Addicted to You

by Renita Pizzitola

  His words might as well have been a knife through the heart.

  “Well, they can’t,” I snapped.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He reached out but I stepped back. “Isla…shit.”

  Tired of the fighting and confusion and, well, just everything, I said, “This is where we decide.”

  “Decide?”

  “Whether or not we can fix things. If we want to. If it’s even worth it at this point. What’s done is done and I’m sick of this dance we’re doing. I’m mad. Then you’re mad. Then me. And you. Back and forth we go.” I threw my hands up in the air again and shook my head. “I’m done.”

  “Nothing’s broken. You’re still you and I’m still me.” This time when he reached out I let him take my hand. “And I’m sorry that I’ve been acting all weird and jealous when—”

  “So you are jealous?”

  “Uh…”

  “Of what…why?”

  “Everyone. All the time. And, well, because…you.”

  “What do you mean me?”

  He slowly released my fingers, then adjusted his baseball cap and leaned against the wall. “Even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way, I guess a part of me feels a little…”

  He glanced up, and then stared back at his shoes.

  “Overprotective of you.”

  “Oh.” Though I’d sensed that when we first got to Jack’s, I hadn’t been prepared for him to admit it. But at least we were making progress. I hugged my arms to my chest. “Why shouldn’t you feel that way?”

  “Because you’re not mine.”

  I jerked my head up and stared at him. Did he want me to be?

  “To protect,” he went on. “You’re a strong girl. You don’t need me in your business.”

  Though his mouth said one thing, his eyes told another. That look was back. The one I’d seen several times over the last few days, and though I may regret the answer if I was wrong, I had to know if it meant what I thought it did. “Colby…”

  I took a step toward him and the air vibrated around us, like a billion frenzied bees sensing a threat, but the only thing in danger right now was the paper-thin wall I’d built to hide the emotional roller coaster I’d been on the last several days.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  His voice deepened. “What do you mean?”

  “You say nothing’s broken, yet we both know we aren’t the same as before. But maybe that’s just it. We aren’t meant to go back. Maybe we’re meant to move forward.”

  I scanned his face, slowly closing the distance like a cat about to pounce, and I couldn’t deny how much I wanted to do just that.

  “What do you want?” He countered, his eyes now dark and his voice low and inviting.

  “I think you know. I think it’s the same thing as you. And it’s probably time to stop deny—”

  Colby must’ve recognized Landon’s laugh before even I had because in record time, he’d slipped away, putting enough distance between us that there’d be no questions about what was going on out here.

  “Hey.” Landon looked at us, his expression more of concern than curiosity. “Everything okay?” He waved the guy he’d stepped out with to go on, saying he’d be there in a second.

  Colby nodded. “Oh, yeah. The crowd’s intense. We just wanted some fresh air.”

  “I thought I saw you two slip by. A busy night is great and all when it comes to tips, but, shit, I couldn’t get on break fast enough.” He tilted his head right then rolled his shoulders. “Oh, and looks like you’ve got a fan, Isla. Gabe seems quite enamored with you.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure this is his ‘thing.’ So not falling for it.”

  “What do you mean?” Landon asked.

  “You know, like he works the crowd, finds some random girl, gets up on that stage, claims she’s inspired him, then sings his way right into her pants.”

  He laughed. “You’re awesome. I love that you can see right through his bullshit. I’m not saying he does this at every show, but I don’t doubt he works the crowd to his advantage.” He chuckled again. “Guess I can’t really blame the guy though.”

  Colby remained quiet but I felt his gaze glued to me.

  I kept mine focused on Landon. “There are plenty of other girls in there who’d love to succumb to his charms.”

  “But there’s only one Isla.” Landon grinned.

  Colby huffed. “I’m gonna get back inside.” He turned to me. “You coming?”

  It didn’t seem like his annoyance was focused on me, but I could also tell he’d shut down. Wherever our conversation had been headed it wasn’t going there now.

  I nodded, knowing it was pointless to stay outside.

