Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  Juliet finally found her voice, anger now mixing in with anguish. “You’re too late!” she screamed at the approaching car. “You’re too bloody late!”

  28

  Sledge

  Sledge’s phone went off as he drove down the Southern Motorway. He clicked it on. “What?”

  Juliet’s cries came over the line. “Chaz kidnapped Ash!”

  Shocked, he let go of the steering wheel, making the car swerve into another lane. The driver next to him moved to avoid him, then blasted the horn as Sledge got the car under control. He pulled over to the side of the motorway, his hands shaking badly from the near miss and Juliet’s news.

  “Sledge?”

  “What about Dante?” he finally said, his heart still racing even though the car had stopped.

  “He’s taken off.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Tiana’s.”

  He started the engine back up. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  “No, you have to go to Auckland Hospital.”

  “Why?”

  “Corey’s been hit by a car.”

  “What?!”

  “I called to tell Naf ’bout Chaz hurting Aroha, and he told me Corey’s in Critical Care.”

  “Oh God, oh God.”

  “Go to Corey, I’ll phone you when I hear any more news ’bout Ash.”

  Sledge hung up and gunned the accelerator. His mind raced along with the car, torturing him, telling him that this was his fault, that Corey wouldn’t have been hurt if he hadn’t left.

  He picked up speed, going as fast as he could without Juliet’s car falling to pieces. He turned off the motorway at Newmarket, swearing when the lights turned red. He stopped and thumped the steering wheel, screaming at it to change. As soon as it flashed green, he shot out of there like a Formula 1 driver, reaching the hospital within minutes.

  He parked in the first space he found and jumped out, heading across the concrete, in between cars and onto the footpath, and bowling down a man when the bastard didn’t move out of the way fast enough. Without looking back, Sledge shot through the emergency entrance, zeroing in on the nurses’ station. Some women were talking to a nurse behind the counter. He pushed in front of them, ignoring their annoyed responses. “I’m after Corey Connor’s room,” he blurted out.

  The nurse frowned at him. “Please wait in line; I was helping those women before you barged through.”

  “I can’t wait, my best friend wuz hit by a car, he could die, I needa know which room he’s in. Please, I needa be with him,” Sledge said, almost in tears.

  The woman’s expression softened. “Okay, just hold on a tick.” She tapped away at the computer, the seconds she took feeling like forever to Sledge. “He’s in Critical Care,” she finally said. “But only family are allowed through.”

  “But, he’s my best friend.”

  “Are you able to call his family? They may be able to help—”

  Before she could finish, Sledge was dialling Naf. When his mate answered, he yelled, “They won’t lemme see Corey. I’m at the emergency entrance nurses’ station. Tell them to lemme see him, I hafta see him!”

  “I’ll be right down.”

  Sledge’s hand shook as he re-pocketed the phone. He stepped to the side and scanned all the doors, willing Naf to appear like magic. After a few minutes, his eyes snapped to his right as Naf exited a corridor. Sledge ran to him. “How is he?”

  Naf looked distraught, his eyes red and swollen. “He’s unconscious. His right leg’s busted, and his face and ribs are pretty battered. He ran in front of a cop car tryna escape Tyler’s father.”

  “Take me to him.”

  “My dad said only family’s allowed.”

  “He is my family!”

  “Okay, man, if anyone says anything you’re my cousin, and ignore my dad, my mum will override him.”

  They headed up an elevator and through a few corridors before coming to another nurses’ station. Naf spoke to the woman behind the desk, then poked his head into Corey’s room, telling Sledge only his mother was there, then took off, saying something about Aroha.

  The nurse came out from behind the desk, and led Sledge into Corey’s room, spouting information he couldn’t process, because all he could see was Corey lying unconscious on a hospital bed with his face battered, bruised, and bandaged up to the hilt, while his left leg was in a cast and raised high.

  First Tama, now Corey.

  Although Tama’s death had hit him hard, he could grieve him, but Corey was different, he meant everything to him, even more than his own life. He didn’t know when things had changed between them, when Corey became more than a mate, but he knew it had, because it killed him seeing Corey like this.

