasn’t gone was Joanna, who had her arm wrapped protectively around her waist. This feeling was exactly what she’d hoped for all her life. Someone who cared for her, kept her safe, and watched over her.

  “It’s like a dream come true,” she whispered.

  Joanna snuggled closer. “For me, too,” she whispered back.

  With a happy smile, Thea closed her eyes and fell into a deep, restorative sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  The flight was uneventful and quiet—very quiet. Thea looked drawn as she slept fitfully in the seat next to hers. Her migraine was a humdinger but, as usual, Thea hadn’t complained. Jo, looking at Thea, knew that by the afternoon that she would be her usual chirpy self again. How she hated to see her in so much pain. She wished she could take it away, but she couldn’t. She smiled, recalling waking up that morning with Thea nestled in her arms. The rightness of that simple thing struck her in a way she’d never thought possible. Her body was thrumming with not only desire but a peace that she’d never known. The words ‘it’s like a dream come true’ reverberated loudly in her mind, for she knew that being here with Thea was all she had ever wanted and more.

  The sign to fasten their seat belts blinked on and she gently shook Thea. “Hey, sleepyhead, we’re about to land. Time to wake up.”

  Thea moved in her seat and smiled before opening her eyes and looking at Jo. “It wasn’t a dream. We’re really here together on our way to having a vacation.”

  Jo ran a finger down Thea’s cheek. “It wasn’t a dream.”

  †

  Jo flagged down a taxi and they climbed inside.

  “How are you feeling now?” Jo asked.