Remember Me Now (It's Kind Of Personal #4.5 or #5)

by Anna Brooks

  “Who are you?” I ask him.

  He hangs his head for a second, and when he looks at me again, a kind of disappointment is in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “Nik. We work together.”

  “At the bar?”

  “Yeah. How are you feeling?”

  It takes me a second to realize what he’s talking about, and I instinctively reach up and feel the stitches on the side of my head. “Physically, I’m fine.”

  He nods and puts his hands on his hips then stares out into the lake. I can’t take my eyes off him; something about him draws me to him. “You don’t remember me at all?” he whispers.

  I turn on the rock and swing my feet over the edge. “Should I?”

  He walks up to me and stays a respectable distance away, but the tension radiating from his body is palpable. “Yeah, baby. You should.”

  “Why?”

  He stares at me and reaches up, but I flinch. His arm pauses mid-air then he licks his lips and continues moving his hand forward. Something about the softness of him makes me give in to the moment. He cups the side of my face, and I close my eyes, trying to remember this guy, searching, pulling for something. When nothing comes, I shake my head and he steps back.

  “Want me to walk you home?” he asks.

  “I’m okay.”

  He takes a deep breath and his hair ruffles when he shakes his head. “Let me rephrase that. Let’s go so I can walk you home.”

  My spine stiffens, and I cross my arms. “I said I’m okay. I don’t—”

  “Need anybody. I know. You’ve told me that before.”

  “Oh.”

  “Stop being stubborn and just let me walk you home.”

  “I don’t even know you.”

  He crosses his arms behind his head and looks up at the sky. “You know me,” he says with a menacing tone. Then he drops his arms and takes a couple of strides until he’s directly in front of me. I flinch again when he reaches next to me. “Damn it, Lisa, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He picks up my phone and slides his thumb across the screen to unlock it.

  He presses a few buttons then holds the phone to his ear. “Hi, Ms. Scott. It’s Nik Nervetti.”

  My jaw drops and I mouth, “You called my mother.”

  His eyes twinkle with mischief. “I’m here with Lisa at the lake, and she’s scared to let me walk her home. Yeah. Yes. Okay, thanks. Here she is.”

  I take the phone from his outstretched hand and glare at him as I put it to my ear. “Mom?”

  “Nikolas is a nice man, Lisa.”

  “Okay.”

  “You two were … friends. You can trust him to bring you back here.”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll let him walk me back, then.” Something about the way she says friends makes me think there was more. But I wouldn’t do that to Brad, would I?

  I hop off the rock and hold the phone tight in my hand. “I guess you’re walking me home.”

  We fall into step next to each other, and I’m thankful he doesn’t push me to talk. My mind circles around questions I’m too afraid to know the answers to. Instead, I focus on my surroundings, trying to remember anything familiar, but I keep coming up blank. After walking for about ten minutes, he stops in front of a cute little house.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “This is your place, Lisa.”

  “What?”

  “You live here.”

  “Oh, my God.” I swivel around to face the house. “I’ve been staying at my mom’s … I had no idea.”

  “You didn’t know you had a house?”

  “She told me, but I haven’t gotten out much. I didn’t have any desire to leave her place.” Because I’ve been a depressed ball of tears and anger.

  I take a few steps up the walkway to get a closer look. I live here. I might as well be looking at a stranger’s house because it’s not familiar at all. I turn around to leave but run into Nik. He grabs me by my arms to steady me, and I suck in a breath being this close to him.

  He trails his fingers down my arms before he scrubs his hands down his stubbly cheeks in frustration. “I tried to give you time, but fuck me, I don’t know how much longer I can stay away from you.”

  His voice, gravelly, desperate, makes my mouth dry and I swallow. “I … Did we?”

  “Have sex?”

  Just hearing the word makes me feel dirty. I’m married. I step back and cross my arms to protect myself. “Did we?”

  “Yeah, baby, we did. And it was the best I ever had.”

  “Oh.”

  He runs his hands through his hair. “Come on, I live close. I’ll drive you back to your mom’s place.”

  I follow him this time, his long strides eating up the sidewalk faster than mine. I’ve had sex with this man? How is that possible? Well, I guess since it’s been years since Brad’s passed – I still can’t believe it, can’t believe he’s gone – so I was bound to move on, right? Isn’t that what people do when they become a widow? Shit. I don’t even know.

  I embarrassingly check out his ass as I trail behind him up the steps to his townhouse.

  Once we get inside his place, he grabs his keys off the counter, but I’m drawn to his living room. A memory hits me. Me on that couch. My body filled with heat. My heart pumping rapidly in my chest. Nik’s mouth- I squeeze my eyes shut to block it out. No. No. I’m married.

  “You remember that?” He sneaks up behind me, and I jump. “It’s okay.”

  “This is so messed up. I want to go back to my mom’s.”

  “Come on.” He grabs my hand, but I pull it back.

  His aggravated sigh makes my hair blow and tickles my face, then I finally turn back around to leave.

  Chapter 11

  Nik

  She really doesn’t fuckin’ remember me.

