Marry Me Twice

by Monica Walters

  “Haji… have you been tested?”

  “What?”

  “For STD’s. Have you had blood work done?”

  “Naw. I wrap up all the time, but if that’s something you need, I can make it happen.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “A’ight.”

  I focused back on the movie or at least I tried to. Most times, I found my eyes closed, wanting to stroke my dick. I was so tempted to make a call, but I said I would never dip back to Kyley’s ass. If I couldn’t go a good week without sex, then I had a problem. I’d gone weeks before, but I didn’t have temptation living with me, taunting me at every turn. But she had best believe, I was getting that blood test. “Pretty Black, I want to be with you and only you, but this gon’ be hard. I dream and fantasize about you and I have been since I saw you. You always on my mind and it’s making me crazy.”

  She sat up on the couch and looked at me. “Is that your way of letting me know that you will be fucking other women? I mean… I already assumed that. We aren’t a couple. But you don’t have to try to pressure me into something I told you I wasn’t ready for.”

  I frowned. “Whoa… what?”

  Sitting up on the sofa, I watched her fold her arms. I could sense her slight attitude from here. “Ain’t nobody pressuring you into shit. I’m just explaining how bad I want you. I want you to be mine, but I know you ain’t going for that right now ‘cause you don’t know me well enough yet. I’m not complaining. Man… fuck it.”

  I stood from the sofa and sat the remote on the couch, then headed upstairs. Explaining myself wasn’t something I did. She must didn’t hear a word I said all day. I didn’t have to pressure her. Good pussy came a dime a dozen, but I was trying to wait for her. It had only been a day for her. I got that. It was harder for me because I had been fantasizing about her ass for two months. She was tripping already.

  When I got to my room, I pulled some jeans from the hanger and sent Kyley a message. You home?

  After putting them on and slipping on a white tee, she messaged me back. Yeah, daddy. You coming through?

  On my way, lil mama.

  I brushed my waves, sprayed a little cologne, then headed back downstairs. Chinara was turning off the TV. When she turned to me, her eyebrows lifted, then she frowned. “I’ll be back.”

  I didn’t give her anything more. She expected me to fuck around, so be it. I chose her because I felt something special when I looked at her. Any woman would have been willing to do what I asked of her. I asked her for a reason, though. I thought she was the woman that I could build something with. But in my book, there was a such thing as being too strong sometimes. She was stubborn and she was acting like me going fuck somebody else didn’t bother her. Since she wanted to act that way, I’d take it at face value and do that shit.

  When I backed out the driveway, I was pissed. Why I let her get to me like that? Like she said, we weren’t a couple. I thought she wanted to build up to that like I did. Apparently, I was wrong. Taking the ten-minute drive to Kyley’s apartment, I sat in the parking lot for a moment. I grabbed my phone, for some reason, expecting a message from her to make me go back home. Wrong again. I got out the car and went to let Kyley get me off. Hopefully, she wasn’t on that same bullshit she was on the other day. When I knocked on the door, she opened it wearing a see-through catsuit. “Hey, daddy. Come in, so I can service that big-ass dick.”

  Shit. Happy Kwanza, Haji.

  I had been avoiding Chinara all day. When I got home last night, she was in her room and I could hear the music playing. I went straight to my room and took a shower and didn’t bother to come back out. Kyley had fucked me right. I nutted three times… one for each hole. She put in work last night and I was completely satisfied until I got home. Chinara was the woman I wanted but couldn’t really have. I knew I was probably playing a dangerous game by fooling around with Kyley again, but I was angry and made an irrational decision to give me relief at the moment.

  When I woke up this morning, I could hear her moving around and turning the shower on, so I quickly got dressed and went to the corner store to get bacon, egg, and cheese croissants and a couple of pastries, then came back and ate in my room. Around noon, I finally decided to come out and quit hiding out in my own house. Jarius said he would be over when he left the shop, and my boy Kline was coming over in an hour.

