In the Wind

by Lilliana Anderson

“I’d like to talk to you now.”

  “What’s going on?” Her voice had been stern, and there was no ‘petal’ attached to it. I knew whatever she had to say wasn’t going to be good.

  She gestured for me to take a seat, and I did, thinking for a moment she was going to tell me that someone had died. Perhaps that would have been better than what she really had to say.

  She took a deep breath. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been spending a lot of time with Mr Dumont from next door.”

  “I have noticed,” I responded. I’d only seen evidence of her with him a couple of times, but spending time with him would certainly explain her almost constant absence from the house of late. “You’re dating him?”

  She nodded.

  “Is it serious?”

  “Yes,” she said in a whisper, her cheeks blooming with a blush of what I thought might be love on her side. I wondered if she knew about his ideologies. I wondered if she knew she was likely a pawn in a sadistic game between stepfather and stepdaughter. “Noa would like me to go away with him when he leaves at the end of the summer.”

  “He’s leaving?”

  “Yes. I would’ve thought Shea had told you. They were just renting next door for the summer. He travels most of the year for work, and with you away at university, I have the time to travel too.”

  “And what about Shea? Is she going with you?”

  She shook her head and looked confused. “Why would she? She’s eighteen now. I’d assume she’s going to get a job or go and study. Noa certainly never mentioned her joining us.”

  “So, you’re just going to run away with him? What do you know about Noa, mum?”

  She smiled like a schoolgirl in love. “That he’s a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady. He’s a professor of anthropology – the top of his field too. He travels around lecturing and writing papers for top tier journals. It’s very exciting. And best of all, he’s honest.”

  “Honest? What do you know about his beliefs?”

  She shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

  “The fact that he doesn’t believe in monogamy. That he and Shea have been in an open relationship for some time now.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Dawn. He is not having a relationship with his stepdaughter. If she told you that, then I’m afraid it’s because she’s not entirely stable. Noa told me all about her. She’s been quite a handful for him ever since her mother died. She has sex with anything that moves. He’s even thought about having her committed for her own protection. I think I should have warned you about her before you became too friendly. I hope she hasn’t led you astray.”

  “This is just a game, mum. To the both of them, toying with us is just a game.”

  “A game? Don’t be so ridiculous. You’ve obviously been spending too much time with that girl. She’s filling your head with lies.”

  I actually felt as though my head was going to burst. “But I saw them with my own eyes, mum.”

  “Saw who?”

  “Noa and Shea.”

  “No. You didn’t.” She laughed dismissively.

  “He was fucking her.”

  She stood up from the table. “I don’t have to listen to this. That girl has obviously filled your head with her madness. I suggest you end that friendship, toute suite, before she drags you down to her level.”

  “I can’t believe you’re reacting like this. Why would I lie? What motivation do I have to ruin this for you? I’m simply concerned that you’re choosing a man who isn’t being honest with you after what you went through with dad.”

  “He is honest, Dawn. After the string of women your father hid from me, it’s refreshing to know that Noa won’t lie about it.”

  “So you do know.”

  “That he practised an open marriage with Shea’s mother? Yes.”

  “And you’re fine with that?”

  “Honestly? Yes, I think I am. It’s really no different to what your father did, only this time, I’ll know upfront and I can see whomever I choose as well.” She smiled. “It’s…refreshing.”

  “This is crazy.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was like I’d fallen down the rabbit hole and everyone had gone completely mad.

  “No. It’s ideal. Humans aren’t meant to be monogamous.”

  I did my best not to roll my eyes. “So I’ve heard.”

  She looked at her watch. “I’ve got to get going. Noa and I will be gone for the weekend. We’re going for a drive along the Great Ocean Road so he can see the coastline before we fly out next month. And there’s so much to organise. I’m going to put this place on the market to help pay for your university expenses. Noa promised he’d take care of me, but I can’t expect him to take care of you too. So this is my way of making sure you’re set.” She walked over and placed her hand on my cheek, tilting my head up slightly as she smiled down at me. “Looks like we’ve landed on our feet after all, petal. I told you I’d fix this for you.” She opened her purse and counted out six fifty dollar notes then placed them on the table in front of me.

  “I don’t want his money.”

  “It’s not his. I sold my rings to get us through. You’ll be set once the house is sold. I already spoke to the bank manager about setting up a university fund for you. And once Noa and I are married, I’ll never have to worry again, he’s incredibly wealthy you know.”

  “What? Wait – you didn’t say anything about getting married.”

  “I didn’t? Oh, I thought that was the first thing I said.”

  “I’m fairly sure I would have remembered that one.”

  She giggled – giggled, and waved her hand at me dismissively as she began to head out the door. “Oh, well, we are. I’ll give you the details when I have them. I’m so happy, Dawn,” she said with a sigh then she headed out the door, leaving me reeling. Although, I wasn’t surprised. All she wanted was some guy to pick up the pieces for her, and I guess that’s exactly what she got. I felt so saddened by it all as I stood there, wondering what was the truth and what was fiction. Was Shea telling the truth about it being a game, or had she said all that just to hurt my feelings? Was my mother seriously marrying some guy after knowing him for little more than a month? And what would happen if Shea was right and it was a game? Would my mother completely fall apart again? And where would all of that leave me?

