Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  A smirk spread across Corey’s face. “You look like a gay dude’s wet dream in those leathers.”

  Not in the mood for Corey’s smart-mouth, Sledge flicked him the finger.

  “Sheesh, what got stuck up your arse?”

  “An annoying li’l shit called Corey.”

  Corey laughed. “I knew you dreamt about my cock.”

  Resisting the urge to punch Corey, Sledge stalked past his mate. He headed towards the weather-beaten bungalow. After the big fight with Ash, he’d decided to flat with his twin sister and the Connor brothers. They’d found a cheap rental in Claydon backing onto the beach. It was pretty run-down, a skeleton of a place that should’ve been demolished years ago, but the view of Manukau Harbour and the smell of salt air made it worth his dole money.

  Corey followed him, singing, “Macho, macho man...” then ran in front of Sledge, his grin still firmly set in place. “Didja go to the YMCA?”

  “Stop being a cunt.”

  “Nope, I don’t have one of those. So, where ja go?”

  “None of your business.”

  Corey stopped suddenly, almost causing Sledge to bang into him, the worry in his mate’s hazel eyes replacing the humour that had been there a few seconds ago. “You better not have gone to Stella’s house again,” Corey said, sounding sulky. “You promised.”

  Sledge sidestepped him and climbed the steps to the front porch, muttering, “I didn’t, and I don’t even remember goin’ to her place, so lay offa me.” He knew it was a lame excuse, but he’d been upset over his grandmother dying and had gone to the pub by himself, wanting to get so blotto he wouldn’t remember a thing. And it played out that way, until Stella woke him up the next morning, her means of rousing him definitely memorable. He wondered why Tama thought the chick was a lousy lay, because he sure as fuck didn’t think so. Just thinking about what she’d done to him made his balls tingle, and if she hadn’t caused so much trouble for his mates, he probably would’ve hooked up with her again. Yeah, he most definitely would’ve, he liked skinny chicks—a lot.

  “You’re just like Dante—a slut,” Corey said, snapping Sledge’s attention back to him.

  “You cheeky li’l bastard, don’t you dare call Dante that—or me.”

  Corey crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his chin up, looking like his older sister when she got mad, although Corey was a much shorter and paler version of Beth. “If the condom fits, wear it.”

  “I don’t sleep with that many chicks, and if I did, so what? There’s nuthin’ wrong with sex. It’s you religious types who have a problem with it, slut-shaming people who enjoy what your so-called God gave them.”

  “I’m not religious and I have no probs with sex.”

  Sledge walked down the steps and flicked the cross on Corey’s chest. “Not religious, eh?”

  Corey looked sullen. “It’s not like I go to church anymore, they don’t like my type there. Apparently, I should burn in hell for what I am.”

  “Cos you’re a druggie?”

  “Are you naturally stupid or do ya hafta work at it?”

  Sledge closed his eyes and breathed in, then slowly exhaled. He’d rather run full pelt into a brick wall than lash out at his mate. Once calm enough, he re-opened his eyes.

  Corey’s eyebrows pulled together. “You alright, Sledge?”

  “I will be once you stop slagging off me and my brother.”

  Corey shrugged. “You walked right into it, and I have no probs with Dante, I’m just sick of Beth whinging ’bout him and Ash.” He put on a breathy female voice, “Ash ignores me; he’s always goin’ off and brooding, while Dante brings home horrible women, and does God only knows what to them in his bedroom.” Corey changed back to his own voice. “He fucks them, Beth. F.U.C.K.” His voice reverted back to Beth’s. “Don’t say that! That’s a horrible word.”

  Sledge shook his head. “Put on a wig and skirt and people will think you’re Beth.”

  “Her butt’s way bigger.” Corey punched Sledge’s arm, then swiped the keys off him.

  Sledge’s eyes lowered to Corey’s butt as his mate walked up the steps, thinking Corey was definitely right. Over the past few months, Corey had lost a considerable amount of weight, the chemo reducing him to a whisper of his former self.

  Corey’s baggy jeans and boxers slipped down as he went to unlock the door, his mate giving Sledge an eyeful.

  Sledge laughed. “Dude, you’re mooning me. Pull up your pants before my sis jumps your skinny arse.”

