A Love of Her Own

by Bettye Griffin

  “He’s prob’ly with Miss Ava,” Max said.

  “Who’s that?” Janelle asked, as Hilton figured she would.

  “Daddy’s girlfriend,” Max replied innocently.

  “Oh?” Janelle looked at Hilton at she spoke.

  “Oh?” he repeated, with a curious look Max’s way. Then he nodded. “I’ll bet Marcus told you that.”

  “How’d you know that, Daddy?”

  *****

  “I’m so proud of you, Linda,” Ava said. With Marcus at the buffet she could speak freely. “I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.”

  “I feel a lot better since I wrote Neil that letter,” Linda admitted. “I’m too chicken to call him, but I did need to pour out my heart. Maybe if I’d done that in the first place…” she didn’t complete the thought, but there was no need to. “Anyway, I can’t stand this waiting for him to make a move and not knowing what he’s planning to do.”

  Marcus returned, placed a plate covered entirely with bacon on the table, then said, “Shoot! I forget to get some of those French toast sticks!”

  “Marcus! You’re eating yourself right into a stomachache.”

  “I can eat them easy. They’re not even filling.”

  “He probably needs something to go with all that bacon,” Linda said.

  Ava sighed. “All right; go ahead. We’ll stop on the way home and pick up some Pepto-Bismol. You’re bound to need it.”

  Marcus made a dash for the buffet.

  “I tell you,” Ava said to Linda, “that kid’s got one heck of an appetite.”

  “He’s adorable. I think it’s wonderful that he spends so much time with you. I’ll bet you think of him as your own.”

  Ava allowed herself a quick smile, but it faded into wistfulness. “I caught myself once or twice, but I’m too much of a realist to get off track. Especially where kids are concerned. I know any kid who’s around me will always belong to someone else.”

  “Still, I’ve never seen you look happier, Ava. Might it have something to do with Hilton?”

  This time her smile lingered. “Yes, it does.”

  “Well, I think that’s great!” Linda lowered her voice. “Does he know… ?”

  Ava knew what she meant. “Yes. He has a six-year-old son, and even though he did say he wants more children, now that he knows about me he says it doesn’t matter.”

  “Well, that’s wonderful. That means he’s thinking of a future with you. But you sound like you don’t believe him.”

  “I do believe him. It’s something else.”

  “What’s the problem?”

  Ava sighed. “His son’s mother. She’s here in town. She brought their son—” the phrase stuck uncomfortably on her tongue—“down for an extended visit with Hilton, possible even permanent custody. I saw them the other night, the two of them and the kid. I can still see the three of them holding hands, laughing and talking.” She shut her eyes momentarily to block out the mental image, then opened them, realizing it was fruitless. “I’ve never felt so alone as I did standing there watching them.”

  Marcus returned with his French toast sticks drowned in syrup, and Ava caught Linda’s eye and shook her head, silently communicating that they would have to change the subject.

  *****

  “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend, Hilton,” Janelle said coyly as she cut her ham slice.

  He glared at her. Hadn’t she gotten it yet? “Why would I?”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s not like you’re engaged or something. I can’t expect you to tell me about every woman you sleep with.”

  His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared. “Janelle, don’t—”

  Max interrupted his warning. “I’m glad Daddy has a girlfriend.”

  “You are? Why?”

  “Because Mommy has Daddy…”

  Hilton knew Max meant Donald. Janelle’s insistence that their son call both him and her husband “Daddy” just caused confusion.

  “…and I think Daddy should have somebody, too,” Max concluded.

  “That’s my boy,” Hilton said as Janelle glowered.

  *****

  “Are you about done?” Ava asked Marcus in a playful tone. She had taken a few bills from her wallet and held them along with the check so she wouldn’t have to fumble once she got to the register up front.

  He scooped up the last pale green grapes on his plate. “Now I am.”

  “All right, let’s go.”