  I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white and clench my jaw together so I don’t say something I’ll regret. I’ve been able to focus on other stuff because of Ruby and my mom, but seeing her and being this damn close is wreaking havoc. I’m wound so tight that I’m afraid of what will happen when my rope snaps.

  She has no clue who I am, but when she was in my living room, she felt something. I saw it. It gives me a shred of hope. I know I can’t push, but damn, it’s hard … I’m fuckin’ hard. It’s been torture staying away from her since the accident, but I’m trying to do what’s best for her.

  The car slows, and I throw it into park when I stop in front of her mom’s house.

  “How’d you know where she lives?”

  My answer is a shrug because I know everything about her. “My number’s in your phone. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Okay.”

  “Anything, Lisa, okay?” I get out to open her door, and she waves at me once she’s on the front porch.

  * * *

  “Hi.” I break the silence when my mom just stands and stares at me.

  “Hello.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she launches herself at me. I take a step back to balance myself and hug her back. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she chants over and over.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, Nikolas, it’s not. I should have tried harder.” She pulls back, and I look into my mother’s eyes for the first time in my life. Years, decades of pain and regret stare back at me, and any anger that I had toward her quickly vanishes. What is it with the women in my life being able to have me wrapped around their damn fingers in a fucking heartbeat?

  “Really. I understand. You don’t need to apologize.”

  She wipes her tears, and we both sit down on the bench at the park. I wanted to meet her somewhere where there were people around but also where we could have privacy.

  “I want you to tell me everything about yourself that you feel comfortable with.” She pats me on the thigh. “God, you’re so handsome … just like your father.”

  My face heats up at her compliment. “There’s not much to tell. I work at a bar and have some really close friends. I just found
out I have a sister and that my mom didn’t abandon me like I was told my whole life.”

  A breath is sucked between her teeth, and she nods. “It was best that you didn’t try to find me.”

  “That’s what Dad said, too.” I disagree, but I’m not going to argue.

  “How is he? Dominic?” Her eyes glaze over, and I swear I see love in her smile.

  “He’s good. You should come by some night for dinner.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t.” She blushes.

  I make a mental note to arrange something. “We’ll see.”

  “So no girlfriend?”

  My face hardens, and she apologizes.

  “Not your fault. Umm …” I grab the back of my neck. “I was kind of seeing someone. But she was in an accident recently and doesn’t remember me.”

  “Oh no, that’s awful. Well, speaking from experience, maybe she just needs more time.”

  “Yeah,” I grunt.

  “If you love her and she loves you, no amount of time will change that. Love doesn’t fade, Nikolas. It’s eternal and faithful. And most importantly, it’s irreplaceable.”

  We sit and talk for a couple of hours, and strangely enough, it doesn’t feel like I just met my mother for the first time. I suppose there’s some kind of connection on a visceral level that naturally makes me comfortable with her because I don’t trust easily, but with her it’s unspoken and already unbreakable.

  * * *

  I sit outside Lisa’s house in my car. I stare at her windows, watching as her shadow passes. The lights downstairs shut off, and she stands in front of her bedroom window. She reaches behind her head and pulls on her hair, the long strands falling out of the clip. My cock hardens against my zipper, and I press it down with the palm of my hand to try to tame the fucker. Her light flickers off and after a few minutes, I get out and walk around her house, making sure all of her windows and doors are secure before I finally head home for the night.

  * * *

  My world is completely shifted right now. In the span of a few weeks, I’ve had the woman who I love — yes, I fucking love her — forget who I am. The one woman in the world who I want to remember everything, and she doesn’t even know who I am.

  I found out I had a sister, who in turn was kidnapped. Thank Christ, Ruby and Pierce are going to be okay. He took a bullet to the shoulder protecting her, but it could have been so much worse. I left the hospital a little while ago. Now, I’m using every contact and resource I have to find out more about the fucker that kidnapped Ruby. When I discover it’s much larger than I’d originally anticipated, I put all my energy into making sure she’s safe again.

  I also met my mother for the first time after finding out she didn’t abandon me. If that doesn’t fuck with your head, I don’t know what will.

  In all my life, I’ve never felt this … constricted before. Helpless but determined at the same time. Every single nerve ending is buzzing, and no matter what I do, it doesn’t go away. I can take a lot of shit, but everything is starting to catch up with me. The magnitude of everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

  Because I needed time to myself, I took the day off and am sitting on my couch staring at a blank TV screen when my phone lights up. Lisa’s name flashes, and I fumble with the buttons before I answer.

  “Hi, umm … It’s Lisa.”

  “Are you okay?” I sit up straighter, ready to take off if needed.

  “Yes. Well, you said I could call and—”

  “Yeah, baby. What’s wrong?”

  “I blew a fuse and I think the box thing is in the basement, but that fuse blew too and I can’t find a flashlight—”

  “I’ll be over in five.”

  I hang up and splash some water on my face before I go over to her place. She opens the front door before I get up the steps, and I pause, taking her in. She looks good. Beautiful. Mine.

  “Thank you for stopping.” She waves me in.