  Corey grabbed his pants and turned around, his grin resurfacing. “Too late, I did her last night. See, I told ja I had no probs with sex. Booyah!”

  Sledge’s face screwed up in disgust. “Dammit, Corey! I told ja not to touch her.”

  Corey’s voice went high as he started moving his crotch back and forth, “Oh, Corey, you’re so damned good, fuck me harder—”

  “Quit it!”

  Corey started laughing, then stopped as the front door flung open from the inside. His smile disappeared at the sight of Sledge’s twin sister glaring out at him. She looked like a vicious pit bull ready to rip him apart.

  “I told ja not to tell him!” Juliet hollered.

  Corey pulled a face, then his grin was back in full force, although Sledge knew this one was fake, the tension in his mate’s neck a dead giveaway. “Yeah, sorry ’bout that, but in my defence, I kept my mouth shut for...” Corey glanced at his watch. “...thirteen hours. That’s gotta be a record.” His smile dropped as Juliet continued to glare at him. “Don’t hit me, hit Sledge, he made me talk.”

  Juliet’s gaze shifted to Sledge. She was dressed in black pants and a T, the uniform for her new job at the art gallery where Beth managed. But unlike Corey’s sister, the uniform did Juliet no favours, her body too solid. “I did nuthin’ wrong,” she said. “He came onto me.”

  Sledge knew why she was worried. He’d given her a slap around for getting his other mate into deep shit with Ash after Tama had turned her down.

  “It’s true,” Corey said.

  Sledge took the steps two at a time, and pushed past them to get inside. Fuck, he was pissed with Corey for touching Juliet. He’d told both of the Connor brothers that his sis was off-limits. Plus, Juliet didn’t deserve Corey; his mate was far too good for the munter.

  Sledge entered his bedroom and shut the door on Corey’s face. The door reopened and Corey stepped inside. Sledge ignored him, and closed the blinds. His room was small and sparsely furnished with a single bed and a dresser. Posters of Bruce Lee and half-naked women brightened up the walls, while a single light-bulb hung from the ceiling, missing his head by only a few inches.

  “Sledge, mate, gimme a break,” Corey said, moving in front of Sledge. “I couldn’t help it, she’s pretty.”

  “Pretty?” Sledge stared at Corey in disbelief. “The only way Juliet could be called pretty is if you put ugly after it.”

  “God, you’re a shithead.”

  “Watch your mouth.”

  “Or what, you’ll punch it? Go on then.” Corey moved closer, angling his face up to Sledge’s. Being vertically challenged and with a face that made grandmas coo, Corey looked as intimidating as a stoned chipmunk.

  “Piss off.” Sledge pulled off his jacket and T, throwing them on his bed.

  Corey’s eyes flicked between Sledge and the bed. Sledge sat down and yanked off his boots, wondering what Corey’s issue was. Agro one second; embarrassed the next. Well, he didn’t have time to baby him; he had to get ready for his job interview. Ever since Tama had been thrown into prison he wanted to get work there, so he could make sure his mate was safe. At the moment Tama was probably alright, but once his stepfather was released from prison, Sledge wasn’t so confident it would stay that way, Tama’s ability to insult people knowing no limits.

  Frustrated, Sledge threw his boots at the wardrobe. But then again, what was the bloody point of going? There was no way they’d give him a job, especially since the application pack had
said there would be tests. He’d always been useless at school, having to do Year Eleven twice.

  Sledge leaned his back against the wall and focused on Corey, who was now facing the door. “C’mon, Corey, there’s no use gettin’ upset. It’s just ... you’re far too good-lookin’ for that ugly cow. You could get any chick. So, why the hell would ja want Juliet for?”

  Corey turned around. “You reckon I’m good-lookin’?”

  Sledge smiled. “Well, you’re prettier than Juliet, but that ain’t saying much.”

  A slow grin spread across Corey’s face. He started to sing and wiggle his butt about, making his jeans fall down again. “You think I’m pretty, you think I’m sexy, I betcha wanna do me—”

  “Stoppit, you sick moron.” Sledge grabbed a pillow and threw it at Corey. It hit Corey’s face, making Sledge laugh. “And pull up your pants; I don’t wanna see your Pākehā arse.”