  “I’m so full I don’t think I’ll eat again all day,” Linda was saying as they headed for the register at the front.

  “I never eat dinner when I have breakfast here,” Ava agreed. She came to an abrupt stop when she spotted Hilton’s large frame sitting in a booth.

  “Something wrong?” Linda asked.

  “There’s Hilton. With his son and his son’s mother.”

  Max had seen them, too, and called out to Marcus, who immediately headed in their direction. Ava reluctantly followed, even though her legs felt unsteady and her full stomach was bouncing like a dribbling basketball, giving her the sensation that she was going to be ill.

  “Good morning,” she said when she stood at the edge of their booth.

  Hilton slid out of the booth and stood. “Hi. We knew you were here. Max saw Marcus getting food at the buffet. I figured I’d see you on the way out.” He glanced to Ava’s companion. “Hi, uh, Linda, isn’t it?” At her smiling nod he said, “Good to see you again.”

  “Same here, Hilton.”

  “Ava, Linda…this is Janelle. Janelle, this is Ava, Linda and Marcus.”

  Hellos were exchanged, and Hilton said he would walk them out. “Excuse me a minute,” he said to Janelle and Max.

  Ava felt his hand at her elbow as he escorted them to the front of the restaurant. “Here, I’ll take care of that for you,” Linda offered. Ava handed her the check and money, then said, “You come with me, Marcus.” She practically pulled the boy’s arm from his shoulder joint before he could object.

  “I hope that wasn’t too awkward for you,” Hilton said when they were outside waiting.

  “Awkward? Why ever would it be awkward?” she repeated icily.

  “I’m sorry, Ava. I just thought breakfast would be nice before we brought Janelle to catch her plane.”

  “You know what they say. A man should always be considerate of the mother of his child. It’s the least he can do, considering all those hours she spent laboring.”

  “You’re not being fair, Ava.”

  “Grow up, Hilton,” she snapped. “Life isn’t fair. If it was I would have been able to—” She broke off. “I have to go,” she said, her voice cracking. She ran toward her car.

  He started to go after her, then decided to give her breathing room. As he opened the restaurant door to go in, Linda and Marcus were coming out. Marcus gave him a high five. “See you later, Mr. Hilton.”

  “You got it,” he replied with forced enthusiasm.

  He paused at the door to look her way. As he watched she brought both hands to her face, and though her back was to him he was sure she was wiping tears from her eyes. Then her shoulders straightened visibly, and she turned to face Marcus and Linda. Her gaze went to the doorway, where he still stood. She quickly looked away, and he went inside.

  As he approached Janelle’s head was close to Max’s, like she was telling him a secret. Then she straightened and gripped his shoulder in a conspiratorial gesture.

  “Everybody okay?” he asked.

  “Fine,” Janelle replied cheerfully. “I think we’re ready to go. I can’t eat another thing, and Max is full, too.”

  Everyone was quiet during the ride home. Hilton kept hearing Ava’s last words to him. “Life’s not fair,” she had said. “If it was I would have been able to…” He was sure she was referring to her inability to have children. He didn’t know how to handle the situation. It was clear that Ava resented seeing him with Janelle. The details he’d given her
about his and Janelle’s turbulent relationship probably didn’t help, but on the other hand, it should help Ava understand that he didn’t want to spend time with Janelle; he only did so when it was absolutely necessary.

  At least this time he wasn’t getting the vibe that she was trying to punish him because he had Max. He felt certain Ava hadn’t forgotten his telling her he was in love with her, and that she knew Janelle meant nothing to him; her anguish probably stemmed from Janelle’s presence in his life. He couldn’t say she was being unreasonable, for if the tables were turned and she was spending time with the father of her child he wouldn’t like it, either; and he supposed being unable to father children would only make it hurt more.

  *****

  “Thanks so much for calling, Ava,” Linda said when Ava pulled over in front of where she was staying. “I don’t know how I would get through this if it wasn’t for you.”

