Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  Her curtain of hair was brushed aside, startling her. She glanced up to find Dante leaning over the table. His hand ran down her cheek, his expression concerned. “You alright?”

  She stared at him, totally taken aback. No guy had ever looked at her in that way, like they truly cared—and especially not Ash.

  “Beth?”

  Dante’s voice snapped her back to reality. “Don’t touch me,” she said, smacking his hand away.

  “Sorry. You looked upset.”

  She glared at him, willing herself to ignore his wounded expression. “Why couldn’t you do the delivery today?”

  “You know why I can’t go to the Jones’s house.”

  Yeah, she damn well knew why Dante couldn’t deliver there. “Then you shouldn’t have slept with Deano’s wife.”

  “Why do ya always hafta bring that up? It happened ages ago, and I told ja enough times that I don’t remember nuthin’ ’bout that night.”

  “Cos you were off your face—as usual.”

  “It’s none of your business what I do—”

  “—or who you do,” she finished his sentence. “I don’t need reminding, and you’re wrong, cos it is my business when Ash has to clean up after you.”

  Looking sullen, Dante leaned back in his chair. “I wouldn’t have done Carly if I wuzn’t shitfaced.”

  “Another pathetic excuse.” Her eyes widened at Dante’s furious expression, his change from apologetic to angry far too sudden.

  “I shouldn’t hafta make excuses to you!” he yelled. “You’re not my girlfriend.”

  “I-I...”

  He sneered. “You’re the pathetic one, hanging around Ash when he obviously doesn’t want you.”

  Anger grasped Beth so tight it felt like Dante was squeezing her throat, making her want to scream at him for release, because he was right, she knew it deep down inside that Ash didn’t want her. “What would you know?! You don’t have a clue ’bout my relationship with Ash or about relationships full stop. All you do is have sex, and when you’re not doin’ some floozy, then you’re off drinking, snorting or doin’ the lot. You’re a bloody loser, leeching off your brother!”

  Dante got to his feet, pushing his chair backwards, the crash resounding through the room. “I’m not a loser! I pull my weight round this place. For fuck’s sake, ever since Nike quit working for us, I’ve been the one dealing with the cokeheads.” He pointed a finger at her. “And I can fuck whoever I damn well please, it has got nuthin’ to do with you. And why the hell would you care anyway?”

  “I-I don’t,” she said, shocked by his reaction. His right hand was fisting as though he wanted to slam into her face, her chest, her heart... She got up and moved around the table, using it as a barrier between them. He followed, making her back up into the glass sliding door. She lifted her hands instinctively. He pushed them down and moved in close—too close, and not like she wanted, his intimidating stance far from erotic. She’d seen him do this to people he wanted to scare, and right now, she knew it worked.

  He bared his teeth. “Just cos you think I’m shit, doesn’t mean other females do.”

  “I di-didn’t mean...” She flinched as he raised a hand.

  He placed it on the glass door. “And you think I’m vulgar? At least I don’t scream my head off so the whole neighbourhood can hear me fucking.”

  Feeling ashamed, Beth dropped her gaze. She’d wanted Dante to hear her having sex—wanted to turn him on. She didn’t know how she could do that to Ash, even more so because she loved him, but ... she loved Dante too. She’d never loved two guys at the same time before, didn’t think it was possible until she’d met the Ratas.

  “Look at me,” Dante growled.

  Beth shook her head.

  “Am I that repulsive?” he said, running a finger between her breasts, parting her kimono.

  Beth breathed in sharply, shocked that he was touching her so intimately.

  His thumb brushed her hard nipple. “Looks like that’s a no.”

  A thrill ran through her body, her reaction to his touch terrifying her just as much as his expression. “Don’t touch me!” she said, pushing his hand away.

  A mean smile played across his lips. “I don’t believe it, you’re actually turned on.” His hand moved to her other nipple.

  She slapped it away. “It’s cold, you arrogant jerk.”