  I had water boiling outside on a propane burner and had put vegetables in it along with seasoning, getting ready to boil shrimp and snow crabs. I’d probably throw in some sausage, potatoes, corn on the cob, pork bones, and ham hocks. Kline had said he was gonna bring rabbit and deer meat to put in there. I was all for it. He was from one of the rural areas around Beaumont called Hillebrandt. They were always hunting, especially rabbit hunting. When he got here, I’d put that stuff at the bottom to tenderize it.

  By the time Jarius and his boy from the shop, Jamel, got here, the food would all be cooked. When I walked back into the house, Chinara was standing in the kitchen. It looked like she had been watching me through the window. I nodded at her and said, “What’s up?”

  “Hey.”

  When she pushed her hair away from her face, her ring caught my attention. “You know you don’t have to wear it around the house, just when we’re out.”

  She nodded, then said, “I want to wear it.”

  I shrugged and was walking to the utility room to get a couple of coolers when she said, “I’m sorry about last night.”

  Stopping my forward progress, I turned to her. She averted her gaze to the floor, like she was embarrassed. “Sorry for what?”

  “I snapped on you for no reason. I guess I’m just scared of what’s happening between us. I’m feeling you, Haji. I’m sure you know that. But I’m afraid that I won’t be able to please you.”

  Tilting my head to the side, I frowned. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because… umm… you are extremely sexual. I haven’t had sex in five years. When I have sex again, I want it to be with someone I want forever with.”

  “Says the woman wearing an engagement ring. I could have asked anybody to marry me. For what I’m offering, I know a few who would have jumped on the opportunity. I asked you, because I see something in you… feel something about you that makes me want more. It makes me wanna know more. I don’t know what that something is yet, but I plan to find out. I’m gon’ do better about rushing into sex. I said I would let you make the first move in that direction, so I’m gonna honor that.”

  “But… how will this work? If I’m not giving it to you, you’re gonna get it elsewhere.”

  “Tell me what you want me to do, Chinara.”

  I walked closer to her, wanting her to tell me that she wanted my devotion and loyalty. I needed her to express how she felt for me and what she expected from me. Turning her head to look out the window for a moment, she turned back to me and said, “I can’t… I can’t tell you what I want if I’m not willing to offer you what you want.”

  When I got close enough to her, I lifted her chin to where she could look into my eyes. “Tell. Me. What. You. Want. Me. To. Do.”

  “I… I want you to stop fucking other women. Haji, but that’s not fair to you. I want more with you. Having you as mine is a feeling that I want to treasure forever.”

  I couldn’t help but kiss her after that. She wanted the same things I did, and it took me going fuck somebody else for her to admit it. Women. Sliding my hands to her face, I gently stroked her cheeks with my thumbs, then kissed that sexy ring in her nose. “You got that, Pretty Black Doll.”

  I knew her feelings were out of excitement because there was still so much more we needed to know about one another. With the shit I had already shown her, it made her want to know more and I could get with that. The situation was making her move a lot quicker as well. Living with me, seeing my comings and goings could affect her one of two ways. Either she could fall in love with me or she could eventually hate me.

  I was never a nigga
to hide shit, so leaving when I did last night, she knew I was going get my dick wet, no question. Being discreet had never been my thing because I never really had anyone’s feelings to worry about. I’d never had a girlfriend. My forehead was against hers and I couldn’t seem to separate from her until I heard, “Nigga, you gon’ boil all the water out the pot or what?”

  Stepping away from Chinara, I saw Kline standing there with his eyebrows lifted and a goofy-ass smile on his face. He had two bags in his hands, which I was sure was the rabbit and deer meat. “Kline, this is my woman, Chinara.”

  “Woman? What the hell?” He walked to the sink and sat the bags in it, then washed his hands. “My bad, Chinara. I’m just in shock.”

  When he reached out to shake her hand, she extended the hand with the ring on it. I knew she did that on purpose. No one really shook hands with their left hand unless the right one was unavailable for some reason. His eyes widened as he yelled, “Y’all engaged??”

  “Yeah. Quit tripping,” I said.