  “Hey, what are friends for?”

  Linda, out of the car, leaned over and spoke in a low voice through the partially open passenger window. “Now I’m going to suggest that you give me a call if you want to talk anything over.”

  “Thanks. I might just do that.”

  “Can I get up front, Aunt Ava?” Marcus asked after Linda had gone.

  “Why don’t you stay there? We’ll be home in a couple of minutes.”

  “But you always let me ride up front with you.”

  “We’re going to have to change that. They say kids should always ride in the back because the air bags could hurt you.”

  “Ah, they’re not gonna come out.”

  “You never know. It’s best for you to ride in the back. Safety first.” The truth was that Ava didn’t want Marcus to be able to see how bright her eyes were. Linda had, but wisely refrained from bringing it up. She just needed a few more minutes for the glassiness to dissolve, and the short ride home would give her the time she needed.

  “All right,” Marcus said, his disappointment evident. Then he asked, “What time are we going bowling?”

  “Later this afternoon. We’ve got something to do first.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We’ll talk about it when we get home.”

  “Am I in trouble?” he asked quickly.

  “No, of course not.”

  Back at Ava’s, they sat in the living room. “I spoke with your grandparents yesterday, Marcus,” she began.

  “You did? How come?”

  “I wanted to ask them if they would mind if you came to stay with me for a while.”

  Marcus’s eyes widened. “Stay with you? All the time?”

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  “You mean I don’t have to spend any time at the Avalon?”

  “I think it would probably be better if we invited your grandparents and cousins over here for dinner. We might even be able to take the other kids out with us once in a while or have them come over to play with you.” From the way his eyes shone she was pretty sure what his answer would be, but she had to ask anyway. “Would you like that, Marcus?”

  “Would I? Yeah!” He threw himself into her arms and kissed her cheek.

  Ava hugged and kissed him back. “I love you, Marcus.”

  “Me, too! Are you going to adopt me, Aunt Ava?” he asked.

  “Well, it’s not really an adoption. I can’t adopt you, Marcus. You already have—” she started to say “parents,” then quickly amended it—“a mother.”

  “Yeah, but I hardly remember her. I was five when she went to jail. Even before that I didn’t see her a whole lot. Like Aunt Sandra. She’s always out somewhere, especially now that she’s got that new boyfriend.”

  “Why is your mother in jail, Marcus?”

  “She held up a Li’l Champ with her boyfriend. The clerk got killed, and so did somebody in the store. They said Mama shot the customer. She got fifteen years.”

  “Fifteen years!” Good heavens, Marcus would be grown by the time his mother was released. No wonder the Hudsons were so concerned about his future. It was like he had no parents at all, and their age and health made it difficult for them to care for Marcus and the rest of their grandchildren.

  “How come you didn’t have any babies, Aunt Ava?”

  “Oh, that’s just the way it went, I guess.”

  “I wish you were my mother.”

  For a moment she was astounded. She put an arm around him. “You know, I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. There’s an old saying that goes, ‘you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your relatives.’” Her vision had grown blurred for the second time that morning, and she blinked furiously to drive away the moistness in her eyes.

  “Are you crying, Aunt Ava?”

  “Oh, just a little. It’s not every day that someone tells you they wish you were their mom.” She chewed her lower lip in thought, then got to her feet. “Come on, let’s go over to your grandparents’ and get the rest of your things.”

  *****

  “Now, Max, I want you to be a good boy for Daddy and do what he says,” Janelle admonished. They were in the truck on their way to the airport.

  “I’m not expecting any trouble from him, Janelle. He knows I’m the parent and he’s the child,” Hilton said.

  Ignoring him, she said to Max, “And you know that Mommy will miss you something awful, just as much as you’ll miss me. You must try not to think about it and be brave.”

  Hilton muttered an oath under his breath. She sure was piling it on. So help him, if Max started crying that he missed his mother tonight he’d call her and give her hell for putting the idea in his head in the first place.