  “Okay.” Landon tilted his chin in my direction. “Hit me up inside if I can get you something later. On the house, of course.” He winked then took a few steps back. “And try not to break any more hearts tonight, but if you do, send them my way. Nothing fills the tip jar like a void right here.” With a laugh, he patted his chest, then spun around and headed to his awaiting friend.

  I smiled and shook my head as Landon walked away, then turned to Colby. And the other look was back. The pissed-off, everything-is-wrong-with-the-world one that brought us out here in the first place.

  I started to question him then snapped my mouth shut, not wanting to get into it again. But then again…“Sometimes I wish I knew exactly what you were thinking, other times I think it’s probably for the best I don’t.” I walked to the front door and yanked it open.

  “What do you think I think about?” he countered.

  Seriously? With a side glance, I said, “If I knew that, we wouldn’t be out here.” Then I slipped through the door, never turning back to see if he followed.

  “Thanks for the whiplash,” he mumbled.

  What the…I spun around. My hair whipped around and I shoved it back to get a good look at him while I laid it on him. “Me? Really? Have you met you? I don’t know when you decided to play the role of brooding male, but—”

  “I’m not brooding. I’m…”

  “You’re what? Enlighten me, please, because I have no idea what you want right now.”

  “I want to listen to some music, hang out with the guys, and have a good time.”

  So what? Was it my fault he wasn’t having a good time? “If you didn’t want me here, why did you bring us? We would’ve had our own car. We didn’t have to be your responsibility.” I didn’t wait for a response as I stepped through the doors and let the noise of the bar swallow me. Unfortunately it wasn’t loud enough.

  “Wait, that’s not—Isla. Hang on.”

  I pretended not to hear and picked up the pace, getting lost before he could find me. If he even wanted to.

  Knowing I needed a break from Colby, I headed to the bar. Landon hadn’t made it back inside yet, but that didn’t stop me from planting myself on a stool. After all, where else could I go?

  The one bartender on duty was thankfully too busy to even notice me, so I slunk back onto my chair and pulled out my phone and began constructing a lengthy text to Felicity asking her for some guidance. About halfway through, the stool next to me slid out.

  “Are you angry at your phone?”

  I glanced up and stared at wannabe rock star Gabe. “Huh?”

  “You’re furiously prodding at it. Thought maybe it had pissed you off.”

  “Oh. No, just texting a friend.”

  “You mad at them?”

  “Nope. Not mad at anyone.” I forced a smile and slid my phone into my pocket.

  “Hmm, okay.” He held up two fingers and the bartender nodded, grabbed two bottles, popped the caps off and slid them onto the counter in front of us. Gabe placed one in front of me. “Cheers.” He lifted his bottle and tapped mine.

  I stared at the brown bottle in front of me, deciding whether to be offended by his gesture or just roll with it. Considering I was more cranky than not at the moment,
maybe one drink wouldn’t be the worst thing.

  “So.” Gabe looked at me as if waiting for me to start the conversation. “Did you enjoy the show?”

  “Yeah, what I heard of it.” With my fake smile still plastered on, I raised my beer bottle to my lips, mostly to get out of the small talk since I really hadn’t decided until that very moment if I would actually drink it.

  “Oh, did you leave or something?”

  “I was outside talking with a friend for a while.”

  His expression sank and then it hit me. I’d been so preoccupied with the Colby situation I’d missed what Gabe had been hinting at. He wanted to know if I heard his song. Or should I have said my song? Unless he brought it up directly, I planned to play dumb on the matter.

  I smiled again. “So do you play a lot of shows around here?”

  As expected, that question got him talking, and soon enough it didn’t matter if I was mentally present or not. He seemed to enjoy talking about himself. Not much of a surprise there. I smiled. Nodded. Said the occasional yeah or how fun and it kept things moving.

  Before long, my beer was nearing the bottom of the bottle, which meant I could politely excuse myself.