  “I’m not a Pākehā!” Corey picked up the pillow and threw it back with more force. His mate always reacted when people called him the Māori word often used for white people. Because of Corey’s pale Irish complexion, he’d been bullied at school, taunted with the word Pākehā. Even though Corey was half Cook Islands Māori, he didn’t look it, well, maybe apart from his full lips.

  “Sorry, man, it slipped out,” Sledge said. “I didn’t mean it as an insult like those pricks at school.”

  Corey nodded and sat down on the bed. “And I’m sorry ’bout your sis. I should’ve kept it a secret, but I wanted to tell someone, cos she’s my first.”

  “Your first what?”

  “Bang.” Corey moved his crotch forward.

  “Is not; we fucked that chick together.”

  “Talk about shit for memories. We roasted her. I got heads, you got tails.”

  “But, what about that other chick you said you fucked?”

  Corey’s face reddened. “I lied to get Tama off my back.” Corey moved up the bed, and leaned against the wall, his shoulder pressing into Sledge’s arm. “He wuz always calling me a fag, cos I didn’t hit on chicks.”

  “That’s cos you’re shy round them.”

  “I ain’t shy, it’s just ... it didn’t bother me that they weren’t interested. I wuz so damned fat back then that I could hardly blame them for not wanting me.”

  “Shit, it would’ve bothered me.”

  Corey shrugged. “I had my mates, plus you were always there.”

  “Yeah, but I couldn’t do without pussy.”

  Corey grimaced. “I could. That blowjob I got wuz way better.”

  Sledge glared at Corey. “Watch your mouth. You’re talking ’bout my sis, you perverted freak.”

  “No, Juliet didn’t blow—” Realisation dawned on Corey’s face. “Oh crap, sorry, you meant her pussy.”

  “God! That’s why I didn’t want you anywhere near her, cos I knew this shit would happen.”

  “I only went with Juliet cos she looks...” Corey’s face dropped, then he tugged his beanie over his eyes.

  “Cos she looks, what?”

  “Forget it.”

  Sledge pulled back the beanie. “No, tell me.”

  “Don’t touch it!” Corey grabbed his beanie and jumped off the bed.

  “Why won’t cha tell me?”

  “Cos I’d lose you as a mate.”

  “Why?”

  Corey took off.

  Sledge followed him into the passage, getting Corey’s door slammed in his face. He yanked it open and stalked into Corey’s bedroom. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

  Corey spun around. “Get outta my room!”

  “Not until you tell me what’s wrong. You were all happy a moment ago, now you look like you’re gonna cry.”

  Corey covered his eyes. “I wanna move out.”

  Sledge went still. “What? Why?”

  “This ain’t working.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Corey pulled his beanie completely down, hiding half of his face, only his lips visible.

  “Shit, don’t get upset.” Sledge reached out for Corey, pulling him into a hug.

  His mate stiffened for a moment, then leaned into Sledge. “I’m scared.”

  “’Bout the radiotherapy?”

  Corey hesitated, then nodded.

  Sledge placed his cheek on Corey’s head and tightened his grip. He was scared about that too. No, he was terrified; he couldn’t take it if Corey died. “You’ll be alright.”

  A female voice cut through the room. “What the hell?”

  Sledge let go of Corey fast. He glanced over at Juliet who was staring at him in disbelief. “Corey wuz upset,” Sledge said, feeling awkward, like he’d been caught doing something wrong. Juliet continued to stare. “What?” Sledge said. “Guys are allowed to hug too.”

  “Not like that.”

  “Yes, they do, so fuck off!”

  Juliet jolted, then disappeared around the corner.

  Refocusing on Corey, Sledge lifted up his mate’s beanie. Corey kept his gaze down, his cheeks bright red. “I’ve gotta get ready for the job interview,” Sledge said. “Will ya promise to be here when I get back?”

  Corey nodded.

  Sledge patted Corey’s cheek softly. “Things will work out, Corey. I promise.” Sledge turned and walked out of the room, not sure what just happened.

