Remember Me Now (It's Kind Of Personal #4.5 or #5)

by Anna Brooks

  Nik immediately notices me and walks around from behind the bar and grabs my hand. I don’t pull it away because it feels nice. It feels … familiar.

  “Hey.” He gives me a tug toward an empty section of the bar.

  “I wanted to see what this place was like for myself.” I look around to avoid the intensity rolling off him, but like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn back to the sharp angles of his face.

  “God, I miss you.” He crowds me into the bar top, and I lick my lips. His eyes dart to them and he cups my face with both of his hands then runs a thumb across the wetness. “Fuck, baby. Hurry up and remember me.”

  “What do you miss?”

  “Everything. I miss your attitude and the stupid fucking games you’d play to try and challenge me. I miss the soft smiles you’d give me when you thought no one was looking. I miss being able to touch you. I miss the rare occasion when you’d actually let me in. Knowing I had even a small piece of you was enough for me to fight for us because it was the most real thing I’d ever had in my life and I wanted more of it. I wanted more of you.” He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. “I want you.”

  My throat tightens, and I put my hands on his chest and pull him closer before I push him away. Shit, shit, shit. I loved him. “I wish I remembered that much. But honestly, the only thing I think of when I think of you is a good fuck.” I pivot on my feet and run out of the bar then push even faster to get home.

  Once inside my house, I collapse against the door and slide down to the hardwood. Everything comes back to me. Everything I’ve wanted to know. All the questions I wanted the answers to. The truths I was afraid to face. All of it.

  Years of memories burst in my brain. Explosives force their way inside my head. I grip my hair and tug, desperate to make the pain go away. The knock on the door, the funeral, the random men, the blurred faces. The days and nights and weeks, months of loneliness.

  But then, in the distance, a kind of clarity begins to form. A weight lifts from my chest and I can breathe again; the fogginess is now sharp and clear, and then he’s there. His smile, his eyes, the intensity of his gaze when he looks at me, his hands worshipping me, his body inside mine. Nik.

  A sob erupts from my gut and blazes up through my throat. I shake from being cold and confused and scared. My achy bones unable to support me anymore, I lean over and rest my cheek on the floor. I close my eyes and pray that when I wake up, this will all just be a horrific dream, because I don’t think I’m strong enough to deal anymore.

  Chapter 13

  Nik

  I let her leave a few weeks ago. Let her run out of the bar and out of my life. I can’t force her to remember or to be with me, but that lame-ass insult she threw at me was such bullshit. I finally have everything with my sister taken care of, and as soon as my plane landed from Vegas, I knew I was going to see Lisa.

  She may be fighting this, but I’m not. I gave her time, and she damn well knows who I am and what I am to her, what she is to me … what we are to each other. It was ridiculous before, playing these stupid fucking games, but I’m done.

  To get a better view, I park on the opposite side of her house and shut my lights off. No sooner do I lean back in the leather seat does she come into view, stepping out of a guy’s car. He gets out and follows her to her porch.

  “Oh, fuck no.”

  I’m not gonna tolerate this shit anymore; she’s fucked around long enough. I know she remembers me. And if she wants to continue pretending she doesn’t … I’m about to make her.

  My door slams louder than intended, drawing both of their attention to me. She looks like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar, and he stands straighter. Fuckin’ preppy ass with loafers and slicked over hair. I stand at the foot of her step and cross my arms.

  “Lisa.”

  She looks back and forth between the two of us and swallows. “Hi.”

  “I suggest you leave.” I don’t take my eyes off her, but my statement is clearly directed at dick face.

  “I’m not leaving.” He copies my stance and crosses his arms, but I shake my head and can’t help the humorless laugh that leaves me. “You are.” He steps closer to Lisa and throws an arm around her shoulder.

  Violence like I’ve never felt before strangles me, and without thinking, I grab the gun that’s tucked into the back waistband of my jeans and point it at his head.

  “Fuck, man!”