  “I told you anything, and I meant it.” I walk into her kitchen and pull my phone out to turn the flashlight on. “Your fuse box is in the basement?”

  “I think so. I’ve never had this happen before.”

  I whip my head in her direction. “So you remember being here?”

  “Oh, umm, no.” She trips over her words. “I just meant that from what I can remember, I’ve never had this happen.”

  I don’t believe her, and when I get back from flipping the switch on the fuse box, I try to figure out how to play this. She obviously just wanted me to come over because I know her, and she’s more than capable of doing what I just did. In fact, she’d rather do it herself than ask for help, so something is definitely up. I chuckle at the lame excuse she used but smile at the fact that she wanted to see me.

  “All set.” I tuck my phone back in my pocket and head for the front door. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  Chapter 12

  Lisa

  I need you, I want to shout at him.

  “Wait. Umm, do you want a beer or something?”

  He pauses at the door a second before facing me. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

  “Have a seat.” I point to a chair at the kitchen table.

  He pulls it out and flips it around then straddles it. I sit across from him and slide a beer over to him. My fingers stay busy with peeling the label off my water bottle. Now that he’s here, I don’t know what I even want from him. I don’t remember him per se, but I keep having dreams about him. Little flashes of us together like a flipbook.

  “How are you feeling?” He licks his lips after taking a drink.

  I remember those lips all over me. Shit, I remember. “Good. Better.”

  “That’s good. Why are you pretending you don’t remember me?”

  His question catches me off guard, and I choke on my water. “What?”

  “You’re looking at me different this time. You remember, don’t you?”

  “No,” I lie.

  I’m still coming to terms with everything as it comes to me. I’ve realized years have passed since I lost Brad, and I thought going back to my own house would help. I started having dreams about Nik and those turned into me seeing his fucking gorgeous face everywhere.

  “Don’t lie, baby. You sucked at it before, and you’re even worse now.” The smile on his face tells me he’s slightly joking. “You need time, and that’s okay. I can give you that.”

  Suddenly, a memory takes hold. His lips working against mine. My hands gripping his arms. The background is blurry, but there’s no denying the passion between us.

  “Lisa?” His voice is blurry in the distance.

  No, I need to see what happens. I focus on the memory and block him out. My heartbeat is really fast; I can feel it even though I’m not there. Suddenly, I push him away. I can’t sleep with you because I won’t put myself in a position to be destroyed again, and you might not know it, but you have that power already.

  I stand and shake my head. No. Did I love him? I couldn’t have. I love Brad. “You need to leave.” I back away from him as he comes closer to me.

  “Hey.” His voice is soft as he approaches. “It’s okay. It was just as scary going through it the first time too. I’ve never felt about anyone what I feel about you. And you feel the same way about me. You just have to stop pushing me away.”

  I shake my head, my hands fisting defensively. “No. No, I don’t. I love my husband. I don’t love you.”

  He sighs and presses his lips together. “Call me if you need anything else, okay? I’ll wait for you, baby. Because once you remember, we’re going to start making even better memories.”

  * * *

  My mom rushes inside my house after I frantically called her. “What’s the matter?”

  “Did I love him?”

  “Who?”

  “Nik. Was I in love with him?”

  She puts a hand on her heart and sits on the couch. “You scared the ever-loving crap out of me.”

  “Sorry. He was jus
t here, and I’ve been having memories of him and I’m so confused!” I scream the last part and plop down on the couch. “This is awful. God, why can’t I just remember?”

  “It’s only been a month, honey. The doctors said it could take some time.”

  “It’s one thing to lose your memory but another to relive the worst part of your life. It’s not fucking fair. It’s not fair.”

  “Oh, Lisa.” Mom pulls me into her arms, and I cry so hard it’s hard to breathe. My lungs burn, my head throbs, and my sobs wrack my entire body.

  I cry for losing Brad, for not remembering I lost him and having to go through the pain of losing my other half again. For not knowing what the fuck I’ve been doing with my life and feeling guilty for having these strange feelings for Nik when I don’t even know who the fuck he really is.

  Eventually I calm down, and my mom pulls me to the bathroom and draws a bath for me. I sit naked in the tub, staring at the bubbles, watching them slowly pop and fade away. I sink down until the water comes up to my cheeks and I close my eyes. The echo in my head from being underwater helps drown out some of the thoughts and I sink even lower.

  When my chest begins to sting, I push myself up and gasp for air. I slick my hair back away from my eyes and pant as my body regains its composure. The water slides down onto the floor as I step on the tile and wipe the steam off the mirror.

  I examine myself up close. The small wrinkles around my eyes are an indication of my age and make me realize how much time truly has passed since Brad. I can’t believe that I would move on, but it’s entirely possible, I guess.

  We order Chinese, and I fall asleep at seven thirty, completely and thoroughly exhausted … I don’t know how much more I can take.

  * * *

  The following day, more memories rise from the fog in my mind, and I’m drawn to the pub since a lot of them involve this place. I stand outside of it, and since it’s one thirty in the morning, the street is pretty empty. A couple walks out and the man holds the door for me, so I go inside.