  But then I saw Colby. He was rubbing at his jeans where a beer had been splashed on him. Landon tossed him a towel, and as he raised his head to catch it, his gaze drifted to me, then to Gabe, then back to me. As wrong as it probably was, I liked that hint of jealousy I picked up on, so when Gabe leaned toward me and asked if I wanted another one, I nodded. No way was I going to let Colby think I’d run to him just because he was there.

  As I slowly rolled the bottom of my practically empty beer bottle against the wooden bar top, I watched Colby. He stared in return. It was a stupid game we were playing but as always, some attention from him was better than nothing and in that moment, I needed him to realize that if he didn’t want me, there’d always be someone else.

  Gabe motioned for two more and Landon reached into a large cooler then pulled the silver opener from his back pocket. He flipped the metal caps off, letting them clink to the ground, then glanced at Colby.

  The two made eye contact, silently communicating. Then Colby planted his ass in the bar stool right next to mine. So neither brother seemed to be a Gabe fan. I wasn’t really either but it served its purpose for the time being.

  With a quick glance over my shoulder, I told Colby, “I have a ride.” Which I didn’t, but I was stuck in my stubborn little game.

  He crossed his arms. “Yeah, me.”

  “I found another one. So if you’re here to tell me you’re ready to leave, go ahead. I have a ride.”

  “I’m not leaving without you. And, anyway, that’s not why I’m here.”

  I shifted, finally lowering my arm. “Then why are you?”

  “Because you’re my friend, Isla.” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. And just tell me, is there something I can say or do? Or is this it? Have I screwed this up beyond repair?”

  Though I went for indifference, the thought of not having Colby in my life in any capacity was almost too much to bear. “Is that what you want?” I whispered, not sure if I wanted the answer.

  He shook his head. “Never. But I care about you enough to do whatever I can to make you happy again. If that means leaving you alone, I can do that. Not because I want to, but because I can respect that.”

  And my charade dropped. He was my friend first and foremost. “No, Colby. That’s not what I want. And this back-and-forth has been stupid. Look, if you can put it all behind you and try to go back to where we were, so can I.”

  A little smile ghosted his lips. “Yeah. Definitely.”

  I nodded. “Okay. I’m ready to go when you are.”

  “I’ll get Matt and Taylor. Want to, uh, walk with me?”

  I glanced at Gabe who looked annoyed with the lack of attention.

  “I’m going to finish my beer and, you know, tell him bye and stuff.”

  Colby gave Gabe a once over, then looked at Landon before finally nodding. “Okay. Be right back.”

  I watched him walk away, then turned to Gabe. And when I smiled, it was genuine, thankful Colby and I were finally moving forward. Unfortunately, my happiness wasn’t intended for Gabe but he didn’t know that.

  His hand moved up my back then settled just above my waist. “The band wants to hit the beach after this. Have a little bonfire. What do you think? You up for that?”

  Though I loved beach bonfires, going might give him the wrong idea.

  “We can swim, have a late-night jam session—”

  But that made up my mind. “I’m sorry. I’m riding home with some friends.” And didn’t do the whole guy-with-his-guitar-on-the-beach thing.

  “Bring them along.”

  “I’ll, um, ask.” I stood, making it clear I was ready to leave, but he joined me.

  “Cool.” He reached down and hooked one finger around mine. “I enjoyed hanging with you tonight.”

  “Yeah.” I took a little step back.

  “Talk to your friends, see what they say. You know where to find me later.”

  I nodded. “Yep.” And my back tensed, because I sensed it coming even before he started leaning in. But before he could officially go in for the kiss, I blurted, “Thanks for the beer.” Then spun away, and came face-to-chest with Colby.

  “Ready to go?” Though he was asking me, his eyes were glued to Gabe. They slowly drifted down to where our fingers were still linked.

  Gabe, who’d rebounded from the failed attempt, said, “I was just telling Isla that we’re heading to the beach for a bonfire. You interested?”

  Colby’s tone was friendly but his posture was rigid. “Nah, I’m ready to call it a night.”

  Gabe lightly tugged my finger. “Well, I can give you a ride, Isla.”