  4

  Beth

  Ash lay on their bed, still shivering from the shower, his dark eyes staring into nothing. It was freaking Beth out, because no matter what she said he didn’t respond. She’d seen him act like this before, but he’d had an excuse then, he’d self-medicated after a nasty fight, the drugs causing him to space out.

  Beth pulled the blanket further over him. “Please tell me why Sledge being at the hearing upset you.”

  He remained silent.

  “I wanna help, Ash, but I can’t if you keep shutting me out.” When he didn’t reply, she prodded him. “Say sumpthin’, anything.” She waited a few seconds then jumped off the bed. “I don’t understand why you can’t talk to me! It makes me feel useless, like I’m nuthin’ to you.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely audible.

  She went still, surprised he’d answered her, then she lowered herself back down to the bed. “What did Sledge do?”

  “Nuthin’.”

  “Ash, don’t fob me off.” She waited for a moment then spoke again. “Please tell me.”

  “It’s personal.”

  “Then you should be able to tell me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just leave me alone.”

  “Not until you tell me.”

  He turned over, facing away from her.

  “Ash, stop ignoring me.”

  He pulled the blanket over his head.

  “God, you frustrate me!” She got up and stormed out of the room, too angry to deal with him anymore. As she entered the dining-room, Dante glanced up from his mug of coffee. He was seated at the white Formica table, tapping one of the packages in front of him. He dropped his gaze, giving her the impression he was ignoring her too.

  She tightened the belt on her kimono, yanking it so hard she thought it might snap. “You two are always hiding things from me. Well, stuff you both.” She stalked into the kitchen and poured herself some coffee, her hand shaking badly. She felt guilty for getting mad at them when they were both upset, but she was just so... Gah! It was like Ash and Dante lived in their own world, which she wasn’t a part of, just a guest overstaying her welcome.

  Coffee spilt on her hand, scolding it. She cursed and stuck it under the tap. She didn’t normally lose her cool, but it seemed to be one thing after the other with Ash. And he thought she was the dramatic one. It would’ve been laughable if it didn’t make her want to cry, because she couldn’t do anything right with him.

  Dante coughed. Beth looked over the breakfast bar at the back of his head, his hair the same messy waves as Ash’s. Tension ran across his shoulders, hi
s back ram-rod straight. He was tapping the table now, the tempo getting more and more agitated.

  She finished rinsing her hand and wiped it on a towel, then picked up her mug and took it to the other end of the table. She sat down, and looked across at Dante. He was staring at the passage doorway as though he was willing Ash to walk through it. Her eyes wandered over his face, so similar to his brother’s, the age difference not noticeable. It was probably because Dante lived life harder; always at one party or another, snorting drugs or downing beer like it was soft drink.

  Dante turned to look at Beth. She quickly dropped her gaze, hoping he didn’t think she’d been staring. Usually she was more careful when she observed him, but her emotions were all over the place at the moment, unguarded and strung out. Still, she shouldn’t be looking at him—at all, and especially not at a time like this. But she couldn’t help it! Lately, she’d been wondering what things would’ve been like if she’d asked him out instead of Ash, because he also fascinated her—which was driving her insane. She could be furious with him, but still find herself wanting to touch his hair ... his lips ... his body... She dug her nails into her legs to stop her thoughts.

  The slamming of a door made her jump. Ash entered the dining-room, leathered up and with his dark sunglasses on, looking ready for work as though nothing had happened. He snatched the packages off the table and grabbed the keys off the breakfast bar, muttering to Dante, “Gotta use your car, mine crapped out last night.” Before she knew it, he’d disappeared out the front door.

  Resisting the urge to cry, Beth covered her eyes. But it was her own fault for getting involved with him, because he’d always been slightly removed from everyone, preferring his own company over others. Plus, her brothers had warned her not to hook up with him, Corey being the most vocal of the two, saying that Ash was a thug and a few other unmentionables. She knew Corey hated Ash because of how he treated Sledge, but Ash wasn’t always harsh on Sledge, and when he did completely lose his rag it was only over something serious. In the time she’d been with him that had only happened twice. She frowned, knowing she was making excuses again, because whatever Ash’s reasons for hurting Sledge were, they still didn’t make his behaviour right.