  His eyes danced with amusement. “You remind me of a chick I used to know. She insulted me all the time. You wanna know how I got her to stop?” When Beth didn’t reply, he lowered his head, so close that she thought he was going to kiss her. He stopped within a breath of her mouth. “I fucked her. Is that why you insult me? You want me to fuck you?”

  “No,” she said, her voice barely a squeak.

  “Say it with more feeling.”

  She shoved at his chest, desperate to get distance between them. “I wouldn’t have sex with you.”

  “I didn’t say you would, just that you want to.”

  I do! Fuck, I do! Please go away...

  He ran a hand down her leg.

  Go away!

  “No answer?” he said as his fingers delved under her kimono. “So, how do you want it? Hard or brutal? Yeah, brutal, cos you’re a screamer.”

  “Don’t touch me,” she said too softly, his hand distracting her.

  “Don’t touch me,” he mimicked as his hand parted her thighs. “Say it with more feeling, slut.”

  “I’m not a slut!”

  “Then don’t call me one either!” he yelled into her face.

  No longer able to take it, she shoved at his chest again, screaming out when it made no difference, “You are a slut!”

  “Takes one to know one.”

  “Liar! I don’t screw everyone in sight, not caring if they belong to someone else.”

  He flinched. “I’m not a cheat.”

  “Did I hit a nerve?” she said, feeling triumph she’d found something that upset him.

  “No.”

  “Say it with more feeling, slut,” she said, flinging his words back at him.

  “I’m not a slut!”

  “Yes, you are! You screwed Deano’s wife right in front of me, on the same bloody bed!”

  He jerked back. “What?”

  She swallowed down her fear, the memory still humiliating her. “I wuz at that party. I felt sick, so I went to lie down. I woke up to find you having sex with that horrible woman right next to me.”

  A whoosh of air left his mouth, like she’d punched him in the gut—or shot him in the heart. He took a step back and shook his head, his eyes pleading with her to tell him it wasn’t true. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither one of them saying a word. Beth finally broke the silence, her discomfort growing with every breath.

  “I thought you did it on purpose to upset me,” she said.

  “Why would I do that for?” His face dropped. “Jesus, I didn’t do you too, did I?”

  “No!”

  “Is that why you hate me?” he said, his voice breaking.

  No, it’s why I want you. Ever since that night; she day-dreamed about Dante being with her instead of Carly, waking up to him on top of her—naked. She would fight against him, but he’d overpower her, forcing her to do what he wanted. She’d even asked Ash to take her roughly while she fought back, trying to stop him in the same way she’d fantasised about Dante. Ash had looked at her horrified, like she was disturbed, so she never asked again.

  Dante raised his hands to his head. “Stop lookin’ at me like that, I didn’t do it on purpose. Jesus!” He glanced up at the ceiling, his expression pained. “I just... I don’t wanna remember things, so I get off my face, and when I’m off my face, I usually end up in someone’s bed. I tell myself not to take that shit, but I can’t stop myself.” He dropped his gaze. “You’re right, I am repulsive, a slut, and whatever other names you wanna call me.”

  Beth stared at him, not knowing how to handle his hurt reaction.
>
  His jaw clenched. “All the good females treat me like scum. Like you, Lavinia and Kara. Kara...” He shook his head. “I actually thought she wanted me for more than a shag, but nope, she went off with some lawyer. She lives in Remuera now. It figures she’d find someone rich with her looks.”

  Beth didn’t know who Kara or Lavinia were, and she didn’t want to either, instead she was more interested in what he’d said about her. “You think I’m good?”

  His brows furrowed. “Yeah, that’s why Ash is with you. He always gets the good females. Me, I drive them away.”

  She wanted to hug him, to tell him those women weren’t worth his time since they were too stupid to see how wonderful he was.

  He continued talking, like he was purging his soul. “I don’t understand what I do wrong. They tell me they’re fine with me being rough, then they get all upset when I follow through. And it’s not like they don’t know what I’m like to start with. Is that why you didn’t ask me out? Cos of my rep?”