  My head was spinning, and I felt sick. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to believe. Was it my mum? Was Shea mad? Or was my mother delusional? Both seemed highly possible in that moment. Nothing made sense to me anymore. I felt as though the only person who could help me make sense of everything was Zeke. He’d been my friend for longer than anyone else, and I knew him well enough to know when he was lying.

  22

  “Hey. Where the hell have you been hiding? I’ve been worried about you since we, you know. Are you OK?” Zeke ran his hand through his too long hair and held it back from his face set with worry.

  “I just needed to…process.” So much was happening, and it was all going too fast. I was struggling to keep up, and more than anything, I wanted to scream at the world and tell it to stop. All my life, I’d been wanting to get to this moment – when school was over and Zeke would want me. And now that it was here, it felt clouded and confused. I didn’t know if it was because of Shea, or because of my parents, or if it was just me. But, this summer hadn’t been any of what I expected. This summer I was becoming the mess of the century.

  “You don’t regret anything do you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. Did you have sex with Shea?”

  His expression fell. “Jesus. Come inside. We can talk in my room.” He took me by the hand and pulled me into his house before leading me upstairs. The moment we got up there, he sat on the end of his bed and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me to him, his head against my ribs as he held on tight. “I don’t want to lose our friendship over this, Dawn.”

  My fingers went into his ha
ir. The dark glossy mess that I’d longed to run my fingers through for so many years. I still had such affection for him. He was all I’d ever wanted, and all I wanted in this moment was for him to tell me that Shea lied. I would have believed him. I didn’t want it to be true. But I knew that for once, I needed the absolute truth. I needed to start seeing people for who they were and not who I wanted them to be.

  “You’re not going to lose me. Just answer the question. Did you have sex with her or not?”

  He looked up at me, his eyes serious. “Yes.”

  Nodding, I slowly released my breath. “Why did you act like nothing happened?”

  “We agreed not to tell you. It was just something that happened. It wasn’t like being with you.” He stood up and took my face in his hands. “Being with you was amazing, Dawn.”

  I laughed, finding that hard to believe.

  “I mean it, Dawn. It was special.” As if to prove it to me, he lowered his head and took my mouth in his, kissing me slowly, but with intent. It felt nice and pulled at the longing inside my heart. “You’re all I’ve been able to think about ever since.”

  His kiss deepened and I so wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that all the things Shea had said weren’t true and that she was lashing out in anger because maybe she’d already found out that Noa had proposed to my mum. Maybe she was trying to hurt me because she was hurting. And maybe, if I just let him, Zeke would make me feel better, just like Shea had made me feel better when I was upset about my fight with Luke.

  I let out a sigh as I thought about Luke, and the way he was always there for me. Always ready to listen to me talk, always willing to spend time with me and share my interests.

  Then Zeke turned us around so he could lower me to the bed and climb on top. I opened my eyes and tried to focus on him – the face I’d always wanted in my life, and I tried to find that part of me, tried to find the happiness that comes with getting everything you ever wanted. But I struggled to find it. Even though I kept looking.

  I wasn’t as nervous this time, and he spent more time touching me than he had the first time. His touch made my chest feel fluttery and my insides ache with desire. And when our clothes came off and he pushed inside, it didn’t hurt the way it had before. It felt…nice. It felt good, and I found myself moaning, my body wanting that explosive feeling to happen again. But that feeling never came.

  When he was done, he shuddered and held himself steady. Then he kissed me in the nicest possible way and rolled off. I didn’t want him to fall asleep again. The moment seemed all to brief and empty of true feeling. And I wondered if perhaps Shea was right, perhaps I didn’t love him. Or perhaps I was just broken and sex would never feel the way I hoped it would.

  “Zeke?”

  “Hmmm?” He looked at me with a lazy grin on his face.

  “Do you love me?” I’d wanted to ask him the hard questions, and this was probably the biggest one I had. I needed to know how he felt.

  He rolled on his side and placed a hand on my hip, looking into my eyes. “You’re my best friend, Dawn.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  Lying back, he let out a great sigh. “Does this have to be love, Dawn? I mean, can’t we just have fun together and see what happens?”

  “So, that’s a no?”

  He shrugged. “It’s an I don’t know. It’s an I’m eighteen and don’t really know what love is to make a judgement call. I know I feel strongly about you. Like I said, you’re my best friend, Dawn. I just don’t know if this is the big one for us. I want to keep seeing you though. I want to be with you more than any other girl I’ve ever been with.”

  “What about Shea? Do you still want to be with her?”

  He blew out his breath. “Jesus, Dawn. You’re full of tough questions today. I…I don’t know how to answer that. I mean, was it good with Shea – yeah – but, it was just sex. There wasn’t any feeling involved. It’s different when you feel something.”

  A sudden sadness hit me in my chest as I realised I’d done the same thing. I’d done things with Shea without feeling any real emotion for her – just like the boys from the bonfire, and I’m guessing just like many partners before us.