  I slid my hand free. “Actually, I’m pretty tired too.”

  “Oh.” He looked from me to Colby and back again. “Maybe another time.” He lifted his chin in a quick goodbye, then took off, back toward the stage.

  And as Colby, with his shoulders stiff and eyebrows slanted down, tracked his movements, that little voice in my head stirred up all the things we were supposed to be moving past. I’d fully intended to move forward and restore our friendship, but something about Colby’s stance suggested so much more than a friend watching out for a friend.

  Then again I’d had a couple beers. Maybe I just wanted to see more there. I shook it off and waved bye to Landon.

  “I get off in an hour. You gonna be hanging out at my place later?”

  Taylor’s car was over there but I didn’t really know if we’d stay longer than the time it took to get it. I shrugged. “Not sure yet. But I’ll see you there if I do.”

  As we made our way out, Taylor hung back a little with me. When the guys gained a bit of distance in front of us, she finally asked, “Everything okay?” Her gaze drifted to Colby.

  “Yeah. It was just a misunderstanding. We’re all good now though.”

  “Glad to hear that.” She smiled. “Would you mind if we hung out at his place for a bit? I’m in no rush to get home considering my roommate’s boyfriend is in town for the weekend. He’s incredibly obnoxious, and Matt can’t stand him. Unless you need to get home, of course.”

  “Nope, I’m good.” This would also give me a chance to talk with Colby a bit more. Just a little light conversation to help us transition back into the friendship I was really missing or, who knew, maybe it would lead to even more.

  Chapter 9

  When we got back to Colby’s, we grabbed a few beers and headed to his back porch. It really was the perfect place to relax. His small two-bedroom house had belonged to his grandparents, which meant it was ideal for two young guys, being that it was rent free, but it also meant they lived on what I lovingly called Senior Citizen Row. He didn’t have a single neighbor under seventy. It was quiet and peaceful, but the residents of Coral Cove also really loved Colby and Landon, considering they’d watched the
m grow up, so they tended to look the other way if things got a little too loud on occasion. But that rarely happened, since the guys were quick to remind their friends to respect their neighbors. Add in the lull of the waves crashing against the shoreline just a few hundred feet away, and it was almost spellbinding. So Colby’s had become more of a sit, enjoy the beach, have a few drinks, and share some easy conversation kind of place.

  But like most people, Matt and Taylor fell to the siren call of the ocean, and it didn’t take long for the two to wander off for a late night walk on the beach, leaving Colby and me all alone.

  Before, this would’ve been my favorite time of the night, having him here all to myself. Moonlight, sea breeze, and conversation. All we’d ever needed. But tonight we had everything minus the conversation. I decided to change that.

  “I finished my nursing school paperwork.”

  Colby’s head snapped toward me as if he’d forgotten I was there or was surprised by my comment. “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I, uh, actually got in with early admission. I get to start a semester sooner than planned. I leave in January.”

  “Oh.”

  “Just a few months away.” I glanced at him. “And please don’t just say ‘oh’ again.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “Pretend to be a little interested.”

  “I am. I just wasn’t sure what to say.” He sank a little deeper into his chair, tugging the brim of his hat lower over his eyes, completely shutting my window to reading his expression. “I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks. It’s been a lot of work but I think I’m ready to move on.”

  “Move on?”

  “Like from my basics. I’m ready for some hands-on learning. I’m really excited about this program.”

  “That’s great, Isla. Really it is. You’ll do amazing. I’ll miss you, of course, but you’ll kick ass.” He stood and lifted his empty beer bottle. “Can I get you another?”

  I shook my head, trying to play it cool. Was it a generic nice thing to say or would he really miss me? And if so, in what capacity?

  “Be right back.” He slid open the back door and stepped inside.

  About thirty seconds passed, before I decided to follow him. He had his head buried in the fridge as he pulled out another beer, and when he turned around he didn’t look surprised to see me. Instead his gaze lingered on me, his eyes shifting from my face to my hair, then slowly down my body.