  His eyes moved to Corey’s heart-rate monitor, terrified that it would stop, because his bloody heart would too. God, he fucking loved the guy.

  Mrs Connor wrapped her arms around Sledge, bringing him out of his stupor. He’d forgotten she was in here, because all he saw was Corey. He turned to her and pushed his face into her shoulder, letting it all out. Mrs Connor stroked his hair, saying soothing words, reassuring him that Corey would be alright. He didn’t know how long he’d cried for, but eventually she pulled free and steered him towards the bed, sitting him down by Corey.

  She kissed Sledge on the head like a son, then wiped his face. “I understand what Corey is to you. I’ll give you a few minutes alone. His father will be back soon, so make the most of it.” She drew the curtains, leaving him alone with Corey.

  Sledge reached out and touched the beanie on Corey’s head, which had been put over the bandages, no doubt by his mother, the woman one of the sweetest people he’d met. He then looked down at Corey’s hand for a moment before taking it. “I’m sorry,” he said, running his thumb across the pale skin, “I didn’t mean those things I said, I wuz angry and I wuz...” jealous. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for leaving you there; I shouldn’t have walked off like that.” A sob escaped Sledge, the sound so loud in the room where only monitors reigned. “You can’t die, you’re not allowed to; you’re everything to me. I ... I love you, and if you don’t die, I’ll do anything, I’ll try to deal with things better, even meet you half-way. I don’t know how, but we can sort things out, just don’t die.” He wiped his eyes and nose. “Please wake up, you hafta, I can’t lose you.” His thumb moved over Corey’s knuckles, then he bent down and kissed them.

  Footsteps made him jolt. He placed Corey’s hand down and turned to see Mr Connor push the curtains aside.

  The man’s eyes narrowed in on Sledge, his pudgy face angry. “You’re not allowed in here, you’re not family.”

  “He’s my best friend,” Sledge said, not willing to move from Corey’s side. “And Mrs Connor said I could stay.”

  “I don’t give a damn what she says! If it wuzn’t for your sort, he wouldn’t be here in the first place.”

  “My sort?”

  “Gays.”

  “I’m not gay and I wuz nowhere near him when he got hurt.”

  “There’s no use lying to me; I know what my son is.”

  Sledge stood up. “I ain’t lying, and what the hell do ya mean you know what Corey is, like he’s a thing?”

  “He’s gay. You made him that way, and don’t bloody deny it. I saw how Corey followed you around like a love sick puppy, then I saw that repulsive shit on his computer. God! How could you do that to my boy?”

  “I didn’t do anything to him, and what stuff on the computer?”

  Mr Connor continued on, like he hadn’t heard Sledge, his face distorting in pain, his anguish stark. “When I threatened to kick him out if he didn’t stop seeing you, he yelled at me, told me that he loved you, that he was gonna move in with you, and that he didn’t care ’bout anything but you. He said this to me like I wuz nuthin’ to him. He chose you over his own family. I never kicked him out, he left! I wuz bluffing, I didn’t think my own son would turn his back on me. You made him hate me!”


  Sledge stared at Mr. Connor in shock.

  “So, don’t you dare lie to me, I know you two are boyfriends. But you got him hurt, and there’s no way I’m gonna back down this time. He’s my son! You can find someone else, I can’t. So fuck off, before I call security to throw you out.”

  “Then get them, cos I ain’t leaving!”

  Mrs Connor entered the room. “Stop it, John! Leave Sledge alone. He has a right to be here.”

  Mr Connor waved a hand in Corey’s direction. “He caused our son to end up like this, and you did too. You were too soft on Corey, letting him get away with too much, and hiding it all from me like I didn’t have a right to know what my own child wuz gettin’ up to.”

  “I did no such thing! You chose to ignore who Corey was. And don’t put this on Sledge either, cos he wasn’t even at the accident; Corey was with someone else. The boy’s father attacked Corey cos of it.”

  Mr Connor’s brows pulled together. “What?”

  “The police took this kid in for questioning. He claims to be Corey’s boyfriend.”

  “But he’s Corey’s boyfriend,” Mr Connor said, indicating towards Sledge.

  “No, he’s his friend.”