  “Why do ya think I would’ve asked you out?” Although I did seriously consider it, but kept changing my mind, not sure whether I wanted you or Ash more. But God, I want you more than anything now.

  “Me and Ash look the same, but you still chose him over me. Why? You’re my age, not his.”

  “My friends said you’re a player,” and that Ash was a one woman man. But was that ‘one’ woman me or his ex?

  “Only cos I don’t have a chick like you. Even though you treat me like shit, I wished you’d asked me instead of Ash.” He pulled a face, like he’d said something he shouldn’t have. “I just want...” He swore, then grabbed her face.

  Beth went still, too shocked to move, his mouth practically devouring hers, his kissing much rougher than Ash’s. And he tasted different too, a hint of mochaccino ghosting his breath, and... Oh God... His hand slipped under her kimono and grasped her breast, no teasing involved, just raw desire as he kneaded it and plucked at her nipple so hard she wanted to come.

  “I would treat you right,” he murmured against her lips.

  Beth remained still, too scared and excited to stop him, and not wanting to either. He took a hold of her kimono and yanked it down to her waist, the belt the only thing stopping it from falling to the floor. Beth shivered as he kissed down her neck and over her collarbone, then sucked in a breath as his mouth latched onto her bare breast, momentarily forgetting where she was.

  He tore at her belt, dropping her kimono to the floor. Now completely naked, her dazed eyes shifted to the picture on the wall. A photo of a teenage Ash stood dressed in rugby gear, his frown a contradiction to the winning trophy in his hands. She closed her eyes, guilt hitting her hard. Ash didn’t deserve this, but...

  She gasped as Dante’s fingers touched her below, one entering as he continued to suckle on her breast. She opened her eyes and looked down at his wavy hair, like she was looking at Ash. Dante let go of her breast and lifted her, propping her at the edge of the table. He grabbed her head with one hand and kissed her hard, his tongue delving inside her mouth. Something clunked on the lino. Breaking their kiss, he lowered her onto the cold surface of the table and lifted one of her legs. The touch of his cock at her entrance startled her, making her lift her head. He paused for a moment, staring at her intensely, then slowly entered her, not taking his eyes off her face. Wanting it faster, she pushed her pelvis at him, impaling herself further, the sudden movement causing her pain, but she groaned into it, loving the feeling.

  He lifted her legs over his shoulders and started to piston in and out. Her hands reached for him, needing him closer. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, then stopped his thrusting completely as his mouth wandered down to her breast again. She grabbed his head and arched upwards, keening as he suckled her, his tongue, mouth and teeth working overtime, driving so much need down her body that she was desperate for release.

  He bit her nipple, making her scream, a mixture of pain and pleasure thrashing through her. He let go of her breast and started pumping her hard, shunting the table back and forth, and taking her over the edge in more ways than one. With her head hanging over the table, she cried out, “I love you!” her body finally getting the release she needed.

  He went rigid, then pulled out so suddenly it startled her. Still feeling the afterglow of the orgasm, she lay on her back in a daze, watching him as he stared at the wall behind her. He muttered something in a language she didn’t understand, then raised his hands to his head, his expression pained.

  Concerned he’d hurt himself, she pushed up. “What’s wrong?” she said, reaching for him.

  “Don’t touch me!” He stepped back and fell over the chair, then tugged up his pants and took off down the passage.

  Beth went to follow, but stopped, her gaze moving to the picture he’d been staring at. Within the metal frame, a teenage Ash held a pre-teen Dante in a headlock, the smiles on their faces showing they were having fun—a loving relationship between brothers.

  The full realisation of what she’d done finally hit Beth.

  5

  Dante

  Beth banged on his bedroom door, pleading with him to let her in.

  “Oprosti mi!” Dante shouted the Croatian words he used for apologising, something he said when he’d done something so bad that English was inadequate. And he was always sorry for something, because he found it hard to control himself, constantly doing whatever he wanted whether it hurt people or not. He saw, he took, and damn the consequences. But this time he’d gone too far, Ash’s woman not someone he should’ve touched, no matter how much he wanted to.