  “Nik, stop.”

  “I’ll leave.” He holds his hands up in surrender and slowly walks to his car. I track him and when he peels away, I put my weapon back.

  “Fuckin’ pussy.”

  “I can’t believe you,” Lisa spits at me. “You’re such a brooding asshole.”

  “Ah, so you remember what Meara said about me.” I stalk up the creaky wooden steps and stop inches from her. “She was right. I’ll bite if you want me to.”

  She rolls her eyes and digs in her purse for her keys. “Go away.”

  “No.”

  “I don’t want you here, Nik.”

  “Yes, you do. Stop fighting it.”

  I grab the strap of her purse and tug her to me, slamming my mouth to hers. She grabs me back and her fingers tug at my hair, the keys in her hand scraping against my scalp. But I’ll take it. I’ll take the fucking pain if that means she’s acknowledging me. She wraps a leg around me, and I press her into the vinyl siding. Her throaty moans drive me fucking insane. But then suddenly she stops. She freezes and pushes me away.

  “No!” She screams and drops her keys. When she stands from picking them back up, she tilts her chin up in defiance. “I don’t want that. I don’t want what you thought we had. I can’t … Please. If you care about me at all, you’ll leave me be.” A single tear rolls down her face, and by the time I blink, her back is to me. She’s opening her door, and the wood slams in my face mere seconds later.

  * * *

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I already know what it’s going to say before I open it. Sure as shit, it’s my best friend, Declan, canceling on me tonight. He just got back into town recently, but he told me he ran into his ex, Amie, the other day, so I’m sure he’s dealing with her. Those two were even more obnoxious than Meara and Liam; it’s only a matter of time before they hook back up.

  Fuck it, I’m already here, and if he’s not coming, I’ll continue to wallow in my own misery alone. And like magic, another whiskey appears in front of me. I throw some bills on the counter and stand, facing the busy crowd. Nightclubs aren’t normally my thing, but I’m looking to try and keep my mind off a certain brunette who haunts me. Who keeps me up at night, who causes my heart to physically ache. Who rejected me enough times for me to know I can’t have her because as much as I wanted it to be true, she doesn’t need me like I need her. Sucks but the realization hit me a couple of weeks ago when she slammed the door in my face.

  A redhead with her hair in messy curls walks over to me. Her long legs are covered in tight black leather. She puts her hand out, and I throw back the rest of my drink then allow her to drag me to the dance floor. The back of her silver top is bare, and when she abruptly turns, the side of her tit flashes against the bright material.

  I grip her around the waist and pull her close. She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her chest against mine. Our bodies sway and grind against each other. Forcing Lisa out of my mind, I lower my head and am assaulted by the vanilla smell of her hair. I inhale, desperate to push Lisa’s fruity scent out of my mind.

  Fuck.

  Nothing’s working. Even this girl’s thigh rubbing against my cock isn’t doing it. I’m in the process of stepping away from her, and when I look up, my eyes collide with the wounded blue ones of Lisa. She gasps and covers her mouth then walks backward. Her hasty retreat causes her to bump into a table, so she turns and runs down the hallway.

  “Gotta go.” I peel the redhead away from me and ignore her pleas for me to come back. I push through bodies and tables only to find
the hallway Lisa disappeared down empty. Jogging through the dimly lit corridor, I finally make my way to the back entrance and push the handle of the steel door.

  In the alley, her figure disappears around the corner. I take off even faster and catch up with her right as she gets to the bottom of the stairs. My fingers wrap around her dainty arm. “Stop fucking running.”

  “Let me go.”

  “No! I tried that. I tried to let you go, but I fucking can’t.”

  She turns and backs up into the large brick wall. “Certainly didn’t look like you couldn’t back there.”

  “Jealous?”

  “Disgusted.”

  “What?” I let go of her arm and raise an eyebrow at her. “But you brought a guy home to fuck … tell me, Lisa, you let anyone else in your bed?”