  “And there’s feeling with me?”

  With a curious look on his face he chuckled slightly. “Of course there is, Dawn. You’re my best friend.”

  I didn’t know what that meant. Did it mean that he was more attracted to me, or that he just felt more because he knew me so well? But then, did he know me? And did I know him? If he was my best friend, why didn’t it feel special for me? It felt good, but then, it had felt good with Shea too. And I had began to see her as a best friend of sorts before she’d unloaded that whole game thing on me earlier. So was that just how it was? Sex felt…good with both, but slightly disappointing at the same time? Or was I just doing it wrong?

  I watched Zeke as his eyelids grew heavy, and my mind kept turning, trying to figure this whole love and sex thing out.

  “Did you know that Shea was having a relationship with her stepdad?”

  Suddenly, his eyes popped open and he seemed wide awake. “No kidding?”

  I nodded. “I saw them through the window of my room.”

  “Doing…” he pointed between our bodies. “What we just did.”

  Again, I nodded. “She’s in love with him, but I think he was just using her for fun.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “She tried to tell me that it was all just a game.”

  “A game?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Everything she did since coming here. She said that she and Noa make people fall in love with them for sport then they leave town and laugh at them.”

  “That’s pretty fucked up. Do you believe her?”

  I let out a sigh. “I don’t know. My mother seems to think Shea’s crazy and said that Noa contemplated having her committed. She also said Noa asked her to marry him. Why would he do that if it was just a game? Why would they be going away together this weekend?”

  He sat upright. “Are you fucking serious? Your mother is marrying Shea’s stepdad? When did this happen, and why haven’t you told me any of this?”

  “I just found out today. I’d seen them together a couple of times but I didn’t know it was serious until Mum announced she’s leaving town with him at the end of the summer.”

  “And what about Shea? What’s going to happen to her? Do they seriously think she’s unstable?” He looked worried.

  “I think he’s planning to leave her behind. And I think she already knows. When I saw her earlier today, she was talking crazy. That’s when she told me it was all a game to mess with us. It was like a switch flipped and she started saying things to hurt me – that’s how I found out about her and you. I was angry at first and then I was sad, but now, I’m worried about her. What if she is crazy? What if she hurts herself because she’s obsessed with Noa? What if she hurts him, or my mum?”

  “What if she hurts you? I think you should stay away from her, Dawn. I’m seriously getting really worried here.” He brushed his fingers lightly through my hair then ran them lightly down the skin on my arm. It felt nice. “What possessed your mum to agree to marry this guy? They can’t have been dating long.”

  I looked down for a moment and frowned. I hadn’t wanted to tell him about my dad. I didn’t know why I was still keeping it a secret. I just knew that it derailed our plans for university so I suppose I didn’t want to influence his decisions about where to go when it came time to choose. But, now that mum was getting the guy and selling the house for the money, it didn’t really matter anymore. Somehow everything had gone back to where it was supposed to be, but now, it didn’t exactly sit right.

  “Dad cut us off. Said he wasn’t going to pay for me to go to Uni, and he cancelled her payments. It was get a job or land a rich guy. She chose to land a rich guy.”

  “Does she know about him and Shea?”

  “I told her but she didn’t wa
nt to know about it. He even told her he doesn’t believe in monogamy, so she’s marrying him and agreeing to open relationships. I just don’t get it.”

  He continued to stroke my arm gently as he looked at me with deep concern etched into his face. “Jesus, Dawn, no wonder you’ve been so distant lately. I wish you’d told me. I feel like such a dick for thinking it was all because of me.”

  A laugh erupted out of my chest. “Well, it was partly to do with you. I’ve been really confused, Zeke. My life is a bit of a mess.”

  “So it seems.”

  We fell silent for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes, and I leaned down to kiss him, stopping when the deep bass rumble of a stereo system felt as though it vibrated the whole neighbourhood.

  “What the hell?” he said, sitting up as I moved away then picked up my clothes and dressed as I went to the window.

  “Is someone having a party?”

  Pulling his pants back on, he followed me to the window and looked down as our street filled with cars, and people were heading in to Shea’s house.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  “I think this is Shea’s version of telling Noa to go and fuck himself.”

  “I guess it wasn’t a game on his side then. He must really be leaving her.”

  “Look at all those people…”

  “Jesus. I’d thought she was a bit wild, but this…this is just batshit crazy.”

  “I think we should go and make sure she’s OK. She might have been awful to me earlier today, but I don’t want her getting hurt.”

  We pulled on the rest of our clothes and our shoes and headed over there.

  “Pay the piper.” A huge brawny guy stood in front of the door with his arms folded, blocking our entry.

  I looked at Zeke. “I…I don’t have any money.”

  “Then you have to take a shot.”

  “What?”

  A girl with blue hair in pigtails, who was dressed in short black fitted overalls and a striped shirt the same colour as her hair, produced a tray of identical blue shots. “Bottoms up,” she cackled.

  Zeke and I glanced at each other warily. “What’s in them?” he asked.