  He and I didn’t talk every day, but he usually knew what was going on with me. The only person that knew about the arrangement and the situation I was in was Jarius. I pulled Chinara back to me and kissed her lips. She looked up at me and said, “You need me to wash the meat?”

  “Yeah, please?”

  Kline was still standing there in shock as I continued to the utility room to get the coolers. When I walked back out, he was standing outside near the pot. As soon as I got out there, he went in. “When the fuck you had time to find a woman and propose to her since the last time we talked?”

  “Man, shut yo’ country ass up.”

  After sitting the coolers down, I went back inside to get the meat from Chinara. She’d put it in a pan. I smiled at her and she returned the smile and asked, “Are you gonna tell him the truth?”

  “Nope. The only person that knows is Jarius.”

  “Is that the one from the barbershop?”

  “Yeah. He’s my barber.”

  “So… umm, can I go outside with you guys? Or should I stay inside?”

  I frowned at her, then pulled her to me by her waist. “You are welcome to be anywhere that I am. We have a lot to talk about and I want you to feel comfortable expressing yourself to me. Treat this like you would treat any other relationship. Despite that we’ll be married next month and we live together, the progress of our feelings will be the same. You feel me?”

  She slid her hands up to my face and said, “I feel you.”

  She kissed my lips, then grabbed my phone and cued up the music through the sound system. When “Shawty” by Plies started playing, she started swaying to the music. “I haven’t heard this in a long time!”

  I chuckled at her, then grabbed the meat to put in the pot before I pushed my meat against her ass. Following me outside, she watched me use the long spoon to put the meat in the water. Once I put it all in, I dropped some shrimp and crab in on top of it, along with potatoes, corn, and sausage. Kline was still staring at me like I was a damn stranger and it caused me to laugh. “Kline, close your mouth before some flies drop some eggs in there.”

  10

  Chinara

  As I sat on Haji’s lap, I realized that I had completely relaxed in us. He and his boys were talking and laughing as they puffed on cigars and I was eating for the second time. Everything was so delicious. I’d never eaten rabbit or deer meat, but I knew for sure it wouldn’t be my last time eating it. I was thankful that they’d cooked so much, so I could have some tomorrow. Jarius and I had talked quite a bit. He felt like he knew me since he and Haji talked so often.

  Haji wrapped his arms around me and kissed my back and I couldn’t help but smile. I couldn’t believe he was gonna make the effort to give me what I asked for. When he left last night, I threw up. Thinking about him fucking somebody else made me sick to my stomach. That was weird as hell to me. I supposed subconsciously, because I was living with him, I felt like he was mine. I took what he’d said the wrong way. I should have taken it as a compliment that he wanted me so badly but was willing to wait.

  He had no intent to leave the house last night until I over analyzed what he’d said and threw my attitude out there. I could tell it pissed him off immediately. Humbling myself today had been hard, but it got me where I wanted to be… sitting on his lap, enjoying good food and fun conversation with his friends. As Kirko Bangz came on, I wiggled my ass again. Feeling his slight erection, I stopped. Turning to him, I mouthed, sorry.

  Giving me a one-cheeked smile, I could see the wheels turning in his head. Taking a puff from his cigar, he sat up and slid his hand to my thigh, continuing to talk to his friends. When I was done eating, I told his friends bye and made my way inside. I began washing pans and loading the dishwasher. I’d mop once everyone left. The food was all still sitting out, so I transferred it all to containers and put it in the fridge.

  When I was done, I headed upstairs to take a shower. I’d had an amazing time with Haji and his friends today, but I knew they wanted to talk and kick it without me being out there. I wasn’t out there the entire time, but after our short talk earlier, I wanted to be as close to Haji as possible. I still hadn’t posted our pictures to our social media. I wanted to talk to my family first. Being that it had gotten late, I knew my parents were asleep.

  After taking my shower and washing my hair, I stood in the mirror detangling it, applying product, and putting it in bantu knots. The knock on the door caused me to put on a housecoat and tie at it at my waist. “Come in.”