  “It’s kind of personal.”

  “Is this another one of your games? Trying to make me jealous? Driving me insane?” I step closer to her and cradle her face in my hands. “Making me fall so fucking hard for you?”

  She reaches up and grabs onto my wrists, her guard slowly fading. I take the opportunity to remind her why we’re so good together. The moment my lips touch hers, her nails bite into my skin through my blue button-down. She looks into my eyes, and I deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue against hers, slow, soft. Her lids flutter closed, and she moans, causing me to lean into her more, searching for the warmth of her body.

  She melts against me, and I pull back then kiss her parted lips one more time before tilting her chin up so she can see me. “Remember me now?”

  Her head falls forward and wetness soaks into the sleeves of my shirt. I give her a moment, because I need one, too. She finally lifts her head back up, and I wipe her tears away with my thumbs.

  “I’m so afraid I’m going to lose you, Nik. It’s easier to pretend I don’t feel anything for you than to admit how severely in love with you I am. How I’ve never felt for anyone, anyone,” she emphasizes, referring to her ex-husband, “the kind of deep-rooted, soul-shattering intensity that I do for you … the thought of having it taken away petrifies me so badly that—”

  “Nothing’s taking me away from you.”

  “You can’t promise that.”

  I crowd into her even closer. “I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to stay with you as long as my heart is beating. I promise you there never was or never will be another woman who even comes close to you. I can promise that while we’re together, I’ll protect you and keep you safe even if it means risking my life for yours. When we have kids, I promise you I will be the kind of man who our babies can look up to and admire. I fucking promise you that I will love you with everything I am, everything that I ever will be, until the day I die … but even in death, I won’t stop loving you, because my soul will forever be yours.”

  Chapter 14

  Lisa

  For such a tough guy on the outside, he says the best and most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. I don’t deserve him. “I’ve been such a bitch to you. I’ve pushed and I’ve lied and I’ve tested you. I’m a horrible person.” For more reasons than one.

  “You have done those things, but you’re not a horrible person.”

  I swallow and search his face. “I remember everything, Nik. I remember how I felt the moment I saw you, how being with you was too much for me the first time, how you have never given up on me even though you probably should have because I was awful to you.”

  “Never gonna happen. I wouldn’t ever give up on you.”

  His unwavering kindness makes my heart flutter, and I grab his hands. “Take me home.”

  He leads me to his car, and after he shuts my door, I take a deep breath. I want this, I want him, and in order for me to do that, I need to push my fear aside. I need to let myself love again. Once he’s seated and pulls away, I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my arm around his waist. I need to feel him right now. I want his strength to ground me.

  He steers with his left hand while he uses the right one to play with my hair. “It’ll be okay, baby. I’ll make sure of it, okay?” The usual confidence radiating off him magnetizes me, and I murmur in agreement.

  Instead of parking in the street, he pulls into my driveway and kills the engine. I sit up and he kisses the top of my head before he comes around and opens my door. I lead him into the house, and as soon as I shut the door, I grab his hand and pull him to my room. He sits on the bed, and I glance over at my dresser, void of the picture of Brad and me.

  Nik notices. “You didn’t have to do that. I understand he was a part of your life.”

  “No, I needed to. I was holding myself back, and he wouldn’t want that. I have memories in here.” I tap my head. “And in here.” I press my hand to my heart. “I don’t need pictures.”

  Nik presses his lips together and nods.

  I walk over to him and straddle him. “I want to make new memories with you. Everything you promised me, I want that. The cold woman I’ve been to you is not the real me. I’m going to try to be someone worthy of you.”

  He grabs me by my hips and pulls me tighter against him. “You are, Lisa.”

  “Thank you for sticking by me.”

  “Thank you for coming back to me.”

  “You were the one who chased me.” I giggle.

  “I’ll always chase you, baby.”

  He hardens beneath me, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Rotating my hips, I make sure to hit all the good spots. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” he whispers.