  “Please don’t tell Ash!” Beth shouted.

  As if he would. He didn’t want to hurt his brother, plus he couldn’t handle it if Ash stopped talking to him. He didn’t mind taking a beating—he deserved it, but Ash was the type to totally cut people off if they betrayed him. That scared him more than anything, because he needed Ash in his life.

  “Dante, I-I...”

  Love me? Did she mean what she’d said earlier? It wasn’t something he thought was possible, yet he’d never thought she’d respond to his touch either. But now, after hearing her words...

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Beth said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “It wuz a mistake.”

  He went still for a second, then grabbed a model car off the bedside table and threw it at the door, rage taking over. “I already know I’m a big fuckin’ mistake, so fuck off!” He flopped back onto his bed, pissed off for being so gullible, and believing for a second that she actually loved him. No female really wanted him, their words of love never leading to anything. They only came over for sex, because that was all he was good for. He was just something to brag about to their mates; a naked picture on a phone to laugh at or a dirty li’l secret to hide from their husband or boyfriend.

  “I didn’t say you were a mistake,” Beth said.

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Just unlock the door, so we can sort this out.”

  “It’s sorted: you love Ash, no one loves me.”

  “Stop it, Dante, please lemme in.”

  “Why? So you can fuck me over again.”

  “Don’t be like this.”

  He lifted his right arm, focusing on the faded number scrawled across his flesh. The female who’d put it there last night wanted to screw him too. She’d been all over him, even shoving her mate out of the way when the other chick tried to make a move. And she’d had a smoking hot bod that he wanted to pump so hard she snapped, but he’d decided not to go with her, because he was sick of being told after he’d done the deed they had someone else. Yeah, he’d noticed the pale line on her wedding finger. That wouldn’t have bothered him when he was a teenager, he just did any hot chick he could, but now... he wanted more, wanted an actual relationship, someone who loved him. He knew it was pathetic—God, how Beth was right, but he couldn’t do the one-night stands anymore, because... Fuck! He was turning into a sap, and a whiny bitch at t
hat.

  “Dante, I’m sorry,” Beth called out. “I lost control, but Ash doesn’t needa know ’bout this. It’s not like you love me or anything.”

  “I already told ja I won’t tell him.” And I do love you. Bloody classic that he fell for his brother’s woman, a real walking cliché. The banging on the door continued. He needed a distraction, something to take his mind of her. He reached for the leather jacket hanging off the desk chair and pulled out his phone, scrolling down his contacts to look for Tiana’s number. Unlike Beth, Ash’s ex never talked to him like he was worthless. Oh, she would tell him off at times, but it wasn’t demeaning. Instead, it was more like a sister scolding a brother, just in a respectful manner. And he did love her like a sister. He missed living with her, and missed his nephew even more, the house not the same without the li’l fella.

  He hit the number, hoping Tiana was home. After a few seconds a female voice answered, “Dante?”

  “Yup.”

  “How’s it goin’?”

  “Not too good.”

  “Why, what’s wrong? Is Ash alright?”

  Dante smiled sadly. No matter what Ash said, there was no doubt in his mind that Tiana still loved his brother. If anything, he thought those two were idiots for not sorting their shit out, because if he was ever lucky enough to find love like that, he would fight for it with all he had. Mutual love, that is. He looked over at the door as Beth continued to knock, wishing she loved him.

  “Dante?” Tiana said, her voice sounding even more concerned. “You there?”

  “Yeah, sorry. Ash is just upset. Chaz’s hearing went badly.”

  “Oh, God, did that creature get parole?”

  “I dunno, I lost my rag and had to leave.”

  “Oh, Dante, I’m sorry. Did Ash go?”

  “No.”

  “Good, he shouldn’t hafta see that horrible creature ever again. And what’s that banging?”