  When Haji walked in, he smiled at me. “Damn, you smell good.”

  I smiled at him, then tiptoed to kiss his lips. “I like how you relaxed in this, Pretty Black. It feels good, huh?” he asked as he stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me.

  “It really does.”

  Letting my guard down was scary, but now that I had, it felt amazing. Releasing me, he said, I’m gonna go take a shower, then we can talk. A’ight?”

  “Okay.”

  He kissed my head and left the bathroom as I continued doing my hair. I was almost done, then I would go mop the kitchen. Because of the amazing day we had, I knew our talk would go well. I just didn’t know what we needed to talk about that we hadn’t already worked out throughout the day. I knew that he’d put pictures on his social media pages of us and people were asking all sorts of questions and congratulating him on our engagement. He wouldn’t be able to pull no shit like he did last night anymore, regardless of how I was behaving… not if he wanted people to take our engagement seriously.

  Once I finished my hair, I went downstairs and found the mop bucket, just as Haji was joining me. He smiled, then started the water running so it could get hot. Getting the Clorox from the washroom, I poured a little in the bucket as he frowned slightly. “Clorox is going to get this floor cleaner than any other product you can use. Watch.”

  He lifted his hands in surrender with a slight smile. Detaching the faucet, he ran the hot water in the bucket. After dipping the mop a couple of times and ringing it out, I began and he went to the couch in the family room. He started the music again. Nothing harsh but the smooth sounds of Tank. I gathered that he liked music a lot. There was rarely a quiet moment when he was here. I loved music too, so I was cool with it. After finishing the floor, I yelled, “Haji! Come see!”

  When he walked to the kitchen, his eyebrows lifted. “Damn. You were right. It looks good. Thank you, Pretty Black.”

  He went to the mop bucket and picked it up, carrying it outside to the patio. Once he poured the water over the spot where he had the pot, he rinsed the bucket with the hose, then came back inside the house. Meeting me in the washroom, he set the bucket down as I hung the mop, then grabbed my hand. When we got to the couch, he pulled me in his lap. “Today was so chill.”

  “It was. I enjoyed relaxing with you, Haji.”

  “I’m glad you did. I just want things to flow naturally with us.”

  Laying my head against his should
er, he wrapped his other arm around me. “My brother commented on my picture. I know I’m gonna have to call sooner or later. When I do, if you could just walk in the background a couple of times, that’ll be cool.”

  I giggled. “Okay.”

  “So… tell me about your love life. Why are you so guarded?”

  I shifted in his lap, then traced his bottom lip with my finger. “I’ve always been the one whose love was taken advantage of, starting from my first boyfriend in high school to the one I broke up with five years ago. There have only been three, but every last one of them played me for a fool. Although I was a teenager with the first one, my feelings for him were real. I was naturally a loving person. They took that from me. I changed into someone I wasn’t. Becoming skeptical of every damn thing is so exhausting at times, especially with you.”

  “Well, I know I gave you a reason to be skeptical and I’m sorry.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Yeah. What’s up?” he asked as he pulled me closer.

  “Did you actually go fuck somebody last night? Or did you just leave to make me think you were?”

  He slid his hand down his face as he exhaled. No words needed to be spoken at that point. I knew that he had. Before he could answer, I put my fingers over his lips. He kissed them, then grabbed them from his lips. “You don’t have to explain. I got it.”

  “As long as we’re on this path we’re on, it’ll be the last time. I promise.”

  Despite my past with men, I believed him. He could have lied to me just now, but he didn’t. I respected him even more for that. “So, tell me about your brothers.”

  “Kevin is a thorn in my flesh. He’s two years older than me and constantly looks for something he can expose about me. He’s blocked from all my social media accounts. When I saw him while I was out there, that was my first time talking to him in over two years. My oldest brother, Umaru, is cool. He’s just a follower. I mean of Ense. Whatever my father told him to do was the right thing in his book. Anyone that went against that was wrong. We get along, though. He still respects me for the most part.”