  Fortunately, Max seemed content to sing along with the tune on the radio. Hilton took the opportunity of his son’s distraction to talk to Janelle. “Listen, I know this has been a difficult five days. I felt kind of bad for speaking to you the way I did last night when Max and I got in. The least I could have offered you was a restaurant meal, since most of our outings were for Max, like registering him in school, checking out after-school day care and buying him clothes; and we’ve been living on Chinese food and KFC. Breakfast was my way of trying to make it up to you. I was even going to apologize for leaving you alone on your last night…but then you took that potshot at Ava, which was unnecessary.”

  “You set the stage for that yourself, Hilton. You didn’t say it was someone you were involved with, only ‘a client.’ You even led me to believe that it was a couple, a friend of yours with a wife. Those references to ‘we’ when it came to keeping some street kid out of trouble were pretty sly.”

  “They weren’t meant to be.”

  “Anyway, all this secrecy makes me think you aren’t particularly proud of your relationship, the way you’d expect someone who was happily involved with someone would be.”

  “Well, make no mistake, I am happily involved. And I didn’t appreciate your making it seem like we’re two ships passing in the night when it’s much deeper than that.”

  She shrugged. “Sorry.”

  He ignored the insincerity in her voice. “I really do hope you and Donald can work out your problem, Janelle. But I’d be lying if I said I’m thrilled to have Max with me. I’ve waited a long time for this and was starting to think it would never happen.”

  “Thanks. I’m sure it’ll be fine. We just need some time to work it out. I appreciate your taking him.”

  “Of course I’ll take him. I’m his father, and I want to play an active role in his life. I don’t want to be heard from only when you sign the back of my checks.”

  She didn’t reply.

  *****

  Before Janelle departed for the gate she hugged Max again, and for the first time Hilton considered that she was unhappy about being separated from him. The tears in her eyes when she let him go only made him sure he had been right.

  He wondered if she had realized how much she would miss him before now.

  Chapter 17

  Hilton and Max went to the obse
rvation platform of the airport and watched Janelle’s plane take off. It sped down the runway and took flight with both power and grace. “You okay, Dude?” he asked cheerfully, patting his son’s shoulder.

  “Fine, Daddy. Can we go bowling now?”

  Hilton felt encouraged. Max didn’t seem the least bit upset by Janelle’s departure, and of course he couldn’t wait to see Ava. “We sure can.”

  *****

  After bowling Hilton took them to dinner at a Fifties style diner across from the beach. Ava wasn’t particularly hungry because of her heavy breakfast, ordered a small Caesar salad; but Marcus demonstrated his usual zestful appetite. She decided he must have a super speedy metabolism, or else he’d weigh as much as she did.

  She said little during dinner, choosing to observe instead. Hilton was jovial, clearly tickled to have Max with him, and he also made little gestures, like covering her hand with his, that she knew were meant to reassure her. She managed to give him a smile. She really did love this man, but it would take some time to recover from the double whammy of seeing him with his ex and their son not once, but twice.

  Marcus and Max were getting along famously, with Marcus easily moving into a big brother role. At the bowling alley he showed Max how to hold the bowling ball and how to release it, just as Hilton had shown him the first time they went to the lanes. Max was exuberant with Marcus and of course with Hilton, but he seemed strangely distant where she was involved. Ava wondered if it was merely her imagination.

  The only private time she and Hilton had was when the boys went to the restroom. “I’ve been worried about you,” he said honestly. “I can tell you’re upset and you’re hurting, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “It’s all right,” she answered. “I feel better now.”

  “It’s not all right. I saw how upset you were, both last night and this morning. I have a feeling the reason you feel better is because you know Janelle’s left. I don’t want this to be a problem between us, Ava, but the fact is it’s not going to go away. She might have left town, but she’s still part of my life. It’s going to come up again…and again. I don’t want her coming between us anymore.”