  Mr Connor looked confused. “But Corey said he loves Sledge.”

  “I’m not gay,” Sledge said, feeling ashamed, because right now he wasn’t sure if he was or not. But he didn’t want the man chucking him out, and was willing to say and do anything he could to stay. “I didn’t even know Corey wuz gay until yesterday. He only went with Tyler last night, and just before he wuz with my sister.”

  Mr Connor appeared shocked. “Your sister?” His eyes widened, then he swore. “So, I wuz half right, he does love you, but you don’t return it?”

  “I love him as a mate.” Sledge glanced over at Corey, knowing that was a lie.

  Mr Connor breathed out. “I guess I owe you an apology then, but Corey led me to believe you were boyfriends.”

  “He wanted to be, but...” I was a fool who should’ve said yes, but “I didn’t,” though I would in a heartbeat now. Sledge looked back at Corey. Please wake up.

  “Yes, yes, that’s understandable,” Mr Connor said.

  Sledge looked back at Mr Connor, wondering about the word ‘understandable.’ He didn’t think it was, considering how he had kissed Corey, not the other way round. Yeah, Corey was being aggressive, but he could’ve walked away, and not given into his desire. His eyes lowered to Corey’s lips. They were split, probably from being punched. God, he wanted to rip Deano Jones apart. Sledge’s face hardened. He didn’t care if the police had the man, he would find a way to get at him no matter what.

  Mr Connor’s voice broke through Sledge’s thoughts. “I’m goin’ to talk to a nurse. You can stay as long as you like.”

  Sledge nodded, not willing to say thank you, the man’s about-face making him want to punch him. Mr Connor didn’t give a shit he loved Corey; all that was important to the bastard was his fucking sexual orientation.

  Mr Connor left with his wife following him, mumbling something about Photoshop.

  Sledge took Corey’s hand. “No wonder you wanted to move out. Your dad’s a Grade-A arsehole.” He squeezed Corey’s hand and smiled sadly. “So, I’m a fag now am I? Well, not so sure ’bout that, cos I have no fuckin’ clue what I am.”

  “You are gay,” a croaky voice answered him.

  Sledge sat up straight. “Corey?”

  Corey opened his eyes. “Am I in hell? I feel like it.”

  Sledge smiled, his heart pounding fast. “You’re in the hospital.”

  “You’re hurting my hand.”

  Sledge let go, not realising he was squeezing it.

  “What happened?” Corey said, moving his gaze to Sledge.

  “You were bashed by Tyler’s father and ran out in front of a cop car.”

  Recognition flickered across Corey’s face, then he closed his eyes, a tear escaping from the swollen one.

  Sledge leaned over and wiped it. “Don’t cry, you’re gonna be alright. And I’ll get that bastard. He won’t come anywhere near you again, babe.”

  Corey opened his eyes and looked at Sledge. “Babe?”

  Sledge’s mouth went dry, realising what he’d said.

  “You called me babe.”

  “I meant mate.” He smiled. “But it doesn’t matter,” cos you’re alive, and if anything, the word fits.

  “It does matter, and I thought we weren’t mates anymore. You said you never wanted to see my faggot arse again.”

  “I’m sorry, I wuz angry.”

  Corey closed his eyes again. “Just go away, Sledge. I wanna be alone.”

  “Look, you know I didn’t mean it. Fuck, man, I love you, you’ve gotta know that.”

  “You don’t love me like I want you to.”

  “But I do.”

  “No, you don’t, and I don’t want you here unless you admit you felt sumpthin’ for me earlier. And I mean sexually.”

  “I—”

  Corey cut him off before Sledge could admit it. “You got hard when we kissed, and you’re the one who kissed me, yet you backed up like I wuzn’t worth your time, cos I don’t have tits and a pussy.”

  “I—”

  Corey cut him off again, his heart rate monitor beeping too fast. “You keep denying things. Well, until you stop being a weak bastard who hides behind names, you can fuck off. I’m sick of gay bashing pricks, putting me down just cos I’m me!”

  “I’m not putting you down and I would never hit you, and I wuzn’t denying—”

  “Go away!”

