My Christmas Boyfriend

by S J Crabb

  She looks over at Liam and winks. ‘Hey, handsome. You can come with me and keep an old woman happy. Annie won’t mind losing you for a bit while she helps her mother, will you darling?’

  Once again, I throw Liam an apologetic look and help my father unload the heap of bags squashed inside the little car.

  By the time we have installed granny's stuff in her room, we hear another car pulling up outside.

  Heading outside we see a huge Range Rover pulled up and then the peace is shattered forever. The doors fly open and all hell breaks loose.

  Two little soldiers come racing out screaming at the top of their lungs. They race around the courtyard and start shooting at each other, using the Christmas tree as cover. Little foam-covered pellets spill from their nerf guns and whizz around the place like sharp stinging rain.

  My Aunt Rose emerges from the car and looks at us wearily. ‘Happy Christmas everyone. Sorry about this, the twins are hyper with excitement.’

  They rush past us into the house and we hear granny shout, ‘Bugger off outside with those guns. Are you trying to finish me off?’

  Once again, they whizz past us and my Aunt grins ruefully. ‘They'll calm down in a minute. They've been cooped up for too long and need to let off steam. Shall I put the bags in our room? Oh, and where do you want the presents I've bought?’

  Mum shakes her head. ‘Leave it, Julian can help Kevin with it after we've all had some mulled wine and mince pies. I've given you the room at the end next to the boys. I figured you would want your own room for a little peace and quiet.’

  My Aunt looks at her gratefully and then sees me waiting and her eyes light up. ‘Annie, darling you look amazing.’

  She pulls me in for a hug just as a taxi draws up and my sister and Richard spill out.

  My Aunt shouts, ‘Gina, come over here you gorgeous girl.’

  Gina grins and races over and soon we are all hugging our Aunt. We don't see much of her because she lives in Cornwall. In fact, we probably only see her twice a year these days and I wish it was more. We have always got on well and she has always had lots of time for us.

  Mum interrupts the happy scene and takes her sister's arm. ‘Come on, Rose; let's get you a drink.’

  As we follow them in, I smirk at Gina.

  ‘Well done for escaping and getting out of the decorating duty.’

  She laughs and her eyes flash. ‘Sorry, sis. I probably would have throttled mum with the fairy lights if I'd been here. No, Richard and I enjoyed a lovely day shopping in Exeter, followed by lunch at Jamie's Italian. You know, you and Liam should have come with us, maybe tomorrow instead?’

  I look at her in surprise. ‘Why, are you going back again tomorrow?’

  She winks. ‘Maybe, or somewhere else. In fact, anywhere but here. We may take in a film at the new multiplex in Weymouth. If we stayed here I think I would scream.’

  Shaking my head, I follow her inside. Typical Gina, selfish and intolerant. I do love her though.

  Soon the little cottage is filled with life. We all sit down to one of mum's fabulous feasts and there is lots of laughing and joking. Luckily, my parents appear to have budgeted well for drinks because the wine is in abundance and I'm soon feeling quite tipsy. Here comes the lush again.

  We even manage a game of charades after tea, which sends Gina into an almost near breakdown. Party games were never her strong point and I notice the wine in her glass doesn't remain there long before it needs topping up.

  Granny, as usual, is hysterical. She enacts every porn film known to man, much to my mother's dismay. I daren't look at Liam, what on earth must he be thinking?

  I think we all get to bed around 11 pm. The twins were banished at 9 pm and the rest of us just chilled out and drank wine while watching Christmas films. All in all, a good start.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The next morning, Liam and I are instructed to take the twins for a pre-breakfast walk with Timmy.

  I look over at him apologetically and whisper. ‘I told you so. It's always me that gets lumbered. Probably because Gina would lose them or something. She always gets off lightly.’

  Liam laughs. ‘It's fine. It’s a lovely morning and a walk on the beach would be great. I'll take my camera and shoot some pictures.’

  Soon we are plodding down the beach with a mad dog and two even madder children in tow.