  “I want you so bad.”

  “I want you too, but don’t think this is all I want you for.”

  “I don’t.”

  “I want everything, Lisa. You have to give me everything.”

  I still on his lap and push him down then crawl lower and reach for his belt. He grabs my wrist. “Promise me.”

  “Okay, I promise. You have all of me, and I have all of you.”

  “Good.” He lets me go, and I undo his jeans then pull them along with his boxers down to his ankles. He toes his shoes off and kicks his clothes to the floor. When I lick the tip of his beautiful dick, he sucks in a breath. “Fuck, Lisa.”

  “Not yet.” I slide as much of him into my mouth as I can and hollow out my cheeks then begin bobbing up and down. My fingers toy with his sensitive ball sack, and he grabs my hair with one hand and wraps it around his wrist.

  Wetness coats my white thong and I squirm around, trying to get a little bit of relief. He gently tugs me up by my hair, and a loud pop echoes in the room when I release him from my mouth.

  “I need inside you.” He undoes my jeans with one hand, and I push them to my knees. “Fuckin’ hell, that’s hot.” His finger traces the outside of my panties where my wetness has soaked through.

  I collapse onto my hands, and he releases my hair and grabs my thong, ripping it off me. I swivel and push my jeans all the way off then straddle him again. He places his hands behind his head. “Show me how much you love me, baby.”

  I grip the base of his thick cock and rub the tip against the place that’s already pulsing for him then slowly slide down onto him. His eyes slam shut and I lean forward and rip his shirt open to see his chest. He looks shocked then sits up and wraps his arms around me, gripping my butt, kneading the globes in his hands. “Love you, Lisa.”

  “I know. I love you, too,” I pant.

  “But right now, I want you to ride me like you’re fuckin’ mad at me.”

  “That won’t be too difficult.”

  He smirks as he slaps my ass. I bend down and kiss his cheek, his mouth, his neck. Then I ride him, hard. Fast. Desperate. He lifts and lowers me faster than I’m able to, and after a while, I collapse against him and he holds me close as I float away into fucking bliss. “Oh my God, Nik …”

  He falls back and I go with him. With his hands holding me, he pumps into me from underneath. A whole new set of flames courses through my veins from the nerves he’s hittin
g in this position. His hips piston into me, and I’m so weak I can’t even lift my head up.

  “Give me another, baby.”

  “I can’t,” I murmur against his chest. “It’s too much.”

  “Not enough.” He bends his knees and scoots us back. “Hold on to the headboard.”

  Of course, I want it to be as good for him as it is for me, so I muster up the strength and reach above me, ever so thankful I chose this bedroom set.

  “Hold on.” With a renewed force, he fucks me and makes love to me at the same time. Harder and faster and more desperate than before. He uses me like a doll, moving me around until I gasp. “There?” he questions as he slides against the same place again. “That the spot that’s gonna make you come all over my cock?”

  “Yes.”

  Sweat drips down his face, and as he’s hitting me in the perfect place, he leans up and sucks a nipple into his mouth. I scream out as he growls and slams into me so hard that the headboard puts a dent in the wall. “Fuck,” he shouts. “So fuckin’ good, baby. Nothin’s ever been better.”

  Unable to talk, I pry my hands off the bars and crumple on top of him. He stills inside me, and his heavy breath tickles my neck. I try to roll off him, but he slides his hands up and wraps them around my back. “Stay here.”

  “I don’t want to be anywhere else. Always with you, Nik.”

  “Only with me,” he growls.

  “Yes.”

  “Only you.”

  I push up and hover over his face, smiling when he does. The weight of this moment bears down on me like no other and he slides the hair away from my face when it falls. “I really do love you.” I want to assure him with the words.

  “I know you do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have fought so hard for us.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “Always, baby. I’ll always fight for you.”

  One month later.

  “Mojito.” A customer requests the dreaded drink, and Nik laughs next to me.

  I elbow him. “I can do it now.”