  “No, Corey, I wanna stay, please, you’ve got things wrong.”

  “No, I had things wrong before. I shouldn’t love you, cos you’re a selfish prick who only cares ’bout one person—yourself. Tyler’s the only one who cares ’bout me.”

  “Tyler’s father caused all of this, I didn’t.”

  “That wuzn’t Tyler’s fault, he tried to stop his father, tried to protect me, when all you did wuz call me names and leave.”

  “I didn’t mean to, and I would’ve protected you—”

  “Liar! Go away!”

  “I’m not lying, I love you.”

  Footsteps entered the room then the curtain was pulled back. A nurse rushed to check the monitor while a doctor went to the other side, asking Sledge to move. Sledge shifted behind the doctor as Corey’s parents crowded around the bed, Mrs Connor’s voice ecstatic that Corey was conscious.

  Sledge went to move back up the bed.

  Corey’s swollen gaze followed him. “Go away, Sledge.”

  “But I wanna stay.”

  “Go away!”

  Sledge jumped. “Don’t Corey, please don’t.”

  “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you...” Corey’s monitor started going crazy as he worked himself up more.

  Mrs Connor grabbed Sledge’s hand and pulled at him. “Come with me.”

  Sledge turned and followed Mrs Connor into the corridor, allowing himself to get directed to a seat. He sat down and covered his face as she bobbed down in front of him.

  “What happened, Sledge?”

  Sledge shook his head.

  Mrs Connor squeezed his arm. “Corey didn’t mean that, he’s just upset. You two will make up, I know it. He loves you; he’ll forgive you for whatever happened.”

  Sledge wiped his face. “No, he won’t.”

  “Yes, he will. Now, tell me what happened, see if I can help.”

  “You can’t, no one can.”

  “Try me.”

  Sledge told her about Corey hitting on him, just leaving out the part where he’d responded, his shame rising up again. He breathed out, then continued on, mentioning the trouble that had gone down between Juliet and Corey.

  “Oh.” Mrs Connor looked horrified. “And he’s mad at you?”

  Sledge nodded.

  “This isn’t your fault, honey. I love my boy, but he’s being selfish trying to force you into doing s
omething you’re not comfortable with. And if he expects you to accept him like he is, then he shouldn’t try to change you, just like his father shouldn’t try to change him either. I’m afraid those two are more alike in personality than they care to admit, sexuality having nuthin’ to do with things.”

  “But, I don’t wanna lose him, I love him so much.”

  “You say that like he’s your boyfriend, not a friend.”

  “I didn’t mean to.” He’s more than a friend, and I don’t think boyfriend sounds right either, but we aren’t lovers cos we haven’t done more than kiss.

  “Is there something you wanna tell me?” Mrs Connor asked, her expression knowing. “Cos I won’t judge you if you do.”

  I don’t want to admit it to you, no matter how much you understand. Christ, you’re his mother, how can I tell you I got hard over your son? That’s just wrong in so many ways. And the way your husband looked at me when he thought I was bonking Corey, it scares me shitless that others will do the same.

  “Sledge?”

  He grabbed his hair, pulling on it to give him focus. “I don’t know how to word things. I wuz cruel to him, but I didn’t mean to, he just kept pushing and pushing until I snapped.” Sledge wished he could tell her straight, but that was the problem, nothing was straight now, and he wasn’t referring to possibly being gay, because his emotions were zigzagging all over the place, making him confused and not sure of what he wanted. He didn’t know if he could actually cross the boundaries with Corey sexually, or whether he was even capable of giving his mate, lover, whatever Corey was to him, what the guy wanted. But if he didn’t, he’d lose Corey to Tyler, and he couldn’t cope with that.

  Mrs Connor squeezed his knee. “But you do love him, that’s why you’re here.”

  Sledge nodded. “I didn’t mean what I said, I spoke without thinking. Tyler said horrible things ’bout my brother, and when Corey sided with him I lost my temper and stormed out. I thought he chose Tyler over me.”

  “This is the boy whose father beat Corey?”

  Sledge nodded. “Corey’s s’posed to be my mate, not his, but he chose him cos Tyler’s gay,” and I don’t know what I am.