  As Liam says, it is a lovely day. The air is crisp and cold and the sky is blue. The waves crash to the shore and the seagulls cry loudly. There isn't another person in sight and despite the fact we have the twins with us, I am enjoying myself.

  We watch as the boys throw Timmy's ball into the sea. The dog adores this game and doesn't appear to even feel the cold as he rushes back and forth.

  Liam takes lots of photos and then fools around with the boys in the waves.

  This is great, I am enjoying the fresh air. After the stifling smog of London, this is just what I need. To re-connect with nature and throw caution to the wind. Being by the sea always gives me a sense of freedom and peace. It's as though I'm on the edge of the world and nobody can touch me. All my problems are back in London and just for these few short days I can leave them behind and concentrate on a life with no worries and peace.

  That peace is soon shattered when Timmy rushes up and shakes his wet fur all over me. I shriek and then the twins race over, pulling a laughing Liam behind them.

  ‘Throw her in the sea, throw her in the sea,’ they chant loudly.

  I look at Liam in horror and he grins wickedly.

  Before I even know what is happening, I am swept off my feet and find myself firmly planted over his shoulder as he races towards the waves. I scream loudly.

  ‘No Liam, put me down and not in the sea!!’

  He laughs and then drops me to my feet and tries to push me in the waves.

  The boys scream with joy and try to help him.

  Laughing, Liam shouts. ‘It's ok guys, I think we got her. Maybe we should class this as a victory. You don't want to see her when she's wet and angry.’

  I grin and then Barney shouts.

  ‘You two are doing it, aren't you?’

  I look in horror at Liam and his eyes flash mischievously.

  I shake my head.

  ‘Of course not, don't be silly.’

  Elliott grins. ‘Yes, you are, you can't fool us. It’s what grownups do. When daddy is home, he and mummy do it all the time. They let us watch and everything.’

  I look at Liam in horror and he tries to hold his laughter in.

  ‘What do you mean? Of course, they don't let you.’

  Barney folds his arms and looks at me knowingly.

  ‘Well, we do. What's more, we've seen our friend's parents at it as well. Mikey says his parents are always doing it and did it in the supermarket once.’

  Elliott starts chanting. ‘Do it! Do it! Do It!’

  Barney shouts to Liam. ‘I'll take a picture with your camera if you like.’

  Liam snorts and then pulls me towards him and whispers.

  ‘I think I know what they mean. Let's give the little guys what they want.’

  Then, to my utter surprise, he dips me to the floor and then kisses the life out of my lips. I hear the boys cheering and shouting words of encouragement. They soon fade into the background as I fully make the most of this opportunity by kissing Liam back with everything I've got. Christmas dreams can come true and boy is this one worth it. Kissing Liam like this is the best thing I have ever done in my life. At this moment in time, I would adopt those two little angels, who have made my wish come true.

  All too soon it is over and Liam pulls me back to my feet. He smirks and I feel the colour rushing to my cheeks. Wow!

  I look at the boys in total confusion, both of whom are grinning from ear to ear.

  ‘Told you you were doing it. All boyfriends and girlfriends do and mummy's and daddy's. It’s the law.’

  I grin. ‘Well, I wouldn't want to break any laws, would I?’


  Liam laughs and then chases off down the beach after Barney who heads off with his camera. Timmy follows them barking madly and I smile at Elliot.

  ‘You're all mad.’

  He grins and walks beside me as we follow the others.

  ‘So, Elliott, tell me, what do you want for Christmas?’

  He shrugs. ‘I wanted my daddy home but mummy said that Santa can't work miracles and made me choose from the Argos catalogue instead.’

  My heart sinks at his words. Poor little guy.

  Suddenly, he looks at me with a sad expression that tugs at my heartstrings.

  ‘Ben Sullivan told me that Father Christmas isn’t real. He said it was our mummy's and daddy's who put the presents down the chimney.’

  I shake my head. ‘Then he is very wrong; in fact, don't let Santa hear you, non-believers are put on the naughty list and you don't want to be on there.’

  Elliott's eyes widen, and he shakes his head vehemently.

  ‘Well, of course, I believe in him, so I punched him and told him he was a liar.’

  I laugh to myself but make sure I look at him with a stern expression.

  ‘If Santa saw you punching another then he wouldn't be happy. It's best just to let these things go and concentrate on being the best little boy that you can be to make your daddy proud.’

  Elliot lowers his voice. ‘I'm going to find out if it's true.’

  I laugh and smile indulgently. ‘And how are you going to do that?’

  He grins mischievously. ‘Well, when we sent out letters to Santa, I left one thing off. If he's magic and is real, he will give it to me.’

  Suddenly, the alarm bells are ringing loud and clear in my head. Elliot carries on.

  ‘I asked him for daddy to come home. I said a prayer to him in assembly. God won't mind that I talked to Santa instead of him, will he?’

  I look at his little anxious face and my heart melts.

  ‘No, of course not. I believe they are good friends, so you'll be fine.’

  He looks relieved. ‘If he can't bring my daddy back, I asked him for Bubblehead Barbie instead.’

  I stop in my tracks. What?!!

  He laughs and stares at me with the eyes of the innocent.

  I say somewhat nervously, ‘Um, why would you want a Barbie doll anyway, Elliott?’

  He grins. ‘I heard Macie Green telling Emma Matthews that she would do anything for Bubblehead Barbie. If Santa brings me one, I'm going to give it to her if she'll do it with me.’

  I feel quite relieved at his words, no matter how disturbing they are.

  We are interrupted as Timmy runs back and jumps up at me with wet, sandy, paws.

  Liam and Barney follow laughing and I look at Liam with terror-filled eyes.

  As Barney pulls Elliott away to jump the little sea pools that have appeared in the sand, Liam looks at me and raises his eyes.

  ‘What's up? You look as if you've seen a ghost.’

  Quickly, I tell him what Elliott said and he frowns.

  ‘That's ok, we'll just go to town later and get one. We were going shopping anyway.’

  I breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, how stupid of me.

  If we can't rustle up his daddy, then I'm sure as Santa's Elves, that I can manage a Bubblehead Barbie.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  When we returned to the house another guest had arrived. Major Wilson, is one of my parent's regular guests and he is a very smart man in his 70s. He looks quite distinguished, with silver hair and smart clothes. He is as deaf as a post though, so we must shout at him to make him understand.

  He smiles as we head inside.

  ‘Good morning, Anne. How lovely to see you again.’

  I smile and kiss him on the cheek. ‘Major Wilson, have you met Liam?’

  As they shake hands, my mum looks at me in surprise.

  ‘I thought you called him Lian, short for Julian?’

  I recover quickly. ‘Yes, sometimes he gets called Liam, sometimes Lian. I told you that. Liam is my… um… pet name for him.’

  My mum looks surprised. ‘Not very original, darling, if I must say.’

  I just shrug as Liam tries not to laugh.

  Granny comes in and rolls her eyes as she sees the Major, before plastering a sickly sweet smile on her face.

  ‘Major Wilson, how lovely to see you again.’

  His eyes light up as he sees granny in her ripped at the knees jeans and sequined jumper.

  ‘Elizabeth, how lovely you look as always.’

  She waves her hands in irritation.

  ‘Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries. You need a drink young man. Fancy accompanying me in a small sherry before breakfast?’

  Liam snorts and Major Wilson looks surprised. ‘Well, it's a bit unorthodox, but why not? It is Christmas after all.’

  We follow them into the dining room and see the feast awaiting us. Kirrin cottage is always booked for a reason and it's this breakfast. Mum takes her Aunt Fanny duties extremely seriously and has conjured up a five-star breakfast feast.

  Cereals, fruits, and yoghurts, jostle for position with crusty rolls and every variety of preserves.

  The smell of bacon is wafting through the cottage and my stomach growls.

  Liam grins and we settle down to devour as much of it as is humanly possible. Thank God I live away from home. I would be the size of a house if I didn't.

  The twins fight over a sausage, as Gina and Dick join us. The only one absent is my father.

  Mum comes in from the kitchen and shouts over to me. ‘Run down to the mancave, Anne and fetch your father. He won't want to miss breakfast.’

  Sighing irritably, I set off to find him.

  Dad's mancave is the proverbial garden shed that it would appear every man covets at some time or another. It is far enough away from the house to class as an escape, but near enough to pop home for a bacon sandwich and a pot of tea.

  I hurry down the path cursing my bad luck. If they've eaten everything before we get back I'm liable to throw a tantrum.

  I soon reach the door and contemplate kicking it in, before deciding to just knock on it loudly before venturing inside.

  Unlike most men's sheds, this one has been kitted out as an office. As I enter my father looks up and snaps his laptop closed - a little guiltily as it happens.

  His eyes soften as he sees me and he smiles. ‘Have you been sent to get me, honey?’

  I nod. ‘Yes, it's all ready. We had better hurry up before there's nothing left.’

  He smiles and we head off back to the house.

  As we walk, he coughs nervously and says, ‘You don't mind me asking you something, do you darling?’

  I look at him nervously and shake my head. ‘Of course not, what's on your mind?’

  He looks thoughtful. ‘Well, say you received a credit card statement, and it showed a holiday for two in Barbados. Would you question it, or just think that it was your husband planning a nice surprise for you?’

  I shrug. ‘I don't know, really. I suppose I would keep quiet if I'm honest. Although, I may contact the travel company on the pretext of checking the itinerary, just so I knew the details.’

  He nods in agreement. ‘Yes, I thought the same. Thanks, darling, you're a good girl you know.’

  As we head inside, Liam's words come back to haunt me. I hope that things are ok with my parents. Something is going on and it doesn't take the Famous Five to work that one out either.

  As we head inside, I cringe as my father puts his arm around my mother and says lovingly. ‘There she is, my little Fanny.’

  I look over at Gina and she looks as mortified as me. Liam and Dick are grinning and I sink into my chair and stuff a croissant quickly in my mouth. I need comfort food and fast.

  After breakfast, Liam, Gina, Dick and I head off to town to do some Christmas shopping. We need to grab some gifts and it's our only opportunity before Christmas Eve.

  We borrow the Kirrin wagon and set off with Gina a
t the wheel.

  Soon we arrive in Weymouth and discover that everyone else has the same idea.

  It must take us half an hour to find a parking spot, and we only manage that because Gina reversed at 30mph to beat a Volvo to the last remaining space.

  We decide to head for the nearest toy shop. Bubblehead Barbie is first on the list.

  The crowds are out in their droves and there is a general buzz of excitement that last minute shopping brings. Santa's stand on street corners with charity buckets and Christmas carols blare out from large speakers. Luckily, it isn't raining, and the sun is shining brightly in the sky.

  Here we are. The calm before the storm – or is it the other way around?

  After the third toy shop, I am losing the will to live. It appears that Bubblehead Barbie is the, 'must have,' toy of the season. Everywhere is sold out with no hope of a delivery. I gaze at the shop assistant in frustration and she shrugs.

  ‘Listen, why don't you try Bensons. They have a toy department and I know they have deliveries on Thursdays. They may have had a batch in.’

  I almost kiss her and grab Liam's hand. ‘Come on, let's go. We've no time to waste.’

  Gina and Dick follow closely behind and we head off to Bensons.

  I remember this shop from my youth. It is a family run department store, stuck firmly in the past.

  Carpet disguises the floor which has seen better days and the fixtures are yellow and dusty.

  The buyers obviously haven't changed, because the clothing is for the elderly, which would make granny throw her hands up in horror.

  We head up the escalators to the toy department and look around wildly for Barbie. All I can see is an empty display and my heart sinks.

  Liam smiles reassuringly. ‘Come on, let's ask the sales assistant. They may have some in the stock room.’

  We join the queue and Dick and Gina carry on looking around the department.

  The line is long and there are lots of disgruntled customers waiting. By the time we get to our turn, I am feeling super anxious. The assistant smiles and I fix her with my most beseeching look.

  ‘Excuse me, but we are looking for a Bubblehead Barbie and I was told you had a delivery today.’